Well, my godfather used to say, "Men don't get married because they want to, they get married because they give up and concede."
What do they concede to? "When are we going to get married? Where is this relationship going? Are you serious about us? Do you love me? All my friends are married. Everyone is getting married. Don't you trust me? Are you afraid of commitment?"
I don't entirely agree with my godfather. I think men lose as soon as they engage the statements that women make, as having even a hint of truth. Men do this nasty little thing called giving women the benefit of the doubt, when women speak about the topic of marriage. Men desperately want to basically have a relationship with a man, but in a woman's body, because they enjoy having sex with women. They want to feel like their partner is communicating to them on a high level or philosophically, in search of the purely rational and dispassionately logical truth. No bias, no self-interest, no manipulation or ulterior motives. Just a quest for knowledge and wisdom.
(rolls eyes) <-- look at my eyes rolling.
As soon as the man does that, he's lost. The solution to the problem is simple. You have to just accept that the "fantasy" relationship you want to have with a woman is never going to be something you'll ever realistically experience. That's life, just deal with it and move on.
Women are not these magical angelic fairy-like creatures who are playfully pleasant and want nothing more than to shower your dick with attention. That doesn't mean they're evil. That just means they're human... with their own self-interest and selfish motives... with their own desires... and sometimes, those desires and interests run completely in conflict with your own interests as a man.
Marriage is an example of that.
Now, some girls just want a "wedding." A "wedding" and "marriage" are not the same thing. A wedding is a party. A marriage is a legally binding contract, with legally enforceable financial consequences upon dissolution.
Money and financial power are my tits and ass as a man. If you are proposing to have the right to continue to play with my tits and ass should we no longer be together, my answer will be "no." For as long as we're together, we can enjoy the benefits of being together. But if I'm not happy, I'm leaving (and my tits and ass are coming with me). So, if you want to continue to play with them, do what you have to so that I prefer staying with you.
I think your sour personality will result in you remaining single your entire life anyway. Just because your family sucks, does not mean other people's family sucks too.
The only real difference between a marriage and a committed relationship is the legal paperwork and those societal benefits which come with. Unmarried couples can and at times do throw a party to share their love with others (a wedding), live together, support each other financially, and have/raise children. BUT, like most things, the greatest effect getting officially married has on a relationship is its mental and social influences - for many, getting married means being a part of their society, culture, and tradition, rather than distancing themselves from it, which is instinctively important for pack animals. Being raised with the idea that finding "the one" is when you get married, which is considered an achievement in life that people respect, appreciate, and get excited about is also why we grow up to see and treat it that way. Additionally, getting married is BIG ego fuel - It is a period in your life ALL ABOUT YOU AND YOUR LOVE (the greatest thing in your life if you are in fact in love). From the day you announce your engagement until you return from your honeymoon, everyone in your life, even those you haven't seen in years, suddenly and continually showers you with attention, compliments, and gifts - you become "the popular kids" on everyone's minds and lips. Finally, because not getting married equates to going against the norm, in both your mind and others, you become/are both a deserter and a rebel. In both your mind and others, the question as to WHY pops up again and again. Just as you may feel like an outsider for your choice not to follow a societal/cultural norm, many others will see you that was as well, and even value and treat you differently. Often, people are less supportive of your relationship, and especially your choice to have any children out of wedlock. Worst part is when you become judged by these people in a negative way, because they feel you have judged them and their societal/cultural traditions. So, for all these reasons, it is actually easier to get married than to just be in a committed relationship. BUT, legally, a marriage is harder and more expensive to end. Regardless as to whether your marriage lasts or ends in divorce, it is not the marriage itself that is to blame/give credit to. Any relationship takes effort and desire to make it work. Should a couple loose that mutual effort and desire, it won't matter if you are married or not, your relationship begins to crumble and break. Love is the key!
I've been married almost 8 years now but we've been together for 12. We met when I was 18 and he was 21. We've never cheated on each other and we've never split up. We've got 2 girls and another child on the way. And, trust me, we've been through a LOT of crap. More than most couples I've known... but we're still together and very much in love despite all the hard times we've endured.
Some people can last if they make a real effort. Nothing comes easy. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage but you can survive as long as two people really love each other and are devoted. I wouldn't cheat on him for anything and I know he feels the same. We've both had the chance (more than once) if we'd wanted to but we only love each other in that way.
Personally, I could never let another man touch me. I love my husband. He is much more than just a spouse. He is my friend, my confidant, my children's father... he is family. You don't turn your back on family. If I die never knowing another man's touch, I'm fine with that. I've already known real love and anything else would be hollow and meaningless.
first i totally disagree... there is nothing like that... we girls ve that mentality for u n u ve that mentality for us so its better u find someone u can place ur trust in n settle down with... its a feeling that comes automatically... u dont do anything about it... there will be someone who will fit perfectly in ur life... u need someone to grow old with... ur parents, friends n kids will all leave u n all u r left with is that better half... so stop being so general coz we r all different... i know both girls n guys on either side... we all can't be on one side... its against the law of nature... if there is good then there is bad... u need to stop being so judgy n find ur good... maybe u ve seen people around u or ur experience of girls fucking up well maybe try looking at the brighter side... someone is there for staying... i know many keepers n players so please ve a broad mind n look for the right one... even if she does cheat ur work is to place ur trust in them n if they break it they bear the consequences... just do urself a favour n dont be judgy
Wow, such faith in commitment and humanity. Not all women cheat, not all men end up alone 'fucked up' and told it's their fault.
Yes, it happens. But not to everyone. It's pretty degrading for you to say all women have commitment issues actually. And rude.
maybe you've had some bad experiences and seen this happen but this isn't the only way marriages pan out.
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93Opinion
u Is this what happened to your parents?
Being married means that
- should my wife become sick, I can give medical directions on her behalf. She can do the same for me.
- if she were to die, I would inherit our family home without paying an inheritance tax (she own the home prior to marrying me)
- i have the right to receive her body and observe her burial requests
- she is elegible to be on my employers health insurance plan.
- we pay federal income taxes at a lower effective rate
- marriage gave me the authority to represent myself as the step-father of my wife's daughters She receive the same authority to represent herself as my child's step mom.
- she is elegible to be the beneficiary of my life insurance
- we may be jointly considered for credit application
- we automatically inherit each others worldly possessions without the necessity of probate court
When I way in the military, there were many benefits that accrued only to married people:
- basic allowance for housing (single men lived on board the ship)
- family separation allowance (paid while deployed)
- CHAMPUS (dependant health insurance)
- access to the ombudsman program (best source of info on ships schedule)
- access to base facilities including the exchange and the subsidized commissary
- access to base housing
- the right to be relocated to overseas duty station with military member
It goes on and on this way. Marriage is woven into everything. The main intent is not so much that you change your status toward each other but rather you change your status before the state.
The ignorance is strong with this one.
I am one of nine siblings. I am the oldest. I am from the original biological set of five, the remaining four were adopted.
So far, of the five, I am the only one that matches your description. Because I keep falling for damsels in distress, without knowing if they deserve to be or not. I never made it to the altar with any of my "Dirty Dozen" backstabbing girls. I caught on to them, or forced them to blow their cover, long before it got to that point. Most of them hate me now, because I was right all along and they're too proud to make peace.
My brother is happily married. My two sisters are happily married. My youngest bio-sister is living with some freak, and they have a sort of Bonnie and Clyde / Joker Harley thing going on. Neither wants to speak to me, because they know they've done wrong. They're not married legally yet, but may as well be common law married.
Of the remaining four, two are in high school. One is in 8th grade. The last one is in 7th grade.
Most by the time they reach their mid-20s learn how to get their sh*t together. The rest become basket cases, condemned to wander the earth with their baggage - earned or otherwise, till they become dust once more.
Don't leap into the latter category prematurely. You will hate yourself if you do.
That's a good question and I often ask myself the same question especially as from what I have seen with my own life, couples who get married tend to get divorced pretty quickly afterwards, I have known this to be true of four couples; marriage can either enhance a relationship or change it completely and make the relationship worse.
So it is a risk, but sometimes in life you have to take risks or determine if it's obtaining something more, or something else is worth the risk.
I used to be dead set against marriage, dead set against the whole nuclear family ideal because it seemed boring to me and like you I had suffered a few bad experiences with a few lousy women that I chose over some perfectly good women through my inability to think logically about the women I was choosing (my own fault) but over the last few years I have started to soften and even warm to the idea.
A couple doesn't have to get married, they can of course choose not to marry and can be together in the long-term. An old school friend of mine; his parents have been together for over thirty years and haven't married and never will. It works for them and good luck to them, marriage doesn't necessarily make your relationship better or worse it's just the luck of the draw.
Dude seriously? You have a really low opinion of women. If this happened to you then you have to realize that it was just THAT woman. There are loads of other women out there.. BILLIONS IN FACT! You just have to go out there and meet people to realize that there are loads of great women out there. They may not be exactly like that girl in personality or anything but would you want that?
Honestly you have to back up from the situation and look at it objectively. That was ONE woman.
Dude I used to be jaded about relationships too until my last one made me realize that there are ones that I'd want to be in. Before that I was always in abusive ones where the girl treated me like dog shit. I always sought out girls like that because I didn't have any self worth and I hated myself. But I realized I do have worth and I'm a pretty phenomenal guy with my own pros and cons just like everyone else. Now anything I find in the future will be better because I realized that. I can always grow to be better and I will continue to do so. We can all do that.
I have a bad personal experience with it. I take after my father, and all if the men on my fathers side have shockingly similar life paths. My grandfather, my uncle, and my father have all been screwed over financially by marriage.
My mom divorced my dad, and nearly bankrupt him, though I don't blame her for that as much, as she had four kids, and was putting herself through college. Much of the immoral things she did were for survival, at my fathers cost. However I do blame my uncle and grandfathers ex wives. I've met my uncles ex, and she did everything in her power to financially ruin my uncle. He was a chemical engineer making 100k+ a year, and now struggles paying for a house someone half his income would usually live in. I didn't know my grandmother on my fathers side very well, I only know that he almost became homeless with the divorce. I'm going to break the cycle with me (and possibly in the future my son). It is not a grudge against women, it is a grudge against the laws surrounding marriage.
While I personally don't agree with the concept of marriage, your bitter whiny generalisations are both unnecessary and false.
www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/
Well would you look at that, men cheat too! 😮
Or are you gonna deny that and carry on slating a whole gender, when both sides are just as guulty?
Because no man in the history of human kind has ever screwed over a woman. Nope. Never happened.
As you are under 18, I think your understanding of the world is extremely vague.
One day you are going to meet a woman so good you won't want to imagine life without her. (Don't bother saying you won't because you will!).
People who marry and cheat and have affairs have something missing in their marriage or their life. Sometimes they are just self centered people who want 'more'.
So you know though you won't be able to sleep with all of her friends if she cheats on you because we find it gross and we are also loyal creatures and by the age we are married our friends are friends for life.
The divorce thing, I am divorced. He cheated on me. Did I fleece him? No. We split everything after a discussion and that was that. A very amicable divorce.
It's becoming a lot more common for guys to not be interested in marriage. There's really not anything a guy gets in a marriage that he can't get in a relationship. Hell, considering how often girls fall in love with their fuckbuddies, there's really not anything you get from a relationship that you can't get from being friends with benefits.
Marriage doesn't garantee love, happiness, loyalty, or even frequent sex. The only thing it garantees is that the higher earner is most likely going to be paying the lower earner lots of money. 💸
When I was your age, I was single and free and in no rush to marry. Many years later I met the woman I wanted to share my life with. I had almost 40 years of bliss before cancer took her. After her death I was alone, very alone, but not fucked up and really wish there was somebody there to tell me something was my fault.
Neither of us cheated, or left the other, or any of that crap. Those years were the best of my life!
lolriot.com/.../...e-get-the-next-one-half-off.jpg
"Why would any man ever want to get married?" Umm, so they can potentially set themselves up for failure the moment that they choose to put a ring on ___'s finger? Ya know via having to sit their dumbasses in some courtroom as their life earnings are "divided/sucked" from them right in front of their faces? And by law there's nothing that they can do about it. But watch from the outside #FacePalm ^_^
www.dumpaday.com/.../...ds-got-a-divorce-funny.jpg
Love and intimacy are not a physical need like water and air, but people need it to live. People don't commit suicide because they think they'll never eat steak again, or because they have to drive a car they don't like. People commit suicide because they don't feel love and domt
I could change Man to Woman and say the same things. It just seems like there are a lot of people out there who want nothing more than to hurt other people.
I'm sorry for whatever happened to you. I'm hurting right now too. It's okay to hurt, People are assholes. Just know that not all of us are like that. But unfortunately the few bad ones ruin the bunch :(
oh how edgy we are today.
Lemme guess. You loved a girl and she cheated with a player? Or she rejected you to start with, and went straight for the player?
Tough lc
Yeah, you should never get married. Turn celibate and make sure you don't fucking breed. For Christ's sake, don't breed!
See, marriage sounds awesome, but there are high chances of getting screwed.
Marriage, if it goes good, is probably the best thing in the world after being a parent, but if it goes bad, it's worse than hell.
So you gotta choose wisely, and this goes for women too. You can't just marry someone that calls you pretty and smiles at you, there's way more than that.
I'm not gonna lie, with who I am right now and how I feel, I don't have marriage in my future plans, basically because I have too much trouble finding a woman that meets my expectations (which are high, not gonna lie, and I blame myself for that).
But I don't know in the future, maybe I come across that perfect girl and I get attached to her forever, but life's unpredictable, and you shouldn't close doors, especially at your age.
You, sir, are more than welcome to stay unmarried.
MY man, however, will be getting hitched. To me. 'Cause I'm not a snake.
This is why the bible talks about not staring at wine when it is red and glowing in the cup. You saw passion and beauty and based on that you came to the conclusion that this woman can make you happy and she didn't. In order to find true happiness, you have to base your romantic choices on character and not on the physical attractiveness of the person you are dating. Men base their choices exclusively on looks and then complain when the girl has a bad personality.
Saying all women cheat and have no commitment is like saying all men cheat and have no commitment, neither is true as you can't judge every man or women by the few you have met, same goes for me. I was just cheated on and dumped by a MAN I didn't cheat, sleep with anyone or anything. I think you're over reacting and need to keep opinions like this to yourself.
Maybe you have just been hurt by a women, maybe you've been hurt by more than one... Well that says more about your choice and preference than it does every women.
Blaming women for whatever caused you to think like this just shows immaturity and single mindedness, its sad really.
Unfortunately that is true. Women today have surpassed the old stereotypes of men and become much worse.
I was married for 25 years.
I love her as much today as any.
she cheated, found out she never loved me, was a very co-dependent situation.
And I would do it all again with her in a minute.
I have 3 wonderful sons and much more great memories then bad.
..
as far as the future? I may get married. If your going to live with someone anyway you should at least get the tax benefits and other security that marriage gives. But we will see.
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