Why do men not wear engagement rings?

[fartingspinster]

I met this guy through professional means - he had the kindest smile and the warmest eyes, a really great way about his communication style and I really really started to like him.

As I was doing paperwork, I caught him smiling at me with such warmth. When I looked up, he straightened up and tried to stop the smile.
He even stayed 15min past closing time to go over some info and print out some things for me. Its a sales thing I know- he has incredible customer service and a really amicable way about him.

Our texts started off super professional, but then he started to use emoji's and even lightheartedly poked fun at me...(all on his side, I didn't initiate that).
I seriously was considering asking him out for a coffee to get to know him better after the business deal was done. (I. e. a date)

Luckily I decided to search his name on the internet and Fb popped up - it said he was single so i got sooo excitd. But then taking a closer look he has a profile highschool couple photo (super outdated), backdrop of him and a girl with a dog also. Very suspicious... so I kept looking online and I found out he's getting married this Aug!!!

I dont mind that he's super friendly, its refreshing. But like whyyyyyy dont people wear a ring to tell others they are taken? I come from an Asian culture where rings are worn as soon as someone is engaged so there's no misunderstandings 😫

[DishLady]

Be glad that some even wear wedding rings, kiddo. There was a guy I used to chat with. Seemed like a nice fellow and all that. One day I realized that while I was coming to him for advise he was actually catching feelings for me, so I took a step back, reiterating a few times that I'm glad we were friends, etc.

One day he claimed he had jury duty -- his exact phrase -- and would be away. A week later he returned with a ring on his finger so I smiled, tapped a spot on the table right where his hand was and asked, "What's that? Should I be congratulating you on something?"

You know? The bum tried to take the ring off right there in front of me, as if he was embarrassed to talk to me with the ring on. Smh. The poor woman he married has no idea he's this type of schmuck.

Needless to say that I never spoke to him again after that. Guys like that need to check themselves.

[fartingspinster]

😨 thats horrific... id feel bad for the woman he married too. I hate that kind of behavior... gives me the ick.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a player. I think he was flirting with you and didn’t expect you to figure out he was engaged.

[fartingspinster]

Ughhhh how can you be a player when you seem to be so into your fiance in the wedding website 😫

Highschool sweethearts and he moved across the country just to be with her (they had a timeline on their website lol).
They seemed really happy and had a deep connection

[Opinion Owner]

I could be wrong. He could be just being friendly. I just don’t trust guys.

[fartingspinster]

Ahaha I hear you, I have trust issues too

I'm sure he was being friendly... I was too tbh. I like to joke and laugh, that's just my nature. But his smiles seemed different rhan friendly, shyly looking down too.
But maybe he just has a genuine smile that I haven't seen in many guys :/ and I took it as interest.

I'm glad there are men that genuine out there tho.

[Opinion Owner]

Me too

[Anonymous]

I think it just depends on the culture. I think honestly a lot of men would t wear them if they could. But it’s the women who pretty much insist that men wear them to signify that he’s taken, he’s married. I know a lot of jobs I did I didn’t want to wear a ring, especially now in medical. I can’t stand anything on my fingers or my wrist.

[bowenw]

In some cultures men do. I'm not sure why it isn't universal.

[fartingspinster]

I wish it were... I was constantly in my head about "should I ask? Should I not ask?" I only thought he might be dating someone... I didn't think it would be a fiance or something so serious

[bowenw]

It would sure make things simpler. Sorry life isn't fair. 🤗

[fartingspinster]

😂😂😂😂 yeah, id have a chance with him if it were ahah

[bowenw]

I've found timing is one of the biggest factors in finding and getting to be with the right person.

[fartingspinster]

Yeah, it really is
I met some potential prospects thats could've prollly really worked, but either I wasn't in a good place or they're weren't and it just didn't get any farther than initial connection

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊

[fartingspinster]

Ahah you are welcome :)

[Finchie40]

Because in the USA some people don’t care whether you wear a ring or not , when I was married and wore my ring , Some girls didn’t care That I was married , i honestly feel like I got hit on more when a had a ring on compared to not having a ring on to be honest lol

[fartingspinster]

Lol, I think the fact that they know you are taken they feel they can freely flirt wirh you 🤷‍♀️ I dunno

But you are right, I dont think the ring is as important in the west as it is in the east. The east really put emphasis on the symbolism of a ring - its super important and both men and women wear it

[Finchie40]

Yea I see a lot of married couples that don’t wear their rings at all and some that do , I think it just comes down to their connection and trust for each other , because wearing a ring isn’t going to prevent others’ from hitting and flirting with you period

[fartingspinster]

I agree, it should come down to their connection and trust. I dont mind harmless flirting. But I still wish there was some mark to make it easier so people dont take it too far. And also, just keeps things tidy in my opinion ahaha I come from culture that really finds that stuff important, so its tough when its not the case in modern society

[David318578]

Historically it's because men would do the chasing. So a woman with a ring was off limits to the single guys.

Obviously culture has changed so it's not uncommon for a woman to initiate now so it does create some situations.

[fartingspinster]

I agree. Before men would do the chasing and would approach females. Now females are also expected to approach men and make advancements. Its making the whole thing messy not having proper rings and signals like the claddagh ring used to bring clarity in the Irish society.

Asian culture is still very much serious about rings and relationship status... but I feel like its starting to become relaxed too.

[Shiprex]

A lot of men don't wear rings because if you do manual work they'd get caught and damaged. It's also a risk of losing it if you take it off.

Wearing rings can also be a strategy for men who are looking for loose women to hook up with as these women are more prone to seek a guy who's already taken so they can massage their ego by "getting them to stray because they're better than a wife" kind of behaviour.

[fartingspinster]

Very weird concept... I guess there are females that are more inclined to get with a married man... but I doubt thats a scheme men take into consideration to wear a ring for. Do you know men who think that way? I always thought if that were to happen - its more jusy that they welcome the attention and the advances.

[Shiprex]

@fartingspinster
I haven't done it because I've never worn jewellery apart from a phase in high school where I got a mood ring that corroded as I kept it on when swimming. It was a gimmick thing at the time in the 80s.
As for men trying it as a sign to either try to ward off/draw in cougars and other women who are thirsty, I think there is a notion that a (especially separated) women will see a married man they like the look of and try to bed them for the thrill of knowing they still got it (it's not really but boosts their ego) and can be the "other woman" whether that's a myth or not but I have met guys who have tried it.

[fartingspinster]

I see :/ thats concerning...

[Shiprex]

@fartingspinster
I don't think it's hugely common just as spurned women aren't all seeking to wreck marriages but the attraction a man who is attached can be a trigger for women to recognise that he's able to commit, has been "chosen" and therefore SHE can get him for herself. Which is kinda creepy.

[fartingspinster]

I agree it is creepy. But I do understand what you mean. Men and women like a different kind of chase, and it really is true.
A woman seeing a guy totally infatuated with their wife, some of them see it as a challenge to win him over and get some of that attention for herself. Its really sort of pathological

[Shiprex]

Absolutely, I think the competition fever has been brought out more in women over the last couple of generations as they've moved more into male dominated spheres of working and existing has brought this out but perhaps it's always been there and it's just never been known or mentioned that it's a thing.

[fartingspinster]

I feel like its always been there, but they were more behind the scenes in their scheming ways.
Now they can be straightforward and upfront about it

[Shiprex]

Yeah probably it's more acceptable now that promiscuity isn't seen as the taboo it used to be.

[fartingspinster]

Exactly
But girls are still chasing and trying to trap successful men or ones with high status or something to offer them.

The amount of times I've heard girls brag that the guy they are seeing has a penthouse or is part of a really rich family... they will do more for men like that than the ones that are good guys that need to work for their comfort.
Its a sad world

[Shiprex]

Yes we are in a time where the reward from external validation is a bigger pull than internal fulfilment from being our best selves. This is where, I feel, women are being let down by the realisation of feminist ideology going overboard. All the perks but not the responsibility or the irrational increase expectations and demands from. men who've facilitated the whole thing benevolently (everything is kept running and maintained at ever increasing levels but men have seen next to no betterment of their lives while it's happened.

[fartingspinster]

Mmmm your words are true

[Shiprex]

@fartingspinster
I hope not too widespread but a sad reflection of where humanity is going

[RingOfFire]

So now a guy's got to wear a sign on his forehead saying "I'm getting married in August?" ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[fartingspinster]

Yes! 😂😂

[RingOfFire]

🤣🤣🤣

[molonski2]

Are you serious? Surely just having a lark , he was doing his job , and just living life..
And you want everyone to wear a ring because of this? Give me a break , ring means absolutely nothing anyhow.

[fartingspinster]

Yes, I do. Came on here to be angry did you? 👏👏👏

[Eempriyanka]

You have to let a man whole heartedly be in a relationship.. don't get why opinions say he has to keep options open

[fartingspinster]

Me neither lol... sad the world is coming to that as an accepted opinion

[Wraith_Cemetery]

In a lot of European countries, engagement rings aren't a custom for both women and men. My family is Irish and neither of my parents wore them. My now married sisters didn't either.

[Wraith_Cemetery]

Americans are the ones obsessed with it so other countries are copying that.

[fartingspinster]

I dont think so
Americans are obsessed with diamond engagement rings, but engagement rings have been common place for centuries. Mainly people just skipped the step and went straight to marriage, but like engagement ring can be the same as a wedding ring - i dont see why it has to be so different.

And also... if you are Irish. Then you are aware of the claddagh ring and how it would be used to represent single, in a relationship, engaged or married. Lots of civilizations had similar ways of conveying those messages.

We now live in an ocean of people, either single, coupled, engaged or married and we all dont know what status we hold. And people aren't respecting the relationship status. No wonder single people in today's world suffer - they dont know if someone is taken or not and its causing paralysis for most singles.

Just the other day I had a friend ask me about a guy that she met on tinder and has bene seeing for months. I know him... he's married.

[RedInnocent69]

We buy you with the rings. It’s a symbol of our superiority, not yours

[fartingspinster]

😂😂😂

[Ali_roller]

Ikr? My fiancé says it gets in the way of his games since he’s a pro video gamer, or at least that’s what he says lol

[fartingspinster]

Ahaah xD well! As long as he makes it a point to showcase he's taken. I've seen some men getting tattoos there too, which i think is sweet

[andreasderjuengere]

Your text is long. So I ignore it.

My reason to not follow such rituals is:

I refuse to replace 'symbols' with common sense. Why would I place private ''signals'' to those who have no business in it?

[jamesgoldman]

I don't know and I'm in the trade

I personally said I'd get a diamond pinky ring for the purpose
Now that ship has sailed for this lifetime

[TheSpaceGnome]

Some people do not like wearing jewelry, watches, etc. because its physically irritating.

[Nikki1989]

Nobody is under any obligation to wear a ring for any reason.

[fartingspinster]

Why not just not have any obligation for any monogamy at all then? We all just have open relationships then?
We have no obligation to say if we are single, in a relationship, married or have a kid. No obligation for any social interaction at all. I dont think thats a very civilized culture. Even tribes liked labels to keep society clean.

[Vegasrunner]

It's hilarious that women don't understand this. A man's job is to keep his options open not closed. Men and women are different, you wear a ring because men approach women.

[fartingspinster]

Yeah but in this day and age men are expecting females to approach them also and ask them on dates. They dont want to be the only ones asking for dates.
And society more and more is asking females to have more equality in the dating realm and to let go of older models of dating.

[Vegasrunner]

@fartingspinster That's not true, that's simply something women say in attempt to discredit men for their shortcomings. Men overwhelmingly approach women in fact they do it so much more that an entire dating site was created in an attempt to convince more women to initiate the first move.
Not sure what society you live in, however in the Western world, men are still expected to initiate, wearing an engagement ring reduces the opportunity for a man be successful w/ women.

[fartingspinster]

I live in the west also, and men dont approach as much as they used to. All the girls complain about it in my area and when they do approach they have certain expectations but they are choosy about what traditions they want to keep and what they dont depending on what serves them.

There definitely are other men that dont subscribe to that stuff and seem to be better well rounded men. But thats my take on it and from the girl circle im around

[Vegasrunner]

@fartingspinster There's no possible way you could know how much more men previously approached. There's millions of reasons why your friends don't get approach one could be that they are simply unattractive. How many men do those girls approach?

[fartingspinster]

Lmao, i don't know why everyone assumes that. Thats no why. Its another about attractiveness... its the fact that men these days are afraid of rejection and dont even try anymore.

And I can tell... because even older females who have daughters now are noticing the difference in men's advancements and attitudes to dating.

[Vegasrunner]

@fartingspinster Everyone assumes that because you guys aren't getting approached yet, plenty of men are still banging women. Stands to reason, they aren't attracted to you guys. TBH you're making the an assumption by believing it's a male deficiency.
Men are advancing in dating, partly because with so many platforms highlighting female nature many men are getting to see women in their true light for the first time.

[fartingspinster]

Lol, females are just subscribing to the male dating patterns and now that there's even playing field men are sour.

And no. You are assuming its about attraction. Its not. Men are going on tinder and more interested in one night stands wirh a girl thats shit faced than approaching girls in daylight events/places like they used to.

Let's agree to disagree, because you think im assuming some things but clearly you aren't lacking in assumptions either. I love how everyone on here likes to think they are calling out assumptions but they wreak of it themselves.

[Vegasrunner]

@fartingspinster If women subscribed to male dating patterns why would men be sour? Male dating strategy is to have sex w/as many women as possible. If women did this the world would be a different place.
That's just the men you see. The only men using dating apps are low value men who can't get women. HV men and attractive women don't use dating apps, at least not consistenly that's how I know you and your friends aren't attractive. If a woman isn't getting approached it's because she's ugly.
I don't think you're assuming, I just think your a standard woman who doesn't take accountability and tries blame men for your personal failures.

[beenherebefore]

He was the one who proposed so I never bought a engagement ring but I expect him to wear the wedding band.

[DrPepper12]

I don't wear a ring. Haven't for decades. I hate jewelry.

Your married in your head n heart, not in your finger.

[fartingspinster]

I agree
But that means bringing them into the conversation and not skirting around the fact that you are married.

You dont ask someone so many personal questions, and when its redirected at you - you just avoid words like "girlfriend" or "I've always been in this town, actually where I met my girlfriend" its not that hard to be transparent without a ring

[DrPepper12]

Yup! 👍🏻

[VIVANT]

They don’t? I don’t know that they don’t. 🤔 I guess some do.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Grown adults don't like to wear rings. Looks stupid anyways on men.

[grega239]

Me personally , i dont wear any jewelry at all because its annoying

[robocop666]

Cause women want an expensive present, gold and diamonds cost a lot these days. Warren Buffett bought his wife one in a discount jewellery store.

[fartingspinster]

Im sure he didn't buy just anything though, I dont care if its a discount store as long as the style and the reason for buying it was for me. Often times good taste doesn't come with a high price tag, Warren buffet knew this and understood the value of a dollar. He wasn't going to get duped into the fake market that is diamonds. If you read up on diamonds and how it became the number one engagement ring in the west and then the world... I dont think you'd subscribe to the diamond industry

[fartingspinster]

Also, lots of diamonds are lab made... so they really aren't that expensive. Buy them on a sale and you'd still be overpaying for them

[jahaims]

Different cultures do it differently. Also look up the origin of rings and weddings lol.

[fartingspinster]

What particular culture regarding origin do you want me to look at? I'm sure not every culture has the same origin story
Weddings are also a bit different for each continent

[JamesRandiDebates]

Why don't women buy engagement rings for men?

[fartingspinster]

That's a 21st century question for sure

[David_beckham]

Where I live, men do wear a ring when they are married.

[Sabretooth]

no fingers. mine are pretty much full of other rings.

[wkhan_87]

I always wear my wedding ring 💍

[fartingspinster]

Good man!

I went to another dealership and the guy only had a girlfriend and he was wearing a ring! So clearly committed men are still out there

[236color]

Because women won't pay for them.

[fartingspinster]

They often come in a set though... dont they?

[236color]

Wedding rings do, I've never seen engagement ring sets.

[loveslongnails]

As if a ring makes a difference?

[fartingspinster]

Apparently not

[loveslongnails]

Right. When has it?

[Anonymous]

I'm not engaged, that's why.

[retarb]

Traditionally, men don't get approached.

[PaleDale]

Sometimes it's subterfuge.