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What does it say about a guy that stops all communication after seeing him for 3 months? How can a person just stop all communication? Even if it was just about sex.. wouldn’t they have gained even just a tiny bit of feelings within that period?
What does it say about a guy that stops all communication after seeing him for 3 months?
Anonymous
(25-29) 
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
The woman wasn’t a good judge of character. She got attached too quick, gave it up too quick and did it knowing that she wanted something out of it when maybe he didn’t.
Sex is a seriously intimate act, and unless she genuinely wasn't looking for romance then she shouldn’t give her body to a guy who she isn't sure wants the same thing. Like unless he’s a complete asshat who lied his way into her panties, there were signs that he didn’t want to invest and she ignored them on purpose. Maybe he didn’t wanna talk about relationships or just got out of one so he’s not looking for anything. Maybe he wanted something casual or some version of “let’s see where it goes”.
But the signs pop up at some point, and she was too busy trying to be the cool girl going with the flow that her morals and standards took a backseat to her desire to make something work. She got used because she wasn’t smart, so it says more about her and less about him ultimately. Which is too bad, bc now it’s gonna chip her self esteem. Yet another man to grieve the loss of.
You are correct. I saw the signs that he wasn’t really into me. But I kept saying to myself, give it a few weeks and see how it goes. . But before I could end it and let him know I feel he is not having the same feelings as I am. he ghosted me.
Just a lesson to not ignore the red flags
Oh man, sorry if my tone came off as harsh, I thought it was just a general question and not about you.
I agree, take this as a learning experience to not ignore the red flags. I’ve also been the girl to try and wait it out, give a guy a chance and 9 times out of 10 I regret ignoring that guttural instinct. Just a bit of advice, if sex is a very intimate, personal act for you then treat it as sacred, a prize he has to really be worthy of.
Don’t get attached to a man too quick, let him earn the pedestal you begin to put him on and don’t hook up with him until you’re confident he’s on the same page. Like if you know you’re tired of casually dating and seeing where it goes, then figure out what you want from a man, and don’t even entertain a guy who doesn’t align with that.
I’m in a relationship now but when I was dating I was so freaking strict about my morals lol I mean guys are about theirs, so why not do the same? It’s either his way or he’s out, so have the same approach when you give a man the time of day. If he’s giving you any bullshit version of not being ready to date, dismiss him immediately before you have a chance to like him. Yes it’s cutthroat but ultimately you spare yourself another body and another waste of time.
Yeah I did become attached a little too quickly. I think he noticed that I was starting to like him and he didn’t want anything else. So hence cut it off with no contact. But at least he should have said, hey i noticing you are catching feelings, let’s end this.. Anyhow, I knew it wouldn’t last. Lesson learnt
We could only hope for a guy to give us that closure, it just seems like the decent thing to do. But if he was already showing signs of not being into you, then I’m not surprised he didn’t give you a formal goodbye rather than cut you off. On the bright side I’m glad you saw his true nature before you got any deeper into it. All I can really tell you is what I’ve told myself in the past — try and move smarter next time. Sex isn’t the focal point here but it does matter, so for that aspect as well I’d say that if you start talking to a guy and it gets to that point, go into it telling yourself that if it doesn’t work out you will be ok. Mentality is everything and if you’re not attached it’ll be less of a blow.
I’m annoyed that he cut me off because he vented to me about some personal problems he was having. I talked him through it. So you would think if someone is sharing their personal problems then they must mean they at least like you as a person. Unless he was lying about the personal problem to turn me off?
Whether he was lying about the personal problems is either here nor there, because ultimately I believe he shared those situations to gain your sympathy and trust in order to build a connection. I’m not sure how important those situations actually are to him, but when he’s “confiding” in you, it gives you a sense of importance and deepens your level of care towards him. Women are naturally nurturers, so when he’s trauma dumping or “opening up”, you’ll wanna be there for him, learn more and ultimately you feel more connected. Let me just say, it’s not bad to be there for a guy, but keep him at arms length. Don’t completely melt into him because he’s sharing a few pieces of “vital” information — you don’t know how many women have heard these stories or how important it genuinely is to him. You don’t know him well enough in that first month to give him such credit.
He confided in me and then ghosted me. Well replied to two of my my messages (2 weeks ago) then didn’t bother contacting me or seeing me after that. That was 4 weeks ago. So yeah wasn’t trying to build a connection.. otherwise he wouldn’t have ghosted me straight after.
Did you two ever hook up? Or maybe there was an opportunity for that to happen? When I speak of creating a connection, I don’t necessarily mean of the romantic sort but to try and instill a sense of trust on your end. I know it sounds like a stretch, but a dude who won’t commit or invest in a woman is only after one thing. So he either got it, or got tired of trying to obtain it and moved on to an “easier” target. It’s shit really.
The point I’m making is that he confided in me and then stopped seeing me straight after. So I doubt was trying to create a connection.
You two were talking for 3 months right? To me, that’s him taking time to build a connection. What he confided in you I think was part of that effort, but in general I mean time invested to get what he wants. It’s too bad because if he were honest from the start, maybe he could’ve gotten that without pulling you in. But if he learned you weren’t the sort of woman to just hook up with men, then he created some emotional bond.
Anyway, I don’t want the aspect of “connection” to be your only takeaway from all I’ve said, we don’t have to go back and forth about whether that’s what he was doing or not. It’s absolutely fine for you not to agree. It’s a bigger picture to my statement and I hope you can take something from that as well.
We were hooking up the entire time re read the second last line of my question. Everything was fine. We were enjoying each others company and would chat about stuff too. But the fact that he told me his problem and then just stopped talking to me straight after must of meant that it affected him and made him think twice about continuing with me. Yes he was building a connection and I guess only he knows why he cut me off. Maybe he wanted a relationship and I wasn’t the type he was looking for. And decided to cut it off as he knew I had feelings for him.
Nope.. you thought you could fuck him into a relationship eh? It ever works.
@spartan55 I didn’t think that at all. I developed feelings after seeing him for a while