Self-Righteous boyfriend help?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years now and we have had our ups and downs. I have a problem with talking to my boyfriend. He always nit-picks at me about the stuff I do and when I try to tell HIM things that I don't like there is always an excuse. He says that he's been that way forever but it confuses me because I've been me my whole life also and I still make change to make this relationship work. He gets angry when I prove him wrong ( I don't do it meanly) or when I correct him on something. What really worries me is that ALL of the relationships in the past, he says was the girlfriend's fault...now I'm not too sure about that. What are some ways to talk to him that won't make him angry?

[gentlemanattbay]

I can see why you and your boyfriend have had your ups and downs.

First off, you should be questioning yourself as to whether or not you want to be in a non-reciprocal relationship in the first place.

Second, it is now a pattern of behavior if all of his problems with relationships in the past have been his girlfriend's fault. Because it has happened again and again proves he is wrong. His assigning and redirecting /deflecting blame like this is not okay;it is unfair, and he is the common denominator in his own bad linear equation.

If you want to talk to him so that you won't make him angry,

you must do it in a positive and constructive way, as in, "it would be better is you had said or did such and such"

If he doesn't change, you need to consider liquidating this position, for your own mental health.

[Asker]

I do talk to him in a positive way without trying to make him feel attacked. This whole time he has always said that "all girls are crazy" and he's been deflecting the blame on me. This is not a healthy relationship it it will most likely end...soon

[gentlemanattbay]

Not "all girls are crazy" because no two girls are alike.

He must be simple or something, because that is a very simplified view of the world,

and the girls who are in it.

Think about that which is right for you and what you deserve out of a relationship.

Being treated fairly and respectfully are two of those things.

You are not getting these here.

You are meeting him part way in the relationship by making changes and compromises.

He isn't.

Any questions, mail me back.

[Anonymous]

What do you hope to accomplish by talking to him? Do you hope you can convince him to stop being how he is?

You're right to look at his track record and wonder. He sounds like the type of person that can absolutely never be wrong, even if he clearly is. I seriously doubt you will ever change him. The best shot he has at changing would be therapy or the will internally to want to change, but both seem doubtful.

Honestly, I would probably start considering where you see this relationship going. Are you going to be happy to live the rest of your life like this? Probably not, so why stay in this declining relationship?

I know it's never fun to end a relationship, especially after 2 years, but sometimes two people just aren't meant for each other.

[cd112]

i think you should end it, with people like that it will always be "the other persons fault" you won't e able to talk to him about it without making him mad as youve seen so far and that won't change, he's insicure, that's all there is too it and since he's insicure then he's going to always say its different when he does something even though he just got mad at you for doing the same thing and make you feel like you can never win and are always wrong. oh and I'm sure he's kinda controlling when it comes to things like this and the talks you guys have? then he probly also always wants to be in control all the time but you can't be in a good and healthy relationship and have someone in the relationship acting like that, that will put a lot of un needed stress and worry in your life, your still young, end it and find someone who deserves you, not this guy.

[MrScTi]

It's best to end this relationship. He will always be angry, because in his mind he is right and the world is wrong. I know a person just like this and he happens to be my step-dad. My mom has had it with his condescending "self righteous" demeanor. Wouldn't you know it, he had 3 previous wives and all of which were apparently "defective." There is something seriously wrong with people who refuse to admit fault, and defer the blame to others. This type of person is meant to live alone, so they can constantly remind themselves how righteous they really are.

[browolf]

You can't go around for ever holding back what you really think. That's no basis for a relationship.