When would you ghost a drinking buddy?

[Chris8586]

I have this old drinking buddy who always wants to come over to my place to drink after work rather than going home to his wife and kid.
- He always drinks the same gross whiskey and water and will absolutely not drink anything else.
- He drinks so often that he doesn't even get a buzz so what's the point? He's basically just an alcoholic.
- He wants to watch movies, but he never laughs at any comedy we watch, and no matter what I put on he says he's seen it already.
- He just wants to complain about work and bitch about his wife's family. This guy is no fun to drink with.

Ghost that guy!!

Keep him around because he brings whiskey sometimes.

[Adam1978]

I don't invite people I don't want around and if he doesn't want to be home he should divorce the wife, so he can drink in his bachelor place he needs to get after that.

[Chris8586]

I agree.
Back when I was married with a baby at home I definitely wasn't out drinking and trash talking her.
I legitimately wanted a wife and kid.
He's crazy. He's too much of a jerk to get a girlfriend here so he got her from overseas by bragging about all the money he has.
She's beautiful, but she thinks he's an asshole (Her words).
He complains to me that she only cares about his money. Well duh, LoL!
He got this beauty queen of a wife on the basic terms that he was going to give her and her family a better life, not because she was lonely.
I have to bite my tongue when he tells me his problems. I want to tell him that he basically got a mail order bride because he doesn't want to be nice to anyone and he's an idiot to expect ber to really love him. He thinks money and status are everything.

[Adam1978]

No no be honest with him that a good way for him to not complain around you anymore. If you do import a bride expect to import someone that arrives for a better life, not someone that will love you. That you must handle on your own. Which requires social skills and if you have that you don't need to import one you can get a local girl which match your preferences.

[Chris8586]

Exactly.
The crazy thing is that she's actually a pretty nice person and if he would just treat her with a bit more respect I bet she would make a great partner.
He likes to insult her and tell me how stupid she is just because she has an accent.
He's an idiot who couldn't learn her language, but calls her dumb for speaking broken English.
I just handle this guy, he's a waste of whiskey honestly.

[Adam1978]

You should only have good people around you, so if he needs to man up say so, either he does it or you will have a person less around you that you don't like and he will lose his wife asap as she got the opportunity to trade up. Because he is at the bottom so plenty of guys who is better of and which doesn't need to fork out the import fees.

[HighlyVolatile]

If I'm not having any fun then I'm going to drift off, maybe not hardcore ghosting but drift away until they become more fun again. Whiskey is cheap!

[HighlyVolatile]

And incessant complainers are not my style anyway. I figure they aren't benefitting from my attempts to cheer them up and so I think they'd do better with other company.

[Chris8586]

Yeah, I try to be positive and encourage him to enjoy spending some time with his wife's parents.
He doesn't see them often, they're from overseas, and just want to see what Canada is like.
He tells me not to talk that way, he basically hates his wife and her family. He's just a fucking whiny baby sometimes. His wife is nicer than mine was.

[HighlyVolatile]

I might be harsher than usual. In Japan where I'm from, it is considered especially in poor taste to complain a lot. I want to drag my friends out of hell but sometimes they refuse my offer and want to stay in hell and complain endlessly about it, and then I don't want to be dragged down with them.

Life should more fun than anything else as I see it! When someone forgets that and my attempts to remind them fail, I drift away and I don't think that's so unethical after my efforts. But my door is open once they remember how to have fun again.

[Chris8586]

That's a good strategy.
He's a very negative guy. He's very rich, has his own business and he's kind of the bossy type. He's rude to his wife and he talks like everyone who works with him is an idiot. He grew up with money though, so that's why he's so spoiled.
Yet he wants to hang out at my little bachelor pad with me. I actually am always close to financial ruin, I have an ex-wife from hell, but yet I never complain to him.
I crank up the tunes and I wanna, throw a, few back and have some laughs.
On the scale of all the drinking buddies I've had since highschool this guy is like a 3/10 in the fun department. I could literally get drunk by myself and have more fun. LoL!

[HighlyVolatile]

I wonder if he might benefit a bit from studying Buddhism or Stoicism. Both focus on trying to cultivate positivity in the mind regardless of what happens externally. I've found them very beneficial to me. I get a bit cranky sometimes but I recover quickly. Stoicism is also the basis for cognitive behavioral therapy.

[HighlyVolatile]

I'm also a bit of an idiot drunk though. I think I'm a fun one, at least for other drinkers. Pretty girls! Zombie flicks! Karaoke! Fun times! High-five! But I'm trying to cut it down. :-D I keep remembering the next day how idiotic I was the last day, even though I was having lots of fun and laughing a lot.

[Chris8586]

Yeah I usually regret some of my antics at parties as well.
Oh well, I usually don't drink but if I do I'm gonna get buzzed as hell, it's just how I roll.
My buddy wouldn't care about Buddhism or Stoicism, he's a straight up asshole and he knows it.
He thinks he's better than everyone else, he drives a huge, expensive, fully loaded truck around trying to make a statement. The inky reason he still tries to hang out with me is because I was more popular than him way back 25 years ago when we were in highschool and I think he still subconsciously thinks he's cooler by hanging out with me. LoL!
It's kinda ridiculous, but funny in a way.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

When it's no longer fun to be around them... As much as I like to drink and have fun with people, I'd rather drink alone and be slightly bored than with a buzz kill

[Chris8586]

Exactly.
I always regret it after he leaves. I don't know how a guy with lots of money, toys, big fancy house, new vehicles, beautiful wife, and new baby at home can be such a miserable jerk to be around.
I honestly think he has some kind of personality disorder. There's no soul.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Well maybe there's truth in money can't buy happiness🤷🏼‍♀️

[Chris8586]

I think so because I have very little money in comparison to him, and I still wake up every morning excited at the possibilities of life.
i think he wakes up pissed off because he thinks he deserves even more than he already has.
I think he's honestly confused. He thinks that money and things are supposed to bring you love.
He never learned that giving love to others is what can truly bring you love in return. He doesn't even want to see his family, he's just out hustling to earn more, and buy more.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Some people don't/won't get it till it's too late

[Chris8586]

Yeah and this is his 2nd marriage already.
Relationships are never set in stone, you need to make time to enjoy it, and her.
I honestly think that's the only way to keep them going.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Right!!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thanks for mh

[HawkPerception]

If you don't enjoy his company, then don't have him come. It's really that simple. Only keep good energy around you.

[Chris8586]

That's true, he gets on my nerves sometimes so what's the point?
Time to move on.

[In_Trance]

I wouldn't do that