Any advise or should I just not say anything?

[Anonymous]

Me (24 F) and my husband (31M) just got married. I've told him before we got married that I wasn't really interested in have kids and if we did that it would be a one and done kind of thing. Right before the wedding I told him I didn't want one and after the wedding I still feel the same way but I know it kills him becuase he loves kids and would be an amazing father. So here is my question I've been thinking and thought if I do give him a child I don't want to handle the hard parts like waking up in the middle of the night waking up early of course I'd help with diapers and stuff like that but do you think it's a good idea to bring up or just leave it as no kids

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's a tough situation. On one hand, you want to compromise for your husband's happiness and it sounds like he really wants kids. But you also don't want to feel resentful later if you're stuck with all the hard parts of parenting.

A few thoughts:

- I wouldn't flat out tell him you don't want the hard parts yet. That could come off as selfish or that you don't care about the kid's needs too.

- As a first step, maybe have another open conversation where you reiterate you're still unsure, but are willing to consider it for him. Then listen to understand his hopes without judgment.

- Suggest counseling to discuss as a neutral third party. A counselor can help make sure any decision is truly what you both want long term.

- Consider meeting families with young kids to experience what it's really like. May help you feel more comfortable with the commitment.

- As a compromise, offer to do night shifts only half the time or switch off every few nights. Share responsibilities equally.

- Make it very clear any agreement is a trial basis at first until you're 100% sure you're both ready.

Focus on listening, not accusations. With patience and counseling, hopefully you can find an understanding. But don't feel forced - your happiness matters too!

[Asker]

Thank you for the advise I would say it's the best I've read

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re very welcome luv and thank you

[paledreams]

Hooray a couple that gives my daydreams some expectation some reality - I've been daydreaming about a mythical 24 year old woman pale lol who doesn't exist as my dream girlfriend lol , I'm 30 - there's nothing like a six year age gap lol 😆😆😆😆 at my. age and her age of 24 lol mythically 🦄🦄🦄 lol 😋😋🫢

[paledreams]

Personally I'd never want offspring ; I'm lazy and enough of a handful lol and I feel pop growth is too high as it is worldwide lol population lol 😆 save the trees lol

[Asker]

It's works for me and him because most days I act older then I am I'm very responsible and we have a lot in common age has never mattered to me it more about the persons sole and his is a match in heaven

[Asker]

Just followed u so if you have any questions hit me up lol

[Anonymous]

You should’ve never gotten married. Not wanting kids is one of those things that can’t be compromised, and you were too in love to see that. Now you’re in this place where you might have a baby you don’t want, roping yourself into 18 years of motherhood, all for a man. Not yourself.

[itsannalee]

Don’t have kid if u don’t want it. It’s not only about change the diapers or something like that, but about psychologist. You will just hurt your kid and destroy them psychologically.

[Massageman]

If you are going to approach it with this blasé of an attitude from your perspective, better to not even try to be a parent. But be prepared for an unhappy husband.

This was a fairly big difference in thoughts about an important subject- should have been cleared up BEFROE the marriage.

[Asker]

We did discuss it before marriage we talked about it before even dating I raised my nieces since i was 16 and decided after finally not having to do it anymore becuase my sister stepped back up that I didn't want kids it's not just a random thing I decied I've already given up some of my life for them ans no I deny regret it becuase I have the beat bond with them but I don't want my own