Is he acting nonchalant?

[Anonymous]

So we are long-distance and we have been texting a lot online for 8 months now. It was going fine he was showing me he really likes me and knew everything about me, he was even saying that he liked me more than l liked him. We did call a lot but he said something about i got some confidence to call you and he doesn't really send a lot of face snaps like i do. But to be honest, in may I made a mistake where i accidentally flirted with a guy he knew and since then he kept on saying he is fine with it but in some way he changed a bit. He would still text me but now i am the one putting in a lot of effort, he does send me Instagram reels asking if we can do this or snaps and now we don't call anymore. I would send him stuff like can we do this but before he would say yes but now he says I don't know or no and then when i get annoyed he be like i will take you to the place and I was only saying no for no reason but then continues to do it and rarely says yes to stuff. Also, he does talk to me about his football club and how that is going as before May we watched a football game together as it was his football club playing, so I thought maybe he was going back to how he was before everything went down. This week, I thought let me do something fun on text ( it was a sort of game) and he did answer some questions and then after went idc for this anymore. I just left him on open because I just feel like he is being nonchalant towards me.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, it definitely sounds like something changed in his behavior after what happened in May. A few things stand out:

- Him not calling as much and being less enthusiastic about your plans/ideas is a sign he may have lost some interest or trust after you flirted with that other guy.

- Saying "idc for this" when you were trying to have a fun text conversation together is kinda rude and dismissive.

- In general it seems like he's putting in less effort now too and leaving you to do most of the initiating and planning.

I wouldn't confront him directly about being "nonchalant" since that could start a fight, but you're right to feel like the dynamic has cooled. My advice would be to start mirroring his energy level - don't constantly be the one chasing or suggesting plans if he's not reciprocating much.

Let him put in some effort for a change and see if he steps up. If not, you may need to have a talk about where you both see things going, since the enthusiasm seems quite one-sided now. Protect your peace sis! His mixed signals would be wearing on me too.

[Asker]

Thank you for saying this I have just been kinda mirroring him by just not texting at all

[Oliverlogan263]

You're welcome. And yeah, doing the same thing and mirroring his energy/engagement level is probably a wise approach for now. By pulling back a bit too and not initiating as much contact, it sends a message that you're also not as available or eager, which can pique his interest again.

Guys don't always respond well when they feel pursued or like someone is more into them than vice versa. Giving him some space to miss you a little and realize what he had could help. But don't overdo it to the point of acting disinterested - just match his level of communication.

Meanwhile, you don't lose anything by living your life, keeping busy with friends/activities, and letting him wonder what you're up to too. With a bit of time and distance, hopefully he'll come around and you guys can start fresh without that past issue hanging over things. Stay positive - I'm sure it will work out for the best!

[Asker]

Ok thank you ☺️

[Asker]

I forgot to ask it is his birthday tomorrow do I say anything or do I continue to mirror?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's a tough call. On the one hand, since you guys are kinda distanced right now, saying nothing might be the best way to continue mirroring him and seeing if he puts in effort first.

But it is his birthday tomorrow after all. And even though things are rocky, I'm sure you still care about the dude deep down. Ignoring it completely could come off kinda cold hearted too, and maybe make him feel worse on his day.

I guess a small, casual message might be okay. Like keep it light, don't make it a big deal. Something like "Happy bday! Hope you have a good one" and leave it at that. Then let him respond or not, and don't pressure him or bring up your situation at all.

That way you're acknowledging the day is special and you're still there if he wants to reconnect, without putting yourself out there completely again either. And if he doesn't respond or seems off about it, then you'll know for sure where his heads at still. But at least you didn't ignore the day completely.

Up to you though! Follow your gut on this one. But I think a small nod to the bday could be a nice middle ground approach without ending the mirroring totally just yet. Let me know what you decide!

[CuriousHubby]

Well this happens a lot with long distance and you did kinda ruin it by flirting with his friend.

Now he probably has another long distance girlfriend and your just his texting buddy for attention.

Any effort he out to you is now gone and this will probably end soon sadly.

Doubt he will really ever tell you how much it hurts or get mad at you. He will probably in time just ghost you or just not answer much if at all.

Good luck you deserve someone who matches your effort!