Well, my godfather used to say, "Men don't get married because they want to, they get married because they give up and concede."
What do they concede to? "When are we going to get married? Where is this relationship going? Are you serious about us? Do you love me? All my friends are married. Everyone is getting married. Don't you trust me? Are you afraid of commitment?"
I don't entirely agree with my godfather. I think men lose as soon as they engage the statements that women make, as having even a hint of truth. Men do this nasty little thing called giving women the benefit of the doubt, when women speak about the topic of marriage. Men desperately want to basically have a relationship with a man, but in a woman's body, because they enjoy having sex with women. They want to feel like their partner is communicating to them on a high level or philosophically, in search of the purely rational and dispassionately logical truth. No bias, no self-interest, no manipulation or ulterior motives. Just a quest for knowledge and wisdom.
(rolls eyes) <-- look at my eyes rolling.
As soon as the man does that, he's lost. The solution to the problem is simple. You have to just accept that the "fantasy" relationship you want to have with a woman is never going to be something you'll ever realistically experience. That's life, just deal with it and move on.
Women are not these magical angelic fairy-like creatures who are playfully pleasant and want nothing more than to shower your dick with attention. That doesn't mean they're evil. That just means they're human... with their own self-interest and selfish motives... with their own desires... and sometimes, those desires and interests run completely in conflict with your own interests as a man.
Marriage is an example of that.
Now, some girls just want a "wedding." A "wedding" and "marriage" are not the same thing. A wedding is a party. A marriage is a legally binding contract, with legally enforceable financial consequences upon dissolution.
Money and financial power are my tits and ass as a man. If you are proposing to have the right to continue to play with my tits and ass should we no longer be together, my answer will be "no." For as long as we're together, we can enjoy the benefits of being together. But if I'm not happy, I'm leaving (and my tits and ass are coming with me). So, if you want to continue to play with them, do what you have to so that I prefer staying with you.
Otherwise, how does your proposed contract benefit "ME" (as the man) in any way, shape, or form? It doesn't. You need my consent to get what you want, but what you're asking for doesn't benefit me in any way. Not only does it not benefit me, it carries with it SEVERE financial consequences and risks that mostly apply to ME (and because of what value is actually important in a man, disproportionately affect me more). A court never orders an ex-wife to lose 50lbs., get 10 years younger, and go back to her ex-husband's house every week to enthusiastically fuck him or blow him. So, for the sake of equality... because we're all about equality... I don't get to enjoy your tits and ass... you don't get to enjoy mine... should we ever not be together anymore... it's all equal... it's all fair... and that's that.
We can still live together, love each other, have kids, be a family, change your name, etc. So, there is nothing really substantial to be gained from marriage.
In terms of the effect it has on the relationship, marriages do not "help" relationships.
Think of "contract" versus "at-will" employees. As soon as a contract employee has secured her position within a company, she now knows the "minimum" she is required to do so that she doesn't get lawfully terminated. Otherwise, if the employer wants to get rid of her (or she wants to leave), her Golden Parachute provision and Severance package will kick in.
With an at-will employee, the employer receives 100s of resume's a month waiting for a position to open up with the employer. Employees willing to work longer hours, harder, and for less money. So, the "at-will" employee has to always stay sharp, up-to-date, productive, not be lazy, not slack, and not give the employer an attitude. The at-will employee has to work every day to keep her position with the employer secure, constantly bettering herself.
Same thing goes for the employer! It's a double-edged sword. If the employee is not happy, and there is a better "job" out there that "pays more" or has "better benefits" or a "better company culture," the employee can simply leave and go somewhere better.
So, "at-will" relationships that are not contractual work, because of the simple negotiation dynamic behind them... they are not "one-time" deals, but "long-term and repetitive" interactions where "relationships" matter. There is no need for a contract or legal regulation. The nature of the relationship is self-regulating.
So, the party who insists upon "marriage" is really just communicating that she would love to "stop trying to hard," and "putting in so much effort" into the relationship, and would like to secure her legal right to just "kick her feet back and take it easy."
No thank you. Why on earth would I, as a man, ever sign up for that?
One very narrow reason is for "tax" purposes. That's when both people each independently make six figures a year. If you are in New York and draft a solid pre-nup (and know the difference between a "merger clause" versus a "disclaimer of extraneous representations"), and set up your domestic asset protection trusts properly, then it's as if you're not married (because the laws of support, maintenance, and equitable distribution do not apply to you), but you "ARE" married for tax purposes! (it's a wonderful thing).
Otherwise, there is no point. As time goes on, your income (and the quality of partner (s) you can enjoy) will only get higher. Why would you voluntarily empower someone to take (what you worked so hard for) away from you, and sit home (without your consent) and become voluntarily dependent on you? What's in it for you?
That aside, you're (under 18). You have so much time before you have to have that uncomfortable conversation.
If any girl you're dating asks you, just tell her that you believe the right time for a man to... (pick your words carefully) "even be thinking about things like marriage" (notice: does not say, "for a man to get married") ... is at 33.
Why 33? I don't know. Start making up some reasons. Use key words like "maturity," "older," "established," blah blah blah.
At the end of the day, there's no reason for you to budge, because you know that your position is not unreasonable. Anything she would legitimately and fairly want from you as a woman, she can get without the two of you being married. Even "commitment." For as long as two people can get "divorced," then the "guarantee" of commitment is limited... sort of like a creditor's "guarantee" of making payment is limited in light of the potential for filing bankruptcy.
The only real guarantee, then, is whether you still want to be with her at the end of the day.
Marriage is not going to change that. Is she saying that it's more important to her for you to be "forced" or "obligated" or "financially blackmailed" to be with her... than it is for her to wake up next to you each day and know that you're with her simply because (although you "could" easily leave and walk away), you voluntarily prefer being with her and want to be with her?
Marriage is what women want when they don't trust men... when they don't trust a man's ability to say "no" to his penis and other women... when they don't trust men to stay even as she gets old and less beautiful... because she believes that you're just an animal driven by its penis (and so she has to tie the donkey to the barn while she still can, before it's too late and she can't lure him around the same opportunity anymore). That's insulting on so many levels.
So, you're willing to give her what she reasonably wants, and you don't need "marriage" to do that.
What that means, then, is that if she's insisting on marriage (and isn't just confused or conflating marriage with her inner little girl childhood desire to have a "wedding"), then she wants MORE than any stated legitimate or reasonable interest she may have.
That's a diplomatic and nice way of saying, "she wants to tie you down and make sure you can't move or go anywhere... by LAW... and should SHE no longer want to be with you anymore, that she will CRIPPLE you financially... thereby depriving you of the male tits and ass you worked so hard to acquire... so that ONLY SHE and NO OTHER WOMAN can ever enjoy the fruits of your life and labor."
At that point, please kindly point to the Thirteenth Amendment of the U. S. Constitution (prohibition against slavery) ... and feel free to use your middle finger to direct her attention.
I think your sour personality will result in you remaining single your entire life anyway. Just because your family sucks, does not mean other people's family sucks too.
Don't you dare insult my family, there hundreds of times better people than you are and ever will be
Fuck you, you worthless shit, yeah, so I had a fucking grammatical error, however, I attend an excellent high school. My parents lives are worth twice as much as yours, no, that's two little, a thousand times as much. The only lives I'd spare on this planet are my family's
*Too
The only real difference between a marriage and a committed relationship is the legal paperwork and those societal benefits which come with. Unmarried couples can and at times do throw a party to share their love with others (a wedding), live together, support each other financially, and have/raise children. BUT, like most things, the greatest effect getting officially married has on a relationship is its mental and social influences - for many, getting married means being a part of their society, culture, and tradition, rather than distancing themselves from it, which is instinctively important for pack animals. Being raised with the idea that finding "the one" is when you get married, which is considered an achievement in life that people respect, appreciate, and get excited about is also why we grow up to see and treat it that way. Additionally, getting married is BIG ego fuel - It is a period in your life ALL ABOUT YOU AND YOUR LOVE (the greatest thing in your life if you are in fact in love). From the day you announce your engagement until you return from your honeymoon, everyone in your life, even those you haven't seen in years, suddenly and continually showers you with attention, compliments, and gifts - you become "the popular kids" on everyone's minds and lips. Finally, because not getting married equates to going against the norm, in both your mind and others, you become/are both a deserter and a rebel. In both your mind and others, the question as to WHY pops up again and again. Just as you may feel like an outsider for your choice not to follow a societal/cultural norm, many others will see you that was as well, and even value and treat you differently. Often, people are less supportive of your relationship, and especially your choice to have any children out of wedlock. Worst part is when you become judged by these people in a negative way, because they feel you have judged them and their societal/cultural traditions. So, for all these reasons, it is actually easier to get married than to just be in a committed relationship. BUT, legally, a marriage is harder and more expensive to end. Regardless as to whether your marriage lasts or ends in divorce, it is not the marriage itself that is to blame/give credit to. Any relationship takes effort and desire to make it work. Should a couple loose that mutual effort and desire, it won't matter if you are married or not, your relationship begins to crumble and break. Love is the key!
As for your view of marriage as a waste of time… marriage is merely a form of expression, but not the only option. All of our choices/actions are external expressions of who we are inside. Our choices/actions share our opinions, views, values, beliefs, fears, desires, distastes, … with others, revealing our inner world to our outer world as well as shaping and reshaping our outer world to better reflect our inner world. Your attitude towards marriage is personal, but that attitude affects your life - how you navigate and whose company you take/keep. Just remember, anyone's view on marriage is merely an opinion. No one's decision to or not to wed is purely based in fact. So, there is no true right or wrong when it comes to the decision to marry. Just do what is, in your own opinion, right for you. "It is how you choose to see it, and how you choose to see it is how you treat it."
I've been married almost 8 years now but we've been together for 12. We met when I was 18 and he was 21. We've never cheated on each other and we've never split up. We've got 2 girls and another child on the way. And, trust me, we've been through a LOT of crap. More than most couples I've known... but we're still together and very much in love despite all the hard times we've endured.
Some people can last if they make a real effort. Nothing comes easy. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage but you can survive as long as two people really love each other and are devoted. I wouldn't cheat on him for anything and I know he feels the same. We've both had the chance (more than once) if we'd wanted to but we only love each other in that way.
Personally, I could never let another man touch me. I love my husband. He is much more than just a spouse. He is my friend, my confidant, my children's father... he is family. You don't turn your back on family. If I die never knowing another man's touch, I'm fine with that. I've already known real love and anything else would be hollow and meaningless.
first i totally disagree... there is nothing like that... we girls ve that mentality for u n u ve that mentality for us so its better u find someone u can place ur trust in n settle down with... its a feeling that comes automatically... u dont do anything about it... there will be someone who will fit perfectly in ur life... u need someone to grow old with... ur parents, friends n kids will all leave u n all u r left with is that better half... so stop being so general coz we r all different... i know both girls n guys on either side... we all can't be on one side... its against the law of nature... if there is good then there is bad... u need to stop being so judgy n find ur good... maybe u ve seen people around u or ur experience of girls fucking up well maybe try looking at the brighter side... someone is there for staying... i know many keepers n players so please ve a broad mind n look for the right one... even if she does cheat ur work is to place ur trust in them n if they break it they bear the consequences... just do urself a favour n dont be judgy
Wow, such faith in commitment and humanity. Not all women cheat, not all men end up alone 'fucked up' and told it's their fault.
Yes, it happens. But not to everyone. It's pretty degrading for you to say all women have commitment issues actually. And rude.
maybe you've had some bad experiences and seen this happen but this isn't the only way marriages pan out.
I've been the only one blamed for being alone. The only type of guys that get laid 24/7 are the ones that are mentioned in this link. www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1736146-why-does-my-friend-let-her-boss-fuck-her The guys who deserve nothing get everything on this planet. It's only criminals and rapists that get laid 24/7. I'm destroying this planet soon, don't worry. It's too late for humanity. I'm killing off all the evil guys for cockblocking me.
@LordZero Your gonna destroy the planet?
Opinion
93Opinion
u Is this what happened to your parents?
Being married means that
- should my wife become sick, I can give medical directions on her behalf. She can do the same for me.
- if she were to die, I would inherit our family home without paying an inheritance tax (she own the home prior to marrying me)
- i have the right to receive her body and observe her burial requests
- she is elegible to be on my employers health insurance plan.
- we pay federal income taxes at a lower effective rate
- marriage gave me the authority to represent myself as the step-father of my wife's daughters She receive the same authority to represent herself as my child's step mom.
- she is elegible to be the beneficiary of my life insurance
- we may be jointly considered for credit application
- we automatically inherit each others worldly possessions without the necessity of probate court
When I way in the military, there were many benefits that accrued only to married people:
- basic allowance for housing (single men lived on board the ship)
- family separation allowance (paid while deployed)
- CHAMPUS (dependant health insurance)
- access to the ombudsman program (best source of info on ships schedule)
- access to base facilities including the exchange and the subsidized commissary
- access to base housing
- the right to be relocated to overseas duty station with military member
It goes on and on this way. Marriage is woven into everything. The main intent is not so much that you change your status toward each other but rather you change your status before the state.
The ignorance is strong with this one.
I am one of nine siblings. I am the oldest. I am from the original biological set of five, the remaining four were adopted.
So far, of the five, I am the only one that matches your description. Because I keep falling for damsels in distress, without knowing if they deserve to be or not. I never made it to the altar with any of my "Dirty Dozen" backstabbing girls. I caught on to them, or forced them to blow their cover, long before it got to that point. Most of them hate me now, because I was right all along and they're too proud to make peace.
My brother is happily married. My two sisters are happily married. My youngest bio-sister is living with some freak, and they have a sort of Bonnie and Clyde / Joker Harley thing going on. Neither wants to speak to me, because they know they've done wrong. They're not married legally yet, but may as well be common law married.
Of the remaining four, two are in high school. One is in 8th grade. The last one is in 7th grade.
Most by the time they reach their mid-20s learn how to get their sh*t together. The rest become basket cases, condemned to wander the earth with their baggage - earned or otherwise, till they become dust once more.
Don't leap into the latter category prematurely. You will hate yourself if you do.
That's a good question and I often ask myself the same question especially as from what I have seen with my own life, couples who get married tend to get divorced pretty quickly afterwards, I have known this to be true of four couples; marriage can either enhance a relationship or change it completely and make the relationship worse.
So it is a risk, but sometimes in life you have to take risks or determine if it's obtaining something more, or something else is worth the risk.
I used to be dead set against marriage, dead set against the whole nuclear family ideal because it seemed boring to me and like you I had suffered a few bad experiences with a few lousy women that I chose over some perfectly good women through my inability to think logically about the women I was choosing (my own fault) but over the last few years I have started to soften and even warm to the idea.
A couple doesn't have to get married, they can of course choose not to marry and can be together in the long-term. An old school friend of mine; his parents have been together for over thirty years and haven't married and never will. It works for them and good luck to them, marriage doesn't necessarily make your relationship better or worse it's just the luck of the draw.
Dude seriously? You have a really low opinion of women. If this happened to you then you have to realize that it was just THAT woman. There are loads of other women out there.. BILLIONS IN FACT! You just have to go out there and meet people to realize that there are loads of great women out there. They may not be exactly like that girl in personality or anything but would you want that?
Honestly you have to back up from the situation and look at it objectively. That was ONE woman.
Dude I used to be jaded about relationships too until my last one made me realize that there are ones that I'd want to be in. Before that I was always in abusive ones where the girl treated me like dog shit. I always sought out girls like that because I didn't have any self worth and I hated myself. But I realized I do have worth and I'm a pretty phenomenal guy with my own pros and cons just like everyone else. Now anything I find in the future will be better because I realized that. I can always grow to be better and I will continue to do so. We can all do that.
I have a bad personal experience with it. I take after my father, and all if the men on my fathers side have shockingly similar life paths. My grandfather, my uncle, and my father have all been screwed over financially by marriage.
My mom divorced my dad, and nearly bankrupt him, though I don't blame her for that as much, as she had four kids, and was putting herself through college. Much of the immoral things she did were for survival, at my fathers cost. However I do blame my uncle and grandfathers ex wives. I've met my uncles ex, and she did everything in her power to financially ruin my uncle. He was a chemical engineer making 100k+ a year, and now struggles paying for a house someone half his income would usually live in. I didn't know my grandmother on my fathers side very well, I only know that he almost became homeless with the divorce. I'm going to break the cycle with me (and possibly in the future my son). It is not a grudge against women, it is a grudge against the laws surrounding marriage.
Exactly, the law makes it unfairly balanced against men
While I personally don't agree with the concept of marriage, your bitter whiny generalisations are both unnecessary and false.
www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/
Well would you look at that, men cheat too! 😮
Or are you gonna deny that and carry on slating a whole gender, when both sides are just as guulty?
Because no man in the history of human kind has ever screwed over a woman. Nope. Never happened.
As you are under 18, I think your understanding of the world is extremely vague.
One day you are going to meet a woman so good you won't want to imagine life without her. (Don't bother saying you won't because you will!).
People who marry and cheat and have affairs have something missing in their marriage or their life. Sometimes they are just self centered people who want 'more'.
So you know though you won't be able to sleep with all of her friends if she cheats on you because we find it gross and we are also loyal creatures and by the age we are married our friends are friends for life.
The divorce thing, I am divorced. He cheated on me. Did I fleece him? No. We split everything after a discussion and that was that. A very amicable divorce.
No one knows the future but At the same time I would not be so quick to assume he'll meet someone and fall in love because there are men in their 30s on this website who are single and virgins :o
Yea but I have seen couples that I thought never were going to split but they ended up splitting
@iamyourneighbor people would have said that about me and my ex. We were soulmates but I couldn't give him a family at the time so I had to let him go. He cheated when I cooled us off massively to wind us down. We were the perfect couple otherwise. Love and marriage isn't about 'taking the next step' when you meet the right person you know you want to walk hand in hand with them forever... marriage isn't a step its simply making your grip stronger. The couples who see it as a 'step' usually fail. These are the people who have no natural transmissions in life...
Without being condescending, you are 22, most relationships around you will be failing as people mature and want different things... I remember being engaged to a guy at 20 and we broke it off when I was 22. I came home from overseas and met my ex husband who I will miss for the rest of my life. We both have new partners but there will always be a special place for each other.
I don't think my age has to do with. I have friends who are my age an i know people who are younger than me who have kids and who are in serious relationships. Personally I don't want to get married but I'm not going to hate on anyone who wants marriage
@iamyourneighbor my point is I dont think I grew up properly until I was 26... I knew people with kids and in serious relationships and only 1 lasted... I was travelling the world at 18 on my own so it wasn't that I was immature, I think it was that I needed to find the value in life and find what I really wanted to prioritize most. This is when my marriage cooled off, when I was 26 and everything changed...
@MimTcgraw I wouldn't mind one!!!
@MimTcgraw I don't know it depends on the woman
It's becoming a lot more common for guys to not be interested in marriage. There's really not anything a guy gets in a marriage that he can't get in a relationship. Hell, considering how often girls fall in love with their fuckbuddies, there's really not anything you get from a relationship that you can't get from being friends with benefits.
Marriage doesn't garantee love, happiness, loyalty, or even frequent sex. The only thing it garantees is that the higher earner is most likely going to be paying the lower earner lots of money. 💸
lolriot.com/.../...e-get-the-next-one-half-off.jpg
"Why would any man ever want to get married?" Umm, so they can potentially set themselves up for failure the moment that they choose to put a ring on ___'s finger? Ya know via having to sit their dumbasses in some courtroom as their life earnings are "divided/sucked" from them right in front of their faces? And by law there's nothing that they can do about it. But watch from the outside #FacePalm ^_^
www.dumpaday.com/.../...ds-got-a-divorce-funny.jpg
Ya know via having to sit their dumbasses down in some courtroom and watch as their life earnings are "divided/sucked" from them right in front of their faces? *
>o > Don't let your #MistWaifus see this Mist-sensei or they'll think you see them as nothing but cheats and money grabbers.
When I was your age, I was single and free and in no rush to marry. Many years later I met the woman I wanted to share my life with. I had almost 40 years of bliss before cancer took her. After her death I was alone, very alone, but not fucked up and really wish there was somebody there to tell me something was my fault.
Neither of us cheated, or left the other, or any of that crap. Those years were the best of my life!
That was so beautiful :,)
I seriously have so much respect for you.
@BuchitaBuchys - Thank you. This surprised me since I posted that so long ago.
I just read it and may she RIP
@BuchitaBuchys - Thank you. Even for the tears that brought.
Love and intimacy are not a physical need like water and air, but people need it to live. People don't commit suicide because they think they'll never eat steak again, or because they have to drive a car they don't like. People commit suicide because they don't feel love and domt
don't think anyone could ever love them.
Being in a loving and intimate relationship is the best part about life. Sure, it's unattractive if a guy is desperate to have a relationship with any woman he can find, but a guy can and should be looking for an amazing woman to share life with.
Most women want a relationship too, but settling for someone who you're only kinda happy with will leave you wanting more and will tempt you to cheat. Both men and women need to have the confidence and self control to look and be patient for an amazing partner, not just one they tolerate.
I could change Man to Woman and say the same things. It just seems like there are a lot of people out there who want nothing more than to hurt other people.
I'm sorry for whatever happened to you. I'm hurting right now too. It's okay to hurt, People are assholes. Just know that not all of us are like that. But unfortunately the few bad ones ruin the bunch :(
oh how edgy we are today.
Lemme guess. You loved a girl and she cheated with a player? Or she rejected you to start with, and went straight for the player?
Tough lc
White knights, lol
wait, i'm a white knight for pointing out you're acting like a little bitch?
maybe you need a dictionary, son. www.urbandictionary.com/define.php
Welcome to life, buddy. It'll hand you a bag of chocolates, just so it can laugh when it takes it back. And if not, you can be damn sure at least one of the pieces has been poisoned. THEN it will kick you to the ground, and keep kicking you.
Either you can be a little whiny bitch like you, or you can make life your little bitch.
So, should my life's goal just be destroying all life on earth, because, buddy, that's impossible
nah, i don't need to make it my goal. We're doing that just fine already. Just takes a couple decades or centuries.
I know, but, if life wants me dead personally, I'd want to be the one that gets to fight back against it, right? And, in that scenario, mankind might still have a chance, but, they shouldn't have one, so, it's not fair
See, marriage sounds awesome, but there are high chances of getting screwed.
Marriage, if it goes good, is probably the best thing in the world after being a parent, but if it goes bad, it's worse than hell.
So you gotta choose wisely, and this goes for women too. You can't just marry someone that calls you pretty and smiles at you, there's way more than that.
I'm not gonna lie, with who I am right now and how I feel, I don't have marriage in my future plans, basically because I have too much trouble finding a woman that meets my expectations (which are high, not gonna lie, and I blame myself for that).
But I don't know in the future, maybe I come across that perfect girl and I get attached to her forever, but life's unpredictable, and you shouldn't close doors, especially at your age.
I'm sure in Proverbs, it says something similar.
@ObscuredBeyond is there a proverb that's similar?
You, sir, are more than welcome to stay unmarried.
MY man, however, will be getting hitched. To me. 'Cause I'm not a snake.
Yeah, you should never get married. Turn celibate and make sure you don't fucking breed. For Christ's sake, don't breed!
Haha, that's all you guys can ever do, insult, you can't even debate me
Really? I'm not the one that went with the ad hominem attacks, now did I? I didn't curse at you, I didn't insult, and I didn't say you deserve to die, so, why do you say the same to me? I may not be an adult in body, but you are certainly a child in mind
Haha! Where did I say all that exactly?
Your passive aggressive insults still count. You just don't have the balls to out and out insult people, you do it in a chicken shit way. You are trying to insult ALL women.
Where do you get this life experience from? Are you a child bride? Are you fuck - you're listening to other people and getting annoyed about something that will hopefully never happen to you.
You want me to be insulting, lady, why? I mean, while I do hope you die alone, sad, and with nothing at all, what's the point in me saying that? To bring myself down to the level of just mindless insults? You think because you're an adult, you're somehow wise, when you're not.
No, you ARE insulting already but in a chicken shit way. You are being a coward about your insults, I'm being open.
You think you know about marriage when you can't even legally marry. Is this cuz your mom is mean to your dad? Have they split up and you're trying to come to terms with it?
And, you know nothing about my family, so don't you dare to fucking insult them
You've made up an insult and got REALLY angry about it, but you made it up! I never said you should die, stop lying.
Oh there's a surprise - a depressed teenager.
Your comments mean nothing to me because why should I care what some sad kid thinks about me? Insults only upset me if they are true or if I care about the person using them. Neither are the case here.
You're insulting women as a whole. Don;t be surprised when people aren't happy about it.
And be depressed forever, I don't give a shit. You are the only person who can help with this. You are the thing that needs to change. I've battled depression but I wasn't a self pitying thing like you. Self pity gets you nowhere.
NO, IS THAT WAYT YOU WANTED TO HEAR?
Chill the fuck out kid. Your life has just begun, you're a teenager. Of course life feels futile but why do you think you're doomed to be a miserable little butthurt all your life? It's like you want it to be shit so you can justify your miserable outlook and be like "told you so" when life kicks you in the balls...
Life will shit on you, one of the very few things that makes it tolerable is having someone to face it with. If you want to pretend you know about marriage then fine, but you don't. Otherwise you'd know that you get what you put in. It takes two to make a marriage fail.
Oh please, talk about being melodramatic! Are you a psychological enigma? Are therapists stumped by your mind? Have you baffled the psychological community or are you just assuming you are more fucked up than anyone has ever been before? Because I just don't believe that for a second. That would make it easier for you wouldn't it, being incurable, the fact of the matter is right now you don't want to get better. There's nothing to hide behind once you're over your depression. No excuses.
This is why the bible talks about not staring at wine when it is red and glowing in the cup. You saw passion and beauty and based on that you came to the conclusion that this woman can make you happy and she didn't. In order to find true happiness, you have to base your romantic choices on character and not on the physical attractiveness of the person you are dating. Men base their choices exclusively on looks and then complain when the girl has a bad personality.
I also pay attention to first impressions, and whether or not she'll give me the time of day. And to what extent. And I slowly try to get to know her.
But when they're in some type of trouble, my rescue instincts tend to cloud my judgment. A woman who is a true con artist doesn't have to look like a supermodel to become a master of manipulation.
I never looked at it that way before, but you have a good point.
Saying all women cheat and have no commitment is like saying all men cheat and have no commitment, neither is true as you can't judge every man or women by the few you have met, same goes for me. I was just cheated on and dumped by a MAN I didn't cheat, sleep with anyone or anything. I think you're over reacting and need to keep opinions like this to yourself.
Maybe you have just been hurt by a women, maybe you've been hurt by more than one... Well that says more about your choice and preference than it does every women.
Blaming women for whatever caused you to think like this just shows immaturity and single mindedness, its sad really.
Unfortunately that is true. Women today have surpassed the old stereotypes of men and become much worse.
I was married for 25 years.
I love her as much today as any.
she cheated, found out she never loved me, was a very co-dependent situation.
And I would do it all again with her in a minute.
I have 3 wonderful sons and much more great memories then bad.
..
as far as the future? I may get married. If your going to live with someone anyway you should at least get the tax benefits and other security that marriage gives. But we will see.
Maybe you should consider counselling? You are very young and have a lot of growing up to do and to be honest you don't need to be thinking or worrying about relationships or marriage right now anyways. Every second you waste being bitter, angry or negative is a second you will never get back. No one is going to force you to be in a relationship or get married so stop focusing on it. You need to learn who you are as a human being and what kind of person who want people to know you for. The world is messed up and full of bad things but you, you get to choose to either be part of the problem or be the problem solver. There are going to be people who will hurt you and who will want you to fail but you won't let them destroy the good that is in you and some days they will be close to breaking you but you won't let them. Always choose to be compassionate , loving, honest, be humble, be respectfully.
Yeah, HE is the one needs counseling *eye roll*
https://i44.tinypic.com/xp4p3s.jpg
Asker let me give you some advice about dating. Not all relationships last when you are young. There are a few lucky ones who marry their high school sweethearts but not all of them last. When you are young, you go through a lot of changes. Enjoy those changes but they can be frustrating. Learn from each relationship you are in. As my mother once told me you kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. Men you have to kiss a lot of snakes before you find your princess. I have been verbally abused, used as a bank, and been a replacement for a guy yet I found a man who can't live without me. I married him when I was 24 and I am never letting him go. Yes we fight but it's how you over come the fights that's important. It's what makes a relationship stronger. It took me a while to find a guy who accepted my flaws and loves me for me. It took me a while to accept my husband as the one and I don't regret it.
Lol I would be more concerned with what kind of shitty ass friends you have.
Well if that's how a man is to think then he should never get married, staying single or wanting to get married is a personal choice, an individual choice so that's up to the person. The man doesn't have to get married, he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want too, he can just stay single and happy.
However I would say these risks are involved, yes, love/relationships/marriage do come along with their own risks, so if the man is brave enough to take risks then he can go ahead with relationships/marriage
However if he wants to "PLAY SAFE" and be protective to his feelings, if he wants to avoid all these risks then he should never get married.
1. Make sure your friends are loyal.
2. Prenup.
3. Get a dog, or a pet she really likes. If you do have a nasty breakup, take the pet from her. Then she'll be just as sad.
4. Find a girl that you can trust. Lots of girls are like this. Lots of males are also like this. There is nothing you can do to change this fact so just be more discerning about who you date. And don't ever forget the prenup.
Why do guys get married? I don't know. I'm not a guy. If you ask me why girls get married, I honestly also do not know. I'm probably not going to get married but it's because I don't understand it, not that I'm jaded by other people's failed relationships. Try not to shit on the other people that do want to pledge themselves or whatever.
Are you okay? Do you need someone to talk to?
I mean I don't even know you but after reading this I really want to make sure you are okay. The world is worth living I promise. I realize that wasn't a funny joke but it kind of was and you should laugh. Just read this with a funny overly concerned voice and then be like wow that was so sweet and I feel so warm and fuzzy inside and then maybe have some hot coco, watch a movie. I like watch movies with no romance, for me I would probably go with LOTR or like an old timey flick but a lot of times they have romance. Or Like a really stupid movies. I found this one called "What we did in the dark" Its a satire on vampires and reality tv so you know its good. Anyways enjoy some... I don't know whatever you like. Maybe travel? read a book, that would be chill. Reading is cool. Go some place you've never been before. That would be cool.
Good luck my man!
... I'm married and my husband loves being married to me. Neither of us have ever cheated on anyone and we're attached at the hip always.
Don't be a negative nancy!
Yeah, we women are just evil, shallow human beings who is only interested in sex and money. Better keep yourself away from us before your wallet is empty and life is ruined...
Ugh, i see stupid posts like this every day. Stay single if you want to, no one forces you to marry.
You're pissed because you know I'm right
For companionship, not everyone is completely dishonest, and you're under 18 so a teen, and well its ok to not want to or feel like you have to... just let girls know when you date them.
Now people are so obnoxious online and assume everyone on here is adults, but in reality you are young and things hurt more when you're but the world gets bigger and there's more people. You also dont have to get married anyway
Y
1. To have an heir. Marriage brings babies. Legitimate babies. And legitimate babies can inherit your property after your decease.
2. Tradition. Your father and mother were married before they had you, and so did all your ancestors in your family tree. You may have illegitimate relatives due to some illicit sexual relationships up in your family tree, but thankfully, they are not legally part of your family and thus has no inheritance.
3. Money. Your parents may have paid the bride price (if you are a son) or dowry (if you are a daughter). The spouse that they arrange for you is not easy to get.
4. Love. You fell in love with the woman of your life and would like to spend the rest of your days with her. Any children in the marriage would be born out of love.
5. Security. You want someone to take care of you in your old age. Better marry wisely!
6. Standard of living. You get legal benefits simply for being married.
7. Make God happy.
8. To have sex without sin.
1. An heir, what is this, 1700? I'd just put them in my will
2. Pretty sure my parents never married
3. Divorce is financially ruinous
4. HAHAHAHA
5. I'm an atheist
6. Still an atheist
I was not talking specifically to you or to men of this age. I was merely listing reasons why men marry across many cultures.
There are 2 types of divorce: at-fault divorce and no-fault divorce. One reason for the push toward allowing no-fault divorce is that it is cheaper and easier than the traditional alternative.
uh huh. who taught u that? #generalisation308
remember this: anything happening in your life does not define the way the world works.
Umm yes it does. I've learned growing up that all people are selfish in some shape or form. God doesn't exist, the universe is meaningless, corruption dominates the world, looks mean everything, humans are controlled by instincts and love is a chemical reaction. In the end all is meaningless atoms.
My child Anna you will learn just how much life sucks when you become elite 30. At 30 you just know that life is crap. Enjoy the 20s while you can my child.
Lol just because ur life turned out like that doesn't mean mine will mate. @aeon_flux_21
@Aeon_Flux_21 Actually I am enjoying my thirties unlike you. It is what you make of it. Since I have turned 30 I have been to Chicago and the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Museum for the first time. Started dating my girlfriend of a little over 2 years and 4 months. You think that just because your life is not good at 30 that no one elses is that is 30 or older.
@Aeon_Flux_21 You actually think if your life is good so is everyone elses and if your life is good so is everyone elses is a load of crap. There are people who are happy with the way their life is and those who are not. Just because your life sucks for whatever reason oes not mean mine does. I have been to mexico 3 times, on 3 cruises, Bahamas 2 times, 9 other states besides the one I live in etc. I played sports growing up: ice hockey, soccer, cross country running ( 2 miles), track & field (100m, 200m, 400m, 100m relay, 400m relay, 55m hurdle relay, 200m hurdle relay, long jump), football ( cornerback and wide reciever) wrestling. I got no less than a 4.0 GPA every year in school and have an IQ of at least 180. I know how to do woodwork, metal work, auto body, auto mechanics, plumbing, electrical work etc.
@Aeon_Flux_21 . I can also cook and bake I can play the renaissance lute, classical guitar, acoustic archtop guitar, solid-body electric guitar, electric bass guitar, bluegrass mandolin or f-style mandolin, A-style mandolin, electric frypan steel guitar, lap steel guitar, pedalsteel guitar, sitar, violin, viola, cello, double bass, petite grand piano, baby grand piano, medium grand piano, parlor grand piano, semiconcert or ballroom piano, concert grand piano, church organ, chamber organ, theatre organ, electric organ, harpsichord, hurdy gurdy, hammered dulcimer, the psaltery, drums, bladder pipe, bag pipes, recorder, trumpet etc.
@Aeon_Flux_21 Now tell me how everyones life sucks because your life does
guys cheat to not just girls but only the douchebags honestly i think you should stay single FOR-EV-ER!!!
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...61d607fad3.jpg
seriously god help us if you spawn tiny humans
You reminded me of the Ultron scene
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zGFZzvdsJ0
@aliencreature hahahaha smaller humans
There are a few moments with him that are really funny, I also like the scene where he rips the guys arm off and he's like, oh I'm sorry I'm sure that'll be OK
if you wanna stay single its all up to you but to each his own
Not married =/= single
It's easier to cheat on someone when you aren't married, so your first point is sort of invalid at this point.
@NonCreativeUsername I don't care so much about cheating, if she cheats on me then I'll have sex with every single one of her friends if I can, I just care about receiving a random divorce and losing everything
@NonCreativeUsername that is a ridiculous thing to say. If your a piece of shit that is going to cheat, you will cheat.
I knew my ex wife (25 years together) for only 30 days before I went into the military. When you get out of basic ANYONE can get laid. I turned down 7 women, including a 3some, during my 7 months in tech school. I have never cheated, never thought about it. If you have integrity, it is not an issue. Marriage has nothing to do with it.
@aliencreature I second you. People should be able to express free speech and there's a movement happening for it. Keeping emotions bottled in creates a society of dishonesty.
@Calex I hate how she's like, shame on you for being jaded, it's more like shame on you for making me that way -_- I think if spiteful vindictive girls like her shut their mouth a bit more, guys like him wouldn't have any jadedness to express. It's far less productive to use your words to hurt someone then it is to express how you've been hurt, and there is no shame in that, there is a ton of shame in what she's doing
@aliencreature While I agree that it's more productive to give constructive criticism, I disagree about anyone shutting up because I believe everyone has the right to free speech.
If anybody ever tells someone "Keep it to yourself" or to "Back off" on this site, I always tell them that the point of this site is to express your opinions. Therefore all posts are referred to as "opinions"
@Calex yeah but I think free-speech is just as important as what you use it for. Just because you can say whatever you like doesn't mean you should, I think living in a country where we have the right to free speech makes it all the more important that we use it for something that actually matters.
Our forefathers didn't fight for the right to free speech so people could antagonize or complain, spout off some uninspired bullshit, it wasn't made for mainstream rap or political correctness or even the offensive shit people say just for the sake of being provocative, it was made to address the issues that no one wants to let you talk about, to express the beliefs and pursuits but no one wants you to have, to have your own perspective unadulterated by the masses or by women like her who would seek to castigate you for it. There still a right and wrong thing to say. Just because you have the freedom to be a dick doesn't mean that you're not a dick when you do it. And she is a dick.
Like Frank said, I would defend their right to free speech if I thought it was in jeopardy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJaLrINeZPc
Kid, you don't need to be married for someone to cheat on you or take half your stuff.
By law, anyone in a common-law relationship is recognized as the equivalent of being married. After one year of living with your girl/boyfriend (you might be gay, considering how you spazz in your messages), the government recognizes the two of you as common-law. Common law couples can file for a joint tax return and receive all the benefits that married couples do. Should she/he leave you, they also have the right to take half of the assets in the relationship.
So your opinion that only a married couple is exposed to the risk of splitting their finances and assets is wrong.
Well, you're generalizing and already assuming every situation is just the same. However, I would never marry a western girl that's for sure. Your chances of getting screwed up are too high I agree on that, and now it's seems as a cultural thing (ahem *hypergamy*) so yeah no man should just jump the board, be extremely careful of whom you'll end up with.
I'm not thinking of marrying at this point even though my ship is sailing... And if I ever do so, I'll make sure I'll date that person for more hen 3 years or something, no need to rush into it and I want to make sure I'm judging well on character.
I agree with you. I don't think you being under 18 means you're naive. marriage has a lot of risks for guys and girls. mostly financial. divorcing can completely destroy people's finances, or if they stay married they'll have to be miserable with someone they don't even like. I don't see why you have to be legally married or have a certificate to wear a wedding ring.
I would bet the people who were married for years and have horror stories would be envious that you're at least thinking about this.
Because the woman he loves has that requirement.
I want to be married, because I usually find myself dating religious men.
Even though I am atheists, I know how much importance/dedication/love a woman must have for a religious man to make her his wife. I like that.
If a guy can make me his everything, you bet I will NEVER cheat. I have cheated before with my first boyfriend because he treated me like I had no worth. People don't cheat for no reason.
Hahaha, so, if a woman cheats it's just okay and it's the man's fault? People often cheat because it's fun and then try to justify it to themselves because humans can't handle being the bad guy in their own shitty story.
@asker Man or woman it's the fault of both.
If it truly is about fun, then there should have been talk about polygamy or an open relationship.
You are young but hopefully with experience you will understand that nothing is just BLACK or WHITE.
If you make your sig other feel insecure, unloved and neglected in a relationship do not be surprised if someone that makes them feel special comes along and takes them from you.
What about the women that honestly just think their husband is just weak and pathetic, so they just go and fuck their friends behind their back, are they still somehow the victim? And, I don't have a girlfriend
So it's still essentially his fault... wow...
Didn't you say your boyfriend made you feel like shit? Hypocrisy?
Were you to blame or weren't you?
Not all women cheat , just like not all men cheat. Two of my exes cheated on me but i knew that was because they didn't value loyalty, i don't assume all guys would cheat on me.
You obviously value loyalty , so be selective who you date by choosing a girl who shares the same values as you.
Imagine one day you meet a loyal girl who has been cheated on by every boyfriend... i'm sure you wouldn't want her to believe " all you guys are the same"... not when you seem to possess a great quality... Loyalty!
Well, I know a man who is having sex with a female friend, but they are just obtaining sexual needs from each other, and nothing else. The man is still concerned about his wife more than he is about anyone else, and he loves his wife. He has shown no sign of being with the woman he's having sex with. He sought another woman outside of home, because his sexual needs haven't been satisfied at home.
If a man would cheat on his wife for the sexual needs, but not emotional needs (love, affection, etc.) Then maybe some women would do the same, but still love and stay married to their husbands?
I don't know what you've experienced, but one case didn't mean that ALL marriage are like that.
It also depends on what a woman desires in her marriage, but is not satisfied or fulfilled, that leads to her cheating, so each case is different and ends up differently.
And the same goes for girls too, GUYS CHEAT as well, in case you aren't aware of this.
Really, because, results not typical
Exactly both males and females have the potential to cheat. In my relationship I was the one who got cheated on despite being loyal to him.
@RainbowFanGirl Ikr, my ex cheated on me as well pfft -_- it just seems to me that this QA is bitter cause he got rejected lol.
@Rahdle yeah QA should see that, what you wrote.
@Rahdle That's the logic of a child, people aren't good and most would betray you if it's beneficial, sure, they'll tell themselves it's the right thing to do, try to justify it to themselves, but, at the end of the day, they'll still betray you. The wise man would take measures to prevent too much damage from the inevitable betrayal
@mskay I see at least one post like this a day. 😌
I know your all butt hurt from some woman cheating on you but that goes both ways you might make an absolute shit husband and that's why you shouldn't get married.
If your looking for an actual good reason to not get married trying men getting ass raped in family court. Average contested divorce is between 50k and 100k, and that doesn't include kids. As an institution it has no purpose other to give some one half your shit and then you get to live in a hell hole of an apartment while they keep the house.
www.google.co.uk/search
No reason men need to get married thanks to modern contraception and feminism making it easier to have sex in a consequence free environment. Be like me im a strong single independent man about town and I dont need no woman. Forget all the haters.
mgtow1.blogspot.co.uk/.../...tion-guide-mgtow.html
Can never get these right.
Still can't but fuck it.
Thats "but fuck it" not "butt fuck it" in case any grammar nazis swoop.
I find the it's usually the guys who cheat. Hell, most users on that damned AshleyMadison site were married men looking for shit outside of their marriages. Stop trying to view yourself as someone who's the worlds gift from god.
Well, studies prove you wrong, in fact, studies show that more than 50% of women cheat at one point during their marriage. And that cheating and break ups effect men worse
I want to see this because what I've seen say that men and women cheat at the same rate, but for different reasons. For men it's more of a physical thing, and for women it's more of an emotional thing. Either which way no one gender is better than the other in terms of cheating, and all cheaters fuck ass at the end be them man or woman.
Well I guess according to you, all guys are perfect angels who don't cheat on their spouses as well. Yeah, okay.
Nope, not at all, however, males tend to have a stronger sense of loyalty, they're like dogs, honestly, hell, studies show that cheating and break-ups have a far worse effect on men than it does women. That's not even an anecdotes, that's a statistic, so, yeah...
So you're saying that it was justified for my ex to verbally abuse me and cheat on me just because I'm a girl? No, it definitely wasn't. I self harmed and was depressed for like nearly two years. I wrote an article on it.
Look, I'm not saying that all men are dirty filthy cheaters because there are a lot of women out there who are the exact same, but don't group us all in a box because you're bitter. Nobody is forcing you to marry and if you think that we're all like this then so be it. Don't get married it's that simple.
Did I ever once actually say that? Hmm... nope, don't think I did
Well okay, but it seems like you implied it. Please do not make sweeping generalizations on all females because we are not all the same. 👍
And just because I was fucked over by one guy, doesn't give me the odacity to date all men.
hate* stupid autocorrect
And I'm pretty convinced nearly all guys cheat at least once in their lives, and then men in general try to justify it cause "its, like, in our dna and stuff"
So for now I'm avoiding relationships instead of bitching about it. Don't wanna get married? Don't.
I so agree!😊
Let people do what they want, no one is forcing you to get married or date or have anything to do with females... and from the sounds of it no one will ever want you to haha
@SilenRose People and especially kids change very easily. 5 years can do a lot to a person. Perhaps one of his parents cheated on the other and his family got broken up? We don't know the lives of these people.
@SilenRose yeah I don't have to go easy on him just because he's a young asshole, an asshole is still an asshole and he needs to learn sooner than later that his behaviour is only going to hold him back in life.
You see, I'm an asshole, I just no longer care, you're an asshole and an idiot, you just don't realize it
Well, hey, they're all traitors anyway, every human will betray you eventually, which is why you have to betray them first
Not always. Some women are genuinely good and honest and worthy of being a good man's wife. Sadly they are the exception today. In general, marriage is a good deal for women and a very bad deal for men in this day and age. That's why a Pew Research Center study recently found that the number of women 18-34 saying that having a successful marriage is one of the most important things rose from 28 percent to 37 percent since 1997. The number of young adult men saying the same thing dropped from 35 percent to 29 percent in the same time.
Until the inequities between husbands and wives, and between fathers and mothers are addressed, and some of the incentives that make marriage worthwhile for men are restored, men will continue to refuse to marry in record numbers, and for good reason. Marriage is simply not worth the sacrifice and risk for men anymore.
It all depends on the person.
You're so little... you'll figure it out later in life, little buddy. =)
I'm surprised he hasn't replied with an insult
@NonCreativeUsername Maybe he truly feels this might be true... People figure all sorts of stuff way later on in life. If he's lucky, he'll be one of those people too. =)
@NonCreativeUsername He doesn't appear to use ad hominem attacks from what I've seen so why would he?
The generalization that you put ALL women under shows your age. With that being said not all women are sneaky, and not all men are dogs. It just so happens that all the girls YOUVE encountered happen to be that way. Maybe you should look inside yourself and ask why you keep gravitating towards this specific type of female. Like I said, I can definitely tell you're underage, but you can't make general assumptions like that. I mean unless you've been with every woman on the planet, then that's a different story.
You sound incredibly immature and insecure.
You shouldn't get married as your energy would actually be the influence that makes your worst nightmare a reality.
I would never cheat on a girl and that tells me that there are girls out there that wouldn't either.
Wow, someone obviously has seen this or experienced this in his lifetime. Not every woman is like that and it's really not hard to see the signs of a woman who would turn out like this while dating her. Plus there are trashy women out there who probably would do this. Just saying men get married because they find a woman they love and want to spend the rest of their life with due to quality not quantity.
I'm sorry if you don't see it that way.
There are no benefits for a man to get married other than creating a stable environment for the child.
I don't know about that.
I like having regular sex with someone I love.
Stability isn't just for children. In fact it isn't even principally for children.
My wife and I have been married for 9 years. The youngest child in the house is 16. He'll be out in about 3 years.
My wife and I are looking forward to our next 4 decades together, just the 2 of us.
How is that for stability?
@gray_sailor : Wisdom all of us can bank on.
I'm glad you're part of the exception, but you know the number of marriages that have failed.
Got rejected? A few girls that cheat don't make it all girls.
You seem to be bitter from some experience you went through.
This is true. But imma still get married cuz I want someone to hold and love and get shmexy with
Preaxh, Rahdle
Preach*
BUDDY, let go out get some beer, we can dissolve our sorrow , which are inside us into the beer we drink, and then go and take a piss on the front door of her house, Knock and run away... Then go knock up some girls where a condom. Until you feel like being with other girl. 👈 is what I will say to someone like you...
Bill Burr said it best. Three out of four marriages go right down the shitter, if you heard three out of four parachutes wouldn't open you'd say fuck that I'm not going
Why would any woman ever get married?
Some people are just shitty human beings and are incapable of maintaining a monogamous relationship regardless of their gender. Whining about that simple fact won't get you anywhere.
-first you'll marry left overs (girls who looked good when young, but aged and got fat badly and mostly girls who fucked a nice number of guys)
- then you'll get cheated, divorced, taken 50% of material possession including your kids
I can almost guarantee you that every women will cheat in drop of hat, especially if her hubby is typical average joe. The hunger over young, athletic, hot and masculine stuff is insane.
You can also add your opinion below!
Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
Most Helpful Opinions