My girlfriend seems to be happiest around people/someone other than me....

[Anonymous]

I am not sure if this is my own insecurity or if it is reasonable for me to have an issue with this. Long story short, she has diagnosed BPD, depression, and anxiety. She is always miserable and uninterested with/around me (typical of someone who has depression). But when she goes to her buddy's place (who is a guy/musician) she is the happiest person ever/full of energy. I also should add that she goes to this guys house to hear him and his buddy's jam for like 10 hours at a time... just sitting on a couch in their jam space... to me, that's messed, but they are "her only friends" (that she hasn't alienated herself from), and she was friends with them before I came around.

[emmabee11]

I completely understand how people with depression are always quite distant a friend of mine is the same it does make me feel like I am not welcome around her and she isn't bothered with me but that isn't true... it's just especially when they are with someone where emotions are involved it is a lot more difficult for them as those with depression take longer to gather themselves but if you make the time she spends with you really layed back just like she is around her friends then she will be OK. People with depression just don't like much pressure when they are around people becuse they always get enough stress from the depression they cannot control so they don't need it else where. I wouldn't get jealous of her friends though, she has been friends with them before you met her so can't tell her what to do or who she should hang with, let her be happy but being jealous over her guy friends doesn't help her depression, be just as fun with her, do more fun things with her but don't drag her down, I know they seem to run from a bit of pressure but they want people who won't cause anything for them, depression is a fragile thing and they don't want someone to set it off for them as it is a hard thing to deal with when it kicks in and especially with panic attacks it is worse, she will get badly depressed then it will make her thing all sorts of bad things then she will be having panic attacks, don't worry about anything just keep things fun and layed back and it be OK I promise you :).

[Anonymous]

I can offer you a bit of advice. My sister has BPD, depression and anxiety just like you're girl. Instead of focusing on her miserable and uninterested self when she is around you, focus on what you can do to give her support and help her be happier. You have to ask yourself what's different with the environment she's in at the band jam place compared to when she's with you. Maybe that band place is an escape where everyone is focused on the music instead of what she's thinking. I'm assuming you've gone to this guys place with her, and why not embrace her when she's like that instead of investigating it like it's wrong for her to be happy at her buddies place. Help her have that happiness in other places. Being emotionally connected with anyone who is bipolar, can be draining. You've got to be in for the long haul. And you've got to be willing to put in some work.

[Asker]

Thats one thing, no relationship is perfect... but as you know, all the hurtful things someone with BPD can do to their friends and families I have experience, so I have become drawn thin

[Opinion Owner]

like others said above, if you love her, you'll find a way to live with it and help her. I've grown to be patient and kind towards my sister and am able to tell calm her down from much of her anxiety the more I'm with her. It's not all bad, there are good times if you look hard enough. If you don't love her anymore or at all, talk to her about it, let her know how you feel and let down easy but while keeping firm boundaries. She'll move on. it'll take her a little longer than most, but she will.

[teddiebearjojo]

If you really love her then help her through her problems and don't give on her, love her and surely she will love you, because everybody has a natural amount of time that determines how long it takes for them to trust a significant other, but since has depression and anxiety, it takes her a little while longer, but stick with her...she'll come along.

[Hades]

I'd get off that sinking ship if I was you. Before it's too late.

[Anonymous]

i think you should talk to her about what's going on. maybe she's just not happy with the relationship anymore