What do you think about this situation?

[Anonymous]

So I've been dating this guy for over a month now. Both of our schedules are busy but we are able to still text every day. It’s just recently that I’ve seen a shift in his texting. Like today he send me a good morning text but I haven’t heard from him since but he is a content creator and his active on there but ignores my message. He has been doing this as of lately and it’s very annoying. I just haven’t spoke about it to him. He clearly knows what he is doing so…🤷‍♀️. One time I went almost the whole day without texting because I was busy at work and later that day I finally messaged him and he told me it was crazy that I didn’t text all day. I mean he could have been a man and ask if everything was okay. He knew I was at work. He has been doing this since then. One day he has almost the whole day for me then the next day I barely talk to him. He did recently get a second job tho but this is the first time since then that he ignored me. please be honest. So that morning I woke up he still didn’t reply. So you know what I did. I post a song on IG story stating about being too busy to send a 10 sec text and lying about not being on your phone. I was surprised that I found a song that stated what was on my mind lol. He watched the story within 2 minutes of posting and immediately texted me good morning and replied to last night text. Then asked how was I and if I was throwing shots at him. Let me tell you after that day he has been way better on his texting and text me before posting on social media and he gives me updates throughout his day.

[Anonymous]

He previously called it crazy when you didn't text all day, yet he felt comfortable ignoring you while being active on social media. This shows he understands the value of consistent communication; he was just prioritizing his online engagement over his personal connection.

The fact that he immediately changed his behavior after your shot proves he was capable of better communication all along he just needed to know there were consequences like you getting fed up to his lack of effort.

While the sub-post worked this time, relying on social media hints can eventually feel like a game. Since he’s already checking in more, now is the perfect time to have a direct conversation to solidify these new habits without the passive-aggression.

Good luck.

[HollyK21]

A relationship limited to only texts is not dating, it’s a penpal. I also believe that there shouldn’t be all these hurdles and issues only one month in, it’s like trying to make something work that just isn’t meant to work. You’re both overly busy and there’s no real opportunities to build and grow, you aren’t hanging out, aren’t making memories, it’s an utter waste of time. Cut your losses.

[Asker]

I mean we do call at times and we met like ones in person. Then again we live almost two hours away from each other. He told me he will let me know if he has time to meet again. But you’re right. If it continues like this it’s no point.

[HollyK21]

This is just a bit of advice as someone who’s been in an LDR, but intention matters. You should ask yourself what you’re looking for in a relationship, or from a man in general, then ask yourself if he aligns with that. In your mind, two hours apart sounds easy, but unless you’re both equally willing to commit to travel, expenses that come with it, etc, then this will not work. Same goes for if you dive into an LDR without a silver lining, aka having some intent of closing the distance at some point. This could be one moving closer to the other or even living together entirely, which obviously you can’t discuss so soon into the connection but I’m just giving examples of a silver lining. Without any of that, you’ll inevitably hit a dead end. In fact that seems to be the case now if his only offer is to “let you know if” he “has time” to meet again. Like that’s so loose ended, impersonal, and to me, gives you nothing to look forward to except texts, occasional phone calls, and maybe a meet up at some time in the future.

I’m sure that during this time you’ve just been sort of going with the flow, not asking the important questions and just seeing what happens. But if you’re a woman who’s interested in emotionally protecting herself then now’s the time to have that conversation. There’s nothing to lose by trying to determine if this is essentially a waste of time, because I doubt you want a penpal. You don’t want to be that person he talks to when he’s bored or lonely but has no real intent of investing in because he’s just so damn busy and potentially noncommittal. And I’m sure as an equally busy woman you’d prefer a man with a more accommodating schedule so that there’s a balance and you guys can hang out, go on dates, make memories, and all the things that come with a real, growing relationship.

You don’t have to know exactly what you want from a man, just figure out what you don’t want so that you don’t continue to invest in something that’s going no where.

[Asker]

I mean he aligns and majority of the stuff that I want in a man. He stated that he is only looking for long term and he is serious. He looking to marry and have kids in the future. I was planning to move down south some more anyways because of more job opportunities which will be closer his way but not because of him but for my benefit. There were open spaces to meet but it was because of me that we couldn’t meet. Yeah I’m just going with the flow. I kind of stopped asking the important questions because I don’t want to hurt myself if it goes downhill. So far he treated me better than the other guys in my area other than him not texting me right recently, but other than that, he’s been great. He gave me flowers on the first date. He opened the door he paid for things. I’ve never had a guy do that for me and he even pulled out my chair.

[HollyK21]

I promise that I say this with zero disrespect, but as someone who hadn’t received the best from men and then one showed me just a bit more — opening your door, paying for this or that, even bringing flowers, is the bare minimum. I’m engaged to an entirely different, much better guy than the guy I’m saying showed me more, but you’ve got to raise your standards if that’s where they stand. It’s hard to see that when this is the best, but it really isn’t. My advice is to judge this guy by his actions, not his words, because any man can say they want a solid relationship and all that comes with it yet falls short, as unfortunately this one seems to be doing with his lack of effort. Getting hurt once you’ve invested something is inevitable, I think you’d have your feelings hurt even now if things didn’t work. However I think it would hurt far less one month in than several. Don’t settle so soon, don’t ignore red flags or accommodate nonsense.

[Asker]

Thanks for speaking the truth. I appreciate that. But I will never settle for bare minimum lol. I know I’m better than that and better off being single than dealing with bare minimum. If he doesn’t show more than that I’m definitely leaving. And if he doesn’t make any plans soon I’m done as well. I would never waste my time on a boy that makes no effort in me. I learned from my last relationship and I’m not doing that ever again.