Do you think therapists try to string you along, or have you found ones that get to the issue and help you resolve it?

[lightbulb27]

What's your experiences with therapists? I was considering going into social work or counseling.

"Dr. Feeline, I just feel like I'm in a cat-atonic state". Interesting, lets talk next week about this... that will be 10 more cans of tuna. See you Tuesday

Couples counseling...

ugh... I hate the GAG editor, had to type this 3 times. no wonder people give up and go elsewhere. Jesus h... fix your stupid editor...

They strung me along, no resolution

Strung me along, but I got to better place

Was quite getting to root but solution... no luck

Was quick getting to root issue and I got past the issue

Never been to therapist

Other

[Levin]

I find this cynicism interesting. Certainly, there are highly ethical therapists who put their clients first, and put these issues at the fore of ensuring the client is not having any unnecessary sessions. I would be mortified if I overcharged any clients.

Secondly, this question is actually quite complicated cause there are different country and model contexts. For example, I don't know much about the US context, but I guess you don't use Person Centred over there. I would rather work in humanistic and holistic models. Not medical or reductionist models, which may have their place, but for the most part in my view, do not get to the root of the issue. The person centred model is quite unique and it is certainly not advice giving.

Now for illustrative purposes, sometimes I like to say that 30% make great change. 30% make no change at all. And then in the middle, a good junk who make some reasonable progress, but perhaps it's not life changing. It may help a little in dealing with their issues. I will often hear people resolutely say, who have had counselling, 'well, it doesn't work'. Which is an interesting thing to say.

Often, people will sit in front of me, and have the kind of 'heal me', mentality. Like popping a pill, perhaps they're too used to the Western medical model, which indeed, has many of these types of problems. Someone mentioned it's 50/50. I don't even think it's that. The vast majority of the work comes from the client. And guess what? Real life change is hard, and it is not overnight. You're not going to unravel a person's ego structure in the space of 8 or 10 sessions. There's a lot of complicated (often childhood) reasons why people are why they are. And most people would rather be stuck in hopelessness and helplessness rather than taking responsibility for their actions, thoughts, and behaviours. Again, change is hard, and painful. And there is also the concept of 'secondary gain', ie there is often benefits and reasons people don't want to change, for example, comfort, a sense of safety, sympathy, etc.

There are people who instinctively seem to 'get it'. Get the process. Get what is expected of them. And it's not even necessarily 'intelligent people'. Those types go far and will be very appreciative and giving in their praise.

[stark04]

I've never been to one but some of my friends went to the shrink and somehow all my friends have childhood trauma responsible for their current situation so I've decided not to go, I'll just assume something terrible happened in my childhood causing me fuck ups in my current situation. re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[lightbulb27]

thats a good assumption. there's no problem unless you get into a situation your trauma did not train you for or is no longer valid for. relationships, work, children, other responsibilities.
were all fd up in our own way. some are better at taking responsibility and managing.

[emeraldsaphire]

Well I have no doubt that their are bad therapists out there and there are therapists who don't have the knowledge or skills to help with your specific issues. But I think most therapists do their best.

Mental health is tricky, the way forward isn't always clear. Keep in mind that it's just as much on the client as it is for the therapist to make each session the best it can be.

I avoided talking about my biggest problems in therapy for years, and when I did that I didn't get far. It wasn't my therapists fault, she couldn't read my mind.

[lightbulb27]

exactly. they have to dig around, often the truth of the issues doesn't come out.

[MemeSupreme]

this is a tricky thing bc therapy are like relationships lol

- a lot of people suck at therapy so communication with the therapist sucks

- not all therapists are gonna be compatible with you so it takes time to find one

- therapy requires you actively putting in effort to improve and change

[Abbycado]

Never been to one, but I am guessing stringing someone along is good for business lol.

[lightbulb27]

some. I visited a few, some were quick to toss up their hands. others didn't get very far, a few got to some issues to start fixing the issues.
should have metrics to compare them, else is more a "wild goose chase". guessing you've never chased a wild goose...

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Like a junky needs crack a therapist needs patience & a therapist without a schedule filled with patience is like a bum without a job. As for me I do believe they string you a long however by stringing you along they also can get to the bottom of the bucket of clams. As for me I would never go to someone that has the THE RAPIST in their title.

[Purpleronnie]

Having actually had counseling I can honestly say that I could have and have gotten the same advice from an intelligent person that can give you objective advice.


A lot of the time also , you know your own path through it but it’s self sabotage , motivation or another obstacle that stands in your way and you need that re-enforcement and affirmation ir confirmation that your doing the right thing/ healthy thing.


Hope that makes sense ?

[KrakenAttackin]

Therapy is massively gynocentric and as such has little value for men. Couples therapy usually ends up with a feminist counselor telling the man he should be more like a woman.

When women go to counseling, counselors know women will lose their shit if the counselor tell her she is wrong (self reflection), so it must be the fault of the world. This is why women are in counseling for years without progress.

[lightbulb27]

there's some truth in that, although I saw counselor calling out the woman in counseling.
For sure... this is the challenge of coming together, understanding, communicating... when there are defects on both sides.

[KrakenAttackin]

And when women do get called out, they stop going to counseling and/or switch counselors.

[lightbulb27]

Yes. I think men do to… know one wants to change. Youve heard ‘the woman is always right’… right. At the age… we are formed. Thus therapy is hard.

[KrakenAttackin]

This is much more ingrained in women. Men are taught accountability from very young age. Women are taught to manipulate and avoid accountability from a very young age. Men are used to being told "you are fucked up, you are an idiot, you are worthless and weak". Women are used to being told "you are a 10, you are amazing and powerful, you are a boss babe".

[Ariesman81]

@KrakenAttackin Agreed. Which ultimately produces the adverse effect of what the woman ultimately wants to change about her man. Couples therapy is an utter waste of time and money. The premise of understanding is good but the way in which most therapists go about it is hogwash. Even male couples therapists, which I have used, still preach male submission.

[lightbulb27]

@Ariesman81 correct. if you think about a womans role at that time, it's to reproduce and raise offspring. she's not interestd in changing to meet the emotional needs of a man.
After some time, they may reflect upon and decide to change. Most people... finger point to the other. this site is a great example... of how people don't want to be vulnerable to change viewpoint.
mediating to understand the root issues and causes with opportunity to address, that make sense, maybe all that can be done.
peace!
As I recall, you had your "gladatorial combat" and survived. well done. not easy sometimes.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Ariesman81 Absolutely, positively, correct.

[D_Bone_Steak]

If they just fix the problem, they would not have a paying customer.

[DrPepper12]

I've had very good counselors and I don't consider counseling a destination so much as a journey.

[Anonymous]

It was an easy A and a lifetime of easy pay.

[Anonymous]

Tony Robbins helps people in an hour, when they've been in therapy for years with no results.

[RingOfFire]

Psychedelic drugs can work wonders!

[HighValue]

Therapy is mostly for weak-minded people that can't handle life. The same goes for people drinking alcohol.

[genericname85]

There's certainly ones that aren't interested in helping. All they do is have a check list for what pills to throw at you to keep treating the symptoms.