I’m currently in a serious relationship talking marriage. It’s going smooth so far, but I’m paranoid she’s gonna leave me for someone who makes more money. I make $25/hour, and she makes $35/hour. Can that work?
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Can a marriage work when the wife is the bread winner?
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
I'm going to get flammed so I put my flame-proof underwear on. I took several minutes and did a quick count of the marriages where the wife made at least 40% more than the husband did. That number was the mid-30s. These wives mostly are Physicians and Attorneys. Several are upper-level executives. This goes back over about 25 years now. Of this group, not a single marriage survived 10 years, NOT ONE! One friend of mine told me just the other day she was told a couple was splitsville after about 10 months. This can work, but it takes a lot of working on it. The problem I have seen is that after 2 to 3 years either the wife starts to disrespect the husband, or the husband feels inferior around her co-workers. BOTH situations can be and often are fatal! A school friend of mine has a Ph. D. and teaches at a local school. One of the most intelligent men I have ever known. His now ex-wife is a Physician. What killed their marriage was he got to the point that he did not want to attend dinners with her work colleagues because all they did was put him down. She would not stop it. He wanted to move back to Georgia and she wanted to remain where she was. So he moved out and about 2 weeks later filed for divorce. The wife still lives in the house and he actually signed it over to her. I won't advise a man to NOT be a stay-at-home husband OR enter a marriage where she outearns you by a substantial amount, BUT you had better have BOTH EYES WIDE OPEN! The odds are stacked against you going in.
It can, but divorce rates are 50% higher among couples where the woman makes more than the man. Due to women prioritizing money so much (not all, but t he majority do) they often lose respect for men that make less. It may work for you though. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't.
One telling trait is if she thinks she should make the decisions based on her making more money. That would show a lack of respect. if that isn't the case in your relationship then you likely should be fine.
I’ve been married for 10 years and have generally made significantly more than my husband. It’s not really been an issue between us but I did struggle while on maternity leave not having an income for awhile but that was part of an identity shift becoming a mum.
I have seen it affect friends when the man has lost his job but again that’s a temporary (and unwilling) shift in dynamic that doesn’t stem just from income
@seanras not at all! I don’t think we’ve ever really argued about money… occasionally we question each other on big purchases like do you really need that, can we do it cheaper kind of thing but it’s equal. He’s never expressed any kind of bitterness and I’ve never gloated over his financial contribution. If we disagreed on money or had very different spending habits I can see how it would be an issue
Depends on the couple. If she's constantly bitching about you not making more or you're constantly bitching about her making more than you then it won't work.
It can, yes- but the odds are really only good if she's got the guts for self-knowledge. Intellectually, it may not bother her, but her instincts will push her to find a provider. Since she's a woman, and not an unthinking animal, this can be powered through, but our society does a lousy job of teaching people, and especially women, to challenge those drives and not let their decisions be made by ancient biological drives. Too many princesses, not enough philosopher queens.
Why? Since you’re are asking this ridiculous question, maybe your love for her is not as strong as you think. Life can change in the blink of an eye. My wife makes three times what I make, no we are not rich, but we are still in love with each other. Twenty plus years. My wife knew what she was getting into before she married me, but she still married me. She loved me for me and I loved her for her. Our case is very complicated but are love will say true. So yes you marry for love not money. Strange you are asking a 10 dollar question.
I won't say that it CAN'T work, but I would advise precaution. Many women lose respect for the man if he makes less money than she or if she works and he doesn't; it's like: "Bad temper, insolence, and dispute hold sway where the wife supports the husband." So, if you're a man and that saying applies to you, your relationship may need some reviewing. I like being a working man who earns his own money and I think that all men should be that way; it's safer for the husband than for him to be unemployed and depend on his wife's income.
It can work if your pimp hand is strong. Meaning you make more than her. Just because she earns a larger paycheck doesn't mean its her money. Its your money. she's your girl and you're head of the household. You have to earn that from her though, thats pimpin.
However you are probably a big softie worried she going to dump you for someone else so i doubt you can achieve that level of manhood fast enough. So if you're willing to risk a high likelihood of cuckoldry it could work.
Personally id not even accept a whiff of that shit so id either take the pimp position or get with a different woman.
I gotta admit I'm liking the responses by the ladies so far 😂. Insecurity is something we all have whether you choose to admit it or not. The foundation of your relationship should be based on mutual respect, trust, loyalty, etc... not how much money you make. While as a young man I understand where you're coming from, I don't think it's something you should worry about. Women aren't really deemed as "inferior " to men anymore like they mayve been in the past. My stepmom actually earns more than my father now, but it wasn't always that way. They've been together for I think 13 years now and are extremely happy together... albeit I don't fully understand it myself.
Sure spend and bills are an important factor in day to day, but a relationship and marriage is beyond that, "in sickness and in health, in wealth and poverty" and all that malarkey.
You're not fit to marry if you're getting stuck up on small points like these, kiddo. You sound like the sort of crazy partner that ends up murdering the wife and kids over something you overheard, but and had nothing to do with the relationship.
No especially for leabian relationships, they're most likely to end in divorce than straight couples. Women that make more than men typically have to be disagreeable, and aggressive. Those arnt attractive traits for women. Men that are attracted to boss chicks are usually broke and not adhering to their purpose. EVEN If she gives her paycheck to me I still don't think that work either.
Why not…. If she is smart enough to make more money, hopefully, she is wise enough to balance his need for Respect and her need to achieve Success.-She better if she has Boys and wants Grandbabies
-No man, who seeks respect, is ever going to stop generating Income. Sometimes the guy is governmental job and wife is Pfizer.
Except for the 11 years my wife did not work outside the house when my kids were little we often went back and forth when it came to making the most money. She usually made more money than I did and now that I am unemployed she is the breadwinner. It does not really bother either of us. It is just a part of life.
$50,000 per year and $70,000 per year isn’t that different. My wife did make more than me at one point but we were both working very hard so it didn’t bother me. In fact, I don’t understand why it bothers husbands when the wife earns more but they’re both working unless the wife belittles him for making less than her.
Neither of you make a lot. My parents have been married since 1984. My mom has always made more than my dad. They're both retired now, but she was making more than him when they were both working. If her making more doesn't threaten your masculinity, there's no problem with it.
My former boss for part of his married life had his wife who earned three times as much money as he has a happy and stable marriage.
In my paternal grandparents' marriage my grandmother was the breadwinner, my grandfather was having trouble finding a stable job at the time, then he found one and died on the job.
Questionable. It's not like you aren't working, but in this situation, the most likely scenario is that depending on her personality she make may feel entitled to do a lot of "shot calling" and a female with a high level of authority will not lead your "team" in a good direction and you may have marital strife as a result of the financial and other failings this leads to.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
why the hell wouldn't it? i don't know why men make such a big deal about women making more money than them -shrug-
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
C - maybe
There are plenty of example of marriages working where the wife earns more. Butt statistically speaking those marriages like that have a lower chance of long term success. From what I have seen, the underlying issue is that the wife loses respect fr the husband and doesn't treat him respectfully, which is a recipe for failure in any marriage.
Again, that's not always the case. There are plenty of examples where it has worked out. But the odds of failure are higher.
Nope, because some men find it to be trampling on their masculinity. That make one lose their pride. But hey if he want to be the bread winner no problem for be, lol Id be EXTREMELY happy.
To rely on WINNING my income is silly. I prefer to earn it. If the Missus helps with it (or exceeds my own contribution) is welcome, but not a necessity. As for myself, I did not study shit to just sit at home.
If two people love each other and are working on their marriage daily, then who the “breadwinner” is doesn’t really matter.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Lmao all the females saying that there is nothing wrong with it probably think that they're "strong and independent". Females say that it's ok so they can be the "dominant" one in relationship since no one is no man is teaching women where they're place in society should be.
Absolutely... but managing a house and family is more about making the money. As long as there's no double standard and it's a cooperative effort... there should be no problem
Of course it can. My wife makes more than me and we work wonderfully. You bring money home. Just like she does. Changes nothing that she brings in more.
This question reveals to me that this wage thing is your tops without much other knowledge to make mounds more and ambitiously manufest above the other.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Ok bro your marriage with your woman will work out because to put it bluntly that I really doesn't matter that one of u makes more money than the other what really truly matters is that u both love each other
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
It can if you want it to be. But well the ego and pride of men.
1
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Yes. In my opinion if a marriage fails due to that reason, I find the most common denominator to be the men with their absence of their ability to handle such situations.
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Anonymous(45 Plus)+1 y
+1 y
