Is my boyfriend toxic?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He's incredibly insecure that I'll cheat on him because his ex did that to him. Whenever I get frustrated because of this, he plays the horrible ex card and says u know I'm insecure please try to understand! He then tells me that I'm myself insecure about my looks because of my ex, but the difference is that my insecurities don't damage our relationship. We were in an LDR for some time, and he told me that sending nudes is very very important for him, as it reassures him that I'm only attracted to him. Whenever I say I'm tired, he responds by saying that I always do this, I'm always tired, why do u cockblock me etc etc, and no, he never apologizes. Whenever I defend myself, he calls me WOKE most of the time. I'm not allowed to have guy friends, I can't even talk about male celebrities! He defends the nudes thing by saying that he thinks my body is attractive and he just loves to see it. He even told me at one point that I treat him like shit because I don't send him nudes regularly and I laugh when he says something romantic (I get flustered and kinda shy, so I just chuckle a bit). I've kinda started to think he's toxic. Is he?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey girl, it sounds like you've really been going through it with this dude. I can't believe all the stuff he's pulling - trying to control who you talk to, demanding nudes when you're not comfortable, and then flipping it to make you feel bad when you say no? Not cool at all.

His insecurity is not your problem to fix. You can be sympathetic since he was hurt before, but that doesn't give him an excuse to take it out on you. You deserve to feel like you can just be yourself without constantly worrying about setting him off. And you definitely shouldn't have to do anything sexual you don't want to just to prove yourself. That's super messed up.

I know after three years it's probably hard to think about leaving. But is this really how you want to spend your high school years, walking on eggshells about upsetting your boyfriend? You should be with someone who makes you feel good about yourself, not bad. Someone you can laugh with and be your full self around without them finding things to criticize.

If I were you, I'd try one last serious talk with him. Lay it all out there - how his behavior makes you feel disrespected, uncomfortable, and unhappy. Really listen to see if he even understands or cares. But be prepared that he may not change. And if he isn't willing to, please don't stay just because of how long you've been together. You deserve so much better than this! You seem like a really good friend and I just want you to be with someone who treats you with respect. I'm here if you ever need to chat more!

[Lynx122]

Yes it's toxic I'd leave this relationship. He's taking his own insecurities and instead of working through them he's beating you over the head with them and using them as weapons against you. I think a certain amount of care is good but this is way over the line. Also the whole nudes thing. He's being very demanding and forceful. I think he lacks experience and he thinks he's being dominant (that's why he tries to order you around and reacts so badly when you say anything) but he doesn't know what he's doing. I'd leave him but maybe write him some of the feedback so he can actually understand what he needs to work on because it can be very difficult to figure it all out on your own. I don't think he's intentionally being toxic he just doesn't understand things. He might dismiss everything you say but then it's his own problem at least you gave him a chance to learn from this. Good luck.

[Explorer91]

if he tells you there's cheese on the moon is that also going to be true because he says its true. Sounds like this guy is dictating and deciding what is right and wrong. You have a right to not follow along with his narrative of how he is deciding things need to be. He doesn't seem to want to the fact he needs thigns his way all the time so instead phrases it like well its not that it needs to be my way its just this is how it is.. this is reality.. this is a fact.. etc etc. When in reality these aren't how things need to be.

Its really up to you if you keep wanting to date someone that always has to have things their way. You won't change someone lkike this.

[IslaTheWitch]

you both are very immature...

next time he will use the ex card ask him to address his problem with a specialist and that you don't want a third person in this relationship

create boundaries and font let him cross them, don't let him call you names, etc, start to respect yourself, so others will follow

you also should ask a specialist for help, I don't know who and how hurt you but you don't defense yourself, maybe assertiveness training would help you

[IslaTheWitch]

remember that others can only do to you as much as you let them

[AI Opinion]

Ah, love and its complex web of emotions and behaviors! You've been navigating this sea for 3 years, and it's time to dock your ship at the isle of Truth. From the description you've shared, it seems like your boyfriend's behavior indeed waves a few red flags in the wind of your relationship. His insistence on you sending nudes to quell his insecurities, alongside the constant reminders of his past hurt and how it justifies his actions towards you, could be considered manipulative. Love should be built on trust, mutual respect, and understanding, not on the foundation of insecurities or the need to control one's partner to feel reassured.

Using previous hurts to justify current wrongs isn't healthy. It's like trying to fix a leaking faucet with bubble gum—it might seem to work for a bit, but eventually, the pressure builds up. And oh boy, love being expressed as a demand for nudes? That's not love, darling; that's a hustle! Love shouldn't feel like an exhausting game where you're the only one bending the rules to keep the peace.

So, to your question: Is he toxic? Based on what you've described, it does lean heavily towards "yes". Remember, everyone deserves a relationship where laughter (even the flustered chuckle kind) fills the air more than doubts or demands. You deserve to feel celebrated, not tolerated or manipulated. Love should make you glow, not dim your sparkle. Perhaps, it's time to reflect on what YOU truly want and need in a relationship. Keep shining, and remember, you've got this! 💕

[SotiCoto]

Not diving... but seafaring metaphors all the same.
Come back to dry land, Captain Brad.

[Finchie40]

He is toxic and you are best to dump him

[Finchie40]

It’s one thing for a guy to be a little jealous and insecure but to be that jealous and insecure is sadly not a good thing , it means he doesn’t t trust you and he more than likely will end up cheating on you because he is going to assume you are cheating on him. So you are best to end it with him before that happens. It be a different story if he was just a little jealous and insecure , if that was the case than that’s a normal thing and it shows that person really loves and cares about you and doesn’t want to lose you , I know it’s crazy but that’s how it goes.

[Account]

Never send anyone anything that you don't want other people to see and never send anyone anything that you would be troubled if you found its existence on a random ass website. Never.
Also yes, your boyfriend is toxic. But you don't seem keen on leaving him, therefore you will continue to excuse his behavior till you stop loving him anymore.

[MisterWack]

I don’t care if he is toxic, the question is: Do YOU think he is toxic and too much to handle at more times than not, then perhaps the bigger question is “Why are you still with him, would you be better off with someone else?” Then dump him if the answer is yes.

[b_lova]

Yes you are in a toxic relationship with a narcissist. My suggestion is that you discontinue the relationship and find someone else. This guy is jealous, manipulative and wants to isolate you. None of that is good in a relationship. For you own safety I suggest that when you break up you do it with friends present if you choose to confront him face to face. He is going to try to manipulate you and probably threaten to tell your secrets.

[DishLady]

You’ve STARTED to think he’s toxic? Good for you. What took you so long? You simply can’t be responsible for another person’s emotional baggage. It’s not ok to have someone constantly suspecting and questioning you this way.

[Sabretooth]

you said too much. ''I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He's incredibly insecure that I'll cheat on him because his ex did that to him. Whenever I get frustrated because of this, he plays the horrible ex card and says u know I'm insecure please try to understand! He then tells me that I'm myself insecure about my looks because of my ex, but the difference is that my insecurities don't damage our relationship'' is more than enough..

[CrabCakes11]

This is toxic. If he’s going to distrust his current partner due to the behavior of partners in the past, he isn’t not ready to be in a relationship

[Anonymous]

Yes, he's not worth it, especially long distance. Find a guy near you and have a REAL relationship. You can't be getting anything healthy out of this.

[Dantec2024]

He's terrible it'll only continue to get worse the longer you stay with him. Leave him as soon as possible

[Makeushiver]

That can get real tired, real quickly. If you can subtly suggest that a bit more self-confidence would be an attractive trait he might be able to work his way through it.

[MicahRaine]

He's toxic. Yes he's toxic because of his ex, but he's still toxic.

My advice: break up with him and tell him that it's not healthy for either of you to be dating each other right now.

[avery58]

Yeah he is. He doesn't sound ready for a relationship. This is why I don't date people with baggage, I already made that mistake before.

[Flatmanlewis]

He’s not toxic, he’s just very immature and has not yet properly processed the previous bad relationship he had. He needs counseling and maturity.

[Razp_Sorbet]

Yes he's incredibly toxic this sounds exactly like my ex who ultimately ended up emotionally and verbally abusing me.

[Alex-Snow]

I think you can do way better. He is too controlling and life is too short for that shit. As you know he uses the nudes u send him to look at when he jerks off. How is ur sex life with him otherwise?

[slatyb]

He's totally toxic. Dump him. His ex probably dumped him for the same reason.

[SotiCoto]

... Your boyfriend is secretly a blue-ringed octopus. He is very toxic. Donate him to an aquarium and never look back.

[Peridot25]

Yeah…. you need to get out of there. And he needs some type of therapy.

[Con29]

My girlfriend thinks that I will do that to her but I will not

[Asker]

I don't understand?

[Con29]

Can I explain over pm

[Nicebutt462]

Yes. It won't get better and you will catch it like the flu.

[thisAppIsGarbage]

If you have to ask if someone is toxic, you are probably toxic.

[DreamLife7]

You're just stupid he doesn't like you
So what aren't u getting?

[FreyaRed]

Yes, look for another boyfriend.

[In_Trance]

Your boyfriend thinks you're the toxic one

[legalboxers]

dead weight

[stvigor]

Yeah