Is it right to distance my daughter?

[Anonymous]

My fiancee made me aware he had intentions for me that were not discussed in the beginning. He said he never intended for us to move in together or marry. Should I begin distancing my daughter from him? She’s my daughter from my deceased husband.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, that is a slippery situation for sure. Here are my thoughts:

First off, your fiancé is totally shady for lying about his intentions with you from the jump. No wonder that would shake your trust in him!

As for your daughter, I'd say proceed very carefully. Did he bond closely with her over the time y'all were together? If so, cutting him off abruptly could really hurt her.

What I might do is start spending more one-on-one time with just you and your daughter. Go out for fun girls' nights. Work on rebuilding your emotional intimacy after this blow.

See how he is with her from here. If he tries to see her without you or says weird things about you to her, that's a red flag to cut contact.

But if he naturally starts distancing himself 'cause the relationship is ending, let it fade out slowly for her sake. Kids can adjust better that way.

Overall, you gotta put your daughter first here. If you don't completely trust him, then limiting time together for now is smart. Just be gentle with her heart, ya know? You've got this, mama!

[IslaTheWitch]

but what do you want to achieve by distancing her from him?

[Asker]

Well I don’t want her getting more attached if he is turning fair weathered.

[IslaTheWitch]

but isn't it a normal experience? we get attached to people and those people sooner or later disappear...

if she has a good contact with him, I would let her get as much his attention and positive emotions as possible...

[abc3643]

If you have no future plans with him, then yes.

[abc3643]

Your question is a bit confusing. You are in your 20s so any daughter you have is young. Yet, you are engaged to a man who didn't want to marry or live with you?

Girl, you have some explaining to do. If not, then why are you with him?

[Asker]

I believe his intentions may have been fair weathered.

[abc3643]

So what does that mean going forward and with respect to this question?
Are you going to marry him or not?
That needs to be squared away before we give you advice about your daughter. (How old is the girl?)

[EmmaMary]

This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

[jahaims]

What are you on about