Why did he friendzone me if he has feelings for me?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been chatting with this guy online for about 5 years but three weeks ago we met for the first time and since then spent almost every day together at his house. He is very touchy with me, tries to cuddle, hug me, kiss my neck from behind, massage my feet, touch my ass and keeps telling me how cute, sexy and beautiful I am every day. Since I felt him pulling away I asked him and he told me that he only sees us as friends because I didn’t reciprocate his affections and didn’t want to kiss him (I’m very shy and have no relationship experience - he knows that) and have only been seeing him for 3 weeks. I feel like if he really liked me he would have given me more time than just 3 weeks so why did he really friendzone me? What do you think?

[BetaBucks]

Especially after knowing each other for five years and being around each other for three weeks straight, a normal guy will assume that you're not into him. Guys are looking for a spark, and when it's not there, or it seems forced, we have to either accept a low interest relationship or move on.

Imagine if the roles were reversed and you did everything he did, but he didn't reciprocate. It's likely you would feel that he's not into you. And it would likely be true.

[Asker]

Bruh I was chasing a guy for 6 years …

[BetaBucks]

But you didn't reciprocate in person, so he assumed a lack of spark between you two.

[CuriousHubby]

He wants sex and you said no! Clearly he was trying to seduce you and got but hurt that you said no!

It's a dumb move but he decided he wanted you sexually or not at all!

He never gave your personality a chance just was pushing for sex! No matter what he said!

He tossed away 5 years I'm sorry he was so awful never seeing you as anything more not even friends.

[Asker]

But he just massaged me yesterday before he told me that he just saw me as a friend.

[spartan55]

@asker
Of course he says that now after you shot him down. He's trying to save face.

[Asker]

@spartan55 why if he knows that I like him back. Now he keeps apologising for misleading me …

[spartan55]

How would he know you like him back when you won't even kiss him? He definitely doesn't think you like him.

[Asker]

@spartan55 I told him that I thought he wanted more and that to me his actions and being touchy were not platonic

[spartan55]

Okay... so that is letting him know you think of him as a platonic friend.

[Asker]

@spartan55 no it’s not

[CuriousHubby]

How could it not be?

Hey I don't want touches kisses or massages that kinda clearly says friend zone to guys and girls.

He will probably ghost you soon after not getting what he wanted. Sorry 😔

[ProbablyClueless]

He friend zoned you for the exact reason he told you; you aren't reciprocating his interest. If anything, he didn't friendzone you; you put him on ice.

You've known him for 5 years and he's made open advances for 3 weeks; that's definitely way more than enough time for you to know if there's a sexual vibe. The fact you didn't reciprocate his energy means that he lost interest. A connection with you became way more trouble than it was worth.

[Asker]

Yeah but I’ve never seen him in those 5 years plus I’m a virgin with no relationship experience

[ProbablyClueless]

I feel ya. Unfortunately, that timidity is what made him realize that a relationship with you was impractical.

[Asker]

Don’t you think he would have tried harder if he really liked me?

[ProbablyClueless]

Nope. He did actually like you. He most definitely really liked you.

[Asker]

Then why didn't he give me more time?

[ProbablyClueless]

Because three weeks is already a lot of time. That's actually a huge amount of time. And you didn't even need to have sex with him or anything.

I cannot stress this point enough: literally all you had to do to keep him interested is be receptive to his advances. Just acting like you wanted him to touch you.

[spartan55]

Because you weren't doing anything and he gave up.

[Asker]

After 3 weeks?

[spartan55]

Plus FIVE years of talking... uh yeah.

[DtMe89]

Maybe he's not ready yet. Who knows.

[smurfwrangler]

3 weeks is an eternity!

[Asker]

It’s not some guys wait for months

[Asker]

And in his mind he friendzoned me after 1 week

[smurfwrangler]

also you've been chatting for FIVE YEARS

[Asker]

Yeah but I never saw him in person until three weeks ago and I’m a virgin

[Asker]

Besides, many guys claim that men don’t even friendzone women so what’s up with that?

[smurfwrangler]

nobody waits months for a stupid kiss. you're too slow

[smurfwrangler]

men friendzone women

[Asker]

It was not even one month

[smurfwrangler]

one month is too long. kisses happen on the first date and you've been talking for 5 friggin years!

[Asker]

Then why does he still keep calling me beautiful and sexy and cute and tickle me every day?

[smurfwrangler]

he's still trying to get with you obviously. he probably doesn't have another option lined up

[Asker]

Then why does he tell me he only sees me as a friend?

[smurfwrangler]

probably so he doesn't freak you out with his advances since you're a virgin