Feels like prison?

[Anonymous]

I got married not too long ago, the problem my husband almost never let me go out on my own even if it is only shopping

besides going to the college he does not let me go out without him to any other place

today I left the house without telling him and when he returned from work and did not find me he panicked and started to call me no stop

I talked with him about it and his only reasoning was "I care about your safety"

we do live in a good area of the city and it is safe around so I do not get it

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang girl, that does sound really controlling and restrictive. No one should feel like a prisoner in their own marriage.

When my dad was telling me about relationships, he always said it's important that both people feel 100% comfortable and free to do their own thing sometimes. Trust and independence are so important, you know?

I get that he cares about your safety, but not letting you leave the house alone at all seems way over the top. It's not like you were going to some sketchy part of town late at night - you just wanted to go shopping! Most wives don't need their husbands permission for little errands like that.

Maybe try sitting him down again and telling him how his actions are making you feel - trapped, not trusted as an adult, like you can't have your own free time. Explain there needs to be a balance between caring for safety and respecting each other's freedom. And reassure him you're sensible and will be fine doing normal things solo.

If he really listens and starts loosening the leash a bit, great. But if he keeps insisting on controlling where you go, I'd be worried about where else he might try to control you. Staying with someone who doesn't respect your independence isn't good long term. Hopefully he comes around - let me know if you need any other advice!

[Asker]

I started talking to him about it

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, that situation is total BS. You gotta lay down the law with this guy. He needs to understand that he can't just lock you up and control where you go like you're his prisoner or something.

I'd tell him straight up that you appreciate he cares about your safety, but his behavior is crossing a major line. You're allowed to go out on your own sometimes without asking permission. That's like, basic relationship trust and respect 101. He married you as a partner, not as his hostage.

If he can't explain it better than just "caring for your safety," then I'd question what his real motivation is. Maybe he's insecure or something? Either way, it ain't your problem - that's HIS issue to deal with. You've done nothing wrong.

Be firm with him that the hovering and controlling has to stop. Reassure him you can take care of yourself. But also don't back down - stand up for your independence. Suggest therapy if needed to work on trust and boundary issues. Personally, I'd be watching this guy close because controlling behavior like that could easily get worse over time. Protect yourself first. You don't deserve to be treated like a prisoner!

[JacobJordan]

He cares a bit too much about your safety but also you need to communicate with him when you leave, when you arrive and when you are returning if something bad is going to happen it will be in transit between 2 points as such clear lines of communication is the simplest way to ensure your safety. As for him you need to tell him to take a step back and that you feel like you have no freedom which while you know is not his intent is what is happening. If it is his intent he will show you during that conversation in which case run

[Mr_twoface]

This is indeed a huge red flag. That reasoning is BS. Didn't you see signs of his behaviour when you were dating? Didn't you talk about his insecurities or that you have friends and would like to meet them? You say, he never lets you go out on ur own and that sound to my hears like a prison. Seriously discuss this controlling matter with him. State you feel trapped and ask for counselling sessions if he resist.

[Asker]

He was never like that when we used to date

[Mr_twoface]

It is crucial to address issues like this quickly before it reaches new heights. To begin with talk to trusted friends or family members about your situation. They can hopefully offer support, advice, and a different perspective. The next step would be, If you feel safe doing so, try to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about how you feel. Express your need for independence and discuss why it's important for you to have time on your own. If he understands this problem and admits he has a controlling behaviour, request to seek help from a professional counselor or therapist. They can provide guidance and support for both you and your husband, and help address any underlying issues.

If he doesn't recognise it nor wants to admit his issues, there are many organizations and support groups that help individuals who are in controlling or abusive relationships. They can offer advice, support, and resources.

If you feel unsafe or if the situation escalates, it's important to have a safety plan in place. This could include having a trusted person you can contact, a place to go in an emergency, and important documents or items ready if you need to leave quickly.

Wish you all the best and seek help immediately than listen to his apologies and/or excuses and letting this matter reach levels you can't even foresee. x

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well I don't blame you for feeling imprisoned cause you kinda were, you didn't get any signs of his obsessive and controlling behavior before marrying?

[Asker]

Yes none

[ChicoFromThe305]

Why don't I believe that? There must have been signs cause it's extremely unlikely that there weren't any lol

[firenine909]

That is prison. Either tell him to change his mind or divorce him. He’s being way too controlling over your own life and you don’t need to be marrying somebody who’s acting like your father

[Asker]

I am trying with him and he seems to want to listen to me

[firenine909]

That’s good. You should have the freedom to do what you want or need to do and he should listen

[Wiredone]

He's being overly protective. Tell him that if he's so worried to buy you some pepper spray.

You really need to have a talk with him about this. It's only going to get worse if you don't

[spoole]

Insecure men are often very bad news. He doesn't own you. It is a free country. You aren't doing anything wrong. Go, have fun, live life. If anger and violence comes up, run away fast.

[Jamie05rhs]

"started to call me non stop". There's your problem. You should have picked up the phone the first time.

You and you alone are the cause of this issue, by being a poor communicator.

[LazerBean]

That sounds like a pain

[Asker]

It is painful

[Pterodon]

Very controlling and a huge red flag

[Asker]

I thought the same

[Pterodon]

You didn’t notice these things BEFORE you married him?

[Asker]

He was not like that before

[spartan55]

I kinda doubt that.

[gorydetails]

You dumbass why did you marry him?

[BLP11520]

Get out of that marriage

[Akam93]

Sounds controlling.

[Asker]

Very