I accidentally screenshotted a Snapchat conversation with my friend and now he won’t talk to me?

[Anonymous]

If you look at one of my most recent questions on here; I (25) reconnected with an old friend from 7 years ago (27). It didn’t end well and one of my friends at the time was causing a lot of trouble and ruined our friendship.

We’ve been talking for the last month and for the last little while he’s shown a lot of interest. (We were intimate at one point and feelings were involved). We had been speaking a lot about the past , what hurt us both, and he’s been super consistent, talking from morning to night.

Yesterday while we were speaking on Snapchat, I accidentally screenshotted our conversation which notified him. He thought it was suspicious since he still has trust issues from the past and he literally won’t believe me when I say it was an accident. He kept replying with “I dont know” and then he ignored my last few messages of me trying to resolve the issue.

It hasn’t been a day, and his birthday is tomorrow. I don’t know what to do and I’m actually super upset over this. I understand he has trust issues but why doesn’t he believe this was an accident? Do I reach out in few days? Is it possible that he will?

[Blunky]

Why in the world would he believe it was an accident? He has trust issues for a reason and you don't seem to care because this is what you want. He should just trust you because you said it was an accident? The human species would've died out long ago if our intuition meant that little.

[Asker]

Of course I care. I tried so many times to fix it. He stopped answering when I said please tell me what’s really bothering you because it stems from something deeper than an accidental screenshot. I want to fix this. I’m honestly so upset because we were talking every single day so consistently, for him to just disappear like this?

[Asker]

And why NOT believe it was an accident? It notifies the other person when you do that, so why would I want to start a fight knowing he’s gonna see that I did that and potentially ruin our friendship again.

[Blunky]

You're assuming he will completely understand and believe your intentions. That's not how trust issues works. Your intentions don't matter, what matters are his perceptions. If he doesn't feel safe with you, that's that. Give him space. Let him know you want to work things out if and when he's ready to.

[Asker]

Yeah you’re right, but if he really cared to resolve this, why leave me on read? I sent a few messages, not all at once, but when I noticed he’d leave one on read, I’d send another saying please just say something and tell me what’s wrong. I even gave him an out and said if he doesn’t wanna speak anymore please just tell me, and how upset this is making me and he wouldn’t even do that. I understand that he has trust issues but at the same time this is kinda cruel. Communicate what you want. I’m sorta hoping that he’s left it like that because maybe he isn’t sure and probably does want to continue talking but needs a bit to think? I’m so hurt because I genuinely don’t have bad intentions here.

[Blunky]

My god, you need to stop. You're making this much worse on yourself. Leaving you on read means he's not ready to engage with you, or doesn't want to. Sending more after that then giving him the ultimatum of ending things is THE WRONG WAY to go about this. You're trying to force communication on someone that isn't ready to or doesn't want to communicate. That comes off as extremely selfish, even if that's not your intent. You need to distance yourself from him for both your sake.

[Asker]

He did things to me too, I have trust issues as well but after we talked about everything I let it go. If he couldn’t do the same he should’ve left immediately, not question and test me for every single little thing that happens. To me, that is selfish as well. Everyone I have told this too thinks it’s really silly, while others understand he has trust issues, but we are adults. I shouldn’t have to prove myself to him after things that happened when we were teenagers.

That’s also what I’m having a hard time understanding. What’s the reason to not be ready to communicate over a screenshot? You can literally just say that made me uncomfortable and I need some time to think, maybe I’m not over what’s happened. Stonewalling someone who is trying to fix the issue isn’t the right way to go about this either.

[Blunky]

Yes, he's being selfish. Trust issues tend to do that because they're about self preservation. You letting things go doesn't mean he should have to. If he's still butthurt over it all then that's his problem. But you're making it far worse by constantly pushing the issue, even telling him to make the choice to end things. That comes off as a guilt trip. You don't have to prove a damn thing but you seem to really want to with someone that isn't willing to accept it. Stop.

You know, there's also the real possibility of him just being a jackass and telling his friends about a girl that keeps pushing up on him. Who knows? He could also just as likely have developed mental health issues that literally make him fear responding. The fact of the matter is, he's not willing to communicate so you need to stop stressing yourself out by trying to force it.

[Asker]

Oh okay I see. I didn’t realize me giving him the option to end things would come off as a guilt trip. Also not sure if I mentioned this but he contacted me first. Even the other night, I said I was going out and he kept forcing me to send a picture of who I was with and wouldn’t stop mentioning it until I sent the photo, I’m guessing to make sure it wasn’t with that girl who ruined our friendship. He’s pushed issues too, not just me.

I know you don’t know him.. but do you think if I give him space there’s a possibility he’d come back and say something and just realize it was truly an accident or have I ruined it? My messages , even though maybe overwhelming, were not mean and didn’t involve any name calling.

[Asker]

One of my friends also said it’s a possibility that he could think I’ve been playing him this whole time and nothings change and got triggered because there are still feelings there from before that are making him feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable.

[Blunky]

Alright, well, that just sounds like he's a manipulative control freak if he's forcing you to send pictures of people you're with. He doesn't get to track you 24/7 because he has trust issues. Get the hell away from him. Don't let him come back because he now thinks of you as his property to control.

[Asker]

That’s what I’ve been thinking. If he’s been this possessive the whole time I doubt he’s just going to leave over a small thing like that and not try to say something at some point. I’m also not going to say anything else because part of me thinks he wants to see how long I’m going to try before he chooses to respond, almost like he’s punishing me and trying to establish control.

[Blunky]

Yup. You reached out, tried to work things out. That's all you should do out of self respect and set new boundaries so that things don't get to this point again in the future. That's a scary amount of control he wants just to satisfy his trust issues. He could just very well resent you and is purposely punishing you, yeah.

[Asker]

You’re right! Thank you for your advice

[Blunky]

Anytime. Sorry if I came off a bit harsh earlier. Just kind of went with only what was originally posted.

[Asker]

That’s okay no problem! 😌

[glennos89]

Why are you entertaining other dudes while being in a relationship?

Would you feel pleasant if it was the other way around?

[Asker]

Uhmmm where did you get that from? I am single.

[glennos89]

Ooh my sincere apologies then 🤦🏼‍♂️
I think I didn't read the message very well then 🤐

[Asker]

So if you re read the post , what are your thoughts

[glennos89]

I don't understand why he got so upset from taking a screenshot of your conversation. Where is he afraid off then? I don't really see the problem off taking a screenshot by accident.

I would give him a moment to let it sink and then he will probably turn around again if you text him soon. Just explain him again that it was really a accident and tell him that you feel really bad about it because you were happy to speak to him again and that you don't want this accident to cause more problems. Just tell him you deleted it and that you will pay more attention not to make that same mistake again

[Asker]

Because I think he already came into this with his guard up about me and honestly so did I.. so when he saw something was screenshotted, he immediately took it as a threat. He just kept saying he thinks it’s so suspicious and that he’s trusted me before and then just kept saying “I don’t know”. He already left me on read a few times Friday so I really don’t feel like I should say something again. Like why not even respond to my messages? Do you think it’s possible he’s come around again or will I have to reach out first?

[glennos89]

It could be possible that he isn't really sure if he made the right choice. But it seems you both have thrust issues towards eachother and that's not a good recipe to begin with to be honest

[Asker]

You’re right. Things have happened in the past where he gets upset, removes himself from the situation, and then revisits a few weeks later. Sorry that I’m asking a lot of questions, I just need a guys perspective. I’m hoping that if he didn’t want to speak again he would’ve just removed or blocked me? (That’s what he did in the past when we cut each other off). Or you think maybe he doesn’t care enough?

[Asker]

I also said within the few messages I sent him that he ignored, that if he wanted to stop speaking he could tell me, but he didn’t reply to that either. I am guessing if he wanted to cut me off he probably would’ve taken that chance to say it then remove me…?

[glennos89]

If that's the situation you really have 2 options...

Either you remove yourself from him to prevent getting hurt or you stop texting him now and give him some time to think about the whole situation.

I don't think you should push him anymore to get an answer from him because chances are that it's only pushing him further away if you keep pushing him to get an answer.

[Asker]

You’re right. And I have not said anything since Friday when this happened. I sent those messages while it was still fresh, and maybe he was overwhelmed and just not ready to respond.

[glennos89]

Friday was the last time you texted him? That's very disrespectful of him he should have texted you back by now if he really cared about you. It's not that much effort to let you know something at least...

Honestly... you deserve better then that, he should have texted you back by now

[Asker]

Normally I’d agree with you but he’s never been like that though, it’s always taken him a while to want to speak about it and he probably thinks I’m doing something suspicious which is making him question whether he should say something or not. Maybe it’s really not about caring and more that he’s just not sure if he can trust again? It was also his birthday on Sunday, and I didn’t say anything. Why should I if he’s ignoring me.. but I’m sure he takes that as a sign I don’t care about him which is prolonging this whole thing.

[Asker]

Also he is extremelyyy sensitive and takes anything as bad energy and removes himself. He gets easily overwhelmed, and maybe that’s why I’m making excuses here. Is it selfish and not fair to me? Absolutely. I asked a few of my friends and they don’t really see anything wrong, and thinks he would’ve just cut me off or blocked me.

[Anonymous]

Maybe try sending him a voice note apologizing and wishing him a happy birthday. Sometimes hearing your voice helps I think when it comes to trust issues.

[Ironco]

I liked this response.

[bowenw]

If something as simple as a screenshot sets him off, I think you're better off without him in your life.

[Asker]

I don’t think it’s just that simple. He obviously isn’t fully over what happened between us in the past. I get that. But to ignore me and not believe me or let me explain?

[bowenw]

Hopefully he will get over it and not cut you off like that again.

[HungTexan]

He needs to chill out and enjoy life.

[Friendlybro79]

Move on.. This is childish bs

[Asker]

I agree it is childish but why ignore me over this? I’m honestly so upset.

[Friendlybro79]

I can't answer this and no one else can. Only he can, hence move on. I understand you're upset but why waste energy in this person when he clearly isn't willing to even give you benefit of the doubt? Take this as a way to shift your mind from upset to not your problem and his loss. Then meet someone who is worth your time.

[Asker]

Because I just can’t believe how silly this is. I am trying to understand, and a couple guys that I’ve spoken to understand why he’s done this because to me it may just be an accident, but to him it brings up the past and how he may have been hurt and I tried to ask him to tell me what’s really bothering him because it has to be deeper than me taking an accidental screenshot and that’s when he stopped replying. He hurt me as well and I thought we cleared it up. Why even bother coming back just to have this amount of resentment towards me? I am hoping he will realize this is immature and maybe say something.

[Friendlybro79]

What seems silly is you entertaining this kind of behavior at 34 years old. As long as you're enjoying yourself in the pursuit for whatever relationship you want with him then it's fine. Relationships don't need to be this childish and or come with so much baggage.

[Asker]

I put our ages in the post. I am not 34.

[Friendlybro79]

My apologies for missing that. I shared my opinion and wish you well. Good luck.

[jahaims]

Good. Stop using a child's app

[Asker]

That reply doesn’t help.