What do you say to a guy who says he misses you but you don’t miss him at all?

[TsundereMatrix]

It’s been a while seen I’ve been on here. Recently I have this guy from my childhood bombard me with messages saying he has had a crush on me for years and still does. Thats not the problem. The problem is he has an unhealthy obsession with me. I told him multiple times I only like him as a friend. He seemed to accept it for a while but then he keeps telling me about his crush on me, that he misses me and wants to cuddle me so badly. We have nothing to talk about. The only things he can talk about is his crush on me, how much he wants me, how much he misses me and his traumatic car accident he had 3 years ago. Any other topic hits a dead end as he only responds with “lol”, “I know”, “okay” and just one word replies like that. I try to keep the conversation going but I end up not replying because of that. We can go months without speaking. Previously I have said “I miss you too” but that just made him even more clingy.

He says he misses me every time I interact with him but I don’t miss him at all. I kind of cut him out of my life. His family are family friends of mine and so he knows my parents. If he sees one of my parents he will ask him what I’m up to, then my parents will tell me I should reach out to him and catch up with him. I don’t tell him my reason why I don’t because they will just tell me he has a disability (I’m not sure how true that is) and that I should at least acknowledge him and be nice to him.

Any advice is appreciated.

Updates

1 y

Sorry for the typos and wrong use of words. I typed this on my phone and my autocorrect changes things a lot

Updates

1 y

I forgot to add an extra detail that really gives me the ick. He has aggressively hit on his underage coworkers too

[Crimsyjo]

Sounds like time for an upfront message putting it out there exactly how you feel. You sound nice. So I don't think you are type to wanna just ghost or block him. Remember you are NOT responsible for him or his feelings. I don't know his situation after his accident. Maybe he feels there is no hope and no future for him and so he has built up a fairy tale golden age of back when he crushed on you and you were perfect and his life was uncomplicated and good. He can't let go of that fantasy.

I had similar thing recently. A guy I barely remember and briefly went out with ten years ago. I had him blocked on Facebook and silly me unblocked him. It's been ten years! But bam up he popped. He has a girlfriend and kids now but he was telling me how unhappy he was and all these memories of how perfect it was when we were together. How he messed everything up and how I was the one he should of been with. How he's thought of me all these years and tried finding me. I met him for a catch up making it clear I wasn't interested in him like that and I was trying to help him with his current relationship. But even tho I said no he tried pouncing on me. Then got all depressed and miserable at the rejection. Then turned it all about sex. Then felt rejected and depressed again.

Anyways.. sorry I diverged. Morale is spell it out, be nice but clear, then do not feel responsible for his feelings. You haven't done anything wrong by not reciprocating. And if you decide you have to block him he will know why. I rarely block but if a guy is too persistent after explaining that I'm not interested it just has to be done at some point.

[TsundereMatrix]

You’re right, I am a nice person and I always feel guilty when I have to block someone. I rarely do unless they intentionally hurt me in some way. Thats the hard part. I thought silence would work but it doesn’t. My family wanting me to acknowledge him doesn’t help either which is why this is so difficult.

[Crimsyjo]

Your going to have to be upfront with your family too. They should be backing you up if he's starting to feel uncomfortable even creepy in his over infatuation.

Also... if it helps look at this way. Whatever his issues are he is avoiding it by putting all his attention on you. It will be kinder to him too to let him go so he has to face his problems not hide from them. If your family care so much let them go communicate with him and offer comfort.
You have a right to protect your own space and emotional needs.

[ShellyB]

Who is it that said you have to be mean to be nice sometimes? I think you are at that point, I don’t mean intentionally mean or trying to hurt him but I think you need to help him realize this is not a path he should be on, it will be worse for him maybe that day or for a short time but it will be better for him in the long run. Exactly how you word it is up to you I have said it different ways, the nicest way I have said was prob. “I love you, just not the way you want” and the meanest was prob “you bored me then and now you just bore me some more.” JMO!

[TsundereMatrix]

Yep! I had guys lead me on and it doesn’t feel good so I try to be straight up and say exactly how I feel when I don’t feel the same but it sucks when someone can’t take no for an answer

[Summeroflove]

There comes a point where you have to put your foot down with somebody who cannot take no for a answer. You can genuinely care for this man as your friend but have zero romantic feelings for him.

But people who can’t let it go are annoying, I assume if someone shuts you down in a respectful way yeah maybe it hurts but at the same time you’re not going to keep bringing it up just hoping.

You may need to tell him that we just have nothing anymore and that all he can talk about is his crush, that you just feel we were meant to be in each others life for a season but that season is over, and maybe we have overstayed our welcome in one another’s lives. I wish you well but we just have nothing to talk about anymore.

If he cannot leave you alone you’re going to need to be more firm with him at the end of the day all he’s doing is sabotaging himself to the point where all while he obsesses over you, other women who may be a much better fit for himself he's passing by.

[razelove]

I'd reply in line with your username "Baka, I don't miss you at all!" You know, only don't be ambiguous about it. Maybe be clear to your folks about the no buyback policy too. It just isn't a great idea to get back with exes, from my experience at least. Like it feels good and easy at first, then it crashes and burns again, and it feels less good each time you get back together while crashing faster.

Maybe he'd get better at talking to women if he had to go back out in the deep end and let go too, who knows. Either he's a simp, has a fantasy of the relationship y'all had, or both.

[Account]

Tell him that you don't find him interesting. Simple. Or if you want to be more "human-like" be dry and boring and don't give more than two word answers. Just like he does. Mimic it.

[HawkPerception]

If you don't miss him at all, then you don't have to respond at all.

I'm a very communicative and blunt person. If a girl said they miss me with the intention of romance and the feeling wasn't mutual, I'd say something along the lines of: "I appreciate you sharing that with me, but I don't feel the same. I know you'll find someone that's able to return your feelings one day."

If there's no romantic intention, then I'd respond with something like: "I miss ya too!"

In your case (assuming the guy has romantic intentions), the former is probably what I'd say.

[Anonymous]

Write to him candidly (or tell him in person if you feel safer to do so) that you no longer want to be friends and give him reasons (e. g. you don't have anything to talk about, you feel uncomfortable around him because he has repeatedly said he has a crush on you, his interest in underage coworkers makes you feel uncomfortable, real friends shouldn't feel uncomfortable around each other).

I feel that you are a people pleaser, lack boundaries, and have low self-esteem / self-doubt. You need to work on these because there are ‘predators’ (e. g. narcissists) out there who will exploit you.

[Opinion Owner]

I meant to say "feel safe" not "feel safer"

[Opinion Owner]

Do not feel guilty that he has a disability. You need to take care of yourself.

[Opinion Owner]

The reason I say to give reasons is we are all flawed people and that input may help him change (warning: don't continue to be his friend even if he says he will change as some people will lie...)

[TsundereMatrix]

You’re right. I am a bit of a people pleaser and I try not to be, I do struggle with self esteem. You are also right about him as well.

[Opinion Owner]

I am not saying he is a narcissist. I am just telling you because I used to be pretty similar to you. It took a couple of relatively recent traumatic experiences with narcissistic people to realize I needed to work on myself. I suggest you read about boundaries, cluster b personalities, and gaslighting.

[Opinion Owner]

You may also want to read about abuse/trauma.

[Lostgirl611]

I know you want to be nice but there comes a point that if you have nothing in common then it'll be obvious to the both of you. Leading him on will put him in a place of denial thinking everything is fine despite the lack of chemistry. I'd FaceTime him and tell him how you feel. I'm sure he'll be hurt but he'll understand if he truly cares for you. Otherwise, you are wasting each other's time.

[the29thhuman]

Why do you engage with him?
Guys are dense and dumb and can’t tell wether we are talking or flirting and then they blame us for not spelling it out 😂✌️


Dude is clearly ill. Go cold turkey on this guy and block him at any angle he comes at you.
Be firm.


But if you let it happen then you will deal with the repercussions.


Up to you.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

Kinda sounds like you might have to involve the police.

Can you just block him? Hopefully he'll take the hint.

Or if you don't want to cut him off entirely, could you just scale your interactions with him way back? Like only respond to him once a week?

[Makeushiver]

As the musician Dan Hicks & his Hot Licks said, "how can I miss you if you won't go away, I begged you to leave but you wanted to stay. Or, in another song. "Take your tongue out of my mouth cause I'm kissing you goodbye"

[katiesmuff]

Sometimes you just have to be rude and shut him down. Stop taking his calls, ignore him if you see him in person and should he confront you it's a harsh "I'm not a bit interested in you"

[quadjo]

Just tell him ok thank you anything he says that , it's will make him ok and the same time make him know his chances with you

[Emmytexrex]

That is extremely obsessive no that's bad you have to get a boyfriend asap

[TheLovelyWoman]

Brush it off and then say “you’re funny. I’m sure you have better things to do.” This statement alone puts him back in the friend zone.

[libralove]

I heard someone say once
Go silent it will drive them crazy
Block delete

[LiamJHayden]

He misses how he felt with you, not about you as a unique individual. Cut him off.

[its_amelia_c]

“That’s nice, thanks”

[Sevenpointfive]

so, he's a muslim?

[slatyb]

Just block and ignore. No further replies EVER.

[Anonymous]

Hve you consideed telling him the truth?

[noohair]

Why don't you block him?

[shortster]

"Thanks"

[TheCaller]

I won't say anything

[Jpie555]

Adios

[Anonymous]

See ya