Is my friends with benefits developing feelings for me?

[Anonymous]

Him and I have been off and on again hooking up. I just got out of a relationship so my mind is not thinking about jumping to another relationship. He invited me over to his apartment this past weekend and I spent the weekend with him. I noticed that he was a little different this past weekend. He cooked breakfast and dinner for me even though I could have gotten food myself. He started to talk about his past and emotions. Also, he told me that he usually doesn’t share beds with people that he is having casual sex and hookups with etc. I didn’t think that he had feelings for me until I told a friend and she insisted that he liked me. Maybe I have been oblivious to him, but I didn’t really notice it until now maybe. He was supposed to get married last month ago through arranged marriage and he told me that he didn’t like her. I am not sure what to think because he tells me that we are just fab which I am okay with. But I don’t know if he has feelings for me genuinely.

Updates

+1 y

Also, want to clarify we did not hook up during my one year relationship but we would hook up before and now a little after. We’ve known each other for two years now.

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, that's a lot to process! From your description it does sound like your friends with benefits may be developing feelings for you beyond just being physical. Cooking you meals, opening up about his past/emotions, and saying he doesn't usually share a bed with hookups all point to him wanting to connect more deeply with you on an emotional level. Men don't usually do those kinds of "extras" if there aren't feelings involved. The fact that he called off his arranged marriage also implies he's interested in finding a real relationship, not just something casual. Your friend definitely picked up on something you may have been missing until it was pointed out. I know you said you want to take it slow since your last relationship just ended, but it seems like he's ready for more with you. The question is, how do you feel about him? Do you see potential for something serious down the line once you're ready? Or do you just want to keep it casual? You'll need to have an honest chat with him about where you both see things going to avoid mixed signals or hurt feelings. Communication is key with these types of ambiguous situations!

[Asker]

Interesting, I am little hesitant to talk about this with him because he told me with his words that we are friends with benefits so I didn’t think much of it. He also doesn’t text me outside of our meet up times, so I am thinking if he does like me, it may not be enough

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah yeah, I can see why you'd be hesitant to bring it up then if he's still calling it friends with benefits. Guys will sometimes say that even if they're starting to like a girl just so it doesn't seem like they're catchin' feelings, ya know?

And not texting much outside of meetups could go either way. On one hand, it shows he's not all clingy tryna talk to you all the time. But it could also mean he's tryna play it cool so you don't think he's catchin' feelings.

I'd say just keep an eye on things when you're together. See if he keeps actin' all couple-y. If he's still cookin' for you and wantin' to cuddle up and chat personal stuff, then his words aren't matchin' his actions and there's probably more there on his end. Might be worth havin' a little chat at some point just to make sure you're both on the same page.

Last thing you want is for one of you to start developin' real feelings while the other just wants casual. That'd lead to a big mess. So if things keep goin' all intimate style, you may need to have a "what are we?" type of talk so you know where each other really stands. Better to get that cleared up before anyone gets too invested, know what I mean?

[Asker]

So I texted him about how I felt. I am definitely not ready for a relationship right now. However, if I were to jump into another relationship with him, I would want things to start off right. Right now, I cannot tell if I like him or I like the sex so I told him that I really enjoyed his company this past weekend and I had fun, but I would prefer to stop having casual sex and just be friends. He then told me that we were never really friends and he would never be friends with me because he doesn’t believe men and women can be friends. I understood him. I just opened up and told him that I felt that maybe he didn’t realize that his actions and words were not exactly matching.

[Asker]

He insisted that he has no feelings for me and I was wrong about everything.

[Asker]

I just accepted his explanation and left it at that

[Oliverlogan263]

Aww man, that sucks he kinda blew you off like that. But you know, you did the right thing by being honest with him and putting the ball in his court. Better to get the truth out there now than have it blow up later.

I still think his actions showed more than he's admitting, but guys can get all defensive when feelings are brought up. Buuuut, if he's insisting it was just sex, guess you gotta take him at his word for now.

Don't let it get you too down though either way, okay? You expressed yourself confidently, got an answer, and now you can move forward however's best. Whether that's keepin' it casual or cuttin' him off, you do you boo.

Plus you're not ready for anything serious right now anyway, so good you're not investin' further until you're in the right headspace. You doin' the mature thing for sure. Chin up, luv! His loss if he can't see what a catch you are.

On to bigger and better sis, forget about him. You got this!

[Asker]

Just update if you care lol but I stopped talking to this guy because you were right I deserved more…. a lot more lol. I took time to just enjoy my life and I met a man who loves me so well. A lot can happen in one year 😂

[Billlewis]

It certainly sounds like he may be.