Does my boyfriend like toxic?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is one of the nicest and polite people I've ever met. He has had two serious relationships in the past. One of them was suicidal and lasted 3 years, and my boyfriend said he has no strength left to continue it. The other (the last one) was jealous, completely toxic, and controlling. She even asked him to remove his school friends from his social media and went as far as saying she will kill them and even changing the locks on his house. They were together for 2 years, and he said they made the decision to end it together, but he changed his phone number afterward. There are things that don't make sense to me. How could someone as good as him have been with such a woman for 2 years? When I asked him, he said that she used his first relationship against him and threatened to end her life. I asked, 'Didn't you realize she was like this from the beginning?' He replied that he noticed small things, but it wasn't this bad, and he ignored them. Does he like toxic people? I'm a feminine woman and I'm not like that at all. As I think about these things, I'm starting to dislike my boyfriend and lose my respect for him

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[Jdodkfndosn]

Are his parents still together and both never previously married?

Does it seem like he gives up a lot of himself while making sure to meet every request you ask for and even those you don't?

Did he quickly agree to commit to you?

Did he give up a of his friends and the time he devoted to them and invests it all in you now?


If most of these yes, I'd assume he is likely a combination of inexperienced, insecure In his abilities to get the women he wants so takes what he can get, doesn't set boundaries, possible sex deprived outside of being in a relationship, etc.

[Asker]

Wow yes to all. He is a giver and so devoted he's like that to me too. He has a kinda shy and reserved personality. Actually he is good looking smart and has a good job but I think yes its not always about them and he may have some insecurities. So now do you think a healthy person who respects his boundaries (even if he doesn't have) is boring for him or he won't value me enough?

[Asker]

Or he valued them more bc they were harder to deal with?

[Jdodkfndosn]

I think he is going to be going crazy and will like a non crazy woman but because of his issues mentioned, he stays

[Jdodkfndosn]

I mean, he stays with crazies but would appreciate non crazy very much

[Asker]

So he won't stay in this relationship with me? He's very loyal and peaceful rn but I'm not sure

[Jdodkfndosn]

I have no idea. I'm just speculating. He could very much like crazy because everything else in his life is overly structured
He could want to be the type of person who has to fix whatever he thinks he can

[Jdodkfndosn]

Crazies are generally better at sex so there's a + in your column

[Asker]

Yes he tries to fix everything he can. He does that to me too. Like in every meaning

[Asker]

Im good at sex

[Asker]

by the way he's also kinda reserved in bed and don't directly ask many things from me

[Jdodkfndosn]

Are you saying that of the things he asks, most are indirect, or are you saying he doesn't ask many things at all

[Asker]

He doesn't ask many things at all, he has a problem with taking, and he's a real giver

[Jdodkfndosn]

You are in a bind and might not know it.
As he gives and gives, and he doesn't request, but he will expect reciprocation in some form or another. doesn't have to he does 10 things you do 10 things but he will expect you offer something that would make his day eaiser or something he values.

If you assume that since he doesn't specifically ask, and say you can't read his mind and he should be direct in what his needs are, then this will ultimately push him away and you will lose what he is currently offering. Of course, there is the chance thoufh that if you do something back, hopefully you chose something he values and not something you would value

[HippoDino]

I think he got unlucky and just chose to put up with their bullshitnfor whatever reason, i doubt he seeks outnosychos especially if you aren't one.

[Asker]

What does outnosychos mean? My English is not good

[HippoDino]

Sorry i had a typo, i meant i doubt he seeks out psychos

[Asker]

The thing is I'm also very jealous but I dont show it lol

[HippoDino]

Everyone has their flaws, you don't sound anywhere near what you described his previous gfs as so I think your in the clear.

[HelpfulWoman]

Honestly break up then.
Because abusive relationships NEVER start out that way. Your ignorance shows you cannot support him and can be just as toxic with that mentality.

[Asker]

I actually love him but his past makes me confused. Toxics are generally hard to forget. And as I understand he really put a lot of effort in that relationships

[Sasha0426]

Just end the relationship already. You said yourself you dislike him and lost respect for him. Meaning, anytime you’re around him you can’t stand him.

[Danny_dan92]

He doesn’t like it, he loves it

[Anonymous]

Dump him 🚩

[Asker]

Why?