My boyfriend have started to ask about status and feelings, and he is acting strange?

[Anonymous]

We have been dating for 4-5 months now straight, and we just hit a rough patch. The past week everything was fine, then he becomes distant over several days while he has my stuff in his apartment. Then I ask him if we were going to take lunch, and he tells me he is busy and got things to do. And I’m like ok, let me know what time to come and I also asked are our plans for the weekend cancelled - no reply on it. Next day, I land and go straight to his place and I’m just expecting him to meet me outside for 10 min and tells me to come inside to his apartment and I’m like oh? So we do, and he makes coffee and kisses me on my neck, and acts like nothing is wrong and I’m with him for 3 hours. Then I’m ready to go, and he comes with and want to hold my things for me, and my dog pooped and he takes the poop and my brain is like wtf, where is this behaviour from? Why Are you behaving so gentleman like. Then he wants to take a walk and he bring up things he have been thinking about and ask or more demanding how I feel for him, and ask if I feel nothing for him or if I can’t just explain it right now. I keep asking if we could talk about this later, but he wants to talk about it now, I gave him some answers which he accepted but he wanted more. We both said we were going to talk further in a few days. We had plans this weekend and I ask him what is up with that and if we Are going to see each other or not, and he can’t Even say yes or no to me. Then today comes and he does not let me know like he usually does. And he tells me honestly I do not have much right now, and he ask if we can meet on Tuesday evening. And I’m just like why could you not answer when I asked 3 times + why is he buying time? He also just seems so irritated and angry.

[spartan55]

I feel like you are leaving a lot of information out here. If he is feeling unacknowledged in the relationship there needs to be a face to face discussion about it ASAP.
Your response is that you want to talk about it later? Wtf is that? No wonder he is irritated. You just confirmed that you don't care how he feels.
You are mentioning things like him picking up your dog's which you seemed to get all weird and short circuit about a simple act of helping out. You mention where he kissed you like it was a big deal. Weird. You wanted to hassle him about the plans for the weekend and he is not having that.
Do you not get it?

[Asker]

What happened is:
I was travelling and he watched my dog, everything was fine before I left then after he becomes Strange, distant and puls back. Then I ask him when I come back, should we get lunch and he tells me he has a lot to do, and he has plans with two friends. And I’m like fine, you don’t want to make time that is fine. So I ask him our plans are off then and what time should I be outside, and he does not give me a reply. The next day I land at the airport, and I go to his place to pick up my dog and I call him and he response like everything is fine and there are no issues…And I was expecting I was going to meet him outside for 10 min, and we were just going to fade away of what we had of the way he was acting if I’m going to be honest. And when I got there, he wants to know how it’s going but I was so angry for the last few days he have been ignoring me, so I started to treat him the same way. Then we’re there for 1-2 hours, and I’m ready to go and he wants to take a walk to the park unexpectedly, and he tries to speak about us and our status - and he says it was not his intention to be off with me and starts to share there are some things have been thinking about that feels a bit off and I’m silent about it. He ask did I hear what he said, and I’m like yes but I did not say anything, what could I say to that?

[Asker]

Then he keeps asking to tell him how I feel about what he said like an reaction, and because it was heavily raining and we were around so many people yes I did not want to talk about this, and then keeps asking me how I feel about him which is why I was too surprised to say anything. I did not expect he wanted to talk about that so fast, and he wants me to give an opinion on what he thinks and what he feels? Then he looks at me and asks if I do not feel anything or if I can’t just tell him in words right now, and promised him that I would tell him later. Then we both go back and forth, and he tells me he’s not sure if it will feel better and then I try to give him a way out: and he could not give me an answer and just started to cry. So I said he could think about how he feels, but it’s scary to admit feelings and give that to him without knowing he’s in love with me too?

[Asker]

Therefore I did not say anything, but 2 hours after I was with him I apologised that I could not give what he needed. And we’ll talk about the relationship and in terms of us. Then we had plans on Sunday, and I’ve asked him 3 times if it was happening or not in terms of this situation and he can’t give me an answer then I have to ask him and he tells me « honestly I do not have much to give right now. And I’ve been super busy the last two days and he wanted to relax « which again is fine, but it’s the way he said it that makes it hard to understand + I asked him the same queston 3 times and then wants to meet later in the week instead. Then he thought I said again to meet him yesterday on the Sunday and he just seemed so stressed if I was going to come by. And maybe I did not react the best way, but I need some security as well.

[spartan55]

@asker With respect, your communication skills are so poor I don't think you are ready to be in a relationship. That's not hyperbole either.
So, why is worried about your investment/feelinga about the relationship? Did this, come from nowhere?

[spartan55]

He has a right to ask what the, hell is going on in your relationship, it's very typical stuff. You are being weird, not him

[Asker]

Yes, when he declines to make plans and tells me he won’t be available then I show up and behaves completely different and tries to then talk about us is confusing af. I mean I also do not communicate with him, but this is both ways.

[Asker]

However I do want to make it work and I plan to tell him how I feel, it’s just scary. Especially when I do not know how he feels.

[spartan55]

Do you understand how insane that sounds? You can't be, scared of feelings and be in a relationship. You aren't ready yet.

[Alex-Snow]

Something is going on with him. Have an honest convo with him and ask what he wants out of the relationship. Have things changed with your sex life with him? More sex... less sex... not as much fun sex?

[Asker]

We have started to have less sex because wrong timing, but sometimes we are having trouble to connect. He said that he wants a conversation on what he wants and feelings, what I feel and what we feel together. And at the same time he says that and he’s not sure if we can make it better, then I try to give him the exit then he does not even reply and just starts crying.

[Alex-Snow]

Would therapy or counseling help? Sorry the sex has slowed down also!

[Staximus]

It sounds like both of you can't communicate like normal people. You are avoiding his questions and cannot express your feelings now he is doing the same.

[slatyb]

He owes you an explanation. If there is none, then it's time to take your stuff back.