What does it mean when a man asks what you bring to the table?

[Anonymous]

[MrOracle]

Most women have a long list of things they expect a man to "bring to the table" in a relationship. Common items women have on their lists:

• Being Tall
• Being good-looking.
• A high salary
• Being protective
• Taking her out frequently
• Paying most/all of the household bills
• Being able to build/repair things.
• Having formal education (a college degree, etc.)
• Having high social status
• Etc.

Women have absolutely no problem demanding things from a man in a relationship, so why should a woman be surprised when a man wants things in return? And if he doesn't know that woman well, and if it isn't obvious what she has to offer, why is it unexpected that he would ask her what she has to bring to the table in the relationship?

Relationships come with a very high price for a man - a relationship implies a large number of duties and expectations on the man - and marriage further adds many legal obligations and liabilities - so most men aren't going to consider giving a woman a commitment unless he knows he's going to get some things in return. And that's hardly unreasonable.

[MrOracle]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3XkgbOFyJU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YrttMYAe8s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7EtkFyyeBI

[NathanDavis]

it means he's immature, insecure... and kind of a douchebag as well

avoid...

[Asker]

Wow, that was fast and shocking!

[NathanDavis]

and 96% of the time... the truth

the other four percent... are man trying to organize the party at the office on a Friday, and genuinely asking you what will you bring to the office party to put it at the table

[Asker]

Nice answer!

[SueShe]

Beware, your answer is not to the liking of @BoopBoopBeep , he will tell you that you should get help!

[BoopBoopBeep]

@SueShe When your response to any question is " how can I misuse your body for my sole benefit." and it's NOT meant in an S&M or some sort of fetish way, then it's typically a consequence of your repression manifesting in a way that assumes everyone is inevitably going to go through the abuse that you did. It's cliche, sure, but it's still something you can get help for.

[SueShe]

The Cambridge dictionary defines "to bring something to the table" as:

- Add to word list or
- to provide something that will be a benefit

In other words, it simply mean to add a specific benefit to a cause, a group or to work.

What kind of assets do you have that could benefit others and that others don't have.

It is a pretty simple definition of what someone can do to improve something when in a group.

[Asker]

How about a relationship, is it the same concept?

[SueShe]

In a relationship, this would mean how good are you sexually and how can I misuse your body for my sole benefit.

If a girl asks that to a guy, that would mean how much money do you have and how much can I use for my sole benefit in exchange for sex.

[Asker]

Sure thing.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Please get help.

[BoopBoopBeep]

That was to @sueshe

[SueShe]

thanks for the MHO

[TheRealPepperPotts]

It means he isn't in love with you... :D

[Asker]

I think so.

[DarkLegacy]

No different when woman demands what a man brings to the table

[TommyMountainFigure]

It literally means in what way can you contribute to the relationship!

[Asker]

You don’t see any bad intentions

[TommyMountainFigure]

It's a very cold way of asking what in fact EVERYONE would like to know about any future relationship.. No I don't see it as having any bad overtones, it's just very direct.

Some people however ARE direct.

[Asker]

Agree with you on that some people are direct

[TommyMountainFigure]

The response of course is, 'OK, whilst I have a think... Why don't you start the ball rolling and tell me what YOU bring to the table?'

[TommyMountainFigure]

@cieloazul I think it is all down to perception.. You see if a guy comes over to a woman and starts behaving obnoxiously, it will instantly cause her to be wary.. THEN if he was to ask that question.. It's off to a bad start.. If however a couple are just meeting for the first time.. he goes and gets the drinks.. and you're at the asking questions stage.. getting to know each other.. I don't see that as wrong.. But if she was to ask the guy the same question. I wouldn't see that as wrong either!.. Again.. it is all down to how one is perceived!

[Account]

Who the fuck asks that shit while dating. I would laugh and walk away. It is extremely rude to be asking anyone that question.

[HighValue]

It means he wants to know how will his life be better by having a relationship with you. He wants specific examples of what is better about being with you as opposed to the very MANY other women that have nothing more to offer than looks and sex. It is often a sign that he is looking for a potential serious long term partner. Also, often people that ask that know that they have a lot of good qualities and would GREATLY benefit someone that is in a relationship with them, so they don't want to be taken advantage of by the common low quality people.

The people that wouldn't ask that, or that are offended by it are the ones only looking to use someone temporarily and leave them. (Examples would be a woman using someone for money/resources, and a man using someone for sex and once the person gets that, they move on to someone else.)

[Asker]

But in my opinion, asking such questions is sometimes alarming, because if they get married and then something happens to the woman that makes her unable to provide certain things, he may leave her.

[HighValue]

It is more based on her intent. Does she intend to contribute to the relationship and make his life better/happier, or is she only in it to see what she can use him for while doing next to nothing herself. It is normally only a problem for low quality people that have the mindset of "What can I get? I don't care what you want in a relationship. Me me me!"
Any good quality man should be asking that of any potential mate because (though most women hate to admit it) the MAJORITY of women for the last few generations have used and abused men and brought great stress and hardship into their lives. That is the MAJORITY, not a small amount of exceptions. The higher quality the man is, the more expectations he would rightfully have of a potential partner. And it should be pretty easy to be good enough for a good quality man because it is mostly based on the woman NOT being a bad immoral person making bad decisions in life. (don't be promiscuous, don't do drugs or drink lots of alcohol, don't have contact with an ex or post provocative/revealing pictures online, don't have kids from a past relationship, and be fair to him with expectations). Those things are easily within the woman's control.
The things that are desirable from a man are often not in his control (tall, strong, good strong jawline, deep voice, etc.).

[hahahmm]

He's saying, "I'm not a sucker. You're not getting what you want from me for nothing. And what you gave every man you knew before me does not even count. What are you bringing to THIS relationship that I can't get from any random street hooker for $19.95?"

[Asker]

Wow, that’s a vicious meaning lol

[hahahmm]

But it's real. A guy doesn't count the stuff he can get from any random woman. That's why a guy won't just take every woman seriously or wife her.

[provokeesmokee]

As @TommyMountainFigure says - he's asking what you contribute to the relationship.

in my opinion, asked outright early on, it's a red flag.

My best relationships haven't been about a black or white give and take. These contribution conversations happen organically and naturally, if you're in a healthy relationship.

[Asker]

Totally agree

[Lynx122]

What it means is are you going to be a woman who just wants to be catered to or will you put effort into the relationship and make your partners life better in some way? In the past men didn't have to ask that because the benefits of having a wife were obvious. But today things are different. Men have to be a lot more careful.

[Asker]

Perhaps what you said, or the question has alarming signals.

[Damaged00]

Think of it like a job interview. They are trying to find the right candidate, that checks all the boxes in order to fill a specific position. There are multiple candidates and they need to see if what you can contribute will be beneficial to the company more than the others. Who you are as a person doesn't really matter.

[MrOracle]

No, who they are as a person is exactly WHAT MATTERS - and question like this establish who that person is.

[Damaged00]

You can get to know someone by talking to them to see who that person is. This question only elicits qualities and things that are solely based on what they can contribute to a relationship. Do you think you're really going to get the whole truth. No, they are only going to list things they think you want to hear in order to get the spot of a girlfriend.

[MrOracle]

I'm not saying that's not possible, but LOTS of women make it very clear that they either have nothing to offer or they aren't willing to offer anything - and they aren't shy about telling you so. What's the harm in asking the question? That's literally part of talking and getting to know them.

Many girls have asked me what I do for a living, how much I make, where I live, what I drive, etc. Those are really just questions to see if I can provide a lifestyle acceptable to her - so why can't a man ask the same kind of questions?

[Damaged00]

When you put it like that, I can see why a guy would ask this. I didn't realize women actually tell men they aren't willing to offer anything.. but this would certainly filter out the ones who don't.

The only question I ask out of the ones you listed is what they do for a living. And that's mainly out of curiosity of what they do all day everyday. So if you're getting asked these questions then I totally agree it's fair game to ask this.

[MrOracle]

I'm not talking about me - I'm in a relationship so thankfully I'm not out trying to date. I'm sharing the experiences of lots and lots of men. Some of those men are here on GaG and some are in other forums and places, but this is a common issue men deal with.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7EtkFyyeBI

[Damaged00]

Dating is a shit show, that's for sure. It's good, though, that you are spreading awareness. But try not to lump all women together.

[Unit1]

It is a very unrefined way of asking "what makes you different from other girls? This is your chance to tell me more about yourself".

If you think about it, the original question was formed to point out, that every girl can look pretty and think highly of herself. However it comes across as arrogant, which can invoke an "ew" on the recipients end.

[Asker]

I see what you mean

[Lionman95]

He wants to know what you can invest or bring in the relationship. The reason is that he considers dating you but he wants to see whether or not it´s a situation where he just invests without getting something from the relationship with you.

[Asker]

Good point of view.

[IslaTheWitch]

that he is too limited to find out by himself... leave him and move on

[Asker]

It’s a hypothetical question, but agree with you.

[DarkLegacy]

It means that he is not some walkover simp who is expected to do everything to please the woman. A guy should not be expected to just settle for having a attractive women, men are allowed their preferences as well. Women who have a problem with this are entitled princesses who think they are allowed a checklist of things they expect in a man but men cannot do the same.

[RebelinSteel]

It’s means he’s an arse, who actually asks that crap? Also it’s not really hard to work out as you start dating.

[Asker]

I didn’t understand the second part lol

[RebelinSteel]

If you are dating someone, you can both work out what the other ‘brings to the table’, you are both working, the type of work you do, have you both got sense of humour, so you both get on,
It’s both that bring something to the table, it’s not a one sided thing.
I personally hate the term, it’s a bit stupid

You like each other, are compatible or you are not.

[Asker]

I see what you mean.
At first I thought you are saying to me to start working out like going to the gym lol
Thanks for the explanation!

[RebelinSteel]

Oh just reread it lol, I can see how you thought that 🤣

Nah just how you both view each other, you work out what each offers and relationships grow or finish.

[Asker]

It’s a hypothetical question anyway, but you made me laugh lol

[RebelinSteel]

Good, everyone should have a laugh

[Asker]

For sure. Thanks😊

[RebelinSteel]

And thank you

[MrOracle]

"Also it’s not really hard to work out as you start dating."

The whole point of asking that question up-front is to avoid having to invest weeks or months of dating before finding out the answer to that question. Many women have no trouble telling men that they have no intention of bringing anything to the table, and it's better to know who those women are from the start than to spend lots of time, money, and effort to find out.

At least if a woman has a decent answer to the question, it shows that she's actually thought about what she's contributing to the relationship that a man would value, which means there's a pretty decent chance that she'd be a good relationship partner.

If she's never thought about that before, or if she has terrible answers, well, that's also good to know.

The point is to avoid wasting each other's time if you can quickly determine that you aren't going to get what you need from them as a relationship partner. Everyone has needs in a relationship, and that's okay, but those things should be realistic and reasonable, on both sides, and both people should feel an obligation and duty to bring value to their partner.

[RebelinSteel]

@MrOracle if a guy is that thick he is not able to work out from her education, her hobbies and interests and her actual job, then how he interacts with her, then he should not be dating, as he does not have many social skills or the ability to think, it’s stupid at so many levels to ask this stuff. Also in the real world a lot of people if asked would be ‘WTF does that mean’

Also you ask day one, or even after a month, relationships change, focus changes, priorities change, what was there on day one, month one may have changed after 12 months. Does this mean you keep asking it.
She decides to do a degree course at university, do you now ask her again.

Are people really this thick that they cannot work shit out 🤣🤣

[sage2021]

He wants to know if you have $$$ money 💲💲 and a good job because he is a looser and needs security because he can't provide for you.

[Asker]

Perhaps, yes

[MrOracle]

Not at all. Men do not care about a woman's money - most men, anyway. I grant you that there are a few men who have absolutely nothing going for them, sure, but that's the exception, not the rule. The majority of men don't care about a woman's money and it doesn't add to her value in his eyes - men generally value other things far more highly than a woman's income. That's why a successful man would have little problem dating or even marrying a cashier or barista if she has the other things he's looking for.

The truth is, women who think that men care about their careers and money (in the context of that woman's "relationship value") actually shows that she has no idea what men want, and that's actually a major turn-off and red flag to many men.

[paledreams]

Maybe it's something average people say to average people? 😔😕 I mean I guess if looks are looks or skills are skills - everyone's looking for something 🤔👀

[Asker]

I think so.

[paledreams]

It's either a good compliment or for people to receive a lower component of a compliment lol 😆

[Asker]

Thanks for your elaboration.

[TonyMetal___86]

A loving married couple would never ask the other such question because they both bring to the table and in a real sacred marriage the husband and wife are one, which means there is no he and she!

[Asker]

That’s nice, but the reality is different sometimes.

[TonyMetal___86]

The reality is different because the majority of people do not know what a real sacred marriage is!

What is written is reality but what people are doing these days is false!

[Asker]

There is the real and the false out there. Thanks though.

[TonyMetal___86]

Rarely you find a real loving married couple whom their marriage lasts forever at all costs these days!

You're welcome.

[Asker]

Not from what I see around me, I see so many happily married couples. But thanks for your answer.

[TonyMetal___86]

That's good 👍🏻
You're welcome!

[MrOracle]

You totally missed the point of the question. This isn't a question a married couple would ask each other, because by then, they already know the answer. This is a question that total strangers would ask each other if they were considering dating each other. This is especially true if, say, the girl has a long list of things she wants from a relationship - which is quite common, and women rarely have any problem telling men exactly what they want. So why shouldn't men ask what he's going to get that HE values in return? Why should he invest in a relationship with a woman who just wants to take and give nothing back?

That's why men ask this question. It's to quickly determine if there's any relationship compatibility.

[Anonymous]

it means what qualities do you have that make you worthy of a relationship

but leave it up to a few snowflakes to get offended over this question

[Asker]

Perhaps, yes

[DishLady]

Like… what’s your contribution to the relationship… It’s a fairly common expression…

[Asker]

You don’t think it has any bad intentions?

[DishLady]

The expression isn’t bad. The user may or may not be bad. That’s up to you to figure out. Just stating that isn’t a bad thing by itself.

[DexWest]

A man hires a cook, a prostitute, and a cleaning maid. He owns his own house, makes 250k per year. What else can you contribute to the relationship?


That’s what it’s referring to. Most men can cook for themselves, do their own laundry, clean the house. Men want peace. They don’t want to deal with drama at work and at home.

[Juxtapose]

It means the guy is feeling like you aren't really offering him anything and he feels like he is expected to give you too much in exchange for nothing.

[Asker]

Yes, it might be this explanation.

[Juxtapose]

Possibly, only he really knows.

[RavVid]

It means what do you have to provide value to his life.

For myself I am more interested in if there is anything on the dark side of the table. What is there that will take value away from my life?

[Iron_Man]

They are just wondering what you bring to the relationship what kind of things do you contribute to?

[Asker]

Do you think that if this question is asked by a man that it has bad intentions or that the person is not good for the woman?

[Iron_Man]

Same but situation is different

[Asker]

I see what you mean. Thanks for answering my questions!

[Iron_Man]

Sure of course no problem

[Nikki1989]

Only a misogynistic creep would ask that.

[Anonymous]

It means why should he pick you as opposed to all the other millions of women out there who most likely have the same qualities as you that every woman seems to think makes them special. How do you stand apart from all the other women?

[Anonymous]

Like you literally don't know what that means?😆

Little hint: He's not being literal.

So don't go get him a sandwich.😆

[Asker]

I’ll keep him hungry lol

[Opinion Owner]

I probably wouldn't have used that wording if I were him. But it's a valid question.

[Asker]

Sure thing

[Anonymous]

He wants to know what you're making him for dinner.

[Asker]

Funny.

[Anonymous]

Well. A lot of women “I have my standards” but they don’t offer a lot in return. But then they feel they’re entitled to the kind of men they want. Really?

[Asker]

You have a problem also

[Opinion Owner]

What problem? I know how to find quality women

[Opinion Owner]

If you can’t get the kind of men you’re wanting. Then reevaluate yourself. Figure out what you have to offer besides what’s between your legs. Not saying you’re like that. But if you are

[Opinion Owner]

I know some people think sex or kids is enough. Well most women can have babies and have a vagina….. so. Just like most men have a penis. Doesn’t mean they all make good partners

[Asker]

I think you are the same person from the other question, why are you anonymous

[Opinion Owner]

What other question? Your profiles private

[Opinion Owner]

I am anonymous because people get mad and blow my inbox up.

[Opinion Owner]

Never mind. It’s not private. But you asked a lot of questions. Lol.

[In_Trance]

He's asking what you have to contribute to a solid relationship that's going to last

[shortster]

What is your go to dish for a potluck style dinner party?

[msc545]

In the US, everything is transactional. No wonder most marriages and relationships fail.

[Anonymous]

He’s a loser and he has no money and he watches that fresh and fit nonsense

[normalice]

He wants a transactional relationship.

[deja_vudu]

Blame america first?

[HelpfulWoman]

probably skippable.

[Asker]

Perhaps, yes