What you crave till now?

Question

What intense experience you had in past but still it is like it happened last day & u still crave it...

My experience - when I was in 1st standard I had an intense connection or feeling towards a girl which was maybe 6 or 7 years older than me she lived in my neighborhood she was in 2nd standard I liked her company too much even I used to sit everyday in her class instead of me but teachers caught me & put me in my class but after a few minutes I was again with her 😂 teachers were frustrated because of me. my father was head of that school & he wanted me to be good in studies so he put a condition with me if I had to stay with that girl I had to pass 1st standard exam within 2 months after 2 months it is hard to believe that I not only passed the exam but I was able to fluently read the book even she could not read book like me. i want to clear that most students becomes able in at least 3rd standard to read book properly. i read 1 year with her that was intense but next year she left the school. I don't know where she is now while I have same feelings for her..😊

My aim - why I am putting this here because I want someone to tell this experience so I'm putting it anonymously & as I grow up I choose life science as my subject now I'm doing pg in zoology having these background & deep interest. I read many books on psychology & biology to find that what made me feel too intense for her & as I know maybe I am wrong she had the same feeling after that much details I want you to know it's was because of sexuality as I read further I knew that sexuality isn't that taboo & gives mean to our life even I wasn't aware of that my brain & evolution was searching for a good partner so conclusion is that sexuality is hardwired in our brain and as we become a little aware of self. This starts to works. ...

Maybe you liked the story or not. please put your real opinion to it...

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I know I'll be judged because of this but this is the real answer of this question that I crave.

I happened to get to know about sex not by sex education or nor by my parents. What we studied in books was hard to imagine that how etc. I now laugh at my those innocent imaginations or theories of what does sex look like.

I happened to get to know what is sex first by seeing two adults doing that. But it was traumatizing for me as I felt it wrong and dirty and I didn't see enough of it. But that made me curious interestingly. I don't know why, but later on I started craving for watching it more and more to see two people actually doing all that live before me.

Morally I feel it wrong and I feel guilty that I crave for that. And I NEVER do. But that's increase my cravings more.

I know it's wrong and I will never do. But it's my cravings I do still get.