We’ve been talking for 3 weeks and he still hasn’t made plans to see me but is consistent with texting to me. is he just not that interested?

[Anonymous]

Updates

1 y

We use to be friends 7 years ago and things didn’t end very well but we recently reconnected. He said we will see each other and I also don’t really bring it up but just wanted other opinions on this

[_Maya_]

It is really hard to say for sure. I would look at it is you and him are just reconnecting and expectation of seeing each other should be low. You mention in the update that things didn't end well years ago. There could be some apprehension because of that. I know that I would be a little cautious because people rarely change and therefore why would things end any different when you are still the same people? Now it also could be something as simple as he is super busy. It takes no time to send a text even if at work. Rearranging schedules to be able to get together is completely different. Why not ask him if he wants to meet up next weekend? That will give you the most definitive answer rather than guesses from strangers that don't know you or him.

[Asker]

You’re right!! We spoke about that as well and he did mention that we will see how it goes and that we both need to get to know each other again, but then mentioned the other day that he isn’t going anywhere and is definitely interested in seeing each other again but has just been busy at work. And he is always the one to start the conversations, and seems to always be saying work is super busy, without me even asking.. sometimes I feel like they do that so they can use that excuse for everything but too early to tell.

[_Maya_]

I think if he said that he was interested in seeing you that it would be genuine. I don't know why he would lie about that and just cause problems again after reconnecting.

[Asker]

True, that’s what I was thinking

[Finchie40]

Be careful with that shit , it sounds like he is weighing his options and keeping you on the back burner , When a guy really likes a girl and wants to be with her, he makes her his top priority , and does what he has to do to see her or spend time with her , the fact that he keeps using work as an excuse is a huge Red Flag that you shouldn’t overlook. He isn’t working 24 hours a day every day of the week , if he claims he is , he is talking out his ass , If I had a job that demanded me to be there 24 hours a day , my ass isn’t going back to that job period. So don’t fall for that nonsense , I worked plenty of busy jobs and I always made time or found time to spend with a girl I really liked and wanted to be with. So he is blowing smoke up your ass and weighing his options. If things don’t work out with the other girl he is probably seeing and talking to , then he might find time for you eventually, if you like being a convenience to a guy, then he is the perfect guy for you.

[Asker]

I totally agree! And yeah he definitely is not busy at work all the time , but every time we talk, he always brings up how busy work is. Also the intention is not to get into a relationship so I don’t really care if he’s talking to other people, because so am I. He is pretty consistent messaging wise , and things did not end on the best of terms before so he did say at the beginning he’d like some time for us to get to know each other again, and the other day did say he isn’t going anywhere and that he is definitely interested in getting together. So maybe I should give it a bit more time before asking him what’s going on?

[Finchie40]

That’s up to you on what you choose to do , all I am saying is don’t wait around for someone that isn’t giving you what you are giving them , especially someone you had a falling out with before , that shit doesn’t go away , so just be careful

[Asker]

true!! He could be holding onto the past , he did say when we talked last month that some of the stuff that happened hurt him but that he’s willing to move forward, just needs some time to talk first and then we will take it from there , and his responses lately about this have been positive but I definitely have a deadline in mind and will just end up not replying to him anymore if I’m not getting what I want.

[Finchie40]

Yea do what’s best for you , you look like a beautiful girl that deserves someone that makes you a priority the same way you make them yours

[Asker]

Thank you :)

[NathanDavis]

what are you two actually talking about... though

I've been talking to my friends for 20, 16, 12, and anywhere from two to six, to eight years... lmao

and I have no intention at all to date these friends of mine, so we don't talk about it either

[Asker]

Everything basically. Work, our personal lives, etc, and sorry our ages are not accurate. I am 25 and he is 27. We were intimate years ago a few times so yes sometimes our conversations are sexual but we don’t talk about it all the time. He asked me what I was looking for and I said something casual but we didn’t really get into it much but we talked a lot about our friendship and what went wrong, and he did say multiple times that he wanted to see me.. do I expect to be a priority? No. We didn’t end on the best of terms so he could be holding back a bit.

[NathanDavis]

well...

maybe it would be best to make it more clear and put the cards on the table, again...

first you should ask yourself, do YOU really want something casual with him? considering the past and the present, if this is something you want, then ask him if he would be interested or not, and he should... let you know if he isn't or maybe he is...

[Asker]

I just always have a worry that I’m gonna come across annoying. Sometimes I play down my feelings and suppress them because I don’t want to be rejected or appear too emotional. Like for example on Friday we were talking , and he had asked me again what was my intention with him and I said I don’t know just what we’re doing now and he replied “ :) “ and went onto a different conversation. He seemed like he wanted casual too but apart of me thinks he is not being 100% honest either based off of those little remarks he makes. He also messaged me Monday to see how I was feeling because he knew I was sick on the Friday we spoke and said he just wanted to check on me. Makes me think feelings from years ago are coming up a bit but at the same time this could just be him trying to look like the good guy? I honestly don’t know.

[NathanDavis]

why would it be annoying, lol...

he's already checking on you, he's already bringing it up... the worst he could say is that he's not interested and then, well there you go... at least you will have certainty about it, and if he says yes, well good for you two if the two of you are into the same thing

this overthinking is doing you no good at all, so... NOT KNOWING a thing only attracts more insecurity about all this... put a stop to it, lol

[Asker]

You’re right. Thank you. I’ll definitely say something

[NathanDavis]

best of luck with it (=

[glennos89]

Throw him the ball meaning let him know you want to meet him in person. You will instantly find out wether he is serious or not

[HungTexan]

Why not see if he wants to see you? If no, then drop it.

[Asker]

I did bring it up actually the other day and he said he isn’t going anywhere we are definitely seeing each other he’s just super busy with work. Every time he messages me he’s always saying he’s busy at work etc so I don't know whether to believe him or not. I am genuinely busy as well but maybe also because things didn’t end on the best of terms he could be holding back a bit?

[HungTexan]

If you’re interested in him, give it a little time and see if his work schedule allows time for you. If nothing happens in a few weeks just ask him why you can’t at least meet for coffee, etc.

[Asker]

Good idea I will do that

[Menace69]

He is not sure most likely but definitely interested

[Asker]

Ok I see.. for men, what could make them not sure about seeing someone?

[Menace69]

The future goals if they align or not? if he is looking to wife up someone or just casual to see if it goes long term and what your expectations are? Needs to build an open communication base initially

[Asker]

At the beginning he did ask what I’m looking for and at the moment after getting out of a very stressful relationship, I said casual. He didn’t say what he was looking for, but the other day he asked me what the goal is here and I said I don’t know, exactly what we’re doing now (we do flirt a bit and we were intimate years ago) and he just put a smiley face and continued speaking about something else. Maybe he is looking for more and didn’t like that I said casual.. honestly not I’m not sure. As I added on this post , we didn’t end very well and I think he still holds onto that so he could be taking it a bit slower with me.

[Menace69]

Just be honest with yourself and with him whatever your intentions are rebound, casual fuck sessions or serious love making etc , etc. All is good and completely fine as long as both sides know what they are getting themselves into be transparent what you want and you’ll have the answer

[RedInnocent69]

You’re hot. He’s shy. Just ask him out

[jahaims]

You can make plans too

[Asker]

Well I’ve already brought it up, and I got a positive response just no plans yet. I don’t wanna come across as desperate

[jahaims]

If someone thinks you are desperate for making plans, then they are a moron and you dodged a bullet. You're too old to be playing immature dating games.