Does he just like fantasizing about me, or is it more?

[Anonymous]

My ex friend with benefits from 7 years ago told me he remembers every time we had sex... in GREAT detail.

We're still good friends, but he's been married now for a few years. Drunkenly one night recently, he told me that he pictures sleeping with me a lot (like every time he jerks off). Does he just remember those times fondly, or does he possibly have some problematic feelings?

[Anonymous]

He's male, horney and he's fishing to see if your up for a hook up. That would be how I see this (though in fairness to the unknown I'll cover possible edge cases too).

Some men, when they get into a monogomous bonded relationship become boared easily without variety in their sex life (maybe all males, but its most common in Alpha males and males who had a lot of sleeping around before marriage; Or even just one particuarly awesome sex partner [maybe your case, so I guess its weirdly complementary]).

My opinion of this person (based purely on what I read here) is low, I find them creepy and I feel sorry for how he's disrespecting his wife, because I personally see marriage as a serious commitment and once married a person should deal with their horny'ness within the marriage (though I guess in fairness to other types of marriage, if he's in some kind of 'open' marriage, I would be remis to judge something I cannot comprehend or understand for myself; So treat this with a tinge of, I'd try to temper myself here).

So, are these feeling problematic? Yes, very.

I personally would do the following (if I was in your situation, and something like this happened with me):

1) I'd talk with him, see if he recalled the conversation (I admit I might be a little 'sneaky' in that I'd want an honest answer so I might just seem fine about a potential hookup, if he seemed to deny recalling, and see how he responded to my sounding like it was fine; Its a low trick, I admit, and somewhat deceitful but I would want to know the honest answer from them, not some marketing /propagandist response of someone who may feel 'caught out'; Though I'd be VERY careful to make the hinting, just hinting and in a way that would lure out a creep but not leave someone who just said something stupid when drunk feel awkward around me after. Aka I'd do what I needed to get an honest answer but make sure whatever I said was clearly not an actual real offer nor betray my own position, just enough to make someone who MIGHT be a creep to feel emboldened to show their true hand).

2) If it was clear that 'hint' caused him embarassment, I'd smile and say "don't worry, I just needed to see that". Then I'd ask about his wife and tell him "you know, you should talk with her [his wife] about this... you need to work out something so that you don't feel that way, even when drunk!".
3) If it was clear he was actually definitely fishing for sex and was still interested in having an affair. I would inform him, either he could explain this to his wife himself or I would have to because I respected marriage. I'd do this because, as a friend, I'd both respect his right to resolve the situation, but also wish to honour the rights of a third party (aka his wife) that she should know.

I feel awful about thinking that way, and I have to admit, if I was in the thick of your situation I wouldn't be sure what to do really (because another part of me thinks its foolish to interfer in other peoples relationships, even with good intentions).

Also, lastly, the above 1,2 and 3 is what I'd do for any friend and marriage.

Lastly though, if you still have feelings for him and felt turned on by the offer / discussion; Keep honest with yourself. It would not really change that you need to make him deal with his wife (but it might mean you would want to consider if you maybe don't feel the same back).

[spartan55]

Why does this even matter? What are 'problematic' feelings? I like that you completely ignore him disrespecting his marriage and his wife. Cheap validation is so trashy.

[Asker]

Not ignoring the marriage part at all, I've done nothing to encourage this. If it's just the picturing me while he jerks off, it's not really my problem at all. If it's anything beyond that, I may have to end the friendship completely.

[Avicenna]

He remembers the sex fondly, that’s for sure. Since he was an friends with benefits, I assume that’s all it is.

[jjj101010]

This isn’t uncommon, I guess it is a privilege that anyone who has seen u naked has.

[Anonymous]

He is probably like that with everyone.