Guys: why would you not get hard if you were attracted to a girl?

[Anonymous]

I went out with a guy who thought I was very attractive. First time he wanted to mess around, he couldn’t get hard after playing. He said he was nervous and his hands were actually shaking. He wouldn’t even let me try. He was all over me but couldn’t and actually blocked his area. :/

Second time, he still says I’m very sexy and beautiful. We end up in his room, he was all over me but couldn’t get hard. Wouldn’t let me touch “it”, and became very shy-like and wanted to stop immediately.

He said he doesn’t know why he can’t get hard with me.

After, he said he really likes me but can’t do it with me. He still wants to be my friend and help me with anything I need.

It made me very self conscious and confused. What could be the issue? Is it me?

[NamerOfStars]

Humans lack the baculum, or penis bone, that most mammals (even the other great apes!) have. Consequently, our erections are ENTIRELY pressure-based; while it's an everyday occurrence (for most young and middle-aged men, at least), it's actually an incredible team effort of the vascular, circulatory, and nervous systems.

Intoxication, fatigue, health problems, nervousness, stress- quite a few things can go wrong to keep it from happening. Those last two tend to be self-reinforcing, too; anxiety builds on itself rather efficiently. The logical thing to do is to keep going in other aspects of sexual stuff; absent a more serious problem, the penis will usually get the message and get back on track.

It sounds like you even were reasonable and didn't freak out about it, as evidenced by the fact that there was a second time- this is good; it sends the message that you're not a psychopath. However, it doesn't keep HIM from freaking out, which it sounds like he did.

Long story short, no, it's not you.

[Keyboardkat]

It's probably not you. If a straight guy is physically healthy, impotence with a desired woman is usually a sign of feelings of inadequacy. Perhaps his father perceived a growing son as a "threat" and tried to deny or not acknowledge his son's feelings of attraction to girls when he came of age. He needs some therapy to overcome this problem. You can't "fix" him because you didn't cause the problem.

[Dongie]

Really? Are you into psychology?

[dustybiker2]

It isn't you. It could be any number of causes, but you are not one of them.

[236color]

Attracted and sexually aroused are not the same thing. This is also a function of age. At 15 a stiff breeze would make me hard, at your age it took a little more.

[236color]

Ok I just shot from the hip on that one. Reading the rest of your post, I have more to say. Is it possible this guy is a virgin, or very inexperienced and possibly traumatized by a previous partner that belittled his previous performance? Again if he is in your age group it's less likely it's a physical issue, but still possible. Diabetes or some other disease process could be the root. He doesn't want you to touch it because he's embarrassed it's not hard. It may be a difficult conversation, but if you can get him to talk to you about it, you probably figure out if this is physical or mental. The psychological issues can be worked on. If get to a point where he feels less pressure to perform, it may just happen. Physical stuff might be treatable with medication, but maybe not, lots of factors enter into that.

[Dongie]

Is he a Virgo?
Possibly to painfully shy, perhaps he feels inadequate (size).

And there's always the other thing but he sounded very turned on by you so I doubt that.

[Sharkstealth]

Ita all about no excercise and bad eating habits. Eating processed foods, sugar and consuming alcohol. Most women like fat out of shape men because they are heavier and bulky looking.

[DrPepper12]

My guess would be he's married and he can't perform out of guilt.

[Joshgag2000]

It could be a medical condition or just not attracted to you

[Anonymous]

Maybe he has diabetes and has erection problems

[Anonymous]

Anxiety, erectile dysfunction, low testosterone, recent orgasm.

[exitseven]

He is really nervous or he has a medical issue

[spartan55]

Of course, it's all about you. Typical.

[spartan55]

At the age of 30-35 you have an embarrassing amount of facts about the male member. Educate yourself.

[Anonymous]

It's his own insecurities.

[jahaims]

You're how old and don't know how a penis works?