Social media related?

[Anonymous]

Hi, my boyfriend used to comment on almost all my posts but recently his cousins sent a requests & now they're in my friend list & he hasn't told anyone about us in his family..
& now probably around the time his cousins got added in my list he has stopped commenting on any posts!! But he always replies on my Stories, they're like long mushy cheesy replies that too! So if he has the time to type so much & reply to my privately on my story why wouldn't he comment anything on my posts? Is it because of his family or is it something else? It really bothers me because he's always been very expressive in his comments in the initial months & now nothing at all...

[Anonymous]

Is there a reason why he hasn’t told his family? Clearly his behavior changed once his cousins added you, but it seems like it’s because you are a secret...

[Asker]

He is actually in a different country right now, we're in a LDR since 10 months.. So he wants to tell his family whenever he meets them or you can say at the right time, he's very particular about those things.. Ya but what's bothering me is that I'm not expecting him to post me or something like that, it's just that the same things he writes on my stories why can't he write it publicly? Is he hiding that he's my boyfriend in public?

[Opinion Owner]

This is extremely suspicious, and it gives me the impression that another woman may be in the picture. Immediately you will probably write this scenario off, like no he wouldn’t do that, he couldn’t do that, etc etc, and my intent is not to instill uncertainty or insecurity in you — that is the very last thing I’d want to do. But at the same time you can’t be oblivious to oddities, or write them off when they can very well be a possibility. Clearly this man is hiding you from his family, and it couldn’t be made any more obvious than how he’s flipped the switch on how he interacts with you now that you’ve friended his cousins. I totally get that you’re trying to respect his “particularity”, but after 10 months it’s like who knows when you’ll meet his family. So if they’ve now come across you, there’s just no reason to not come clean, even if this isn’t the way he wanted to tell them. It makes me wonder if another woman is in the picture, and he fears them reporting back to her. Yes that is the worst case scenario, but this man has been in a whole other country for almost a year. Do you know how much freedom that grants him to do as he wishes? For all you know, there could be another woman now, and you’ll never know because he isn’t posting her on social media, and of course his family would not out him. So like I said, of course you don’t want this to be a thing but you can’t dismiss it either. Not when he flips the switch so abruptly.

[Asker]

correct, i understand the what you are saying but can you like help me with a solution.. like how do I talk to him about this? without making it like a big deal because the last time I tried to talk about it he immediately had snapped at me that why do i have prove my love publicly? i compliment you every single day isn't it enough? why do you need that validation? one my friend suggests putting him in a spot, like everyone in my family knows so i can easily post a picture with him & just caption it i love you or i miss you or something which will literally compel him to reply, what do you think! also you're sucha sweetheart to help me out! thanks a lot 💕💕💕

[Opinion Owner]

No worries! I was in a similar LDR situation from 23 to 25, so I get where you’re coming from. To me, a huge red flag is not only his blatant disregard of your feelings, but his immediate dismissal of them. Your concerns in this situation are valid, and he knows that, I promise he does. But he has no good reason for what he does, so instead you get all that “why do I have to prove my love publicly” bs and every other form of him trying to skirt around being caught. The thing is, I could give you the safest method of addressing the situation, but no matter how you say it to him, his response will still be the same, because he has no desire to act right. There’s no healthy reason why your whole family knows about him, but you are a secret to his. In some ways, you’ve allowed him to get away with what he does because you fear pushing him away or losing him, but honestly, screw that. No man is more important than having peace of mind, and I feel very certain that as long as he continues to hide you, you will suffer with uncertainty and that is super toxic. What your friend is suggesting, baiting him into submission, is the last thing you should feel forced to do. For one, he will likely get really pissed and tell you to take it down, and two, he could easily use that as his scapegoat to break up with you and make you the problem. He’d guilt trip the hell out of you too, just to make himself feel validated and make you feel like shit. So what do I ultimately think you should do? Set a healthy boundary for yourself and establish what behavior is ok for you to tolerate from men, and what is not. To me, his behavior is a BIG hell no and I’d give him an ultimatum. Either go back to acting how he was before, or it’s over. Will breaking up suck? Sure, especially if you love him. But if you can’t trust him or talk without a fight then you’re wasting your time.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry for the length of that! I just wanted to be sure I was detailed. Maybe it’s because I’ve dealt with this before so I have a lot to say about it lol.

[Asker]

thankyou SO SO SO MUCH for taking out time & sharing your experience, i understand where you are coming from, i get it.. im going to have a talk soon i need to get my clarity, i can't be this hanging situation 😢 it's so frustrating.. but your help has made it simpler.. thank you so much

[Opinion Owner]

No worries love, I know that situation is tough. Ultimately whatever happens is your choice, but as of now I’d say don’t be afraid to have that talk, and no matter what he says, use your good judgment with decision making. If this is something you need to walk away from, have the courage to do so and be confident in your choice. Nothing is easy about a break up but if that’s the ultimate outcome, you will get through it.🙏

[spartan55]

Judging the health of your relationship based on stupid Instagram... god help us.

[Asker]

If you can't help, don't judge at least! these are all patterns in which someone changes they're behavior, & it's not something that you'd understand cause clearly your void of emotions so please take your judgmental attitude & negativity somewhere else🙏🏼