My boyfriend picks too many fights is this toxic?

[kareenakapur]

I dated a guy for 7 years before him and we never fought but that guy was so uncommunicative. Now Im dating the most communicative guy ever but he just starts fights every day and It's wearing down on me. It's always something I say but maybe I'm just saying bad things I don't know. He makes everything a huge deal and wants to talk about every little thing wrong that I say. I really like him. The days its good its so good. I'm just not feeling the fights. I don't know how to get him to stop. Likee genuinely it is things he didn't like that I say but like I feel like when you like someone you let some things go.

[blueonblack22]

If he’s being antagonistic just for the sake of bring antagonistic it’s a him problem not a you problem. He’s doing this because he’s got other problems/insecurities that have nothing to do with you but he gets a “release” form that fighting with you.

And I hate to say it but you got a major problem on your hands. I don’t see this getting better on its own either.

[ProbablyClueless]

Based on what you've shared, yes, that sounds extremely toxic.

You've transferred from a guy who gives you a blank wall, no feedback whatsoever, to a guy who can't keep his emotions in check.

[Gauoda_]

@kareenakapur Just do this... okay?

[boggboss]

Hard to tell without knowing what he says or what the fights are about

[kareenakapur]

lots of things, yesterday it was because he couldn't come to my college friends wedding that he has known about for months bc his parents were making him go to something. I gave him ways to get out of his parents stuff and he's like no no to all my ideas. Back story He broke up with me 4 months ago and I was crying to my friends about him. They hadn't met him at that point. Now they were meeting him at the wedding. I told him that it will look bad if he doesn't come bc the last time they heard about him was when I was crying. He basically told me he didn't like that I said that. He wanted me to understand what stress his parents were putting on him. He said that it sounds like I'm manipulating him to go and that he doesn't need to hear that reasoning that the only reason he thinks I said that was to hurt him and how he's like are u always going to bring up the time that I broke up with you and hold that to my head? Like I tried to explain to him that my ex boyfriend was very not socially aware of these things so I would have to tell him the social implications and that I want my friends to like him and that he would look flaky. They all told me that Im hot and will find someone else and now I'm dating the same guy and he flakes and I'm just going to look stupid and delusional to them. But that's a me problem. That I didn't mean to make it feel manipulative and its ok if he doesn't come but it will look flaky and he should try to meet them elsewhere. And then he's like how's that fair that some other guy in your past has to make you react in a certain way. And I told him Im sorry its automatic but are you patient to wait for me and change the automatics. (I was dating a guy for 7 years before him. It's hard to change things yk)

[boggboss]

It would seem u both have your own issues I agree he is toxic but u are also bringing issues to the relationship and treating him a certain way because of your ex relationship which can be a massive turn off

[kareenakapur]

yeah I Agree but some things you do become normalized. I can't see what I do with him and how it was something I used to do. unless he tells me. oh and he was upset bc we were on FaceTime and I asked him to mute himself bc I was studying and he was upset I didn't mute myself too. I was like you didn't ask me? And he was like well I though it was understood and feel like you wanted to silence me but talk. Why do we have a one sided mute. I thought he was being dramatic lol. I don't know I feel like girls are known to be dramatic but my man is a drama queen

[boggboss]

But thats what u wanted from your partner someone who would speak more and part of that is issues that bother him how is it I wanted a more communicative partner but then get upset when he voices issues he has?

[boggboss]

I could see why my partner telling me to mute my phone but then keeping hers unused would be annoying at that point just call me after your done lol

[kareenakapur]

no he knows im studying he wants to study with me so he calls and then I asked him to mute for the first time bc I told him it was distracting and then he got upset.

[kareenakapur]

but he has an issue about everything thats the prob. I like communication but every day saying somehthing new bad that I said or did. Its frustrating. ruins the day

[boggboss]

So u should just said u can't focus whilst he is on the phone so u will call him after and I get he might be a bit much but that is the person he is if that's somthing that u can't deal with or don't like then u might have to move on

[dragoblack]

It's def toxic. There's a reason why maturity is "picking your fights". If the guy is nit picking about every little thing and always causing fights, dude is not emotionally mature or ego mature.

[NathanDavis]

it's not ideal

[Jennz6]

Very toxic behavior

[beefcakebradybatson]

H**L YEAH !!! Dump the a**hole, girlie !!!

[eagle1951]

not good

[TheCaller]

Nope