I can't tell if he cares about me AND our kid or just our kid and it drives me crazy?

[DataOrganizer27]

My ex has always been complex and somewhat of a mystery. That's what brought us together in the first place. We split and had no contact for five years (personal). Anyways, we've since reconnected this past year for our son.

Here's where shit gets murky. He was all ABOUT memory lane in the beginning and I was very professional. He was also offhandedly flirtatious and tried to rile me up (is our son's teacher hot and watching for my reaction for example). He still offhandedly flirts from time to time but it seems like he gets nervous and retracts it almost immediately with I'm kidding.

But he's always there as a supportive ear or a shoulder to cry on. He damn near demands it because he always knows when something's up and brings it to my attention that he knows. He tells me he remembers my little details like my heart and ways of thinking and my favorite songs.

He sometimes doesn't text back for days, I don't really mind but I do, and then acts like he wasn't gone. Sometimes he starts a convo and abruptly ends it. He tells me he'll always love me as his son's mother, and a lot of his compliments include our son on them - again always appreciated - but I can't tell if he still CARES about me, or just our son and wants me to be in a healthy state of mind.

It's super confusing and I've been doing this for a year now - much less professional and more friendly than we started - but he seems to be either conflicted or I'M conflicted because of my own feelings clouding my understanding of his actions.. Any advice is welcome.

[wassim97]

Well it is nice that after this time he’s back for you and for your son its your son so he’s taking the responsibility that needs to be taken and thats great well i have to say i think that he cares about you but not too much like you know him you had a relationship with him so you know how he act how he feels maybe he’s taking careful steps in this relationship maybe he wants you to be a happy family you him and your son if you have any doubt I suggest that you talk to him and understand everything

[DataOrganizer27]

Thank you! He is a really careful guy when it comes to relationships which was another reason we hot it off. When I was younger I was a lot more gung ho than he was and he taught me a lot.

I'm a lot more reserved now and I think that confuses him sometimes because he remembers me being a lot more pushy and more open than I am now.

[wassim97]

Have a great life 👍🏼

[Anonymous]

It’s almost impossible to figure out a relationship situation without knowing the people, or most of the major dynamics going on between those people.

So you want to know whether this guy cares about you AND your kid, or just your kid…hmmm 🤔

Well, what is your definition of “caring”?

According to the following dictionary definition, caring is: “feeling or showing concern for or kindness to others”

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/caring

From what you told us, your ex has been/is:

Complex & mysterious
No contact for five years, and now in contact this past year
Nostalgic (“He was all ABOUT memory lane…”)
Sometimes flirtatious/provocative
Sometimes there for you (with a “supportive ear” / “shoulder to cry on”)
Sometimes nervous about flirting and acts like he’s kidding
Insightful about you (“he always knows when something's up”)
“Doesn't text back for days…and then acts like he wasn't gone”
“Sometimes he starts a convo and abruptly ends it”
*** “He tells me he'll always love me as his son's mother, and a lot of his compliments include our son on them” ***

When I read all that you wrote, I thought of this word: “awkwardness,” and these words: (which I thought were from a song) “times are changing,” and the words: “I’m getting older too” — which are from a “chorus” in a song…

[Chorus]
“Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
And I'm getting older too”

The song is “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac.

According to the “Genius” lyrics app, “The object of [“Landslide”] refers to Stevie Nicks' view out of a friend’s window, “looking out at the Rocky Mountains pondering the avalanche of everything that had come crashing down on us … at that moment, my life truly felt like a landslide in many ways”.

The “mountain” Stevie describes is a recently ended relationship, one which she clearly wanted to continue while her partner did not. “Turning around” on the mountain is a metaphor for giving up on what she had originally intended to finish all the way to the top.”

I think things ARE awkward between you two, because times HAVE changed and you HAVE gotten older, and you aren’t the person you once were; and that changes the dynamics between you two.

So I think he’d love for you & things to be like they were, but they’re not; and above I have starred *** the words from you which I think is all you need to know about how he feels about things: “he'll always love [you] as his son's mother.”

So is your ex a “caring” guy? I’ll respond with a word that you used in your writeup: “Sometimes.”

But the real important question is: “Does he love you as a romantic interest and want to be in a coupled relationship with you?” I don’t think so.

[Opinion Owner]

https://genius.com/Fleetwood-mac-landslide-lyrics

(Click on the highlighted words to see analyses of the lyrics.)

[Opinion Owner]

https://youtu.be/WM7-PYtXtJM