Why can't players have feelings?

Question

I see all these questions.."is he a player,what if he's a player,how to tell if he's a player etc."..

I found from past experience that I can tell a player from a good guy.I'm currently in a great relationship with the nicest guy ever:)

But by reading all these questions it makes me think about those past relationships that couldn't work,because they were players..

Why can't "players" have feeling?..

besides the whole one girl that hurt them in the past and won't go through it a gain.. I guess where I'm getting at is the whole nature vs.nurture concept. Would the lack of nurture growing up have a huge impact on a guy to turn them into "player"

ArtistBboy · Accepted Answer

Very few grasp the concept of what a "player" is.. Allow me to explain:

The first type of player is the social type.. He goes to any social gathering where women will be; once there, he will speak/compliment/sweet talk/etc any girl until things progress. Once progressing, he'll start the process with another girl and continue working on the current girl. After receiving his desired object within girl A, he will then stop trying (that doesn't mean he breaks up with them), he will also start trying with girl B.

The second type of player is the attraction based player.. He looks like a good guy, sounds like a good guy, even smells like a good guy.. But in truth he is a wolf in sheeps clothing.. He helps out with your groceries, walks you to your car, and never says anything that might show you he likes you.. But then you speak about your feelings and he reciprocates the same feelings and says how he's been too shy to tell you, that he thought you both would be friends and that it's relieving to know she feels the same.. Then afterward they f*** and he stops calling. In my opinion, these are the worst type because of how they resemble the nice guys, only to abuse the similar character traits..

The third type of player is the type that seems bored pursueing these types of women. Typically it's your muscle head or Mr. popularity that pull this off the best. The girl sees him as valuable in his life and he treats her like she has to earn his attention. The guy is always showing the vibe of: "been there done that, not impressed the slight bit".. And then she thinks that __ activity might change things and he'll start to like her.. Only to find out that he's doing this with every other girl as well..

etc etc etc..

There's no reason as to "how" or "why" they act the way they do.. It comes down to basic logic - what they are doing is working at accomplishing their goal. On a productivity standpoint, they are putting in the least amount of effort to achieve the same result, and in turn actually making better profit.

- What that means, is that if all the women of the world want to "give in" to these games (and the same goes to guys towards women's games), then this is only going to continue until we become distant from the games.

Once you know the type of game people play, or how they lie and cheat their way into getting what they want, you will understand your own boundaries and what you won't put up with.

Nurture doesn't have anything to do with it.. You may grow up around mom (or dad) sleeping around with women.. But in all honesty, it's not comparative.. You can't say: "Monkey see monkey do".. That's like saying: "I watch people die on TV all the time, so I figured I'd help them along by shooting them"..

- But if it makes anyone feel better, there is an "influence" from your parents but always remember that you can control your own decisions; afterall it's your life.

~ ArtistBBoy

themastaplan · Accepted Answer

players are usually in a certain age group...it usually goes away with maturity...so to answer your question they can...in time that is...

just because a guy is a player doesn't mean he was hurt by a girl and doesn't wanna go through that again...if taht is the case, he's a bitch and is immature...notice how I said its a phase and usually around a certain age...it takes time and maturity to grow out of it...

the way the person is brought up could have an affect on their personaility for sure...in the end if you ask me its how that person takes things in life...how they react, how they accomplish things they want...

if a guy thinks he's cool to treat a girl like crap, then he's wrong and a fool - same goes for you ladies...

what people don't understand is you can't change someones past but they can become a better person because of it - it takes time, I'm also sick and tired of "games" either the girl has the upper hand at one point or the guy does...its so childish, why can't people meet at a median? ya know? I mean can't people understand not everyone is going to click and agree and that everyone has their own opinion and to respect that instead of arguing...jesus, I'm kinda going through this with my ex at the moment...she thinks I'm so selfish and iggnorant and that I'm always p*ssed and whatever and she always argues with what I say...its like yo, I ahve my opinions and soemtimes I do get frustrated with thigns I can't control but sometimes you just gotta let that person ride our their emotions to avoid the stupiest fights possible...

anyways I kinda got off on a tangent but yes a player can have feelings - all ti takes is a little better understanding of what women what, what THEY want , maturing and of course time...

hope this answers your question! :)

Epiphanies · Accepted Answer

There are tons of reasons for why guys turn into players. Either they were mistreated by women or never appreciated by them or they just like playing games or they grew up being too good looking or his parents had a dysfunctional relationship or he has trust issues with his mom. You can never know for certain why "players" do the things they do. The problem is that we classify all players into the same category which isn't helpful at all.

It's kind of like a guy asking why his girlfriend is so damn clingy and if she'll ever stop being that way? Well, it is entirely possible that she may and it is equally possible that she won't.

There isn't a secret formula for why a player is the way he is. You have to understand the background issues in his life just like you figure out any guy's story when you're interested in him. The important thing is that you shouldn't be certain that you can change him. Some quirks can last forever.

In an evolutionary sense, if a guy doesn't have the capabilities of protecting his own offspring after birth, he may just try spreading his sperm around various women with a few of his efforts reaching fruition instead of having a family and ensuring the well being of his offspring.

justathought · Accepted Answer

I think a lot of it has to do with growing up in a society that puts pressure on men to prove that they are straight.  It is sad but true.  Get a bunch of young guys hanging out together and one of them is in a serious relationship.  A beautiful girl walks by.  They all look.  She seems  interested in the guy who is already in a relationship.  His friends tease and coax him.  He resists but they make him feel like if he doesn't at least try to hook up with this girl that there is something wrong with him.  So he cheats.  He feels bad but then he gets away with it and his friends pat him on the back.  I'm not saying that this guy will instantly turn into a player but I think that a lot of guys, especially young ones feel the need to impress their friends more than the need to commit.  Having several girlfriends at once and being a ladies man tends to impress their friends.  They keep this ideal growing up and when everyone else has paired up, they still find a thrill in the chase.  Others just can't commit.  This doesn't only apply to men though.  I have female friends who I consider players.  They need constant male attention.

CocoPops · Accepted Answer

Well to be honest, you can never really tell if a guy is a player or not, because it's all in the name "player" they are experienced and they know what their doing, they say all the right things which they know that will make a girls heart melt and fall for them. Furthermore they will want to seem genuine so they can get in your good books, for instance saying they have never cheated on a ex girlfriend, there's no pressure into have sex with them or not, loads of things which will make the guy seem different and not like all the others.

I'm shocked about how many guys I've fallen for who I thought were different and they turned out to be a player, even after a long period of time. But I guess it's all down to your gut feelings as well as looking at all the signs, but that's why when your getting to know someone new it's always best to be wary and not open up to them too much, obviously depending if you just want a bit of fun or a serious relationship, but at the end of the day it's all about trust if you haven't got that then there's really no point!

Mesonfielde · Answer

Feelings and emotions would be a hindrance in the process, and I think it can go down to the image of a female's value. They just don't look at them as an equal human with emotions who will suffer when they do what they do, and they just don't even care. Girls are tools for them, meant to use, then when it doesn't work anymore, then throw them out. Consumerism, now with humans. They don't have feelings because they don't allow themselves to, and they're completely selfish - caring only about themselves, and not caring one slight bit for the "abusable little girl".

Nurture? Yes, experiences with women. They think of them too lowly, and the girls want to get on a higher level. In opposition with when a guy thinks of a girl too highly, and she'll only "look at him as a friend", haha. Nature has nothing to do with this.

Killfest400 · Answer

There's tons of reasons why guys "play the game".

First, societal pressure to score. A guy who gets lots of women is a stud. A guy who doesn't get laid is a pathetic virgin. A guy who sticks with one woman for life, who gets cheated on, or who is actually kind to the women he likes is often seen as whipped. For some guys, having women fawning all over you just happens (George Clooney, Brad Pitt). For most guys, they have to make an effort to attract that kind of attention. You're way more likely to score if you're overly confident than if you're not confident enough, so why not play the cocky game?

Second, being hurt in the past. Some guys will give their all to being an awesome guy/boyfriend, and all they end up with is pain and sadness. It's really only reasonable that they change somehow. If someone tells you "Hey, I know why you're unsuccessful with women, and I can show you how to have women chasing you 24/7", you'd be interested. Same applies to women's magazines- "How to get him to chase you", "Top 10 mistakes women make in a relationship", etc. If what you're doing is consistently not working, then why wouldn't you change? If it works, it works.

Nature vs. nurture? Yes, nurture has tons of impact on the situation. I was raised in a good family with two parents that love each other. I was always taught how to properly treat women (which was probably TOO nice), and I've always been a believer in a monogamous, loving relationship. I've been mildly successful with regards to women, so I haven't had a reason to turn player yet. If I hadn't been successful, then I might have already turned into a major d***wad. Everybody has feelings. For players, those feelings are usually the ones they don't want, since it would only get in the way of their "game".

Louise123 · Answer

Players have feelings. Their own. If you have a good guy and he's been treating you well - is respectful, honest, does what he says he will do, makes you feel special... etc. etc. then you have a god guy.  Players are slick. They lie. They tell people what they want to hear - get what they want - and move on... or worse yet, they will play a few girls at the same time.  You just need to pay attention and don't trust a person until they've earned it. Players are charming and will use that to get what they want.  But eventually the mask starts to slip and they expose themsleves for the jerks that they are. Unless your boyfriend has done something to give you that bad feeling in the pit of your stomach ( ALWAYS trust your instincts..) I'd say he's a good guy. Don't worry. Hugz.

l-hedoniste · Answer

Players do have feelings; they feel like dating a variety of women, they feel like being free from commitment, they feel they'd rather be happy then conventional. They *don't* feel like being in a monogamous relationship.

This has nothing to do with "the lack of nurture growing up" or "the whole one girl that hurt them in the past." (What hogwash.) It has to do with making choices about what they want and don't want.

dx021 · Answer

most guys that are players are guys who have learned how fickle the emotions of women are. they realize that if they open up, they are gana get f***ed, and for a man- when he feels something, its not like a woman's emotions who are turbulent and neurotic, but it means something

so, what's the point of opening up once you realize how empty women are ? its not worth it. better to just f*** em

flower1000 · Answer

this is right the players are the 1ns who are scarred there frightend of commitment and  no respect for th3em selfs I real man will love 1 girl a million ways not a million girls many ways and there not stable stay well clear they settle when there ready they all run out of steam at some point :)

Anonymous · Answer

Well, being born VERY good looking (and told that from a young age by everyone) or being very rich/high social status probably contributes to it. Also certain personality traits help too, just read up on the Dark Triad.

Feelings? About what? If you're talking about guys or girls who can always get the opposite sex, all the time, why would they have any feeling about it?

freefall7 · Answer

Why can't you women stop bitching about getting played. Get over it. There are plenty of nice guys, you just want them because you like your drama!

11110 · Answer

Everybody has feelings, we just can't tell people how to feel.  That's why we all show it differently.

jacquesvol · Answer

IMHO it's rather a combination of  feeling unsure about himself (deep down, of course) and selfishness that makes a player.

wisegee · Answer

Because they have no hearts. Nuff sed.

Anonymous · Answer

they do have:)

Why can't players have feelings?

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