Opinion
9Opinion
Since I'm writing The Horrorday Gang, I'd love to see a real life Totensauto (the Slay Sleigh) replica, that's a functional hovercraft. It's Krampus' personal vehicle. And functions like a mix of Santa's sleigh and the flying cars from The Jetsons. But covered in Dark Yuletide decorum, to fit with the Evil Santa theme.
Granted, walking around a movie set replica of Nordreichdun (Dark Kingdom of the North) Palace would be equally awesome. Perchta would have her intel room, for staking out who will become her boss's next meal. She'd plot to isolate victims to the most practical of pursuits, with all the precision of the world's most efficient serial killers. Not too dangerous to attempt, but loathsome enough that they won't be missed by anyone. To keep the kingdom's karma from getting too far in the red. It would look like something you'd expect to find in the Pentagon.
There'd be an armory, where Jerry the Psycho Reindeer keeps his spare chainsaws. And where Luca the Snowmobster keeps his retired tommy guns. Merch depicting the Tomte, with his cute gnome-like appearance and his glowing redw eyes of mischief. There'd be a training room, for the Straggele to learn the art of terrorizing and subduing the king's targets. You'd get to see the warped texts they read to each other to keep their cult alive. You'd get to see how Krampus brainwashed an entire Inuit tribe into worshipping him. They practically have their own cult bible!
He knows if you've been bad (or worse!), and he'll burn you at the stake! For minor villains that begrudgingly help the heroes sometimes, because of a temporary alignment of interests. Baddies that aren't *too* evil, but are still not someone you'd invite in your home! But they look so awesome being these creepy Yuletide freaks, and being so badass, you can't help but want a tour of their little staked out real estate in the dark side. (You won't like the cookies though!)
Finally, the tour would end at a hangar, where the Totensauto prepares for flight. Nearby, the only air traffic control tower in all of northern Greenland. Its main operator? Luftmadchen!
Who is a ruthless warrior woman in her own right! Unlike the other Straggele, many of whom were born into this Krampus cult, she was abducted from northern Michigan at age 9. She was once known as Annabelle Shelly. But was groomed for years to become a Straggele, in a textbook case of Stockholm syndrome. Now, she guards air traffic in the region with all the jealous precision of a female Darth Vader.
I'd love to see that turned into a movie, and to view all the props and sets. Question is: where will I find a small army of Inuit actors willing to play cultists for such a production?
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