Why does this bother him so much?

[Anonymous]

Ok this is a question for the guys, I have a man I’ve been dealing with (not in a relationship) but that’s the kind of role he plays in my life. He does a lot of what a boyfriend would do for a girlfriend but we aren’t officially together. Anyway, since we aren’t together, I told him there’s a guy at work that likes me and wants to have sex with me and I was asking him how he would feel if I did anything with said guy. Well I basically got crucified for even letting that come out of my mouth. For context, he used to talk to other girls in front of me, do sexual things with other girls etc, and it made me feel bad like I was jealousy. But he would always say he didn’t want the girls, so I’m like if you don’t want them why are you giving them your attention? Make it make sense. So now that the tables have turned and I was considering for a minute sleeping with another guy he feels like I’m not really down for him and to not say things about how I love him and want to marry him. The guy I wanted to sleep with so basically he’s more sexually open than the guy I’m dealing with like likes to do everything you can possibly do to a girl and it piqued my interest. The sex is great with the OG guy but we do the same thing and then it had been almost a month since I had any because he had been away. But I made the decision to not do anything with the other guy and he feels like I still disrespected him by even thinking of doing it. So guys why is it ok for y’all to do it but when it’s in the girl’s court doing it to y’all it doesn’t feel good? It’s basically that saying “it ain’t fun with the rabbit has the gun”. We aren’t together and he doesn’t want to make me his girlfriend so if I had slept with the other guy he can’t say I cheated. I’m free to do what I want I just choose not to out of respect for him.

[RespectfulGuy]

Sounds you're dealing with a narcissistic person. And you're full of discontentment.

On top of that, this relationship lacks proper communication that leads to a win win.

While you asks why he behave so, he might also be questioning why you seeks out another, as if you're both in an open relationship.

My Opinion is, have a serious talk that lays an ultimatum: both you and him stop seeing anyone else, and become exclusive to each other. This is what both you want right?

So talk it out and then live by the new status quo. Otherwise breaking up could be the best way to go in a toxic relationship as now.

[Asker]

That’s the thing I’ve brought up this very convo
He always shuts it down
Matter of fact he told me not to bring it up again like asking about if we’ll get married or can we be in a relationship
I asked him why it bothers him so much like does he feel guilty for not making that commitment and he didn’t want to answer he told me to drop it and not ask again

[RespectfulGuy]

Then it's time for you to decide if you want to live your precious years in uncertainty.

Life's short. And you deserve better.

And a true romantic relationship requires both to be able to have honest conversations that reach mutual agreements and live by them.

PS: never live as if you're in a cult. Have control over your own life, especially that which paves your future.

[Lliam]

So he doesn't want to commit to a relationship but wants you to remain exclusive toward him?
You're right. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. You don't owe him exclusive rights.
I think you should pursue your own bliss. You might even find somebody better.

[spartan55]

You are obviously trying to make him jealous, which was stupid. Your arrangement won't last long.

[MasterKS]

Its your life pick best for you, they are on their own, you should be the one who decide what to do.

[Heusus]

Make ur own decision