Why would a man pop out kids, buy a house with you but never marry you?

[Anonymous]

It seems like you are doing everything a wife would do for him, but he would never call you his wife. why?

[Anonymous]

There's no reason for a man to get married. It's a financial risk, with virtually no potential gain to balance out that risk..

50% of marriages end in divorce (higher if it's not the first marriage), and 80% of those marriages are initiated by women. Given that divorce laws are heavily biased against men, we end up getting screwed over.

It's generally safer to just eschew marriage altogether, as the incentive simply does not exist for men.

[Asker]

studies show that married men tend to be happier and live longer lives than single men

[Opinion Owner]

That's just from having a happy relationship, which doesn't require a legally binding contract, though.

[Asker]

girlfriends dont do what wives do.

[Opinion Owner]

Assuming your scenario of having children, and living together, can you give me an example of something in that relationship that the woman would do as a wife, that she wouldn't do as a girlfriend?

[Asker]

do you think most girlfriends have kids with a guy who won't marry them? Do you think most girlfriends will wash the underwear of a man who will never marry her?

[Opinion Owner]

Well, according to your original question, they already have kids, so obviously some do, and if a couple are living together, there's a better than average chance they're sharing/splitting the domestic responsibilities, yes.

Even if she didn't, then washing your own underwear is a small price to pay to avoid the possibility of a financially destructive divorce.

[Asker]

The few women who do, doesn't represent the vast majority of girlfriends who won't.

[Asker]

[Even if she didn't, then washing your own underwear is a small price to pay to avoid the possibility of a financially destructive divorce.]

So you're gonna force a woman cook clean and wash your underwear for years and never want to pay her for it?

[Opinion Owner]

Where did I say that?

If they're already cohabitating, then statistics suggest he is either supporting her, financially, or at least providing the majority portion of the income.

If that is the case, then it already sounds like she's benefitting from their relationship, at least from a financial level. Now, I'm not suggesting that she should wash his underwear as a form of repayment; far from it. I even suggested that they are potentially splitting the domestic responsibilities.

Assuming all the above is true, that he is bringing in the bulk of the finances, and also splitting the household chores, where is the benefit to him? How does a ring change any of that, except put him at the risk of loss in a divorce?

He could live alone, which would save him money, and just do his own chores.

Unless you're suggesting that the woman in this scenario won't do anything to contribute to the relationship, unless he puts a ring on it? At which point it just sounds like she's using him, and he should get the hell out, as quickly as possible.

[Asker]

Truth is... most men cannot adequately support their baby manas and children. Thats why most wives and mothers work.

Same reason why women initiate vast majority of divorces. Because women often work full timr jobs while coming home to do 90% of housework and child care

[Asker]

[He could live alone, which would save him money, and just do his own chores.]

Studies show you actually die faster this way

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

He isn't interested in her becoming his wife.

He doesn't see her at such level.

[Vesuvius87]

You've just answered your own question in the title. It takes two to have kids. If you're getting pregnant and giving him kids when he's not even your fiance, that's on you. If you don't want a long-term boyfriend, then don't live with him nor give him kids.

[Asker]

But you didn't answer the question why do men have kids with women they dont want to marry?

[Vesuvius87]

That's because the women lets herself get pregnant by men that won't marry them. If more women were to refuse having sex with a boyfriend or stop getting pregnant, then that wouldn't be happening.

[Vesuvius87]

'let themselves'

[Asker]

You're still not answering the question being asked

[Vesuvius87]

I've already answered it. The woman herself is allowing that behavior. The men won't marry her after they have kids because she gave everything away for free.

[Asker]

the woman wouldn't have to "allow" the behavior if the man didn't want to do it.

[Asker]

the question is WHY do men do it

[Vesuvius87]

Men do that because they're given everything for free so they have no motivation to get married. They already have all the benefits of a relationship without commitment.

[Asker]

i don't think thats true. I think that if you are in love enough, you would want to take her as your wife.
its the fact that men string women along for all the free benefits. Basically lying to her that she is the love of his life just for all the free extras

[Vesuvius87]

and we're suppose to focus on actions over words. Anyone can say ''you're the love of my life'' without meaning it. Just because someone says sweet words means nothing.

[Vesuvius87]

My now husband and I said our ''I love you'' when we were closed to getting married, when we were already engaged by then.

[Asker]

its more like when you're in love with a man, you are more likely to see things through rose colored glasses. Its like if you like a guy, you would only look for the signs he is interested rather than signs he is not interested.

[Vesuvius87]

The older you get, the same thing doesn't work and you look for actions and compatibility. It's not just about the infatuation stage and physical attraction but seeing if the person actually has the same goals and values as you.

[Vesuvius87]

If you're in love but discover he has nothing in common with you, that relationship will likely not last.

[Ariesman81]

Because commitment isn't represented through a piece of paper and a signature. It's represented through action and history.

[Asker]

How are you supposed to " commit" to someone you would never want to marry?

It doesn't make any sense

Lets face it, you dont want to commit. Thats why you never want to marry

[Ariesman81]

Not true. I just don't want to commit to a woman who is incentivized to leave. Remove the state from marriage and I'll be all in. Be loyal, faithful and pleasant and we'll uphold our end of the marriage. Place constraints and punishment on us and we'll fight for our freedom.

[Asker]

Then marry a woman with of good financial standing. You have much more to gain from divorce

[Ariesman81]

I don't need her money

[Asker]

Well then marry a broke woman who has never worked a day of her life who will take half your assets upon divorce. Sound like a real incentive to get divorced for her.

[Ariesman81]

Don't want divorce either

[Asker]

@ariesman81

You were the one talking about de-incentivizing divorce

You can only de incentivize it by marrying a woman with something to lose in divorce

[Ariesman81]

Great idea. How about this? How about she loses access to her ex husband's security if she decides to leave. Or is that not fair?

[Asker]

Its not fair because a woman who spent years washing your underwear, raising your kids should deserve half all your income

Lets face it... you had a free maid all those years.

[Asker]

She had to give up her career cus she had to pop out your kids. Why shouldn't she deserve half of your money?

[Ariesman81]

My kids? Not ours? Kind of a selfish way of looking at it don't you think?

[Asker]

she abandoned her career to stay home to cook clean, wash your underwear and do 90% of the child care. Think about all the money she lost out on earning , think about all the promotions she could've gotten if she didn't abandon her career.

[Asker]

men don't do housework.

there was actually a study that proved that married mothers actually did more housework than single mothers

[jahaims]

Wife is just a social and cultural title. If you are both committed it doesn't matter if you have a title from the government.

[Asker]

There are rights that wives have that girlfriends simply dont have.

[genericname85]

why would you have kids with a man, pop out his kids and move into his house before even marrying him? it goes both ways.

[MasterKS]

marriage is trap!