Where do all the single good guys hang out?

[Anonymous]

By good guys I mean those who are nice, kind, fit, fun, funny, smart, responsible, cultured... etc. You get the idea. Don't tell me at a monastery or church. Like seriously. Where to meet good men? I'm 35, single, I work out and I'm nice, down to earth, always smiling and attractive (like some stranger just complimented me as I'm walking past at the street just now. Honest). All the men around my age that I know and like are either married, taken or gay. I used to club but I was never wild and I don't smoke. I am however a social drinker. I go to the gym but most of the men there are gays. I actively participate at charity runs but haven't met anyone so far. So where? Do you guys go to places like Starbucks to read a book or something? If you're wondering why I'm single at my age, it's because I was in a dead end relationship for 7 years and I took a year to completely move on. Hence, the question now: where do all single good guys hang out? Or maybe I should change the question to: Guys, where do you like hanging out?

[cavmanier]

I'm in a similar situation. When not working, I tend like to stay home. I do the regular gym, errand and grocery store runs. Sometimes I'll go out to dinner. I think you got to find situations where you can talk to someone to get to know them a little. I've thought about this lately. It would be nice if the place is pretty quiet and non threatening. Somewhere where when you interact you don't feel like you're bothering them. Online dating? Idk, haven't tried it yet.

[Asker]

That's the thing. I'm not sure where exactly would be a good place to get to know people. I once thought I could observe and see if I could get to know someone while sitting alone with a book in hand at a coffee place like Starbucks. Didn't see anyone interesting or rather, no one else was alone. They were occupied chatting with their friends. So, if let's say you were sitting alone and I smiled then go back to reading my book, would you talk to me? lol. Just curious. I've never tried online too

[cavmanier]

I might talk to someone. It would probably be pretty innocent though. By smiling, I'd probably assume you were just being friendly. I'd want to get in a situation were I can really talk to them for maybe 5 minutes. If I approach someone spontaneously I kind of feel like I'm mainly choosing someone for their looks which isn't necessarily bad; I just don't want to do that at this time. this could change though. I'd like to be able to start conversations with facial expressions better.

[Asker]

What do you suggest I do? Like what kind of facial expressions do you mean? I know sometimes I seem 'closed' to people because I'm just painfully shy and worry I attract the wrong kind of person... I'm working on it. Learning to be 'open' and friendlier or approachable. But I'm just not sure yet what should I do to appear that way...

[cavmanier]

Appearing open or confident isn't the focus. It's better to feel how you do, but work on positive things that will make you feel more confident. Also it sounds like it would help to try and accept who you are a little more.Same with facial expressions. Is not about making the right facial expression. It's about feeling a way toward a person and having that expression coming out naturally. For me its like a confident smile that works best, but it's not fake.

[Asker]

Thanks. I have been out of the dating scene for a long time. Feeling clueless all over again. I guess I prefer to date someone I already know as a friend rather than someone I just met somewhere but it wouldn't hurt to get to know new people. Being introduced through mutual friends is a plus. Ok, thanks again.

[Anonymous]

Speaking as a decent single guy, I would say the pub, the gym, and various fitness clubs. Hiking, bicycling, running, etc... Your best bet is through friends though. I am always being set up on dates through dinner parties with my friends. They are desperate to see me paired off.

[Asker]

Honestly, would pubs be a good place to meet guys? Occasionally, I do join my friends to the pub but maybe I've always had this skeptical idea that guys there just want a quick easy f***. Don't mean to stereotype or judge because I myself have been in the club and bar scenes a lot before. You have good friends with good intentions :) Well, my closest friends happen to be single too... they seem to think its easier for me to meet men. I like your running idea. Will go to the park for a change.

[Opinion Owner]

For me, the pub is where I go to drink, to think, to read the paper, to chat with friends.

It's much better for me than clubbing. I don't have to raise my voice, and I can watch sport on the TV if I want.

It's definitely not where I go to find an easy one night f***. That's wine bars. A wine bar is the Serengeti for cougars.

[Asker]

Oh right. Sorry, I confused pubs and clubbing. I do hang out at the pub often with my friends for drinks. I used to club a lot but I got tired of that scene and the loud music. I go there once in awhile just to be with my friends but while they are having fun and hunting I find that the crowd there is not to my taste. Maybe I just haven't met someone interesting there yet, that's all. Well, thanks for your input and hopefully you'd like one of those dates your friends set you up for.

[Eligijus]

Well all the good guys are always around you. It depends what you mean a good guy. Probably most women don't want them that's the case. They rather choose douchebag instead. Go look them in libery, universities, church. If you really want a good guy. Parties, clubs isn't a good place.

[Anonymous]

Clubs and bars mostly.