Did I overreact?

[Anonymous]

I was talking to a guy for 2 months. Then suddenly his text got dry. We were mainly talking on snap. Then I deleted him on snapchat. He then reached out on instagram and asked if I deleted him. He explained that he’s busy with school. Then we chatted for couple days. Out conversation naturally ended. After 6 days I sent him a meme. He just opened my message the next day so basically didn’t comment anything.

So I just messagef him that I wish him well and blocked on instagram

[HollyK21]

Did you ever hang out in those two months? Because if not then it’s no surprise that the texts got dry, there’s nothing new to talk about. If you aren’t together making memories and creating new things to talk about, then your conversations will become very repetitive and dull. I don’t know what your intentions were for each other but usually at the 2 months mark you’re making things official. So the fact that you two became stagnant, you deleted him and then didn’t talk for a week, I don’t think that connection was going anywhere.


However, I also don’t think you handled yourself very well. You seem to have an avoidant way of dating, and when you feel like he’s losing interest or vice versa, rather than address it you just delete him. To me this is like a trauma response, where instead of communicating you just ghost before you run the risk of having that being done to you. In my opinion it’s a mentality worth working on because you could miss out on good opportunities just because you were afraid to be vulnerable.

[Asker]

Yeah in the past I’ve been hurt or lead on by guys. Also we lived in different countries (neighboring countries)

[HollyK21]

Maybe you should set your sights on someone more attainable. I believe we chatted the other day and you said he was asking if you’d be willing to move to his country, but to me those conversations are just fantasizing until there’s actually plans in place. I say this as someone who’s tried an LDR so I have a good idea of what comes with that sort of commitment. A big part of that is communication, you can’t survive without it and your relationship with that guy became lacking of it. It sounds like he’s too busy with school and life to really prioritize/invest into building something with you. Which is fine, this stuff happens and it’s better for it to be sooner rather than later. I’d wash my hands of that and start the new year fresh, focusing on yourself and your healing. Even if you think you’re moved on from whatever’s happened in the past, handling things how you handled this just shows that you’ve still got more work to do. Which is fine, we are constant works in progress.

[Asker]

I feel like he was dishonest and/or just lost interest. If he really was interested he wouldn’t have risked to lose me.

[Asker]

He actually “promised” me he would’ve made more time for me after his exams. But this guy couldn’t even react or comment on freaking meme

[HollyK21]

I agree with someone not wanting to risk losing you but at the same time people don’t wanna fight for someone who isn’t fighting for them. You felt like things were changing and chose to delete him off Snapchat rather than communicate, and I don't know about you but if I were in his shoes I’d feel disposable after that.

This isn’t me saying he has any real intention of fighting for you prior, it sounds like things were starting to die out given the dry conversations. However I think by you deleting him you pretty much affirmed the loss of interest. Could he have been being dishonest about giving you attention after exams? Who knows, but it really doesn’t matter anymore. You can’t go back and forth, now that you’ve blocked him again that door is shut. I do this is for the better in any case though, living in whole different countries I don’t think this would’ve worked.

[Asker]

So I affirmed I lost interest in him?

[HollyK21]

Yes, I believe you affirmed that when you deleted him the first time and then put the nail in the coffin by sending that last message and blocking him. Anyway, I think you’re having a hard time letting go. The first time you asked this question you disagreed with anyone telling you it was an accidental dial on his part, like it’s just so crazily impossible for that to happen when it totally can. You think your number is nowhere convenient for that to have happened, even after I gave you some examples of my own crazy accidents. In my opinion, you’re holding onto your belief because you subconsciously want to use this as an excuse to reach out. The more you overthink about it and convince yourself that he was too stubborn to let the call go through or to call you back, the more you’re going to justify contacting him to ask about it.

My advice? Go ahead and do it. I’m so dead serious, reach out and ask about it. That way when he tells you himself that he didn’t mean to, you can feel all of that. You can feel the shame of reaching out again after being ghosted and ignored, and you can feel the sting of his rejection one last time. I think motions like this are important to go through so that you can be done, because sometimes it doesn’t matter what anyone else says, you have to go through whatever you’ve got to go through to finally feel some in your heart, and you just aren’t there yet. I also believe that would be a good opportunity to learn about yourself and hold the mirror in your face. You’ll have to ask yourself why you feel like the best you can do is a man who’s put you through all this stress, hurt and disappointment. You have very clearly never been treated right in the past, so you don’t know any better, you think all this is part of the ups and downs of relationships when it shouldn’t be. I think you know subconsciously that no good man would risk losing you.

[HollyK21]

**feel done in your heart

[Asker]

I feel like it’s better for us to lart ways anyway. I have good life where I live. I’ve build my life in my current country (job, house) etc. It would be hard for me to move to bew country and start all over and learn new language

[HollyK21]

Regardless that situation is over, you’ve been apart now less time than you had with them, there wasn’t enough between you to go through all this, and on top of that you’ve blocked him. So let it go now. New year is right around the corner, start fresh, find a guy who’s closer to you and more than anything doesn’t risk losing you ever.

[HollyK21]

**more time than you had with him**

[Asker]

We were talking since beginning of October

[HollyK21]

And we’re not even halfway through December. Unless you were talking to him literally on October 1st then you were talking to him for a little over a month. You made your first about him last week and at that point you were saying it’s been 6 days. That puts us at around Thanksgiving which is already dipping into that second month. In any case, it doesn’t matter. Your time with him was not long enough to be going through all this. It’s over now since you blocked him, so start working on moving on. Before you respond just know that I do not want to go back and forth about how long you were talking to him, the timing does not have to be exact, it’s over between you two no matter what.

[Asker]

I’m the one who blocked him and madevthe decision to cut him off. I’m already talking to new guy. My only worry was if he geniunely was busy preparing for his exams and that I made hasty deccision

[HollyK21]

Even if he were genuinely busy, that doesn’t mean he couldn’t take a moment to reach out. It takes literally seconds to just check in, he could shoot you a text on his way to/from class, while he’s warming up his food, or even sitting on the toilet. I’m not sure why you’re putting emphasis on you being the one to block him since I already addressed that several times? In any case I think I’m done with the back and forth of this conversation. You’re talking to someone new, coffin shut with the man in question, I think we can move on from that situation now.

[YourExLover69]

Nope. You did right 😜🤣

Personally I also love texting, chatting, flirting, seeking friendship, relationship but I want to see mutual efforts from both sides. That guy seemed lazy but you wasted your 2 months on him.

[Asker]

I don't know why I attract mazy guys. But nowadays if I see him getting lazy / uninterested I just block them

[YourExLover69]

No idea.
Same is case I always talk with girls who reply quick for few messages or few days then take it slow and ghost 😒
I want to see efforts from both sides. 😒
I can be very chatty and energetic to pursue a relationship 😊

[Asker]

He could genuinely be busy bur still if you’re interested you find time to chat

[YourExLover69]

That's right we can be busy sometimes. But it's nicer to tell the lady that he's busy. I reply quick as long as my internet doesn't interrupt. If I'm busy I will inform. That's all.

[Asker]

He said he was getting ready for his final exam. When I deleted on snap. He said ” do you just delete me without asking me anything”

[YourExLover69]

Was he ignoring you everyday?
Was he replying slowly each n everytime?
How did you both meet

[Asker]

We was replying slowly for 3-4 days before I deleted him on snap. We mer on dating app and we live in different countries

[Asker]

He seemed interested and serious at first

[YourExLover69]

Replying 3-4 days is way too slow and lazy. I'd also be annoyed with that.

[YourExLover69]

Personally I love replies within less than 24 hours no matter how super busy I'm.

Probably he was talking with someone else too. 🤔

[Asker]

No, he wasn’t replying after 3-4 days more like after 5-6 hours and he was being dry.

[Asker]

It wasn’t engaging

[YourExLover69]

Dry and cold behavior sucks. I don't like it as well. 😒 I want to see passion, spark, flirt, queries to know about her. Her likes dislikes etc.

[Asker]

If he lost interested I wonder why he reached out on instagram afrer I dwleted him on snap

[YourExLover69]

He lost interest because you weren't that much important to him. He took some interest when you deleted him on snap 😜🤣
He sounds lazy n dry guy

[YourExLover69]

Was he older than you? 🤔
Have you both exchanged pics with each other in the beginning

[Asker]

Well now he got blocked lol

[YourExLover69]

Lol hahaha 🤣
I like your humor 😜
You seem funny and nice 😊

[bowenw]

You didn't overreact. You have better things to do that deal with guys that aren't interested.

[Asker]

If he lost interested I wonder why he reached out on instagram afrer I deleted him on snap

[bowenw]

If he was interested, he sure didn't show it. Even if someone has a busy life, they can spare a minute to message someone they like. He may have noticed you disappeared from Snapchat and decided to ask you about it. If he was on Snapchat and noticed you were gone, he obviously isn't as busy as he claimed.

[Asker]

Should I’ve just blocked without message? My final message was ”Hi, it was nice talking to but I wish you well”

[bowenw]

You did what you thought was best. I think you were very polite to send that message. I think most people just block without saying anything.

[spartan55]

Great story. Hard to believe Snapchat and Instagram didn't work.

[Anonymous]

30-35?

Seriously?

[Asker]

Yesss

[Anonymous]

30 something years old and this immature.

[Asker]

Who’s imnature?