I’ve been hurt by this guy ghosting me… she reached out to him.. he answered… he said he didn’t remember and asked what my name was…. Even tho it’s only been about 2 weeks since we met
he said he’s in the hospital but he hasn’t been in the hospital for weeks..
ghosting me was already hurtful but pretending I didn’t exist hurt more.
You formed an attachment way too quickly because for this only to have been a matter of days and you’re hurt like this is no good. I think this has to do with the state of your self esteem as well, the fact he ghosted you doesn’t help, as you may feel not good enough of pretty enough, now he’s said he doesn’t know you, it’s all horrible for your mental health. This was not the right guy and not worth another second of your grief. Move on from this person and work on getting to a better place where you feel better about yourself.
I admit that I’ve taken this very hard for a few reasons…it’s been hard on me mentally… I’ve gotten super depressed. I called off work and I thought about sui cid e.
I never planned on talking to him or anyone romantically bc I’m not ready for anything. I made it clear with him that I only wanted to be a placeholder until he found someone else..
He was puzzled by that and said that he didn’t want that. He said he’d end up liking me for nothing..
I tell him that I’m protecting my emotional well being at all cost… he asked me what’s the safest way to interact with him.
I just feel like if a guy tries to make me feel emotionally safe I cave in…
Maybe you would do better just taking some time away from men in general. It’s hard to know if he had the intention to stick around but I could see where things went wrong by basically saying you wanted to be a placeholder. On his end, it’s like why hang out and possibly develop feelings if it’s not going anywhere? I think that’s a question to ask yourself too. You now you’re not ready to date so focus on yourself and heal until you are. Don’t half ass like this though by being a placeholder, that is just lowly and you should want more than that.
He said I should take some time to work on myself….. he said that prior to us meeting.
I have to agree with him.
For him to ghost me like that just means he wanted sx or I’m not pretty enough.
Also we talked for some weeks….
Yes we had a bad start during our talking stage…all bc of me. When we finally talked On the phone he said I come off as unstable.
You may think that by saying “some weeks” the time sounds longer when less than a month just isn’t long enough for this at all. Your self esteem and mental health is outwardly suffering to the point he’s noticed and called you unstable, which is hurtful in a way that you can’t deal with right now. I get it, he made you feel a certain way but clearly he did not have the right intentions and you’ve got to learn not to take it so personally.
Also, I do not think it was a good idea to have your friend contact him because it should’ve been you. Involving outside parties is so avoidant in a situation where you’re ere hurt and should’ve directly asked for clarification. It’s no surprise that he has this random woman contact him and off the top of his head he didn’t make the connection, but you’ve taken offense to it and can’t even address it because you’ve made such a mess of this whole thing. I’m not trying to make you feel bad, just pointing out these flaws so hopefully you can learn from them and don’t repeat in the future.
What were his intentions then…
Why did he say “what’s the safest way to interact with you” “You shouldn’t punish everyone for someone else’s sins” “I’ll end up liking you for nothing” “I think you’re a good person but I’m not looking for that…(in reference to being a placeholder”…. If I was so “unstable” why not just ghost me…. Why wait to meet me then decide I wasn’t good enough?…. We were going to stop taking the first time but I told him I would be open to taking things slow.
I don’t understand…
But I understand what you’re saying… I need to heal….
Will he ever come back?
I would understand you’re confusion if he were still talking to you, but he got out of dodge babe, only days after telling you all this. Would it be better if he’d ghosted directly after his statements? Because to me it comes off like he was trying to give you a chance and you hit him with negative thing after thing. You don’t know how to healthily make attachments to men without being overly emotional, irrational, and just doing too much. You say you are now willing to try, but if it only took you two weeks to come to that conclusion then maybe deep down you always wanted to find a good man but you’ve gotten so afraid of getting hurt or done wrong that you sabotage any potential before it leaves the ground, same as the guy said, you punish new men for the sins of those old ones. Like you’ve unloaded so much craziness onto that new man in a matter of days, any hope of dating him gradually got tossed out the window by your own doing because you purposely kept him at arms length with so many off-putting revelations.
Anyway, you also wondered why he’s said this or that and sweetheart you absolutely cannot dwell on it anymore, not when he’s ultimately decided to jump ship. I think we are all guilty at one point or another of saying things while we explore a connection only to decide that it’s not a good fit. It doesn’t make us/him a liar automatically or dishonest, we/he’s just come to a disappointing conclusion this things need to end.
You’re absolutely right. I told him that I was trying to protect my emotional health… I texted him the truth about myself…. The truth is I never had a relationship with a man… but I have been hurt by them..”situatuonships” … I’ve never been on a real date with someone I actually liked… I didn’t tell him this but… I’ve never been kissed and I’m still a virgin.
I do struggle with trauma from my childhood … never feeling good enough, pretty enough. I was raised by a mom who had narcissistic traits.. she didn’t think I was pretty growing up… I could tell. My mom was beautiful….
When I realized he ghosted me I asked him if it was my face … was he not attracted to me. I told him I was going to get some work done to my face. I just really started hating myself.
I just feel like I couldn’t redeem myself on the date… I think he wanted to figure me out…. He kept asking what’s on my mind ALOT… I just couldn’t tell him. He already had assumptions … would I make it worse by being honest
But him saying he didn’t want to sleep with me bc he thinks I’ll be “crazier” really put me off… was he just wanting to sleep with me and leave…
Honey you are so incredibly hard on yourself outwardly, and that had to be intimidating for him on top of everything else you said. You want so much to feel loved, validated, beautiful, and desired by a guy when I think you’ve lost sight of the fact that it all starts at home — with you giving all that to yourself first. Like just look at how toxic your thought process is; the minute things don’t work with a man rather than thinking “maybe he’s a fuckboy and not really looking for a woman”, you immediately say “am I ugly, is it my face, I am getting surgery” as if you’re desperate to correct your physical appearance for a man you’ve known less than 30 days. It is critical at this point that you focus on yourself, get therapy, truly heal and work on self love. Because once you’re able to genuinely work in your own favor then you have better judgement in men and find healthier ways to pursue love. How you deal with men now will only continue to run them off when you’re trauma dumping early in, investing deeply in days, calling yourself a placeholder and all that, it’s not sexy, not attractive, it will only incite pity and you aren’t someone to feel bad for. Unless pity equals love and care in your world then that’s not great either.
I thought pity was love… the last guy said he felt bad for me and he said he feels like I’m lonely angry and insecure… he also said he didn’t want to sleep with me bc he didn’t want me to be hurt if a relationship didn’t come from it.
Do you think he was just a fuckboy or was he a decent guy and I messed things up… ?
Neither of us can know if he was a good man, on my end because I only have the information you provided and on your end it’s because it has not been enough time. You can’t know his truly nature in days, it takes time. In any case though, if you think he felt that way about you then you should feel embarrassed and want to fix it. I was humiliated like that one time and never again, it’s just too deep of a low.
…. Also … I saw that he follows a trans woman … it says she’s trans and her name is chocolate bunny.. and it said “ask me anything” …. And she’s in our city
I would not look into that, she can be a friend for all you know. I couldn’t imagine someone going through my friends list and drawing assumptions because I have several gay and a few trans that I knew pre-transition.
But for a man…. Cmon….
Not to say this rudely but what on earth does that matter anyway? Are you trying to say maybe he is gay or what? Is it that serious to know why you aren’t the one? This is concerning….
But if a guy says he’s scared to sleep with me bc he’s scared how I’ll react… then that just means he wasn’t trying to be with me…..
It would be nice if you responded to my last question first.
How so…? Yeah he could be bisexual idk…
Concerning how? What did I do…
I think what you said was rude and insensitive… im sure I’m not the one.. I was ghosted.
I’d rather go back to pretending to be a whore for validation than go through this again and have some random woman bash me …
I’ll never be the one… and it’s not always me. I’m not the cause.. he just fooled me to sleep with me. People only abandon people they use or wanted to use.
It’s funny how I’m rude and insensitive the minute I ask what following a trans person has to do with anything? This is not my situation babe, therefore I have no reason to be mean, rude or judge you. We are strangers to one another I can’t help how what I type relays to you. Pretending to be a whore just sounds terrible for your self esteem and honestly silly, you are going on again about how to obtain a man rather than choosing to focus on yourself right now, finding tumultuous ways to deal with rejection.
You say you’re a virgin and never slept with a man, so how did he fool you? Where has presenting yourself as a whore and lowly ever gotten you in life? You have to heal and work on yourself babe, and I think the only thing upsetting you about what I say is that it’s true and you don’t want to hear it. I’m trying to instill some form of positivity into your psyche and you lash out, it’s incredible.
It wasn’t intended to offend anyone… I just feel like it was concerning.
But you’re right… I will deal with this how I deal with it. I’m not ready to heal and I don’t have insurance for a therapist.
I just find this situation to be unfair … I do like him… I just hope he comes back..
I just thought maybe someone could actually see something in me. I thought he did. … but I take accountability for this.
Thanks.
When you say you aren’t ready to heal, what does that mean for you? Because while yes a therapist helps, you can get through it on your own just as I did and if you want advice I will gladly help. O just think your approach to this whole thing is toxic and doesn’t work in your favor emotionally. I used to have horrible methods of dealing with pain that I see you doing now and it’s really sad. You are valuable and don’t need a man to see that in you. Especially when you aren’t seeing it in yourself.
It is what it is lol
Thank you
You think he’ll maybe come back?
After everything you said, I don’t think he will come back and honestly it’s probably for the better. Less distractions.
He just wanted to fuck lol he dodged a bullet
Thanks💖
I don’t think he just wanted to fuck, I feel like everything you said just put him out, especially talking about being a placeholder. Fortunately not all men are fuckboys, and it does you no favors by convincing yourself that they are. You will only wind up repeating this with another man that way.
It’s not cool to even say he just wanted to fuck when you already told me he said he didn’t want to have sex because of your statement.
So to ghost so quick
Then he did ask the last time I was intimate and joked about sex toys…
When a man says I’m scared to sleep with you ON A DATE bc you’ll be crazier just makes me feel that he had no true intention of staying with me after
If you like me it doesn’t matter.. bc you’ll reassure me and make me feel safe
So prior to the first date you next talked intimately? Not about sex, your virginity, anything? Because if that’s the case then his line of questioning on the first date wasn’t too outlandish. I think you screw yourself (don’t take that the wrong way) by presenting as a whore (your words) because you will mainly attract men who want what you seemingly have to offer. Saying those are red flags after you’ve indulged certain conversations just makes it look like you’re trying to find SOME reason, anything at this point. That isn’t fair to him.
**never talked intimately
We never talked about sex prior no …. I asked him if that’s what he’s looking for and he said not specifically
But again he could just be pretending….
He mentioned something about
This is painful for me bc I feel like he gives me a mental and emotional balance that I need. I like how level headed he is … esp whenever I act irrational
He said he wouldn’t even entertain something like this …. I asked why he still talks to me. He said he didn’t know
You need to be able to give that mental and emotional balance to yourself, and you aren’t ready to do that? Unless a man incites it? Come on now…
Clearly some part of you wants to feel better, otherwise the idea of losing that wouldn’t be so painful. That should be all the motivation you need.
It’s just deeper than that. I really just want to be held by him. I loved just being in his company.
But I think I saw him with another girl at the store.. I’m not sure..
I just need to purge this feeling… I feel it too deeply for some reason.
I’m just super depressed. Ik it will take time… I don’t know what’s wrong with me
I haven’t slept well, ate… drinking… just really taking this hard. I need therapy
Gosh, I’m sorry you’re going through all that. You say it’s deeper and I agree, but in the sense that it’s more than about him, I just think he was the last straw in an area of life you struggle with mentally and emotionally. I know therapy is the answer but honestly sis do what you can before that because who knows when you’ll be able to go. I’m not being condescending or dishonest, I just recognize how much you’re suffering and you should help yourself. Even with how much you’ve chased him and held on, you genuinely think you’ll never find a man who does the bare minimum which is making you feel safe and secure, which is sad. Even if you don’t wanna heal yet, you can at least elevate that mindset.
I think today is a better day. I prayed to God with tears that he would take this away… I don’t understand why I’m this fucked up over a man I talked to for 3 weeks.. he ghosted me and he’s possible bisexual… nothing is wrong with that but that’s not the guy I want.
I feel stronger today bc I don’t want to feel like this anymore… I don’t want him. Sometimes I still want to text him and apologize and see what happened but … I want to move on.
Things happen for a reason ig..
It’s very hard finding a man that makes me feel secure and safe… but he was more than that. I felt like he was intelligent, he had a good job… whenever I made irrational statements he would bring logic without making me feel stupid… I like those qualities in a guy…
Maybe he felt he needed to ghost me and I have to respect that… but my respect for him lowered.
He won’t be the only one to incite those feelings girly! I’m glad you mentioned god because I’m very spiritual myself, my faith is actually what pulled me through a lot of tough times. When I was trying to change my perspective/approach to dating, one thing I told myself was ‘if I trust in god then I trust him to lead my life’. Nothing is a coincidence, have faith that he will take you out of the wrong situations and put you in the right ones even if you aren’t able to see the benefit at the time. I got into my first real relationship ever at 30, I’m engaged to him now and he’s the most amazing man I’ve ever dated. I think back on the men before him, how great prospects I thought they were whether it was spiritually, intellectually, mentally, two in particular I thought were end game for sure! I fought tooth and nail for those connections that god was trying to pull me out of for someone so much better in the future, but I just couldn’t see bigger picture when I was so tunnel visioned. All this to say that while this guy feels like a huge loss, have confidence in gods choice to take you out of that and what’s to come. Look deeper than surface level as well, because while you’re so focused on the potential you feel you lost, think about the work you still need to do on yourself and why that probably wasn’t the best thing or solution for where you’re at in life right now.
You noted several reasons why this guy wasn’t the best match, you know he’s not good for you, and that’s why I say it’s not about him so much as this triggering a very painful reality that you refuse to face. You don’t want to heal or get better yet but if anything this situation shows that you need it more than ever.
Wow that is so encouraging! Im relieved that you do truly understand what I’m going through… even though I’m a preachers kid… I’ve never really been spiritual…
I think this situation offered some redirection…
I still kind of miss talking to him but I hope my feelings go away.
Maybe.. we’ll no I felt like we were on the same page
But what do I look like telling him …” I don’t have dating experience” “you’re my first date” “I’m a virgin” “I really don’t know what I want” “ I’m scared to will use me”…
I text him one more time and he called me….
Sorry I’m just seeing this! What did he call to say? I wish you didn’t do that… it’s excessive babe.
I apologized to him and still expressed how he made me feel safe to open up then he disappeared… I didn’t curse. I was mature and let him know how I felt
He apologized for how he made me feel. He said I was perfect.. it’s not my looks ect… he said he doesn’t want to know that someone in the world is mad at him for something he did….
He said there was no point to continue on if sex wasn’t going to eventually happen.. he said there’s no point of putting energy into it everyday… he said we can reach out every now and then to check in but… basically there’s no use.. and he said it started off bad.. I replied “so sex is all you wanted”
He said he didn’t want to go back and forth… he said that he always says one thing and I understand as something else… (🙄)
He said that he has a lot going on in his life and he’s very stressed with his job. He’s been in the hospital for a few days… he said there’s a lot of other things in his life that has his priority.
The end was the saddest to me… I was emotional… he said I hope you find a man that can love you the way you want to be loved. I cried when saying I hope you do too… I couldn’t even get the words out
He asked me what’s wrong …. and proceeded to say nothing is wrong with you … so I asked “why don’t you want me.. like twice … just ughhh I checked out
But he said he was having some issues… he said he just need space and he need wants to get back connected with God… (in which I prayed for him)
Not the closure I wanted but I got it…
I mean he wants to know if someone is mad at him*
My goodness, I’m so sorry but more than anything because of what you said, like why didn’t he want you and broke down crying, you are so much better than that. It’s over, it happened, but if this is the lowest point then it’s time to pick yourself back up. He made you feel safe to open up, honey that is bare minimum which is why I say you will find another him. Timing is everything as well, he could have been willing to listen at just the right juncture in your life. Look deeper into this, it could be something god was trying to show you about yourself. Because to me this situation revealed a lot about your issues and needing to heal. I’m telling you I made such a deep connection with god while I forced myself to be single and heal, I’m telling you this is such a genuine and kind way, you should consider the same. I’m sending you so much love and prayer, this shit is hard I know. It will pass.
Yeah… I’m just glad it’s over now.
One guy said if he used that phrase “ I hope you find a man that loves you the way you need to be loved” then he wasn’t only trying to use me for sex
Made me think about it.. I felt that was his way of saying I don’t want you
I think you should exclude the whole sex thing from your thought process a bit because I don’t think that was the main issue. It was a lot of baggage for him to experience from you in such a very short chunk of time, overwhelming even. I’m not sure any closure would’ve made you feel good other than rekindling, so it makes sense you’re disappointed but this is for the better.
Anyway like you said, it’s good that it’s over now and I hope you choose to take a break from the dating scene. You have to figure out a healthier way to deal with men that isn’t so toxic, like saying you want to pretend to be a whore or a placeholder, that is degrading verbiage that will either make men feel pity or just see you as someone to have sex with. Speaking of yourself positively, healing your trauma, your depression/anxiety/etc it will all make dating so much easier. No more chasing these men who may not even deserve it, you’re worth the work too.
I agree but he admitted that he basically just wanted sex… then to say there’s no reason to communicate …. Cmon that was hurtful
You specifically stated to him that you wanted to be a placeholder, so if no relationship was to come of the situation then what else other than sex? Sometimes when we’re hurting it is easier to villainize the guy, “oh he’s a fuckboy” “oh he only wanted sex”, this is a protective mechanism that is only harmful because it prevents you from taking accountability. There’s nothing else to say in this situation with the guy but that you weren’t in a place to date, he saw that and ultimately moved on. Yes it’s hurtful but you have poured far too much energy into this man you’ve known a minute. Even after the fact, you’d still rather ache, hurt and mourn a man who isn’t a loss. I feel like this is abandonment trauma whether it’s from your dad or guys you’ve liked and it didn’t work out with. Something went wrong somewhere and until you address it you will repeat this with the next man. What’s happened to make you feel that you need to feel safe enough just to open up? Or to make you call all those times, text, have your friend reach out, etc? I’m not asking you to state that here but just questions to ask yourself.
Hey, I’m going back trying to delete questions about him so I won’t be so sad and obsessed… he really hurt
And now I remember on the date he asked me what I wanted…. It’s weird in the beginning it seem like he might have actually wanted something and did say … well I didn’t think you didn’t want something serious” …. But on the date he mentioned that he wasn’t where he wanted to be career wise and wasn’t possibly ready for a relationship… but I said the same thing and he accused me of just copying him… but it was the truth…
But I still would have gave him a try… I feel like he either change or he was really just after sex. I don't know
No problem! Do whatever helps.
When it comes to the whole copying thing, he probably said it because as a man he recognizes that this is what a lot of women do. During the date I understand you were a bit shy and nervous, but you seem to have let him really take the lead, whether it was conversation or ordering food. It’s very submissive, so I think it’s fair for him to feel like you are just having the same answer to please him, even if it’s not true.
I think you have to realize that even if you were willing to give him a try, it sounds like that option wasn’t really on the table to begin with. Maybe there was the potential to date but ultimately it’s not what he wanted to do. Yes, you explicitly stated you wanted to talk and not have sex, but that just isn’t realistic. If you wanted to be his friend until you were ready to date one day and hopefully he’s be interested at that point then maybe that was the standard to set. But for him, if it’s not friendship and not a relationship then what is it?
If anything I think this is a sign that you absolutely HAVE to try a different approach with the next guy, because you are human and one day you will want to date another man. No more situationships because that’s exactly where this was headed.
You need to decide: are you ready to be someone’s girlfriend? Not specifically his girlfriend, but just in general? Do you mentally feel healthy enough to prioritize a relationship? If that’s a yes then that is your standard going forward. Ask a man what he’s looking for from the start and if he says he wants to work towards a relationship then give THAT guy a chance. Not the man who tells you in the beginning he isn’t ready, because it’s doomed from the start.
Trust me I understand meeting a guy that you just want so much. I spent two years just completely out of character trying to chase this man because he was just perfect! 6’4, dimples, beautiful smile, drove a nice car, great job and goals that matched mine, high rise apartment. Dominant energy — he was a Leo. I could never let him go and when we were apart and I was trying to stay away I’d be literally sick to me stomach. I’d cry so much, call out of work, did shit in college, he consumed my whole life I didn’t feel like myself. I lost myself entirely in that man and had to fight hard to pull myself out of that trench. It took deeper work, healing and facing trauma, it all felt useless until I ran into him one day and was so surprised to feel peace! To not feel like I wanted to run and cry, just to be able to smile at this man who tore my world apart and feel strong! It’s amazing and empowering, and you CAN get there. You just have to want it for yourself more than you want him or any other man.
I want him so bad. I felt hurt when he said we can “check in every once in awhile”…. That stabbed me in the chest… and when he said he has higher priorities … he can really go without talking to me and I hate everyday that he doesn’t. I stayed in bed all Christmas. Didn’t socialize or go to any party. I just feel depressed. I just have wonderful people like you who has really helped me feel less alone isn’t his feeling… it does feel sinister … no matter the steps I try and take to get over him… the reality of it all comes back.
I just know I’m the beginning he seemed to want something serious… but then I kind of self sabotaged as well…
Maybe him saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship is his way of rejecting me without making me feel bad.. idk…
How can he go from saying he wasn’t looking for a relationship then reject me when I didn’t want to have sex… so what did he want? If it’s not a relationship… friends with benefits?
So he prob was just wanting some type of sexual relationship but not a relationship or he changed his mind in actually wanting me..
Sometimes I want to text him again for more clarity but I’m afraid he might get more annoyed..
Like you said it’s deeper than him… I think it’s more about my attachment issues… but he just made me feel like I was more than a placeholder now he’s making me feel like I’m only good enough for sex…. Or I’m not good enough at all.
Please please please do not reach out. Talk about this as much as you want but texting him again will seem like desperate or begging and he does NOT deserve all that. Not with only two weeks under his belt. This is a deeper issue to address love, attachment issues can certainly play a hand.
This is because of the failed situationship before him, then the one before that guy. It all builds up and it feels like he’s the catalyst but really he’s the last straw. I think you’re so attached because you were reluctant in the first place but you felt like the search was over. This is about disappointment more than anything, the other stuff like low self esteem is just you self sabotaging as a result.
You are in your own head right now telling yourself he only wanted sex, you’re only good enough for sex, why on earth does this man determine your whole value? Think about that. Only you decide what you’re good enough for, hun.
We can’t know his intentions, maybe they were never good. But what we do know is it’s over, and a new year is coming. Do you have any plans?
You don’t think his intentions were good do you?
I think when I was 21 a man told me that I was only attractive enough to fuck and that I would need more work for a relationship… I think that’s. When I started posting thirst pics to feel good about myself and really wanting and needing validation just to get through the day.
It really hurt what he said. I was never like this. I was a very good and quiet girl. I had strict parents.. my dad didn’t even want me to wear lipgloss growing up.… I started loving the bad girl I was becoming bc I felt free in college. I always dreamed of being a cam girl
I was getting hurt by men either way.. no guys were really attracted to me..
I think the last two situationships hurt me a lot… the last guy I was emotional support for and he just really made me believe that work was the reason for his lack of commitment … he was a firefighter on probation … he was taking it seriously… the month we stopped talking he entered into a relationship with someone and they got married 6 months later… the guy before was engaged and I hadn’t known until my cousin told me… she told him if he didn’t tell me she would… I had feelings for him. We had a lot of fun together… I noticed when we talked he would accidentally call me her name… I blocked him. They have a baby now
I just felt like I didn’t want this guy to turn out to be bad.. I thought maybe he was different but maybe he wasn’t. It just confirms that I’m not worth too much.. just a good time.
That’s why I’d rather be a placeholder than deal with hurt… but I thought he saw something different in me. That’s why it’s hard to let go.
Work as in cosmetic surgery.. look wise.
*what he said really hurt
Omg I’m sorry I didn’t respond to this! After I commented on what you posted I remember I opened this app but then closed it😭 unfortunately even being a placeholder can get you hurt, that’s why I think it’s best to avoid that stigma altogether because it’s so destructive. Even the most beautiful women, surgery and all get hurt, cheated on, no more or less than any woman. You just have to do inner work on yourself, heal all the trauma you’ve been through so much.
I mean so do you think he may have been wanting just one thing… or?
Why were you so in love with the other guy? What happened between you two..
I feel like what he did was selfish.. very selfish
Well, no offense at all but I’ve said that I don’t think he was just after one thing many times, although I do think it played a role. I’m not sure if you’re actually interested in what happened with me and this guy or you’re just trying to be kind lol but ultimately I stayed out of contact with him. I met someone else shortly after through a dating app just as a distraction so that I’d stay away. Fortunately I found someone who filled that role, this person ended up moving for work 4 months later but it did help being distracted and apart from the guy who hurt me. There’s so much to the story but just trying to keep it simple☺️
I’m chelsdope… I think I tried to send a request.
I thought maybe your opinion would change after saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship.. lol I’m sorry
I am very interested in knowing what happened tho… ik you told me some details
I’m back on dating sites… I deleted twice in 3 days bc I was scared… now I feel good to try again. I need a distraction
Why do you feel that guy was selfish? I’m just not sure what more he could’ve done. Like yes the ghosting was wrong, forgetting your name was really messed up (although I do think it could’ve been a misunderstanding since your friend is the one who called), but you finally were able to get ahold of him and he gave you closure, even if it’s not what you wanted to hear.
Sorry just sent this let me read what you said lol
I think it’s selfish because I told him from day one that I wasn’t intersected in sex… why did I get rejected bc I didn’t give him sex …also.. with no REAL mention of a relationship….
It’s selfish and it felt like a trick. I just truthfully can’t wrap my head around what went wrong… I just feel like we should have never went on that date.. there was no reason to.
I honestly think he thought of me as a whore and tried to play it cool until it was the right time.
But o well… he moved on. I feel better today…
It’s ok! lol but I think it was a mixture of things. One his end he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship right now and on yours it was the comments like calling yourself a placeholder. I also wonder if it just wasn’t a good first date since you were really quiet, not engaging much and wanted him to take the lead for even ordering your meal. Then when he ghosted you blew up his phone a bit, no offense. I feel like all of it combined just made you two a bad match. Even if you felt like there was a lot of potential on your end, he just didn’t have the same sentiments and I think it’s best to leave it at that. Telling yourself he’s selfish and only wanted sex will just make you feel worse and worse, this isn’t healing.
Maybe you should try my motto, and that’s for any man who doesn’t make it with me to the new year I leave them in the last. Up until my current relationship is never had a new years date or kiss, despite talking to men seriously around that time or even just being off and on but mostly on. It’s so hard finding the man who will fill that role in your life of being dependable, loyal and all about you.
Hey, sometimes we don’t agree with why men leave but it’s not always our job to understand and a lot of times they won’t even help us do that. Dating is mentally and emotionally draining, I don't know if you even realize how much we can put ourself through just to find love and companionship. I just think sometimes we have to stop trying so hard and actually look at what god is trying to do in our lives. You never told me, when I asked if you trust him fully to lead your life you do, right?
Yeah I def don’t think it was the greatest first date… I didn’t feel confident and I felt ashamed by my actions … I couldn’t redeem myself… he was cool until he started asking about sex so I shut down.
He probably thought I was as dumb as a box of rocks and maybe I wasn’t attractive to him..
I’ve never had a boyfriend or a first kiss… I’m a late bloomer… but I really wanted us to work out. He seemed to make a good bf… but I think him following that trans woman’s page really put me off. I would be so hurt if I lose him to someone else… I have beautiful trans cousins… I would’ve been scared for them to meet…
I try and think about that.
But that date might’ve been the killer.. I should have waited… I wish we can just start over but it’s done done
I told him my dad is a preacher… he said does he know about those pics… (they weren’t terrible”… just “sexy”
Yeah I trust him
The only way you’d know that he found someone else is if you kept tabs on him and I genuinely hope that is not in the plans.
Since you met online and not through mutuals or anything that ties you together more then there should be no issue. It’s ok to be a late bloomer, everyone’s timelines are different things won’t happen for you the way they do for the next person and that’s ok.
I can understand shutting down when he talked about sex, it makes things seem so one track minded. That would actually turn me all the way off now, when I met my current boyfriend he never brought up sex! That was so new for me. He was genuinely interested in getting to know me and have dates. It was also a green flag that he didn’t ask for sexy pics and even after almost two years together I’ve never sent him one or a nude. I don't know if I even knew how far out of my comfort zone I was stepping before in order to find a man. I remember wanting to be a cam girl when I was 23, around then is when I had the mentality of self destruction. When shit didn’t work I just wanted to be sexy, get complimented by men and build my self esteem because o felt like shit. But sending those pics, sexting, it wasn’t me it was just who I thought was better to become, like I was absolutely convinced I’d never find a good guy and I’d been so deeply hurt I’d just given up on love, couldn’t take anymore.
That’s good, so I will say if you trust god then trust this. This is where you are meant to be, not in a relationship with that guy and you have to believe it. I know it’s hard because you feel like he was the one and it’s too sucky losing him but be patient, trust god, pray about this.
He can def do better than me. I’m not at all smart, I fell out with my family, I have unhealed trauma. I’ve been called dumb and slow my whole life.. he’s the complete opposite.. he went to a prestigious college.. masters in oil and gas engineering.. he’s intelligent.
I’m just so stupid lol not to be negative … that’s one reason I don’t date..
My trans cousins are more interesting and better looking … I could never feel confident with him. Even tho he never made me feel that way I can feel that’s the reason he doesn’t want to talk to me
Do you see how toxic that is? Why on earth would you say that about yourself, does it feel better? I know you have to unlearn these things and I know you’re having a hard time but honey help yourself a bit and stop that. It is not hard to tell yourself you aren’t dumb…
He NEVER brought up sex until the date… I never sexted him and he never asked.. but I think since he knew I wasn’t going to be his girlfriend he wanted to see if sex was available
Wow I felt the same way! We have had similar experiences
I just feel like it’s the truth… I feel like I can’t be like other girls. So smart, so pretty..
You’re so smart and you’re getting married…
When he brought up the sex thing, was it after the placeholder comment or did he know your stance on that yet?
And you absolutely can be like other girls! Trust me I felt how you did for sooo long, especially because my best friend of years was so much more attractive than me. She got all the men and I felt so left out so when we I got attention I and the guy was my type I went for it, without knowing yet if he’s a good person. I swear I got caught up in so much! I remember being so damn depressed as all my friends got into relationships and I it felt like I couldn’t even hold down a situationship.
I didn’t have dates for important events or holidays, it sucked a lot. But it does and it can get better once men are no longer the priority. I realized I was feeling so bad because of men, them hurting me and not accepting me or being serious, leaving me when things were good, all those negative feelings about myself was their faults! So I got fed the hell up and focused on myself, even when there was a guy I was really interested in I turned them down for almost 2 years before I met my fiancé. Of course I wanted companionship, I though I was ready mentally and in a good place in life but I wasn’t yet. God knew when I was ready and only then was when he gave me the right guy. It will happen for you! I have so much confidence in that because I can tell you’re a good person. You are very much like me, shy and quiet, so it’s easy for us to get taken advantage of or end up with bad men, that’s why we have to protect ourselves the best we can.
Nobody will love you like you, advocate for yourself like you can. The most important relationship besides with god is with yourself.
The placeholder comment was way back when we first started talking… we never mentioned the whole placeholder thing on our date…
I def think this was an eye opener for me … maybe I did self sabotage …
Yeah, I think it was an eye opener more than anything! Sometimes you need that last bad situation that you can tolerate to happen before you’re ready for change. Honestly maybe it’s good to have ended the year like this so you can leave it in the past, you know? Like you’re really starting fresh new year and all.
Yeah, I’m leaving him in the past.
Yes… I told you in this forum and you responded to it. It’s in here
Opinion
1Opinion
He's not worth it trust me
I don’t understand what I did to deserve this
Don't take it too personal
Why not?
Cause he's a loser
He just didn’t find me attractive I guess
Probably
He was embarrassed your friend called him out?
I don’t know… but it’s an all around hurtful situation
Sorry to hear that.
When she called him.. he asked what’s my name. … then he said he’s in the hospital and it not a good time… but hasn’t been in the hospital that long….
He was active on twitter the day I texted him… a few days after the date.
I just don’t understand what I did to deserve this.
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