Was I wrong not sure if guys like/apprecite stuff like this or even care?

[Anonymous]

Hi, I'm 28 and the guy I've been seeing made a post about struggling with anxiety and depression. We've seeing each other e since 2021 and he's never mentioned it to me. After seeing his post a day later, I got him books on male depression, aromatherapy wall plugs, his favorite candle, and tea that helps with stress. I also wrote him three encouraging pop-up messages with scriptures and corny dad jokes, which is my thing. However, when I gave it to him, he went silent and said he didn't know what to say. He then asked if I saw the post and I said yes. He mentioned that if he's posting about it, he's already handling it and I shouldn't do stuff just because he posted. I had no idea until after I got the stuff because I had gotten a prayer book for myself and got him one too, literally because I was getting myself one. It made me feel like it wasn't okay to do that for him. I just wanted him to know he has someone there for him. Was I wrong? This happened a while ago, but it still bothers me. Maybe I really did do something wrong?

[Anonymous]

“Seeing” each other since 2021 and he’s still this reluctant to be vulnerable with you? I agree that it was a nice gesture and who knows maybe this is just a matter of you mistaking his post as a cry for help when it was intended to be a vent. But the way you have to put off your choices with him as friendly gestures because you don’t want to overstep or do too much, it’s kinda like what are you two ever meant to be? 2 years later you should be a girlfriend and have the right to support him or be the one he goes to when he’s struggling rather than him going to vent online. Like you’re not his person… don’t you wanna be? After all this time?

[Asker]

I am unsure what you’re actually saying but thanks anyway

[Opinion Owner]

I’m saying it sucks that you are not his person, not his girlfriend and after all these years you should be that already. I’m saying that it also sucks you can’t even show proper concern because you don’t want to overstep as a friend.

[grungeberry]

You are a godsend! Keep being the salt and the light. You care and it shows. Is he a Christian?

[Asker]

He is but i ironically didn’t know until recently but I am someone whose parents raised us with God in ourselves and my mom was a very wise and spiritually woman gave me my first lesson when I was 5 and it stuck so when I am dealing with my depression and anxiety I pray and talk to God it makes me feel better and I feel closer to my mom she passed at the beginning he and I’s relationship
When I was in therapy for grief he asked for my therapist and I gave him her info as well

[BadApple69]

You did nothing wrong. I think what you did was super sweet and what I would want my girlfriend to do for me if in that situation.
Now where the problem comes in. Guys want to be seen as strong to their gfs. So in his mind others seeing that he is struggling is ok but his girlfriend knowing isn’t.
This is his insecurities…. You did right.

[Asker]

Thank you, this was very helpful

[DryGermanGuy]

It’s all down to individuals and their specific situation. Depending on his current state he might just be overwhelmed by too much additional input, no matter how thoughtful and well-meant it is.

[Asker]

Maybe, thanks for the advice ☺️

[bowenw]

You didn't know that he would react to your kind gestures the way he did. You did nothing wrong. He should be thankful he has someone like you in his life that cares for him the way you do.

[Asker]

Thank you, even though you’re a stranger means a lot it was really making me overthink

[bowenw]

I don't blame you for overthinking as he didn't react in a way most people would in that situation.

[Asker]

Thank you

[StephanieChick111]

That was very nice of you but it sounds like he didn't appreciate it. Maybe he is too depressed.

[Asker]

Maybe, but thanks for replying I really appreciate it

[StephanieChick111]

Welcome. Maybe you can find a happier guy that doesn't need so much mothering.

[Asker]

I don't know maybe thank you for your input

[Anonymous]

Regardless of his situation, he should have been more appreciative of your efforts.

[Asker]

Thank you for your perspective

[sinestro23]

cuz men don't like seeming/appearing weak or vulnerable

[zoeyby]

He is not in the same world as us, he is always struggling, maybe you can have an ordinary conversation, he can shed tears, maybe he is the last to sleep at night, he won't even sleep, you can only accompany and guide

[Asker]

I don't know I tried and he only talks when he wants to so whenever he just I just sit quiet Ik he does have abandonment issues and he doesn’t have the best relationship with his mom and he didn’t with his dad until recently I try not to push as let him come on his own

[zoeyby]

Depression needs to be come out by themselves, others can't help, we can only do guidance a paragraph is family factors and environmental factors resulting in the gradual rise of depressed patients

[Asker]

I also have depression and anxiety which is why I said i let him open up when he’s ready when I made the basket I too was dealing with my own as I had just lost my mom and grandma a month apart from each other the previous year to me giving him that basket so I’m understand and that not the first time he’s reacted that way when I was just trying to do something to cheer him or just cause I was thinking of him so I don't know I’ve pulled back though so I don’t overthink everything

[Ckendrick06]

I don’t think you did anything wrong

[Asker]

Thank you.

[Ckendrick06]

No problem

[jahaims]

Communicate better with him

[Asker]

He doesn’t really open up Im a big feeling kinda girl so communicate and creating safe spaces and showing I am there even he doesn’t want to talk I've always told him I get it stuff is hard at the beginning of talking to him my mom and grandma passed a month apart this was 4 years ago and even with that I pushed through and showed I care for him I don't know