If a guy tells you to fuck off during an argument?

[Anonymous]

So I said some pretty mean stuff to the guy I like during an argument (which definitely must've destroyed his ego) and then he told me to fuck off and never message him again. Now he was the one at fault and was acting like a complete jerk to me for no reason and that is the reason why I said those harsh words to him (I didn't curse at him though) just made him feel like he's not man enough.

I'd never thought he would tell me to fuck off though... he's usually such a well behaved guy that even my friends were shocked to here this. I think he crossed the line or is saying "fuck off" to the girl you like during an argument not a big deal for a guy? I was really hurt by this.

Updates

+1 y

Okay so everyone is saying that I deserved it or something but well I can't share the whole story over here but when I say he was at fault I really do mean he was completely at fault. I was nice at first to him and then he made me really angry by being a complete jerk to me. That is the reason why I was mean to him otherwise I would never say such things to him.

[Anonymous]

I think you both share some blame here.

For him, it was whatever he said that started it all.

For you, it was filleting his ego instead of arguing your case. Every couple has fights. It's can be a good thing if you both fight fair. You can use statements like: When you _____, it makes me feel _____.

Telling you to fuck off was probably a naturally defensive thing to do. It certainly wasn't nice, but it wasn't really unexpected by that point, was it?

Cool off, let him cool off, and then approach him again to talk it over calmly. If you have complaints, use the language I suggested above.

[Asker]

He wouldn't let me argue my case. He was angry at me for some reason and wouldn't tell me the reason instead he chose to act like a complete jerk and that made me really angry.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm sorry. Perhaps you undersold what he said to begin with. I've read your update and comments now. I can understand lashing out in anger the way you did (been there, done that) but you've made it more complicated by hurting him back. If nothing else, escalating it is on you. That's not to say you should have played victim. But when he was an ass, you had better options available to you.

Do you think it could have been his way of breaking up? I've seen this before. Instead of just telling a gf/bf that it's over, this is a chicken's way out of the relationship. It's one step above ghosting, which isn't saying much.

In any case, let some time pass to cool down. If he's still interested, he'll come around after doing some thinking on his own. If not, I'm sure there are more mature guys out there for you.

Either way, I hope it resolves for you.

[Asker]

Well I admit I acted a bit childish but how would you feel if you were being nice to someone and they were being an ass in return to you? He's very childish and inexperienced. I'm basically the first girl he's ever really liked so I don't think he knows how relationships work.

I don't think this is about him breaking up with me or something. He's a shy, passive-aggresive guy and is very closed off with his emotions. Maybe he just couldn't tell me the reason why he was angry (maybe it was embarrassing or something I have a rough idea now which I didn't have at that time) which is fine, but he shouldn't have acted like a stuck-up jerk.

[Asker]

Basically whenever he gets angry at me he gives me the could shoulder and doesn't talk about it.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh, no need to sell me on what it's like. I fight the urge to lash out all the time!

So perhaps a long talk is in order. If he can't tell you what's wrong in a rational way, how does he think anything is going to be done about it? If this isn't fixed, it's going to get worse, not better. I'm not sure I could remain in a relationship with someone with this much passive aggression. You should think about that yourself if he can't open up.

[Asker]

Yeah I'm thinking about that too. I only put up with his behaviour because I have a lot of affection for him. I don't think I'll be able to put up with it anymore though.

[Opinion Owner]

That's good. Whatever happens, I wish you future happiness. :-)

[Asker]

Thank you so much 😊

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you for MHO. Good luck!

[Asker]

Thanks. I don't understand though. Should I approach him and apologize? Am I really the one at fault?

[Opinion Owner]

He was an ass, you retaliated, he told you to fuck off. Is that right? My guess is that there was some reason he was being an ass to begin with. Either you did something to make him mad which is probably so petty he's embarrassed to mention it, or he was generally angry and he took it out on you. In either case, you can apologize for your part in escalating the whole thing, but he is primarily responsible. In your place, I would want a thorough explanation of what made him behave so poorly to begin with; an introspective and vulnerable explanation. He owes you that. If he can't be honest with you or himself about what drove his bad behavior, he isn't mature enough for a real relationship. In that case, I would not want anything to do with him.

You can approach him, but I would say it's to talk openly about what went wrong; not necessarily to apologize right away.

I'm surprised this is still not resolved or blown over. Has he shut you out this long?

[BasicFlake]

You said yourself that you said some pretty mean stuff and that you must have destroyed his ego, so what did you expect? If you hurt someone they will likely react. That will be the case regardless of who started it. You say that he crossed a line but it sounds like you might have too. He put up his defensive wall and cut you off cold. That's not unusual as a defense mechanism, for both males and females. This is what happens when you let emotions go unchecked, you cross lines.

[hiddenviolets]

I don't understand your logic. What's wrong with a swear word? How is saying fuck off any worse than saying self admittedly mean stuff?
I'm not taking his side, yes he was a jerk. You're both kind of at fault but him saying "fuck off" doesn't change the situation or make him more at fault. People curse when they're angry, it's a natural response.

[Kaylyne]

He most certainly is not completely to blame, as you quite simply made a jerk of yourself by responding with your anger.
Always remember that it takes Two to have an argument, and two wrongs never make a right.

[Sonjita]

wow. I don't think any guy ever told me that actually. it's definitely not good, now I don't know if it's his personality or you said some really awful things

[Kurodo]

hard to say, but if he's usually well mannered then a line has been crossed here and honestly its gonna take some work if you want it to be the way it before. especially when i doubt either of you will back down from your side.

[millennial_x]

well, some guys have a short fuse. he may have said fuck off because you hurt him and he didn't want to fight anymore, he probably either doesn't mean it or feels like an asshole for saying it. I know I say shit I don't mean in the heat of the moment, sometimes you just get pushed to the edge of what you can take.

[blahdebloo]

So you said harsh words to him, with the specific objective of making him "feel like he's not man enough". That's how you deal with problems in your relationship? You attack people's egos? And you also expect us to believe that he was "completely at fault"?

He was 100% right to tell you to fuck off. A person whose idea of a strong relationship strategy is to attack their partner's ego is a person not worth listening to. And a person not worth listening to is a person not worth arguing with.

I would like to echo his words: fuck off, and never contact him again. I don't care what he did (if he actually did anything at all.) He deserves better.

[Anonymous]

Really your going to let a four letter word end your relationship

[Asker]

Nope. But he has to be the one to approach me now.

[Anonymous]

Well, leave him alone then... With time, he may realize he messed up and come to you to apologize. Aggravating the situation will only make it worse. He needs to make the next move, in his own time.

[Ali55sven]

Considering what you have just said. Your pathetic. Picking on guys that dont or can't fight back.
"I'd never thought he would tell me to fuck off though... he's usually such a well behaved guy"
This goes to show how pathetic you are bully.

[XuR_CXV_115]

What you said was honest and you actually felt that way
Compared to a " fuck off ", Yeah you're fucking bad dude
I mean he was hurt so that's all he said and he wants you gone
I mean you said those mean things to him which can mean much more than " fuck off " just leave him alone like he wanted

[Asker]

Well I really wish I could share the whole thing over here then you wouldn't be saying this and neither would anyone else. This is really getting tiresome. Explaining it to everyone.

Leave him alone? He is the one who keeps chasing me all the time. I did leave him alone after he said that.

[XuR_CXV_115]

I mean if you left him alone then you've not nothing to worry about, but I mean you posted and all so it's really getting to you

[Anonymous]

why was he being a jerk, did he have a reason. he must've been having a bad day and took it out on you. but if you like him, let him come to you and calmly, and grown up like tell him unacceptable. you are a queen. don't ever fucking talk to you like that again. hahahaha or handle it however.

[karahiri]

It was said out of anger. Sounds like good riddance.

[scragbas]

so you made fun of his short, shriveled dick, am I right? how else do you hurt a guys ego? haha

[Anonymous]

"... he was the one at fault..."

You seem to be trying to put all the blame on him and justify the things you said but it sounds like you were a jerk as well and said things that were purposefully intended to make him "feel like he's not man enough" and "destroy his ego". Really? How do you justify that any more than he can justify what he said? Are are you just using the grade school mindset of "well he started it".

I probably would have told you to fuck off too.

[Asker]

Well actually you dont know the whole story. Obviously I can't share the whole thing over here. What I meant was that he was being a complete asshole. My friends even said that I went easy on him. He deserved more.

[Asker]

He was completely at fault and then he has the gall to say fuck off to me?

[Opinion Owner]

So again, you are justifying intentionally making him "feel like he's not man enough" and "destroy his ego". I'm sorry but that is not justifiable regardless of what he said. I'm not saying he was justified either, not at all. What I'm saying is that you sunk to his level and are equally guilty. That's pretty clear.

[Opinion Owner]

Who started it is not that important. What you both said and did IS important. If you're not mature enough to accept your own responsibility in what happened then there's really no point in discussing it here.

[Opinion Owner]

You "had the gall" to him try to make him "feel like he's not man enough" and try to "destroy his ego". Sounds to me like you're being a bit hypocritical here.

[Opinion Owner]

@Update: I think you are entirely missing the point we are all trying to make here. I'm sure he was at fault initially, and by the end of it so were you.

[Opinion Owner]

We don't need all of the details to come to that conclusion.

[realperson02]

if he said to "fuck off" then he means to fuck off. so what do you want now?

[rairai]

wow. you pissed him off :))
wait until he apologizes

[Kirah]

Well, you were being mean to him. You saying "but he was completely at fault" doesn't change anything, because we are only hearing your side of the story.

[Asker]

No it doesn't. His behaviour was very bad. There is no "his part of the story" when I say he was completely at fault I really do mean it. I will keep downvoting such opinions because I can't share all the details over here which would make things clearer.

[Anonymous]

If he's usual a well behaved guy, then he must not have been so out of line.

[Anonymous]

If that was myself... I would've just laughed at him if he told he that 😂

[Bandit74]

What did you say to crush his ego?

[LisaMia]

He's an arse avoid him like the plague

[Mr-Kabuki]

well he's not really great at arguing

[Anonymous]

Why would you ruin his ego? You deserved it fully.

[Asker]

Because he has a massive ego and was being a stuck-up jerk to me for no reason. He deserved it.

[oooduc]

Bully