Boyfriend behaving toxic and not sure how to handle it?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year in which we have been through his depression and anxiety. He says that I played a big part in overcoming both. Recently, he started acting mean, getting jealous or trying to put me down by telling me that I cannot be sexy ( in essence he meant I am a lot of things but sexy isn't my thing), or that I jump from one topic to another and I am weirdo. He often makes fun of my classical education, forgetting that I come from a family of musicians and I was educated with piano and theory of music so it is my biggest hobby. He called me "queen of cringe" for some weird texts I send him sometimes. I asked him how come everything surfaced now, over a year of being together- he said that probably now I feel comfortable being myself which deeply hurts me as it implies that he actually doesn't like me. I know I'm not the normal girl that he can do normal things with, he wants the girl I used to be the first months. He calls me uptight and tries to ridicule my friendship with a male colleague by saying that I am his therapist because I expressed how he shows respect to women and he's actually a nice guy because we talk about feelings and music a lot. So after this, I left him at the restaurant and went home cause honestly my mood was affected. He realized that what he said wasn't cool and started trying to be affectionate but I wasn't feeling it. I did tell that I deserve somebody that is happy to be with me, is proud of me and accepts me for who I am and is excited to meet and talk about stuff and to get my weird messages or jokes. Once I got home, I had a series of messages telling me how much he misses me and that he loves me and we should go out more and get drunk like we used to and have an honest talk but I am done discussing fundamental things like mutual respect and compatibility. Am I throwing something good cause I am overly sensitive or I should stick to my decision and leave even though it will hurt for a while?

[Anonymous]

that's fucked up. your partner is suppose to raise you up not put you down. let me give you a really recent story. yesterday somebody i deeply love and admire had a business adventure in ny so and her bday is coming up too so i bust my ass making a bunch of reservations to go see her. i get on a bus and what waa suppose to be a 3 hour "tour" a three hour "tour" (Gillians island you'll see why in a second) turns into a 4 and a half hour ride because the bus driver got lost. i finally get to ny hoping to see the love of my life only to get turned away for not having my vaccination cards then spent 45 minutes on the phone with cvs to get the information. when i finally do i still get turned away from seeing her by her managers. a lot of other people got turned away by her sleezebag management team. i mean a lot of people got turned away by her piece of shit managers. i messaged her letting her know what happened and how they were screwing her over behind her back which I'm not sure if she was fully aware of it or not. the point is a partner is suppose to have someone's back and be there for them not insult them and put them down

[Opinion Owner]

after all that it started to rain so i let her know but as soon as i go in a restaurant to order food it stops raining then i get served burnt food so i warned her not to eat at a certain grille restaurant due to the bad quality of food. (again having her back making sure she's ok). go to my room only for the thermostat to not work and had to force the manager to switch rooms since the witch wasn't budging at that point i had to put my foot down with her and demand i be switched to a different room.
and in between all that i helped a homeless person who dropped all his belongings in the middle of the street and made sure he didn't get hit by a car, gave my left over bread and crackers to another homeless guy, and some water and bag of chips to another homeless person.
point is your partner should have your back and raise you up not bring you down

[Opinion Owner]

look at what i went through traveled over 4 hours dealt with all that including her backstabbing managers just to support her and to watch out for her to make sure nobody tries any shit with her by letting her know what was taking place

[Opinion Owner]

but hey what do i know she's only dating somebody else after i been head over heels crazy in love with her for almost 5 years now. and it's not like the first time she's dated other guys while i feel like shit every single time it happens

[Opinion Owner]

im the guy who gets shitted on in the end by her so wtf do i know. she wants to be with all these other guys instead of me who bends over backwards trying to make her happy and never once got a thank you for any of it. but hey what do i know right

[Opinion Owner]

and this isn't the first time i traveled to see her just to get stood up. August 2020 flew 3000 miles to see her for her birthday to get stood up because she with somebody else as usual, September 2021 got stood up again after traveling to ny to support her career, this year traveled to ny for her bday and to support her career and wish her luck and couldn't even see her on the first day here and while she's with another guy as well. and of all the things I've done for her through the 5 years not once did i get a thank you or the slightest bit of appreciation or shown the slightest bit of respect. so yeah this is the advice you're taking from a guy who's still in love with someone who won't give me the time of day

[Opinion Owner]

but like i said your partner is suppose to lift you up and support you and be there for you and not treat you like shit but i wouldn't know anything about that based on how i get treated

[Opinion Owner]

what's even more fucked up the homeless people i helped today showed more appreciation and actually said thank you then she's ever done in the 5 years I've known her for. the first year i knew her and it was her birthday named a star after her second year got her a meterorite with a note if i could give you the moon i would third year 14k gold necklace 1ct diamonds, 10k gold earrings 1ct diamonds flew 3000 miles to see her and baked her a cake as well, following year got her a 14k gold butterfly pin because she had a thing for butterflies and got her a cake, this year traveled to see her and baked her a 2 layer cake. on top of the countless prayers i said for her especially during her worst time back in 2018 all the way through recently wrote her songs drew her pictures whatever thoughtful things i could do for her i did. fuck i even dedicated my book to her. it's not just the lack of appreciation but the sheer lack of respect she gives me. she doesn't call doesn't write doesn't dm direct message doesn't email

[Opinion Owner]

and not once in all the 5 years did she ever once wish me a happy birthday on my birthday or traveled to see me for mine no card nothing not even a happy birthday when mine came regardless of all the years i sent her cards on hers. she never even bought a copy of my book i had to give her one even though i got 5 books available. not once did she ever show any support to my photography or try to help me when i struggled learning the guitar even though she's an expert at it. i can go down a huge huge list but i rather not. im just tired of her chasing after every guy under the sun except me the one guy who's been there for her and helped her out constantly and supported her so much through so many years through all her ups and downs while she chases after every other guy under the sun who isn't me. im just tired of it