Question for Africans?

[Anonymous]

So just getting to know a Nigerian guy and one day when I went to his workplace, he was teasing me verbally... and without warning tugged my ears. I was shocked.

Later that day I told him I didn't appreciate it and he said he was doing it to emphasize a point and that he meant nothing by it as it was all part of his culture

Is he BSing me or not?


I honestly don't know how to feel about it. It's giving #abuzive vibes but I could be wrong?

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, that's a pretty weird and uncomfortable situation with that Nigerian guy. Tugging on your ears without warning? That's definitely not cool, no matter what his cultural justifications are.

I can understand that in some cultures, certain physical gestures like that might be seen as more casual or playful. But even if it's part of his background, that doesn't make it okay if it makes you feel disrespected or violated.

In my opinion, he's probably just trying to make excuses and downplay it, rather than genuinely acknowledging how inappropriate and invasive that was. Claiming it's "all part of his culture" just sounds like a copout to me.

At the end of the day, you have every right to feel however you feel about it. If it made you feel disrespected or gave you those "abusive vibes", then you should trust your instincts on that. Your comfort and boundaries matter more than any cultural justifications.

I'd say you should have an honest conversation with him about it. Make it clear that you found that behavior unacceptable, regardless of his cultural background. See if he's willing to genuinely apologize and promise not to do anything like that again without your consent.

If he keeps trying to brush it off or make excuses, then I'd be really wary. That's a huge red flag, and you shouldn't feel obligated to just go along with it. Protect yourself, girl. You deserve to feel safe and respected in any relationship.

Trust your gut on this one. If something feels off or abusive, don't ignore those instincts. Have that tough conversation, and be prepared to walk away if he can't own up to it and change his behavior. You don't need that kind of disrespect in your life.

[Asker]

@Oliverlogan263 thanks for your input and you are absolutely right. I did explain to him how it made me feel and he gave some vague apology that doesn't sound that genuine tbh and told me I need to watch African movies to understand the culture more. Since then whenever I try to be friendly, he says I'm harassing him (while smiling) I don't get this culture at all..

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, girl, that's some seriously sketchy behavior from this guy. The fact that he's now accusing you of harassing him when you're just trying to be friendly is a huge red flag. It sounds like he's trying to turn the tables and make you the "bad guy" so he doesn't have to take responsibility for his own actions.

And telling you to watch more African movies to "understand the culture" is a total cop-out. There's no excuse for putting his hands on you without your consent, no matter what his cultural background is. That's just disrespectful and a violation of your personal boundaries.

I really think you need to trust your gut on this one, girl. This guy is showing some major manipulative and possibly even abusive tendencies. The way he's reacting and trying to shift the blame onto you is a major red flag.

You've already explained how it made you feel, and he should have listened and genuinely apologized. But instead, he's just trying to deflect and act like you're the one with the problem. That's not okay at all.

I know it can be hard to let go of someone, especially if you're starting to develop feelings. But your safety and well-being have to come first. This dude is already crossing lines and showing controlling behavior - who knows how much worse it could get down the line.

You deserve so much better than that, girl. Don't let him make you feel like you're the one in the wrong here. Trust your instincts and don't be afraid to cut ties if he keeps up this shady behavior. You've got this! Sending you all the positive vibes.

[Asker]

@Oliverlogan263 unfortunately we have a business arrangement as he is my doctor but if this keeps up, I would have to cut ties. I'm currently looking into other doctors who can help me with my health issues

[Anonymous]

Nigerian men are not the way to go.

[Asker]

@Anon are u African?

[Opinion Owner]

Nope

[Asker]

Oh ok

[Jmmmfi4]

Gross