Guys, Have you ever lost hope to find that one true love?

[Vneila21]

First, there are different kinds of love. Love cannot be false unless manipulated. If it is even a little manipulated, it is not love. Once someone cares, they don't stop caring. It is easy to get trapped in the "Nobody cares" attitude. How you perceive things is not always true.

Updates

1 y

Hey guys,
Thank you for being so honest in your answers. It helps a lot! Another thought is that building resilience enables you to become who you are today. It will help your journey more than the people you interact with. Resilience isn't always recognized outwardly. Resilience can change your perspective on lots of things and is crucial for growth. We don't know what the future holds, but we have the freedom to make sound decisions dependent on the context of the moment.

[dragoblack]

I have always been single. i have looked for years of why i have not found anyone interested that is mutual attraction, i have worked on myself daily, i have improved myself daily, i have asked plenty of female viewpoints (this app has been very helpful in that), i have had horrible luck when offline of just running into women who are just not interested, in a relationship, not into men, look in late 20s only to end up being underage (obviously didn't pursue), got the occasional "ew, no", been ghosted mid conversation irl, turned out to be toxic, only wanted 1-sided support, has children, and women that only wanted hookups; every time i find anyone interested it's normally being ghosted after 1 conversation, rare replies, doesn't want to talk about herself in any way, it's a solicitor, someone wanting a free lunch, just a hookup, 1 word replies, or the online never talks.
Hell, i get a date once every 7years if I'm lucky. I know it is partly my area, where the sought after is pot heads, wannabe cowboys (with trucks that have never been to a farm, let alone touched mud.), musicians, wannabe gangsters, bar hopping playboys, and partying extroverts... as an introverted demi-romantic & demi-sexual, nerd, with disability; i don't fit those categories and require "getting to know each other" which many find tedious... that, and most of the relationships I've encountered, have started as hookups-into-relationships, just because the sex was good... i can't function on that method... I've tried.
... needless to say... I've been giving up hope more and more every day, as I'm hitting 33 next month, and by this time, a guy with 0 relationships comes off as a red flag to most women, which reduces my chances even more.
I will specify, i don't advertise that I'm disabled or on disability, or the fact that i have had 0 relationships.
But every day of putting myself out there has reduced my hope more and more. Hell, I've stopped trying offline, because of my horrid luck and finding someone interested online is rare too, due to algorithm bullshite and just the lack of anyone interested.
I know im not the best looking and in fact considered average,... but fuck my statistics shouldn't be this bad! Honestly, the only reason I keep trying at this point is because the loneliness is painful to deal with.

[OneViewpoint]

If it exists, I've never found it. I think it's a fairytale told to children and marketed to adults in Hollywood movies. To quote Leonard Cohen...

Baby, I've been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew ya
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew ya
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

I think Cohen was right. Love is not some shiny perfect thing. It's a constant work in progress filled with compromises and regrets and moments of sacrifice and greatness.

[Vneila21]

Yeah, I totally understand! Realizing movies are not reality is very important. There is a ubiquitous glossy picture of love and sexuality. People reach for that glossy picture unaware of the confrontation, judgement, and obstacles that you can't slide over. Love takes a lot of attention, integrity as well as commitment. I think it's worth fighting for, but it's not the end all be all.

[OneViewpoint]

You are doing well to understand this at your age. You are well ahead of the herd in that regard. Keep trusting your brain.

[NicholasRedone]

You've done the best you could man

[JohnnyB123321]

On a daily basis. lol After some time it’s hard to invest into a relationship that probably won't work. And that’s not fair to the girl for me to think that way either. But I’ll say that girls I date invest nothing these days. I go on like 0 dates where the girl doesn’t mention her ex and how they split custody of a dog or something. I went on a date this week with a girl and she was telling some story and she mentions a conversation they had and she mentioned they had that in bed. Like, why are we talking about your ex in the first place and why do I need to hear how you were in bed together? I’m ok with prior physical relationships. It’s not that it bothers me that they slept together or any of that. There are 7 billion people on this planet and you need to tell me about your ex. Clearly you are not done with your feelings for him.

[Vneila21]

Exactly, it sounds like those girls were looking for a therapist. Have you ever continued dating a girl who talked about her ex (es)?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Why do you assume that the reason men can't find love is low self esteem?

I can't find love because I'm almost 40 and i want a cute/hot virgin atheist gamer artist scientist musician girl near my age who likes anime, cosplay, collecting toys, and watching sci-fi and fantasy movies, and most of those live in Japan, not the US where I am.

Other people have their own reasons, but the point is its usually an issue of not finding the perfect woman, not "poor self esteem".

Very few men are thinking "no one will love me". We just refuse to settle because being alone for the rest of our lives is just better than being with the wrong woman.

[Vneila21]

Hi,
I am not saying that the sole reason is self-esteem if at all. I understand that "Wrong woman perspective" looming over your head. I watched pop the balloon for the first time, and I noticed that some women thought "that isn't me" when a man said something that seemed off to them.
So I realized firsthand the honesty that is needed on those shows. I also noticed they have high standards for their future spouse. While it is nice to have standards, they should not be impossibly high. If you set the standards for your woman that you do not set for yourself, who knows where that would lead you. Right?
In the years I've lived, my life has not met or surpassed the standards I have set. Life is malleable, in turn you need to be formable.

[TheSpaceGnome]

The myth of high standards needs to die already, many people's standards today are abysmally low and it results in divorce.

At the very minimum, they need to be "you" in another body.

My standards are based on finding a woman who is the female version of me.
I'm already/still all those things.

[236color]

I did, at one point. Actually not to long before I met the woman that would become my wife. Although I am not very religious and often skeptical of deity, I credit a prayer I said at that time for bringing me through it. The complete text of it was "I don't know what I need, but I need it real bad."

[NicholasRedone]

@236color who would be your deity? Allah? Yahweh? Thor? 🔱 Poseidon? Odin? 🍎🍏 Jesus? Satan? Someone? Buddha? Fat Buddha? Lol 😆

[236color]

@NicholasRedone Gaia

[aceleon]

Well kinda, i never was into this whole relationship thing and seeing the market nowadays i lost interest completely also i am not a husband material and the love i wanna have is not couple thing i rather wanna have a best friend than lover and i want my best friend to be a guy, female friendship doesn't do it for me anymore.

[RiseofArtemis]

Well, I'm done with it completely. A girl would have to aproach me in order for me to consider dating or a relationship and even then it would take months until I would be ready to say yes. After the last one where I met my absolute dream girl of what I wanted I'm just completely done with it. A guy like me already has it hard. Especialy because I don't care about looks but rather how smart she is and her character.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I've given up and I'm heartbroken. I hate my life I constantly feel lonely, and I've only had sex once and it was awful. I've never had a girlfriend and the closest things I've ever had to relationships have all crashed and burned in spectacular fashion. Further I've been used and abused over and over and if you touch a hot stove over and over and it keeps burning you eventually, you're going to realize touching the stove is a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

It's not that I've lost hope. I'm just a numbers guy. And the REALITY is the best women are married by 25. After 25 you're definitely dealing with 2nd tier women. Knowing what is out there I wouldn't waste my time holding my breathe of finding love.

So it's not losing hope so much as it is accepting the statistical data and living my life accordingly.

[Vneila21]

I see, could you give me a link with those statistics on there? I just learned about stats and it's refreshing that you bring it up.

[ThatCanucker]

Yes.

I am a Forever Alone man. As someone who tried to date for over twenty years and found zero success I have since stopped bothering to try and find a woman. It was a tough pill to swallow but it's for the best that I accept the reality that I am not what a woman is looking for and that I am not of any value to women overall.

[LiamJHayden]

No, but I also do not believe in one true love. Eight billion people out there, so the idea of only one being compatible enough seems too limiting.

[Professor-college]

My first girlfriend was a horrible person to me and the second was not that much better but even so I know that that's less than 1% of the women in this world and I can't believe that all of them can be bad... I'm sure that there is a good number a good women out there worthy of getting to know better

[exitseven]

Yes, I was giving up dating for a while and maybe forever. I was sick of the process and sick of the results. Iwas going to just do guy stuff like working out and fishing and running marathons. Ironically this was the day before I met my future wife.

[sawno]

Already found that before. So I am hopeful I will have it again.

[Alex-Snow]

I'm still kind of young for the true love relationship right now. I have a decent sex life and have had fun with several girlfriends in HS and now in college. I think when the time is right for me someone special will enter my life.

[OlderAndWiser]

"Once someone cares, they don't stop caring." Have you ever been cheated on?

[Vneila21]

Even if I was cheated on, I would stand by that belief. I still care about the people who left, but I do not let those emotions overpower me. Every day is a new day. I stared at the past before and sometimes you need to declare that you love who you are more. Not everyone will try to tear you down, but you need to build yourself up to prepare yourself.

[OlderAndWiser]

You are 21 years old. For you, someone from your "past" is perhaps 3-4 years ago. For me, there are girls in my past from 1973, 1974, 1975, etc. I still remember them and have some fond memories but that doesn't mean that I love them. And there are a few who went above and beyond the call of duty to hurt me as much as they could, and I have no warm feelings for them. Experience will convince you of many things that others tried to explain.

[ohsheeT]

No I haven't and never will I have come very very close to finding it so I know it's just a matter of time

[mattthefatbat]

If I didn't look online for a loving partner to be with I would've honestly given up on finding the one completely

[WonderingManII]

It depends on the day you ask me. In about 30 years, I've never had any good luck with having love. I'm weird.

[Vneila21]

You aren't weird in a bad way. Love takes a lot of time.

[WonderingManII]

Thank you for your kindness. :)

[SAMI_DABBAB]

I don’t think we ever stop hoping, maybe we become less optimistic about it and in most cases including mine, we just stop actively chasing it, until one person ignites that feeling again somehow…

[ABC1x1x]

I found her. Just after I got married. I wish we could have been friends forever but she listened to every word I said for 20 years and told me everything I ever wanted to hear until she had me and then she just stopped answering her phone

[MrChinaski]

I have found at least 5 true loves in my life. I have only impregnated one of them, twice. Love is abundant.

[NicholasRedone]

My ship has sailed further than the Titanic lol ⚓ 🚢 ⚓ 🚢 🤭😅

[PeterLegg91]

Yes yes yes, cos my autism and my weirdness it's put many girls off , plus I'm persistent in messaging many girls have told me SORRY BUT THIS IS TOO MUCH, YOUR TOO MUCH

[blackeagle007]

I wonder sometimes. I rarely had dates. Social media teaches women to only go for the top 5% of guys

[Nerdvana]

I have lost hope to find true love. I have accepted I wasn't meant to have true love.

[Anonymous]

Yes I have, several times :(

All of my loves were unrequited...

[Jove79]

That person doesn’t exist. Only in my dreams lol

[Luopio27]

I have given up, completely!

[Vegasrunner]

Lol, that's more of a female metric.

[jahaims]

Lmfao real life isn't disney.

[Adogdog]

Somewhat, but I'm still hoping!