Guys, can you fall for a married woman?

[Anonymous]

Here is the breakdown of my situation.

Guy =21(single. Never had a girlfriend)
Girl= 30 (taken)
His & Her Relationship= Been close a few years. Became friends by fellow family members. Never done anything sexual.

How he acts:
-Always reaching out to see her
-Tells her everything & keeps her updated on everything going on in life (even on girls he meets)
-Is flirtatious with her
-Touchy (gives hugs, grabs arm, feet, and gives innocent brushes)
- Will stare at her when she is not looking
- Has deep convos with her and trust her completely (per his quote)
-Will tell her about girls he comes across and ask her advice
-Used to be really into her when they first met

Questions is. How does he feel for her? Is it friendship? Romance? Lust? Crush?

[Derekk]

It's definitely possible and I have before. I think what makes it healthy vs unhealthy is the circumstances of the other person. When it happened to me, the married woman in question was deeply unhappy and looking for a way out. I think if she had been happily married and in love with her husband, it would be hard to develop feelings knowing that she goes home to somebody who she loves.

I think that if he's persistent even knowing the circumstances of your marriage, it means that he's either VERY unhappy and lonely and looking for companionship, romantic or otherwise, or he thinks that he's better suited to making you happy than your husband. If he falls in group #2, it might be time for a serious conversation.

[Asker]

He’s never had a girlfriend before and I know he wants a companion deeply. But girls never seem to last longer than a week or two.

I know I am a constant in his life. And maybe I am more of a sister to him. But sometimes I feel like he may want more—

[Asker]

? what do think

[Derekk]

My gut feeling is that he would take whatever you would give him, and that his comfort with you might be fulfilling him enough to the point that he doesn't care to pursue a relationship with another woman. If you care about him, maybe gently ask him what his plans are for his future relationships, and try to suss out whether he's getting too comfortable with you or not. I doubt he's madly in love with you, but I think the attachment goes beyond basic friendship. I can't be certain though of course.

[Asker]

Well, he has told me he wants companionship and of course a relationship. But his luck with women has been negative. He gets a girl- then it fizzles out in a week or two. Girls usually ghost him.
He deff puts himself out there- and of course tells me all the details lol because he "tells me everything". SO thats when I get confused if I"m like a sister orrrr if he got feels.

I will say he was probably lusting after me in the beginning but has calmed down with the major flirting and touching. But we do have an emotional connection for sure. And he does like to see me often.

[Derekk]

He's feeling something for you and would probably happily go along with any kind of relationship you suggested.

[Asker]

Well it obviously has to remain brotherly/sisterly lol
So. You're saying he would love to be with me, but because he can't, he will settle with anything he can get?

[Derekk]

That's likely the case yes. He may be attached to you, and the attention and affection he gets from you is likely keeping him from being motivated enough to really work at securing and keeping a relationship. That would take work, and sometimes you have to be lonely to really want to overcome it.

[Asker]

Hmmm. Well that makes me sad to think. I do know before COVID he was out at the clubs and really trying! Or thats what he says.. lol. Maybe I need to back off so he can totally move on

[Derekk]

I'd try to confirm it first. But it's likely he needs a push yeah. Expect him to really fight to keep in contact though.

[Asker]

How do I confirm things? Without asking directly haha

[Derekk]

Maybe try and bait out some comments that can help to confirm things. Tell him positive but true things about how you feel about him. Say that he's a good friend, a nice influence, he makes you laugh, etc. See how he responds. If he gets sappy or sentimental about how he feels and tries to use that as a springboard into something else, then you know where his head is at. Just make sure that you don't lie about how you actually feel when you make those comments :)

[Asker]

Well this kinda happened a few months ago. We met up to grab a bite and he said:
Him- I know ur busy and you prob got things to do than listen to me haha
Me- no. I’d much rather be here than with your mom. Haha

Later that day

Me- I know you don’t wanna hear all the details—
Him- of course I want to hear everything you have to say

We usually just have fun and pick around all the time. Laughing and stuff. That was the first time we’ve been THAT sweet haha.

[Derekk]

Yeah I think he's definitely attached to you. He also seems nice enough to keep women interested so that also gives credence to the idea that his relationships aren't working because maybe he doesn't really need them to work.

[Asker]

I think he’s also very immature as well. And plays it maybe too cool with girls. I don't know. He definitely gets girls into him because he’s tall and attractive- but he has a quirky and dark sense of humor (like me. We mesh well). Some girls don’t get it.

[Tstrbrainer]

Yes, definitely we can fall for a married woman.

In this case, I can't tell what's going on inside his head, but you are dealing with a risky topic and if you really want your marriage to stay peacefully, better not to have any type of friendship/conversation with him that your husband will not approve.

This comes from a guy, who had crushed on older women, his flirting is an obvious red flag if you value your current marriage.

Him bringing up other girls in your conversation : he might be trying get to know women. That's all or he is indirectly asking how to impress you.

[Asker]

I have no plans on doing anything, trust me lol. Even if I was single I wouldn't go for him.
But- we are close and I adore him, hell, even love the guy.

I'm just unsure what he is feeling and try to tell myself 'if he is talking girls- he can't like you" I am very confused! lol

[Tstrbrainer]

I'm not accusing you, 😅 I'm trying to point out that there is a chance that he can use your emotional attachment with him to get you to sleep with him.

If you have seen movies or read novels or erotic stories, you can understand it more.

[Tstrbrainer]

Him talking to other girls is not a relevant point here

[Asker]

But I don’t think he wants sex. We have a deep friendship. Yes I will say in the beginning he seemed like he was lusting after me but he calmed wayyyy down. And hell- according to the girls he shows me. I am NOT his type.

[Tstrbrainer]

Most majority of the guys will not say no to sex. It is good if you are not his type, but when I used to crush on older women, they were also not the type I'd be willing to marry.

It is cool as long as you can say no to him.

[Asker]

Well of course I can say no. But do you think he only wants to see me and spend time with me because his end goal is sex?

[Tstrbrainer]

Maybe, maybe not. He might also see a friend in you. I can't tell. I don't want to ruin a friendship, but I also want to point out how most majority of us guys think.
As long as you feel that it's cool and as long as you feel that your husband would be okay with whatever you are discussing with him, it's safe.

Try to avoid innocent brushes though, they are not exactly innocent in my opinion

[mindNsoul]

If I'm in a relationship I don't entertain men who show interest. You said he used to like you more and now he is more respectful. With all due respect it is your job to draw boundaries and not play with fire. If a younger 20 yr old woman liked your husband and was all touchy Feely around him and sharing her dating and sex life with him. Would that be okay with you?

[Nawlins34]

You see all of this and you still don't know? I think you know, you just want validation.

You already know the answer and you know what you have to do.

[Asker]

I truly don’t. It’s so confusing. And others on GAG have different opinions as well.

Then why bring up the girls so often?

[Nawlins34]

He's bringing up girls because a 21yr old doesn't know the signs of jealousy when he's looking into your eyes and reading your reactions.

But he's doing that because he considers you as both a friend and something potentially more. It could be genuine and he doesn't know he's causing it.

[LeoElias]

Definitely lust. A guy that young isn't looking for anything serious. She would be throwing her marriage away for a immature fling. This fling would ruin their friendship because after he ends it, it will be awkward to stay in contact.

[Asker]

But I don’t think he wants sex. We have a deep friendship. Yes I will say in the beginning he seemed like he was lusting after me but he calmed wayyyy down. And hell- according to the girls he shows me. I am NOT his type.

[LeoElias]

A guy will never turn down sex. If you offer to sleep with him, he'll take it. You forget but men are animals.

[Asker]

Well of course I can say no. But do you think he only wants to see me and spend time with me because his end goal is sex?

[LeoElias]

Right now your relationship is just a friendship. He won't overstep it. It's up to you if you want to cross that line. You will be the only one that will start it into something. If guys could have sex whenever they wanted like how easy it is for women, then guys would be having sex all the time. But nothing will happen because the woman has all the power.

[Naxwi]

Is there reason to believe there is more to it for him?

[Asker]

Yes and no.
It’s so difficult to put 3 years worth of behavior in a paragraph. He definitely was lusting for me in the beginning - and I feel a vibe he is still into me but I’m not sure.

[Naxwi]

Yeah I understand 😂

I mean he can be into you and just be friends with you from what I read, and you don't seem to want to give him too much hope, so if he is good with his emotions and can sit with it I don't see the problem with it.

[Asker]

Yeah I just can’t tell what he’s feeling. Kinda seeing if others could give me their opinion. So. What you think he’s feeling?

[Naxwi]

Well as a guy you don't get many emotional viewpoints on love and how to act on it so most do anything they can come up with.

There are some who try to win an established friendship over into a relationship but it mostly has to do with emotional maturity in my opinion.

If you had suspicion of attraction before I think that doesn't just leave but it can be seen in a different light

[Naxwi]

Not the suspicion but the attraction

[Naxwi]

I'm more curious as to why it is something you are/seem curious about.

[Avicenna]

Hell no. That's someone else's wife.

At most in this case it's lust on his part

[Asker]

But isn’t lust just a sexual desire with no emotion? Because we have the emotional connection with zero sex.

[Avicenna]

He wouldn't be touching you if there were no lust, plus he used to be into you. That's telltale.

[Asker]

Yes back when he was it was super obvious. But he’s cut back a ton on flirting and touching. Wayyyy more respectful now.

Also how do you explain him talking about girls will me all the time? It’s not jealousy he’s trying.

[Avicenna]

He can want a girlfriend or be fooling around with other girls and still want to have sex with you.

[Asker]

So you think he just wants sex?
It’s funny because I don’t fit his type at all.
I was mainly hoping he saw me as a big sister.

[Avicenna]

Yup, he just wants sex. I can see a guy wanting it with a "big sister".

[Asker]

I can’t see the sex for some reason. We have been very close for 4 years. And he only just recently gave me a hug. And it’s a simple one side hug lol.

[Avicenna]

Well, guys do imagine themselves having sex with women, as improbable as it will be that they can with that particular woman.

[Asker]

So no matter what I’m a sexual symbol for him?
Can’t he care for me and feel that way? Or it’s all just sex?

[Avicenna]

Well, in this case I don't see any romantic attraction, although he obviously likes you, since you're married. But there is definitely lust.

[Asker]

Ok. Wow funny how I thought opposite. I felt like he has deep feels for me. But because I’m obviously not available he’s moving on with girls his age.

[Avicenna]

That's what it sounds like to me.

[KingDio]

He's into her , more then lust and say right on attracted , possibly more

[Asker]

Then why the other girls so much? He’s dating and telling her everything about them. How can he want her?

[KingDio]

Because she is in a relationship... only few people would not care so maybe a hint from her persuade him

[Asker]

Soooo he has deep feelings for her--- but knows it won't happen so he keeps it friendly?

[KingDio]

Some thing like that yes , If he's talking about all these girls there is one common theme that she isn't seeing... these girls arnt lasting long with him so you could say"they arnt who he's looking for " ... so her or him needs to up it or it's going stay like this till he does find something "just like her"

[KingDio]

Plus as I said no one except those who don't give a shit " fucks with a man's wife " if know what I mean

[Asker]

So why I think his feels are gone

-he was easily able to say he loves me a few months ago
-he is inviting me to be around his friends more (asked me to their party in March- October- and now playing online games)
- he talks to me wayyy more via text
- he’s actively pursuing women

[Wise4myage]

Of course that can happen and he might have a thing for older women. You best keep yourself in check around this guy.

[Asker]

What do you think he is feeling?

[Wise4myage]

He wants to sleep with you.

[Asker]

But I don’t think he wants sex. We have a deep friendship. Yes I will say in the beginning he seemed like he was lusting after me but he calmed wayyyy down. And hell- according to the girls he shows me. I am NOT his type.

[Wise4myage]

Ok, well just hang out then and see where it leads.

[Browneye57]

Your relationship status is irrelevant to a guy that desires you. Period.

[Asker]

Yeh. But he’s out dating other girls. Even had a date today lol. So. That tells me he has moved along

[Browneye57]

Which changes nothing I said.

[Asker]

Soooo I’m taken. He can’t have me. But you’re saying he can still date other women but still like me?

[Asker]

Also he ask my advice on the girls lol

[Browneye57]

Yes, of course he can. Love is not exclusive - you can want more than one at a time. DAMHIK

[Dchrls78104]

Any guy that gets involved, or falls in love, with a married woman, is a fool and a masochist.

[Asker]

What do you think he is feeling for my situation?

[andy530]

Yeah it’s very possible he is into you. Guys can fall for taken women it happens all the time

[Asker]

So him bringing up the girls is becsuse he’s obviously going to date around?
He actually has a date this weekend. He asked me if he should go for her and I pushed him to do it. But still curious how he feels for me

[andy530]

He very well could have feeling a for you but knows your taken so figures that nothing will ever happen between you two

[Asker]

And that’s the reality I suppose.
But he can still keep those feels?

[tfunk90]

Yes they can but the underlying question is are you happy with your marriage or would you rather risk loosing that to get with this other guy

[Asker]

Oh no I’m good with my marriage. It’s me trying to figure HIM out

[tfunk90]

Thats fair, I would say that a guy can fall for a married woman and depends on the type of guy he will either back off when it happens and stay friends or he may try and be subtle or even blunt but try and get her to have feelings for him

[Asker]

Yea. I think he’s definitely respecting me. ESP since he’s talking to me about other girls and stuff.

[tfunk90]

Sounds like he is being fairly respectful but if you notice otherwise it doesn't hurt to just make it clear that your not wanting anything further than being friends

[Anonymous]

Well I lost my virginity to a married woman. Not proud of that but it was what it was at the time and I’ve moved on.

[Asker]

Hey it happens. So. What do you think of my situation?

[Asker]

Any thoughts on my situation?

[Anonymous]

Yes. But because she is married I try to stay away from temptation.

[Asker]

Do you still feel this way? How long? Does she know?

[Opinion Owner]

Sometimes. Since I met her. I hope not.

[Asker]

How long ago did you meet her? Lol
Are you single?

[Opinion Owner]

6 years ago; and yes I'm still single.

[Asker]

Wow. So. What do you think of my situation?

[Opinion Owner]

It sounds like you are playing with fire if you entertain any of his advances.

[Asker]

I haven’t at all. I’m just so confused about how he feels. Like he talks about girls almost each time I see him. And I obviously give advice and listen. Did you used to tell your woman about other girls?

[Opinion Owner]

No; but I'm autistic.

[Asker]

Okay. So what’s your final verdict on my situation?

[Opinion Owner]

Put a little distance between you two so his feelings for you can die down to an appropriate level.

[Anonymous]

IT seems like a clear situation he likes you and yes it is surely possible to fall for any beautiful woman i, married or not

[Asker]

Then why bring up the girls so often?

[Opinion Owner]

maybe because he doesn't hope get you anymore?

[Asker]

I’m sure he knows him and I aren’t going to happen lol. But was curious if he has feels for me still or lost them

[Opinion Owner]

well he really seems to adore you in most ways and I am sure you are a charming woman. So in a way I think is natural for a guy to act like this around a charming woman and maybe even hope for her love even if he can't get it.

[Opinion Owner]

I am pretty sure your beauty gives him a certain inner peace and I mean the complexity of you whole beauty as a woman not only physical one

[Anonymous]

Yes I really could, I would fall for you. Would be romance and lust... emotion and desire.

[Ripper_E]

It's possible to fall for a married woman.

[Asker]

Hey ripper!
What do you think of this situation?

[Ripper_E]

I can't speak to how he feels but it is possible to fall for someone who is married or in a relationship.

[DavidFox]

Yes I fell in love with a married woman.

[Asker]

Do you still feel this way? Does she know?

[DavidFox]

No I haven’t talked to her in a while. Don’t feel anything for her, that’s in the past.

[Asker]

Ok. Gotcha. Sooooo. What do you think of my situation?

[DavidFox]

The 21 year old has lust for you. Figure you are the married 30 year old. Are you horny thinking about him?

[Asker]

But isn’t lust just a sexual desire with no emotion? Because we have the emotional connection with zero sex. Like after years of friendship he just started doing the side gig with me. Lol.

No I dint want him.

[DavidFox]

By side gig do you mean having sex? Why have sex if you don’t find him sexually attractive?

[Asker]

Side hug* sorry lol.

[DavidFox]

lol ok no sex.. yet. Here’s the thing, thought you would know by now. Guys can compartmentalize feelings. So while he may have an emotional connection, he still would have sex if you let him. That’s the lust. But he doesn’t want a relationship with you, thus not a crush.

He tells you about other girls because he does want a relationship with someone else. Likely he’s wanting someone better looking than you are.

[Asker]

Ok. So he can care for me as a close friend. And he also has the desire to sleep with me?

But he doesn’t have a crush because I’m taken and the age gap.

[DavidFox]

You got it. He would go down on you and fuck you hard on a Saturday night if he got the chance. But Sunday morning he’s still single and still likes the emotional connection he has with you. You are still married so in some ways that feels safe to him because he’s confident if you did sleep with him he knows you wouldn’t want a relationship.

[Asker]

Oh but I’d feel he would love to be with me if I was single. No doubt. Lol. I remember 2 years ago he said as a “joke” divorce him and marry me”! He’s also said “I would treat you better than him”.

[DavidFox]

Lol that’s part of flirting. As you said hd asks about other girls. He’s not waiting for a divorce. But like you said you are not attracted to him anyway so what’s the reason to ask about him anyway?

[Sam_The_Savage]

I had sex with married woman.

[Asker]

Nice. What do you think of my situation? What’s he feeling?

[Asker]

Any thoughts on my situation?

[AmeerX]

I think it is just a friendship

[Anonymous]

not 'bout love, just sex.

[Asker]

But isn’t lust just a sexual desire with no emotion? Because we have the emotional connection with zero sex.

[Anonymous]

It's absolutely possible.

[Asker]

Yeah...
So. What do you think of my situation?

[Opinion Owner]

It's purely lust

[Asker]

But isn’t lust just a sexual desire with no emotion? Because we have the closeness with a deep emotional connection with zero sex.

[Opinion Owner]

Ya it is

[Asker]

So how is this lust?