"The Rules" by Ellen Fein, does it work?

[Anonymous]

I've recently read the book called "The Rules" which says , in few sentences, that woman never has to talk to man first, never make a first move, she needs to act like she doesn't care much, being "happy and busy" and man will be chasing her and feel the challenge.

And if she is going after a man it usually fails, because man gets bored and he doesn't feel like hunter anymore...

Do you think that it is how things work?

[valkillerbaby]

Everything involving following steps/rules is bullsh*t (except the law obviously)...When I say bullsh*t I don't mean that it doesn't work, it actually might work on many people but my entire point is following a book telling you how to act to get/keep/impress someone is kinda like cheating on exam...it's like scamming someone into liking you who might not actually like you if you're just yourself (well he also might like you more if you're yourself). It's a person in front of you not an object and he deserves to know you as you are, you would want him to be honest with you, right? I think if people spent less time on scamming each other and really just not be afraid of saying what they think they would find out sooner if they're good for each other or not.

[Asker]

i guess you are right :)

[Anonymous]

No, not a good idea. It leaves you very safe emotionally and puts all the risk on him. You said you've been doing the opposite though (giving attention) and it hasn't been working, but how much attention? Usually you find a balance. You don't want to be doing all the work, and you don't want him to be doing all the work either. And, if you like a specific guy, it's best to initiate things in some way. Whether that's talking to him, flirting, or asking him out.

[Izzy2102]

It's outdated. I think the book refers to a bunch of rules her grandmother followed to get as many suitors as possible. I'm sure they worked at the time but social norms changed a lot. While it is true that mostly men do the approaching, if waiting for someone to ask you out hasn't worked so far, it probably won't now either.

[Anonymous]

It's bullsh*t.

What you need to remember is very simple - all women are in competition with each other. Girls often screw over their supposed "best friends" when a guy is involved. They can't help it.

Because of this, you can never trust the advice that another woman will give you when it comes to getting a man.

Don't believe this? See how many women you can find who follow the Fein's rules, and actually get successful relationships out of it. Not (and I have to stress this) NOT a list of women who think they are happier following these rules or some such sh*t. A list of women who actually get successful relationships following these rules.

I'll wait.

[Asker]

so you , as a guy, like when woman is chasing you and give you all of attention? you don't get tired from this?

For me, I had it in my life, when some guy was giving me too much of attention I just got not interested to him...thats why that book seems logical to me

[Opinion Owner]

Do I like it? Sure, when it happens it is a rare treat. Would I get tired from it? Probably, if it happened too often. But it never will, so that question is moot.

The book seems logical to you because you think your experience as a woman, must match the guys experience as a guy.

And it doesn't.

It's very simple - any time someone starts trying to give you unsolicited advice in terms of absolutes (like NEVER make a first move, NEVER talk to a man first) she is selling you a crock.

[Asker]

Why will it never happen? :)

[Opinion Owner]

Because the vast majority of women are too terrified to ever make the first move on a man.

[Asker]

I am not the one from majority :D

[Opinion Owner]

Never said you were. I was answering why it will never happen. (Women pursuing me often enough that it becomes annoying.)

[Asker]

You would be glad if once you met such? When woman likes you that much it becomes TOO much?

[Opinion Owner]

I hate repeating myself...

Yes, I already said I would be glad if it happened once.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Ok, I'm going to share a video. The video is unrelated to this story. It's a 'hidden camera' prank done by some guy.

The point of the video is the girl at 00:57 (and later again at 2:13).

https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=b7SnqaGMg5Y

i would bet money that the great majority of the guys would fall 'in love' with this girl after watching the video. And physically, she's attractive, but no supermodel.

But watch how she interacts with a complete stranger. Her behavior is WAY more attractive than the 'rules'

[d8880]

This kind of sh*t get's me riled up. Ellen Fein deserves to die alone.

Don't generalize men as hunters but instead as human beings. Believe it or not we are remarkably similar to women in our basic nature.

For all human beings: If there is a man or lady you desire, stop sitting there with your thumb up your ass and go pursue them.

[Asker]

It usually fails for me when I am showing someone that I like him and give him attention...And when someone likes me and I act indifferent, that person only likes me more...Maybe its just by accident, I don't know

[yopyopyop]

That's complete bollocks.

A woman who plays hard to get is immature, superficial and bores guys.

Of course, if she's not interested in the guy, there is no reason for her to be available or anything.

But if she's interested, she has to be as respectful as the guy is.

[Asker]

She can be interested, but when she is the only one who always try to contact a man, when she is sending him constant messages saying how much she likes him those words become boring after some time...I am talking about first stage of relationship, when people only start to know each other, not when they are already in relationship...

So you don't agree with a statement that men like a challenge?

[yopyopyop]

I never said a guy didn't have to make efforts. Like answering her messages, giving compliments, being a gentleman. But hunting ? No, definitely no. You see, what you wrote is exactly what a guy you would like to hunt you would have to handle. If you don't want to have it happening to you, he probably doesn't want it either. Simple respect and equality.

[Butterfly1002]

It depends on the type of guy you want to get... The rules will help you get a guy who wants a picturesque life, but doesn't have much depth and doesn't expect, want, or sometimes even expect depth from you... Yes there are guys it will work on, but is that guy the guy for you? When you read a dating book you have to think what kind of guy would this work for? And do I want that guy?

[Anonymous]

Here's how this is going to go - You're going to say "Well it makes sense to me!" and you're going to try it.

And it won't work.

And 6 months from now, you'll be back here going "This made so much sense to me! So I tried it, but it didn't work! Why are men so freaking complicated?!?!"

And that's when we'll remind you that every guy tried to tell you it was bullsh*t. And you didn't listen.

Men are not complicated. Women just refuse to believe how simple we are.

[Asker]

I tried the opposite tactics before, like chasing a man I like and it didn't work for me...Thats why I ask an oppion about some different way...And maybe you all are right, I don't say that the book is right, I am asking opinions

[Opinion Owner]

And I'm stating mine - that regardless of what the men here will tell you, you'll go with the book because it makes sense to you.

[Asker]

No, you are not right :) I will not blindly go with it, I will listen to guys and I will see how things work for me...Anyway, I am just trying to understand why it fails when I really like someone, that's it

[Opinion Owner]

That's simple - because your feelings for someone has exactly zero impact on their feelings for you.In other words, just because you like someone, it doesn't mean they are going to like you or should like you.

[Asker]

Not always...sometimes they like me back, but maybe I just pass the line between showing my sympathy and becoming too clingy and obsessive..maybe that's it

[Anonymous]

Is Ellen Fein in a great relationship? I ask because a lot of these girls are the "focus on my career" types, which aren't popular with guys anyway. Of course they'd throw stuff out there.

And by the way, I wouldn't suggest taking a woman's advice on most relationship topics. It doesn't make sense to do that.

[Anonymous]

I think a man should lead in every respect but an interested woman should show receptivity. If a woman shows indifference or aloofness, I show myself the door.

[Vandal]

That'll probably only work with alpha male kinda guys.

[moviedude714]

I think it is a bunch of crap

[Asker]

I should sent to Ellen the link for my question and let her read guys' opinion ))