What's the fun in playing staring games?

[Anonymous]

First of all, some context: I'm very quiet and hard to approach. If some guy starts smiling at me, and I'm not interested, I just ignore it, because I hate turning people down. So guys often smile at me but hardly get to talk to me.

A lot of times, these guys will instead start constantly smiling or staring at me whenever they see me. It gets to the point where they notice me the instant I walk into a crowded room. Sometimes it's creepy, but not most of the time. They keep this up for months or years. It turns into an endless, annoying game.

Can anyone tell me what the fun of this is? I never pay attention to them, so they don't get attention out of it. They just seem to put so much effort into it, it's obsessive. Right now, I'm about to be rid of a smart, outgoing musician who's been doing this to me since fall 2010 (he's finally graduating). I'm trying to make sense of it. Are there people who enjoy being weirdly obsessed with someone else instead of actually dating?

[SuperYakult]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I.. cannot... let.. that.. happen...

I... need.. to do.. an... INTEEERVENNNTIONNNN

WOMAN ! don't lose faith in humanity ! The men of this website are stupid frustrated dumb people. Everyone knows what kind of look you are speaking about and those saying this guy is just beeing nice are just trying to defend their shameless side. (and the girl has said that this guy was detecting her in a big crowd ! did you all miss that !)

As a man I can understand this guy emotion. He is attracted by you (would it be for honorable or not reason (but usually you see that in his smile...)) and since it's so hard to go speak to a girl (it is..) he just stare at you all the time. It's a natural thing and he should learn to control his body and his pulsion, specially if he has noticed you were not replying.. You have done nothing wrong in this, don't let them make you doubt ;)

But you should know that for a girl, beeing not ugly is hard to live ;) Men are good fellow but they have lot of things they need to control or fight against in their brain ;) (not our fault ! it's a chemical reaction ! ). Don't blame this poor guy and just try to ignore him even if it's hard. Find a boyfriend in your school :p A boyfriend who would look at him saying he should f*** off will be more straightforward than your own look :D

[Anonymous]

Lol. You hate turning people down you say? Well we hate wasting our time, and some guys don't know the meaning of 'no'. We can't read your mind, if you don't turn people down because it makes you 'feel bad' you're just a selfish bitch who has no decency to say 'no' as if it is a 'bad and hurtful' thing. Most guys,at least the guys who have their heads on right, will move on to the next girl. Those who don't, they're usually the hard headed ones.

Just fyi, don't assume because someone smiles at you, that they're 'interested' in you. You're making a big assumption. I know plenty of people (both genders) who I've talked to in the past who've smiled, or simply were frowning because of how they felt that day. Smiling usually is inviting to others showing you're feeling good about yourself, and you don't mind conversing with them. I don't believe you know how to read body language.

How do you even know they're 'starring' at you, unless you're paying attention to them? If you weren't paying attention how would you know?

Dumb question. P.S Usually eye contact games is a sign of flirting so, if you're doing the whole 'look at them, then look away' thing, you're participating in flirting. Its a way of showing interest. But smiling, just shows friendliness, I don't see what is wrong with that.

[Asker]

Huh? I never said everyone who smiles at me is interested in me. I can tell the difference between a friendly smile and one where the guy is trying to make eye contact in a flirtatious way. Those are the guys I'm talking about.

Also, I think most people notice if someone is staring at them, unless they're completely out of it. That argument really makes no sense, but I think you're just trying to bait me anyway.

I don't make eye contact with them, either. Another straw man argument.

[rotinaj10]

I think his broader point (which I agree with) is that if you be more willing to turn down guys this wouldn't be as much of a problem for you. I don't see what the big deal is about people looking at you. If you don't like it tell them to stop... I bet anything they will if you confronted them about it.

[Asker]

But my question isn't, "How can I get this to stop?" I already know it's partially my fault. My question is, "What's possesses guys to play these games with someone who won't even flirt back?" I'm curious about what they get out of it.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol, what possesses a guy to flirt with a girl who doesn't flirt back. Hmm gee, this goes back to the 'we can't read your f'n mind'. Get the clue yet?

[Asker]

Are you really that, ahem, f*n dense? If you flirt, and the other party doesn't flirt back, it means NO. Doesn't everyone know that? It doesn't take mind-reading. That's the "body language" you were being so high and mighty about being able to read, for goodness' sake.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol, I'm dense, and you're the one asking the stupid question, did you expect a brilliant response to something as stupid? Obviously things change and are never the same, if they stick around for a few years, but have their jolly's with other girls, then what do you care? Even if they don't get their jollys from others and continue to be as such towards you,and possibly any other girl they come into contact with, why do you care? Get over it 'smart one'.

[Opinion Owner]

What possesses someone to stare, lets see, that is a broad question. It can be a number of things. They might hate your f***ing guts. They might be flirting, they might be thinking, they may find you attractive and are admiring you, but have no intent of chasing after you, there are so many damn reasons, I could continue. But you're too damn 'smart' for me to explain this.

[Opinion Owner]

If you have a problem with other people looking at you, deal with it, or shut the f*** up. No one cares how you 'feel' about being honest to someones face. Reality is, truth hurts, anyone who can't handle the truth, probably can't handle life anyways. Those like you who can't handle 'hurting' people for fear of 'feeling bad', get over yourself. If you'd like to ask any more mentally challenged questions and making a deal out of nothing ,let me know.

[Asker]

Why are you so hung up on this "turning them down" thing? The truth is, I DO turn them down, just not verbally. And because of the magic of body language, they all know that. I'm sure they do.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol most men can't read body language, I wouldn't assume they do. That is why I say 'verbally'. Like I said, If you have a problem, confront it, resolve it, move on. If not, well, you can compromise and deal with it. If you're worried about 'feeling bad', then get over it,because nothing is going to change, unless you change. The boys will walk away after you act like a bitch, and the men will tell you, you're being a bitch and put you in your place. Either way, this isn't preschool.

[Asker]

But how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

[Opinion Owner]

A woodchuck would only chuck as much would as Chuck Norris would allow it to, because the woodchuck shares Chuck's name. Therefore, Chuck must punish it and make it chuck as much wood as Chuck can. So, a woodchuck would chuck as much wood as Chuck could.