Will telling a guy "You don't look good with beard" lower his self-esteem?

[Anonymous]

My friend always had stubble beard & it suits his calm & charming personality.
Today I met him after 6 months. During the lockdown, he grew his beard too much. It doesn't suit him at all. So I told him the truth & told him to shave.
He laughed & said that "it's just an experiment & I'll shave when this lockdown ends".
Well, he's my best friend & he understands that I only want good for him. But I'm just worried, did I say something wrong? Was it hurtful? How would you feel if you were in his place?

Updates

+1 y

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I met him today and he actually shaved, which was a bit surprising. 😅

[WhisperSoftly]

Best friends often share their opinions concerning the choices, stylings and lives of their counterparts. If he’s truly your best friend, he’ll understand that your opinion is just that -an opinion. He responded with a laugh, so it does not appear that he was offended. However, if he is hiding the fact that he was offended, you may soon find out through subtle to major changes in his attitude and interaction with you. Watch out for those changes and address them accordingly. But, the best way to tell is to simply ask him how he honestly felt about your comment. Although it does not sound like it was hurtful, be careful when offering unsolicited opinions concerning someone’s personal decisions on their own appearance. It could be a sensitive subject with him and it seems as though you are sensing something. After all, someone he may be dating might like it, and that person’s opinion would matter more than yours. If I were in his place, it wouldn’t bother me if it were the first or second time. However, too many opinions along those lines can develop into a problem. Again, just ask him about it, apologize if necessary and put your worry to rest. This should not damage your friendship at this point. Good luck!

[WhiteSteve]

Well, it’s a lot better than saying you look better WITH a beard, lmao, that I’d take as a shot at my looks. I hear women say guys look worse after taking off their beards and it’s kinda like “bro... your face... it’s better when we can’t see it”😂 So if I had facial hair and people told me I looked better without it, I’d give the opinion some weight in terms of deciding what I wanted for myself, but I wouldn’t be hurt by the idea that what really amounts to an “accessory” isn’t working for me. I’ll choose to take that as “you are far too handsome to be hiding your face with a beard”😝 It sounds like your friend took it in stride though, I wouldn’t worry too much. I’m growing my hair out during all this madness, it probably looks worse than my usual clean-cut appearance, but on the other hand, 2020 is the Year Of The Savage👹, so what better time to experiment? I have a mask on in public, only friends would really recognize me, who cares? I’ll cut it when we’re back to normal and impressing people is back on my mind. But this year, all bets are off, so I’m just gonna air out with my hair out, lmao

[Jaximus-Lion]

No! It will not lower my self esteem if someone make such a comment on my beard
Will it lower your self esteem if someone tells you to change your hair color or your hair cut?
I have been bearded for a long time and i heard it all, the comments the jokes and what they think an opinion where they never asked if it's something i want to do. If he wants to keep the beard! His face his choice, why make it a big deal. Does it matter if your best friend looks good or not with their facial hair?
Don't assume am angry but it's just simple as that.

[Asker]

I wouldn't think too much if someone asked me change hairstyle, but if someone says that my hairstyle looks weird/doesn't suite me, I'll definitely check in the mirror what's wrong with it. 😅

[Jaximus-Lion]

Exactly so. So maybe he likes it the way it is or as he said (experiment ) he will let sit and he will make up his mind later, maybe he likes the beard, did you ask him if he likes it?

[Asker]

I did. He said "just an experiment". I hope he'll shave it or at least trim it a little bit. Because he looks way too older than his age.

[userna186858]

Will telling a guy "You don't look good with beard" lower his self-esteem?
personally no i will just think that you don't like me with beard

did I say something wrong?
no you just said what you was thinking

Was it hurtful?
nop , a punch in the face is hurtful

How would you feel if you were in his place?
i will feel good , you shared your opinion and that will help me be a better person

but those are only my thoughts , why don't you just ask him?

[Asker]

Thank you for the opinion!
I was gonna talk to him. Then I thought if he forgot about my opinion, I don't wanna bother him by bringing this topic again.

[Oigit]

Though I can't say that your friend took what you said as a negative or positive.

I can say that. I have had one for several years now and I wouldn't be bothered if someone said they didn't like it or if I would look better without it. Though it did seem weird when No Shave November kicked off. Because when I meet new people, some would assume I had it because of it. Several people where surprised that I did even know NSN was a thing and didn't care about it. At this point I'm going full ZZ Top or Gimli.

[ZackBan]

Why would something that's easily fixed lower someone's self esteem.
Its not like you said "you don't look good because you're short" Now that's something he can't fix and would be hurtful to hear but a beard is a style just like any accessory someone wears.
Plus take it from someone who's had a full beard full time for almost 5 years now, we get many opinions every day: some people envy me and others tell me it's not their style but since I can't please everyone I chose to please myself and those who agree with me.

[GoodManDave]

Depends on the guy, who you are to the guy, and what others say (sometimes)...
If they have some self-respect, they'll probably listen, then do their own thing. They may keep it, or they may shave it. Just keep in mind, even if he values your opinion somewhat, he still might not change it. Maybe he likes the look, maybe everyone's been telling him he looks amazing with one... who knows? His face, his rules. ;)

Now, with some guys, it could ruin their self-esteem, but that's pretty silly, and not your fault if it does. It's like being offended. As long as your not a jerk about how you say something, and you're not trying to hurt him, and he still gets offended, well, not much you can do about that. But that self-esteem would have to be pretty fragile for your opinion to affect him like that, especially over a look. It's fine to have a preference, and if he doesn't think so, well, that's silly.

[rjroy3]

Depends on the guy and if he prides himself on his beard. If someone said that to me I'd think (and probably say) "you're the only one that thinks so" with a smirk and be done with that. Moving the conversation along lol.

But if he's a guy that gives more weight to your opinion it might effect him somewhat. At the very least make him question his appearance and if others feel the same as you.

Like if I had 2 or 3 female friends tell me my shirt looks like crap and to get a new one. I'd probably just go along with that. Because I want other girls to be attracted to me and I respect their opinion enough to see it as good judgement on their part vs thinking of it as being about me.

[Anonymous]

You would get same answer from me as I do same thing,...

I had no oprtunity before to let it grow, now I'm at home so much and only leave house for some shopping and I have to wear mask there...

I probably will shave it anyway in the end or will see how it looks for few weeks when it is properly cut by Barber (now they are not allowed to touch it in UK)

I would not find it offesive or bad from your side, as this is how I started to feel about this experiment lately... I just don't know what I'm doing with it and online does not help as there mainly guys with perfect beard showing off, when mine is far from perfect...

[BeMuse]

I wouldn’t care. If I want to shave I will if I don’t I won’t. It would not impact my self-esteem at all. I’d probably laugh as well because you think it’s something you have control over. If anything my I’d think this girl is crazy, she’s not even dating me and she’s trying to change me. Mental note: Don’t ever date her.

[DeeToPlay]

Firstly what and how you say anything depends on the type of friendship you share with the beard offender and his particular sensitivity to criticism. I have no beard presently so that gave me the opportunity to discover whether the new woman who's opinion is paramount to me when deciding to grow or not grow my facial hair. Believe it or not men have feelings to. Therefore a little tact goes a long way with delicate subjects.

[humanearth]

..
It just looked different to you. You always seen with stubble. Now with a full beard. it's going to look strange.

Now if you seen it from day one and watched it grow. It might seem different

[Asker]

Yeah but I'd definitely tell him to shave. He only pays attention to his hair & beard when it's grown too much.
Before lockdown when we used to see eachother every day, I used to remind him to cut his hair, shave or stop chewing fingernails & cut it properly.

[humanearth]

My beard used to look something like this. Before my face and head caught on fire last March. Now I forced to start over

[Friendlybro79]

I don't think your intent was bad based on how you're stating concern about hurting your friends feelings. It sounds like you really know him and can be this open. My personal feeling typically is to leave comments about how someone looks to yourself unless they ask you.

Since you're really good friends you could let him know that you didn't mean to be so blunt and that he's a handsome sob beard or not lol.

[Danny_dan92]

It wouldn’t for me lmfaoo cause I have discovered recently that I look more manly and less of a bitch with facial hair.


I don't know, maybe I have thick skin.


But a few girls told me this and I looked myself in the mirror thinking.


Yeah, I have a baby face with no hair.


Plus, men are known to have facial hair. So it goes without saying

[TruthBringer]

The thing is, you may dislike it, but others will like it. So saying he doesn't look good in it is your own opinion. He might aswel find a lady willing to date him with one. I dated girls who dislike beards and girls who love beards. Even though I never got told I don't look good in a beard, if someone tells me that, it would mean nothing to me.

[vcidskvte]

Sometimes it's better to keep your opinions to yourself. No one likes it when their physical traits are nitpicked, when they actually choose to look that way. It'd be the same as criticizing your new dyed hair you spent a month deciding on. It's up to the person, not everyone has thick skin though, and even then, you always have somebody who cuts through any layer with their sharp words. Keep it to yourself, at least spend a couple minutes with it in your mind before saying it. Revise it, think of it and if you want to say it. It's an idea beyond simply being opinionated, but having thoughtfulness and respect.

[Adam1978]

Beards is something you get used to a person that change it, will require some adjustment time before you accept it. If he always had beard you will think he looked odd without it. So in most cases it's a opinion based on what your used too. So guys shouldn't listen to opinions regarding beards. If they like a style it will become their natural look given enough years. People simply need to adjust their image of you to match and that has some friction.

[JackSmy]

Seems a lot of women think that they have a lot of power over a guy's appearance, and it just isn't so for some of us! WE choose, and we do what we do, and do you like unsolicited opinions on YOUR appearance, and how you look?
I'm not sure why so many women seem to think that they should be telling men what they SHOULD wear, or how they SHOULD look and if they SHOULD have a beard.
Why, Ladies, why do you think he wants to hear that?

[pepperhicks]

I think you are a good friend to look out for him. Beards are a tricky thing, they really need to be tight and right to look good. A good way to address it is to find a barber - NOT a salon, but a barber where only men go - and recommend the spot to him. Once he is in there he will see that a mess of a beard is not cool.

[offstagejeans]

It shouldn't be hard to encourage him to shave his beard without explaining your opinion that he doesn't look good. Remember.. His beard is something that you're not into. That does not mean he looks bad with it. It's subjective. It's not for you, that's all.. So You should just be honest to him about what you like. Express your personal desire because in the end satisfying your desire is your hope. in this case that may be the feel of his smooth face against yours. Whatever it is, as long as it's sincere. I personally think sincerity is a powerful tool in communication and would be a good practice for anyone. Hope this makes sense

[WhereAmI]

You're being overly sensitive. He implied didn't care with his laughing, so treat it that way. There's no hidden meaning so you're turning a mole hill into a mountain.

[Asker]

He's the kind of guy who accepts insults with a smile & keeps it all inside. If I hurt him indirectly, he'll never let me know. That's why I'm worried.
Also I said that in a few days he'll start to look like a caveman. Now I feel bad about it.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

It probably won't lower his self esteem, but it might expose a lack of self esteem. If he has high self esteem he'll probably laugh it off like "oh you don't know what you're missing out on", if he has low self esteem already then he'll probably get insecure over the beard and maybe even shave it off next time you see him (which, ironically, would only make you even LESS attracted, since he's shown how easily you can control him)

[Kreneman]

It all depends on how you say it and I don't think you said it in way that would low his self esteem. I know if grew my beard too much and I don't take care of myself, I know I would look rough like a thug. Lol

[mmv99]

I think that it's good that you told the truth but I think it all depends on how you say it.

There is a big difference between"Yuck shave that thing" and "Personally I prefer shaven"

[matt_gymrat]

Did you listen to what he fucking said. 😂🤦🏼‍♂️

It's all there.

[Asker]

I did, but he never says what he's feeling.

[matt_gymrat]

He did say and I quote “it's an experiment it'll come off when lockdown is over”. Take this as, he likes beards he likes the way they look. he's seeing if he can grow one. No more no less.

So if he's crying about what you said than I don't think he deserves the beard. 😂

[SjE78]

really depends on whether they guy is easily upset or overly self conscious... or whether they want to only hear about positive things and can actually handle constructive criticism

[triff]

I certainly wouldn't feel hurt if someone like you informed me so I would take her advice and probably conform to her wishes Knowing she had my best interests at heart

[RingOfFire]

Depends on how you say it. If you say "You don't look good without a beard," that's kind of harsh and offensive.

It's an opinion, not a fact. So if you state it as a fact, it comes off as offensive.

An inoffensive way to say it might be "I prefer the way you look without a beard." I think this is less likely to cause a negative reaction.

[SuccessfulHornDog]

There was a pretty young blonde at work with beautiful long hair. One day she got it cut and I told her that she looked better with long hair. a couple months later I apologized because after I got used to it I realized that it was still attractive.

[Anonymous]

Maybe for dudes with low self esteem or when they keep hearing it repeatedly. People always tell me to shave my beard and I always respond with "Okay" so they shut up about it. If I like how it looks then I'm going to keep it. You might not like it and that's fine because it ain't for you.

[kmike2020]

depends on his confidence, if he is a guy that has thick skin and has been through what we call fire n ice then not at sll , he should be open minded to that opinion if it is from someone that is important,, but if he is a panzie pants then yes ,, ! nd he might even cry

[Blueeyes81]

I'd tell her her mustache doesn't suit her and she should wax it. I've had a beard for 20 some years and have a female friend who hates beards and would tell me I should shave it everytime I saw her. It gets old fast. So I told her to ditch the stache. Guess what, it worked (mostly anyway, she still has to give her unsolicited opinion for time to time.)