Guys, Did I make a mistake by friendzoning him?

[Anonymous]

I recently met a guy a month ago and we went on a whirlwind romance. The chemistry was insane! We had everything in common and things got sexual really quickly!

He’s also a bit arrogant, and thinks he’s better and more intelligent than everyone else because he's a scientist.

The first night we met he scolded me for not wearing toenail polish and demanded that my nails be painted all the time.

He was surprised that my apartment was nicer than his.
He seemed to really get a rush whenever I complimented him and would smile.

Anyways, he broke up with his girlfriend a month before we met so I friend zoned him because I didn’t want to be a rebound chick. It seemed he respected my decision and was totally up for hanging out as friends. He even suggested watching sports as friends which I was really excited about.

We were really friendly via text that week as friends and it was finally starting to feel like he was putting in the effort to get to know me instead of making out. But I haven't heard from him for two weeks and decided to text him. We've been texting back and forth but his replies are now delayed, by like 24 hours.
I was swiping through Bumble dating app and saw his profile. He has a love poem in his bio calling himself handsome and bright, etc. . and indicates he’s looking for a relationship. I feel he never pursued that with me and it made me upset.

I know I need to move on but I feel totally discarded 😭

Any advice for me? I have a feeling he’s in a relationship or has moved on to someone else.

[blueonblack22]

Well a few key points here:

• thank you for admitting the friendzone exists. Some feminists on there will try to deny reality and say “it doesn’t exist” (which is f’ing ridiculous) but at least you acknowledge it.
• You are a grown woman and at least 36. At your age you should know damn well by now that no straight man is truly ever okay with the “friendzone.” Even if he “says” he is (which is foolish) deep down he isn’t. It’s insulting when guys are romantically interested or involved in the past.
• He might be only “semi” okay with it if he lost physical interest you as well (which he may very well have). He probably did enjoy talking to you but only to a limited extent.
• Since you already got sexual it has a set a precedent in his mind that he can easily get back at that again. However that’s a big guy mistake. Women unfortunately expect the whole song and dance all over again to go back to that point. But he doesn’t get that.
• The cold brutal truth is straight men especially grown straight men can not “bond” with women platonically. You will never be a true equivalent to a male buddy of his. It’s impossible.
• There is very little women can offer men in the “friendzone”. In reality you are now much more of a liability then an asset to him.
• The friendzone is almost always a huge one way benefit to the woman. You get attention, strong male logic advice, someone to around to make you feel safe. Even worse some will expect all sorts of bs one way favors (e. g. moving heavy furniture). You are not entitled to those benefits though. No more entitled to that then he is to have sex with you.
• How old is he? He was either an idiot or a liar to agree to that. I’m guessing he’s more of the latter because he was deep down hoping you would change your mind quick and you haven’t. Now he sees you as a waste of time and effort.

Any way your situation is complicated. But he doesn’t owe you attention any more then you owe him sex. It was shitty on his part that he seemingly “agreed” to it. He should of spoke up and drew a line about what he wants. But he might of lost physical interest in you as well. So this is his way of letting it taper off.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your insightful reply!! :)

[blueonblack22]

Just remember the truth is in the middle. He’s man and the friéndzone is a respect issue for him. It’s not just about sexual gratification but feeling attractive and masculine.

However I get it’s complicated. But moving forward just don’t men “to just be friends” when there is romantic vibes involved. It’s like a man saying to a woman he’s dating “hey I don’t want to put the effort into dating anymore but when I get the itch I want a booty call”. That would be insulting right? We women are literally saying “hey I want you to put effort into dating me vía attention, time and effort because it makes me feel good. However I don’t find you attractive and/or masculine enough to have sex with”. That’s a deep insult to men. So don’t ask.

[Staximus]

Why is he going to pursue a relationship with you after you friend zoned him? You want to be in a relationship with a controlling dickweed like that who says you have to paint your toenails? The guy would have probably beat the hell out of you later on down the road for not doing what he says. Good riddance to that control freak narcissist. Use your brain and think past the infatuation and into the future. What kind of guy demands you paint your toenails, loves compliments, is surprised you have something better than him, and writes poetry praising himself? The guy sounds like a reincarnation of Adolf Hitler for fucks sake.

[Asker]

Thank you!

[Levin]

Holey moley.

You literally told him he's just a friend, he was obviously looking for a relationship. And now you're upset that he's moved on when you told him he can't have a relationship.

I think you're having your cake and eating it here. The guy respects himself and knows what he wants by setting those boundaries. He was looking for a relationship and you told him he can't have it.

If you want it, you need to tell him that's what you want, rather than expecting him to read your mind.

The toe nail paint thing is a red flag though...

[Levin]

Incidentally, that image included in your question is how I feel reading it...

[Asker]

Thank you for your reply. Just curious, why do you think he was looking for a relationship?

[Levin]

I don't know that.

Though I do know it seems you have presumed you were a 'rebound chick', just because his old relationship ended a month ago. Is that something that came from yourself? You could have had a conversation with him about it rather than making an assumption and ending it? At least that's my understanding from what I have written?

[Levin]

you have written*

[Asker]

Ok, thank you. I’ll work on communicating my feelings better next time. I felt he wasn’t that emotionally invested as he was physically invested. So, it made me sad and jumped to conclusions.

[BadApple69]

No you didn’t make a mistake. Anyone that is so in love with himself has no room for you in his heart. Honestly I think you dodged a bullet. Dating this demanding egotistical POS sounds like it would have ended up very badly for you.

[Asker]

I agree! Thank you!

[Sanser]

I'm really sorry, but I think if you friendzoned him, you have to deal with it... You feel discarded because you wanted someone to simp on you but this guy either didn't or just got fed up. The men will not be there forever. Be clear about how you feel and make sure you don't want him to be on the "hook" just to make you feel better about yourself. If you like him, talk to him and be direct about your feelings, if you just want a simp, let him live his life...

If I didn't understand you and you just want him to be a friend and you're just worried about losing your friendship, you should talk to him too, but you should know and understand if he's comfortable with you. Maybe he won't respond as quickly to your messages as you used to, but if you're both good friends, you'll be fine.

[runnerboy]

From what you describe it sounds like things were all about him and that he could be controlling (the toe nail polish thing) How were things sexually with him?

I think friendzone is the best and that you can do better

[Asker]

Things with him sexually were the best I’ve ever had but I couldn’t continue being a “rebound”. I felt like I was falling back into the same patterns of guys I was choosing and needed to escape.

[runnerboy]

I agree. Fortunately there are plenty of other guys that you can get along with emotionally and sexually

[Asker]

So true! Thank you so much!

[Anonymous]

Lol women call men confusing. You friend zoned him, now you’re upset he doesn’t text back as quick as you’d like him to? You need to move on dude sounds like he’s a narcissist.

[Asker]

Thank you.

[boggboss]

U wanted to be friends so why would he pursue somthing with you u didn't get discarded u told him u wasn't intrested

[Asker]

Thank you.

[boggboss]

👍🏽 Good luck

[Sexiestjohnson]

Don't be offended but "You were emotionally silly" and that is okay. We all are sometimes. My advice is, move on.

[Asker]

Thank you!

[DarkWinterNights]

Probably not because he sounds self absorbed and a little demanding. Not a bad idea to avoid dating someone fresh out of a breakup though.

[Asker]

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Demands you wear toenail polish at all times? What a ridiculous thing to try and demand. I think you dodged a bullet between that and general arrogance.

[Asker]

Thank you!

[DextroShade]

You already rejected him, if you want him back you will have to pursue him and make your intentions clear.

[Asker]

Thank you.