Guys, do you find self harm scars unattractive? Would that stop you from liking or dating a girl?

[FeelFreeLoveHard]

Also, would you want them to tell you prior to being intimate or just eventually finding out when that stuff starts happening? (Mix of old and new scars, some literally like a day old as opposed to months old).

They're all the way down to my elbow (on the inside part, so like from the inside of my wrist down) on my left arm, on my right hip and then down a little to the point where shorts would still cover them, then a small patch under my right breast (on ribcage), and then another small patch on the left side of my body on my hip bones...I don't know if this helps or not.

[Theguyoverthere]

I dated a cutter and never again.

I'm very empathetic so if I were emotionally invested with someone what I'd interpret self harming scars are that she is wishing ill feelings on me as well. Like if I were to argue with her and she went to cut herself she is wanting me to "feel the pain she is feeling" which to me is self-destructive and just makes the situation worse. So if a girl is harming herself and doesn't care that it is emotionally harmful to me as well I'd write her off as just plain selfish and a hindrance to everyone's optimism.

[not-your-babe]

Yeah... very empathetic XD Self-harm isn't about other people, though.

[roderik]

I don't consider it a turn off i still think of you very attractive but I would be concern for you personal well being. For the attraction part is not relevant but still you should get help so you don't harm your self that is sad don't hurt yourself try to find something healthier to do to escape when I feel bad I go swimming or draw.

[1152pm]

Cutting for me was about surviving a shitty situation. I was able to control the pain and it got to the point where I'd enjoy it because it slowly became the only thing I could control. However when I went too deep one day it hit me that it wasn't good. It took me a year to quit but now I haven't done it in two years two months and six days

[1152pm]

About the boyfriend thing. My boyfriend doesn't mind but he doesn't understand it. He doesn't understand how hurting yourself was a good thing. He kissed them when I told him and he does it eveey so often. It legit makes me melt inside because it makes me feel like he accepts the bad parts of me. Every guy will react differently.

[AceOtana1]

Yeah, I don't like seeing self harm scars. Not only do they turn me off, but also they put me off romantically as well. Self harm scars usually mean psychological problems, poor mental health and such. When in search of a woman, I'm attracted to the healthy women. Physically and mentally.

Self harm scars tell me you're under stress, have many problems and if you're mental health isn't good, it'll affect your body to. I can't get involved with that.

[TheGamingOne]

I personally wouldn't mind and even support her in stopping cutting, I think I ak a exception with this opinion form the rest. Of the guys I had a hard past so I can sorta understand why you would do it

[FeelFreeLoveHard]

I'm just afraid because although my boyfriend was diagnosed with depression, he said that was a while ago and he's okay now...I don't know if he would understand where I'm coming from or not...in other words, I don't want him to think I'm suicidal or whatever because I'm not.

[TheGamingOne]

Well its a personalll thing, I personally don't mind becuase I can sorta get it
I don't know if he would be so understanding, he should understand though he is your bf after all

[LookatDuhDonkay]

One of my ex's was an excessive cutter and that shit is fucking annoying. They crave attention and have serious self-esteem issues that simply become a burden (on top of your own personal problems). I closed chapter and never attempted to look back.

[FeelFreeLoveHard]

Don't crave attention, yeah, I have self esteem issues but I don't let them show to my boyfriend, and I'm scared I'll become a burden on him and therefor try extra hard to be the opposite. Don't generalize cutters, we're all different.

[1152pm]

Cutting is rarely about attention. It's about control and surviving. Anyone who does it for attention is not really a cutter and is not addicted.

[LookatDuhDonkay]

I'm sorry but I find the whole thing very immature. Just isn't my cup of tea and would rather not deal with a person that does it at all.

[7heDubz]

Cutting is to avoid problems (not really the bad kind) whatever is on their plate at the moment all seems to go away for the moment when their body gives itself a small sugre of adrenaline due to the fact that it has to deal with the more important thing at the moment. The cut is more important to the body so it forgets about its other problems and focuses on the more important one at hand.

[7heDubz]

No, I don't. In fact they can make you seem to some guys (Who have a savior complex) even more attractive. But that attraction would be there mostly because they want to "save" you and make you happy.

[FeelFreeLoveHard]

should I tell the guy I'm with? We've been together for a month and it's beginning to be summer sooo... But I can hide it if that is the better option.

[7heDubz]

I wouldn't make an effort to hide it, But at the same time I wouldn't draw attention to it. I would 'accidentally' put them into his view and see how he reacts.

In my honest opinion (this is an opinion,) if he cannot handle them, and he has been with you for about 2+ months, then he wasn't likign you for you anyway.

[FeelFreeLoveHard]

Should I wait until we're 2+ months in or just do it sooner rather than later and get it over with?

[7heDubz]

Sooner rather then later. If he doesn't like it now he wouldn't like it after 2+ months, How long have you two been going out if i may ask?

[FeelFreeLoveHard]

lol I said a month exactly. We celebrated our one month and it kind of started getting intimate but I had to tell him to stop because I didn't want him to see, but I just lied and said I was too tired.

[7heDubz]

Oh i missed that, My bad xD
ah, okay. Next time just let it keep going, let what happens happen, or you can tell him. If so I would do it as such
"You remember that night?" obviously dont follow this to the letter,
"yea"
"sorry (or somthing similar) about that, it was because I didn't want you to see that I had cut myself"

Again, substitute words in or such as per how you would answer it.

Those are the two choices I see. Let it happen naturally, or tell him.

Sometimes i can find those scars attractive (i dont have a saviors complex) simply because... I'm not sure xD.

[FeelFreeLoveHard]

To be honest, I find them kind of beautiful...in a weird way..
I'm actually not sure what a saviors complex is tbh haha
& yeah I just don't want things to be awkward.. :p :(

[7heDubz]

Saviors complex is wanting to 'save' everyone from their sadness/troubles

[7heDubz]

I'm sure they are, they are a part of you and i'm sure 'you' are beautiful.

[lordAlex818]

it's not the scars themselves I would find attractive, it's what the scars show about you as a person. Just because you cut yourself doesn't mean you are a bad person, but it comes across as kind of...unstable. And that is not an attractive quality.

[genericname85]

they are kind of evidence of a psychological or personality issue. i think some guy would not like to deal with this.

[FeelFreeLoveHard]

For me, it's just self-esteem issues & really just reduces stress. Not anything bad, in my opinion.

[genericname85]

i didn´t want to judge you. it´s just what i generally assume when i hear, a girl cuts herself. i would ask her why she does it and try to make her stop. if her issues are too big for me to handle, i try to let a better guy than me have her.

[mistermist]

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. What would bother me is if she wasn't getting help with that issue.

[mistermist]

Like I always say, cutting is not the main issue. The main issue is why they feel the need to do it.

[NoblesseOblige]

This is a dealbreaker for me, yes.

[FeelFreeLoveHard]

why?

[NoblesseOblige]

Looks bad. I also think she has issues.

[Mrolympia]

Unattractive