Guys girls: do fatherless girls have problems with men?

Question

Have any of you girls grown up without your dad/without even knowing him at all? What are some of the issues that fatherless girls have? Is it hard for them commit to a relationship? Are they scared of men?

I have never been in a relationship and neither has my sister.. we share the same biological father who left when we were very young. We are both attractive and in our early to mid 20's... both virgins! We get hit on and stared at often but we both seem to have the same issues! I am getting a little worried that I'll be a single virgin forever lol I don't want to be a virgin anymore but I am so scared of getting hurt! I feel like every guy is going to reject me!

Just trying to see what the behavior of other girls is like who grew up without a dad...

Guys and Girls: What have you witnessed and what do you think about the topic?

Fatherless Girls, do you date a ton of men because you crave the attention or do you have issues interacting with men?

chut-chut- · Accepted Answer

I think this is an excellent question and judging from it, you seem to be doing just fine. I am in the exact same boat: my mother was the 'other woman' in my father's life and when she wouldn't bend to his demands, they parted ways and as a result he was never in my life. As a youngster, it bothered me from time to see fellow school girls with their fathers or talking about their father's because of the void in my life. But after years of my mom telling me to stop shedding crocodile tears over the parent who wasn't there, I just put him out of my mind and moved on with life.

Now as an early 20 year old, I'm slowly coming to the realization that not having him around has indeed caused an issue in that, I have no problem making guy friends but when they start to show interest or just getting too close in general, I either laugh it off or put up a wall all as a defense mechanism against ... I don't even know what - I guess the possibility of what could be. Slowly, I realize that somewhere in the back of my mind, a small part of me thinks that if the one man who was supposed to be 'guaranteed' to be in your life and be there could just up and leave, then where is the guarantee that any other guy, strangers upon fist encounter, will stick around?

I realize that many females who have grown up either with physically/emotionally absentee fathers or just fathers who seem to have done a bad job often lack self confidence. But I think because my mother has always been a super strong and self reliant individual, that has also carried over to me and is probably another factor. I often tell myself (as another defense mechanism, I'm guessing) that I don't need some guy who probably is just after sex to start wasting my time and getting me emotionally involved only to just up and leave.

So to sum it up, for me personally, the absence has manifested itself as a lack of trust in men. I realize that admitting that there is a problem is the first step and I'm slowly trying to change my views.

I would love it if you contacted me privately because you seem to be in the exact same boat and I'd love to hear your take on how you've been affected in more detail.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

i used to feel extremely uncomfortable with male peers and all my friends were girls. when I look back at it, I often blame it on being raised in a fatherless household. I even turned down guys that I liked when they asked me out. when I didn't turn them down immediately, I'd break it off really quickly out of an unexplainable fear.

at some point, I became really close friends with a group of guys who were the sort of people I typically wouldn't hang out with. they treated me like a bro and I considered them bros too. I eventually started to get comfortable around men because of them.

one of my 'bros' asked me out. I liked him so I said yes. it was a really comfortable romantic and sexual relationship because we were already really comfortable with one another. ever since then, I've only gotten involved with men that I feel comfortable around as friends. theyre still friends after breakups.

i have to admit though, I enjoy the chase and turn guys down after trying really hard to get them to ask me out :/ I've started to think that it's probematic.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

do you ever think it was the way your mom reacted to guys that influenced how you should react to them?

I don't know... I had a dad I loved but I was a virgin until I was 24 and it was because my dad was always the type to not really be close to me in our culture the girl and the mom is close but the guy and the sons are close if you know what I mean.

now that I am married (at age 24 ofcourse), to my man, when I call home to talk to my dad he only wants to talk to my husband. I guess in our culture the guy is only suppose to talk to a guy and the girl is suppose to respect the dad and not talk much to him at all... I guess you can say I have a dad but the longest coversation was like 5 minutes and the most conversations we have had (that was meaningful) was maybe only a hand ful if you know what I mean... I'm just saying, some girls who even have a dad can also have weird feelings towards guys. It's just personal I guess.

funny222 · Accepted Answer

Excellent topic. Another one of my favorite research studies, as I notice this has a lot to do with women behaving as they do. It may alarm some of you that I've heard and read as to some reasons fathers distance themselves from their daughters is because they were sexually aroused by them as they reminded them of their wives in their youth and the fact that they loved them so much. They feared they would abuse their daughters. They hated themselves for this and thought best to keep a distance might they lose self-control. Many a daughter interpreted this as a sign that they were dirty, undesirable and somehow offended daddy inadvertantly. He would get mad when she'd wear that dress... "Don't show your legs! What are you, a whore?" And yet the girls would wonder why. "Why don't you love me anymore, daddy?" And so she'd grow up craving men's attention, seeking their acceptance for being whatever she is -- beautiful or otherwise. A lot of girls are damaged because of this rejection early on.

I've told these stories to my brother, who has two daughters, not to make the same mistake, just to laugh it off it if happens, and love them else they'll grow up to be drugged out prostitutes dying in Hollywood Blvd. at thirteen, taking money for acceptance for just a moment of attention from a stranger.

misuzi · Accepted Answer

People who have similar situations tend to react similarly. Typically girls without fathers do tend to go wild or girls who hate their parents rebel against them by being slutty and getting piercings and tattoos.

You are clearly smart to be able to recognize your situation like this, though it can always be hard to try and diagnose yourself because you can be biased, even if you think you aren't. But I think you'll be fine.

My theory is that by missing that male figure from your life you aren't quite sure what you're looking for or need cause you don't have a basis for it. Like people who are abused, typically grow up to be abusers because that's what they know. So maybe you don't know what a man should be in your life.

I would say you've done a good job so far and you will have it figured out eventually.

Also I give your mom credit for raising two girls on her own who turned out so well.

TheGodEmperorLeto · Answer

First, stop caring about being a virgin or not. Be happy you haven't given it away so easily like others and be happy whoever you share it with truly gets something special.

Second, life is about taking risks and dealing with the good and the bad. Pain is inevitable. But.. don't let the fear grip you and take hold of you.

"I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

... And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain."

Focus on what you enjoy, don't be shy to a guy you are interested in. Tell him how you feel, chances are he'll feel the same for you. If not, move on and find another. But, when you find someone, be sure they know you don't want to rush things, you want to take things slow and then do so. Don't let them pressure you or trick you into anything, don't give in, stick to your guns and make sure you don't find a jackass of a guy.

As for the fatherless thing, sadly, I've seen the gambit of women who are scared of everything (as you are) in terms of relationships cause of lack of daddies to those who are fearful of intimacy, but are total sluts because of their daddy issues. It's... depressing.

Blondblu · Answer

This is indeed a challenge and you actually nailed it when you identified that you "...feel like every guy is going to reject [you]." You have a very natural reaction to your father leaving that says, "...people (specifically men) I care about are going to leave me." Though not true, it is reasonable that you (and your sister) protect yourself by not allowing anyone (especially men) very much into your world. That combined with things your mother may have taught you (intentionally or inherently) and the common media perception that guys are dogs (sadly not far from a materialistic, self-centered world in which we live), likely has jaded your perception so completely that you are quite solid in your self-defense mode.

I would offer this: A. Don't be in a hurry to not be a virgin or single. Doing so could very well do more long-term damage. B. Start slow, but challenge yourself to take a chance in dating. Maybe include someone you trust (your sister maybe; maybe a friend) so that you feel safe and supported. C. don't beat yourself up over something that is natural and obvious. D. consider talking with a clergy-member, school counselor, or even a professional therapist to help you rebuild your understanding of yourself and those with whom you interact.

Again, to prevent greater long-term damage, don't be in a hurry.

Good luck!

mikalhernandez · Answer

A girl's first love is her father and it's through him that she learns how a man who loves her unconditionally should treat her with the respect she deserves. All children seem to always feel like they are at fault if either parent is upset which those with young children know that if your ever angry about something or even yourself for doing something clumsy like myself, children will immediately approach you and say, "I love you, daddy/mommy" in order to both comfort you and gauge whether or not you're upset with them. This becomes most evident in a divorce when children tend to believe that they were the cause of the break up. In the case of a father not being there for his daughter, she begins to feel that daddy isn't there or left because there's something wrong with her that made him not love her and will always seek validation from men and, once she figures out what she can do to get any kind of validation, she'll see that add the only way to get men to love her. It usually is sex related in nature, I'm assuming from the first guys showing any real interest in her were horny teenage boys going through puberty in high school. This also is the reason she chooses to date immature, abusive, jerks, because that's what high school boys are. Finally, there's the single mother stage. Even the shortest mother thinks she's a good one and feels that she did just fine without her dad, so her kids don't need one either. One very ugly trait that these women can possibly develop is becoming a sociopathic pathological liar, who thrives on the Steven and outside given to single mothers these days and will purposely sabotage relationships to get it back. They can't feel any real emotion for anybody but themself and will throw anybody under the bus to get what they want or cover a lie. Even their own children.

Anonymous · Answer

Mmmmmm well, different girls react in different ways. some will be so eager for a guys attention, aproval, and feelings of affection they will do anything, or do anyone. others only see the lack of trust they feel and despise men.

my neighbor (a guy) lived through the ordeal of his mom cheeting and now is a womanizer, a collage kid who sees women as untrustworthy, unloyal objects for his own sexual plesure.

One of my friends who lost his mo at a very young age is a responsible loyal and compassionate "gentleman"

so people who grow up without a parent are deffinately affected by it, sometimes its a problem, other times its a blessing,depends how YOU take it though.

With me, my father threw away his family when I was 7. because of what I felt toward (or rather AGAINST him) I am determined to be the Godly man, faithfull husband and caring father that he naver was.

twiggebitch · Answer

FIRST OF ALL... VIRGINS ARE COOL. AND UR NOT MISSING ANYTHING ON THE SEX SIDE.

2ND I ALSO DIDNT HAVE MY FATHER AND MY BROTHER IS MORE LIKE A STUPID SISTER.. IN CONCLUSION IM SUPER AWARE/PICKY ABOUT GETTING WITH JUST ANY AVERAGE JOE. ID RATHER BE SINGLE FOREVER THAN BE IN BAD COMPANY...OR PUT UP WITH SOME GUYS BULLSHIT.. I DONT TRUST GUYS CUZ THERE SLEEZE BALLS ... UNLESS THERE CHRISTIAN BUT I STILL HAVENT FOUND ONE..

I DO HAVE A HANDFUL OF GUY FRIENDS AND I LOVE THEM ALL. THEY HAVE MY BACK.. ITS MY CHOSEN FAMILY BESIDES MY SPIRITUAL FAMILY... OH I ALSO CHOSE TO ACCEPT THE LORD CUZ HE IS THE ONLY MAN THAT IS FAITHFUL, KEEPS HIS PROMISES.. AND IS GOOD. AND I BELIEVE THAT IF A MAN LOVES JESUS TOO.. THEN THAT IS A GOOD MAN : )

Anonymous · Answer

I'm sorry :( I was once in love with a girl whose father died at a young age. There was always something off with her, like she didn't want to get close. And anytime there was even a minor problem with our relationship (just the usual minor stuff that happens), she'd lose her mind, to a frightening degree.

She wound up being just atrocious to me, even though I didn't do anything wrong. And it just made me so sad, because I loved her so much and all I wanted was to make her life happy, to make up for how painful her childhood had been.

But it just didn't work. She can't be close to a man, she can't be with a man she's in love with. The fear of getting hurt or abandoned was just too strong.

Anonymous · Answer

You might be worrying yourself more than is due... could there be some other factor involved? Does it have to do something with the fact that you both don't have a brother?

I grew up in a sisterless home, and was terribly shy of girls for quite a while! (My friends thought I was gay!) When my sister-in-law came into the family, that helped me become a bit less gawky. Later, I learnt to cope with girls...

Now, the fact that I'm not one of those sex-fiends and treat them as equal makes it very easy for me to deal with a number of women. Many are my good friends. Of course, I'm not one who believes in promiscuous relationship and nearly 99% of these relations are platonic... which I think are best anyway! After all, one needs just one or two relationships, in my view.

zagor · Answer

Based on a couple girls I knew whose dads bailed when they were in single digit ages, I would say the second one...

One I knew in college, and used to talk bitterly about how she hadn't seen her dad since she was 7; last I heard she was a lesbian, and a prosecuter! So she wasn't just avoiding men, she was putting their ass in jail.

Another had some really bizarre ideas about men, and was in her mid-twenties, a virgin, and never in a serious relationship.

So yeah, I think Dads are important in a girls life; it has a lot to do with how they see men, and whether they trust them.

ladyrara26 · Answer

I had a dad that was very distant.

I feel like I don't trust men at all, nor can I have a close relationship with anyone. I haven't really let any guy close to me and if it begins, I step away from that guy.

me and my sisters all have low self esteem issues

Kenz97 · Answer

I have never met my father, I've never had a stepfather, and I don't have any siblings.  I can tell you right now, I know I date to fill that void.  Everytime I go through a breakup, it's like the wound is reopened.  I feel that rejection and it hurts like nothing I can explain.  There's not a day that goes by that I don't see someone or hear something that makes me wonder what a man's love feels like.  I've considered selling my body because I worry I'll never get the positive relationship with a man, so why not take the negative one? Better than no relationship right? No.  I'll never allow a child of mine to live their life without their father.  It never goes away and most people will never understand.

Anonymous · Answer

I remember reading in a sociology class that a large percentage of lesbian women come from broken families. I guess they have a hard time trusting men.

Also a lot of "nice guys" usually have an unhealthly close bond with their mothers. They also didn't have a very close bond with their dads. Not sure if it effects their sexuality but I can see how it makes them more sensitive and worried about pleasing women which is ironically not very manly.

Anonymous · Answer

I was thinking about this. I realized that all the women I've dated have had an absent father. It's weird because I didn't know about this stuff until we were getting more serious. (Difficult subject for some.) I'm not sure if I'm attracted to women that don't have dad's which I don't think it's true lol. Point is, from dating women without that father figure, I learned that they can never be or feel alone. They always need a companion, maybe to fill the void of love that's missing from the dad? I noticed jealousy to be a bug issue in my relationships too. They let you in too easily as well (sexually, no I never took advantage that, just an observation). It's a mixture of a lot of things. My last girlfriend was two years ago. Since then I've dated around, nothing serious, vut my ex girlfriend has had 4 ex boyfriends since then. I hope the best for her.

Anonymous · Answer

I was pretty much fatherless and when he was around it wasn't good.I dated guys but found myself not getting close to really anyone.Guys would love me and I wouldn't love them back until I met my now fiance.And now I have the opposite problem.I can't get enough of him and love spending every minute with him.I realize this isn't healthy either and I'm trying to work through it. Make sure you know and love yourself and have an awareness of what you bring to the table. Awareness is a good start.

reflex · Answer

From my experience with past gfs without a father figure is that they are more clingy and fall for a guy fast.

Wassup · Answer

Damn I guess I should keep note of all these things.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm not fatherless, but I've never lived with him. I see him a couple of times a year.

Well I've had times when I used to party around and rebel against my parents. I got wasted and I couldn't care less when my mom yelled at me. I dated around a lot because I wanted to feel loved and worthy by a guy and craved the attention that men would give me.

Anonymous · Answer

They can, but not all do. It just depends on your circumstances. And your willingness to work through issues. Good luck.

Anonymous · Answer

yes, fatherless girls become sluts who f*** f*** and f*** some more to fill the void of a masculine figure they never had.

shemale · Answer

do you like older men?

Guys girls: do fatherless girls have problems with men?

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