Would you marry a Muslim woman who wears a headscarf?

Question

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

I think this is an excellent question. I've never seen it before, but it's a really good question.

It's such a good question, because... I think there really is a difference in how guys view Muslim girls wearing a headscarf vs. how they see other women. I certainly viewed them in a different way.

So, I myself am not Muslim. I've never dated a Muslim girl either. I have a handful of Muslim friends, not many, and they were not at all devout.

I will admit, a headscarf does make a big difference (I'm only using the term because you are, and I don't know if hijab is appropriate to describe what you're calling a headscarf.)

First, the short answer is: "yes, if I were to find a girl who seemed to be the right girl for me, I would definitely marry a Muslim woman who wears a headscarf."

The problem would be in me noticing, or ending up falling for this Muslim woman in the first place.

I'm going to try and explain some of the assumptions I make, because I don't think they are uncommon ones. It's not going to make me look very good. But I think this is worth saying to you. I hope you don't take offence. I'm not in any way saying these assumptions are correct, or fair, or ok.

To be honest, a headscarf, signals to me that this is not "a girl" in the same way everyone else is. She is by default removed from the "pool of girls to possibly be interested in." This is in a situation where say everybody is new. Your first day at a new school for example.

The reason for this, isn't because I have anything against Muslim girls who wear a headscarf.

One of the main assumption I have is that she is likely fairly devout. It makes me assume that her faith is a big part of her (which is fine).

Even when I was your age, I was far from someone who any devoutly Muslim girl should/would want to date.

I smoked, drank, smoked pot, swore like a sailor and loved a party.

I assumed that those Muslim girls wearing a headscarf would consider me so undesirable a partner, as to be out of THEIR pool of guys they might be interested in.

At its core, I end up looking at Muslim women differently because I assume a mutual incompatibility on a very basic level. I don't understand her world, she doesn't understand mine (worse, I assume she quietly disapproves of mine).

This is mitigated considerably once the personality of the girl starts to make you see past the headscarf. Getting to know somebody can totally make you realize you're not as far apart.

The problem is, in my experience, there is HEAVY self-segregation of most (not all) Muslim girls who wore a headscarf (this may not still be true, it's been true for me coming though high school, and adulthood. I hope this has changed)

In other words, all the Muslim girls would end up hanging out together, and then there was a handful of more devout Muslim guys who would hang out with them some of the time too.

And

There was everybody else, in their cliques with their wider circle of friends overlapping with each other.

It was very much a case of "Muslim girls with the headscarf" and "everyone else" in how people socialized.

They wouldn't ever end up at say, a giant houseparty that draws everybody. Those wild ones that even the party-people come out to (or an after prom party for another example). I have never seen a headscarf anywhere at a party that I can remember... and I've partied with all kinds of people in my high-school and university days.

So, there was a literal segregation by-choice in the social spaces and events. Muslim women are socializing... somewhere else (I have no freaking idea what they got up to on the weekend. This is the first time I've ever thought about it).

That's not to say things were so bad that I didn't ever get to know any Muslim girls at all. I certainly knew a few, as acquaintances... because we'd had classes together.

Overall my impression was that they were very nice. But just not someone I ended up becoming friends with, or close to. (which would help the assumptions I'm making that we are so different with different views and values)

The other thing (this might just be straight-offensive, if it is, I'm sorry):

As far as I understand, the purpose of the headscarf when Muslim women wear one, is related to modesty.

It really really really does hide a woman's beauty.

It is shocking how well it does this. Shocking.

I have definitely had the experience of going "Woooow... who would have guessed, she's way better looking than I though." Upon seeing a girl without the headscarf she always usually wears.

I've also known a girl who was Muslim, but DEFINITELY not devout, change to become more religious, and decide to start wearing hijab. Again, shocking how well it works to hide a woman's beauty.

(I hope all of this is super-dated, and I'm writing about another time from how things are for you)

So what that ends up meaning: To your average guy looking at the girls at his highschool, Muslim girls wearing a headscarf are:

-Super religious girls who are are fundamentally incompatable with his views, values and would disapprove of some of his lifestyle (i. e. anything fun)

-They don't seem to mix socially in the way other social groups mix and overlap with each other.

-Since they never get to know her (see above point) a guy doesn't have anything to make him question or change any of his blanket assumptions.

-Compounding this, the headscarf makes a beautiful woman easy to overlook (not see she's beautiful)

I have never had a crush even on a Muslim girl. I don't see them as girls in the pool of possible girls to be interested in romanticaly.

That would be the problem (for me) with answering this question. Yea, I'd have no issue with that, if I liked the girl... but how would that ever actually come about?

Again. I am not trying to say any of this is right, or even ok to assume. I do think I'm speaking for more than just myself.

I think the solution to these assumptions is to let guys see what it is that YOU are about. What makes you, the person you are? What ARE your views and values? Well, spending time with people will help give a guy a picture of that.

So I always tell girls (and women) to let a guy see who they are. To let their personality and what makes them attractive within them show. If someone doesn't let it show, it's easy to miss what makes anyone special.

I think that for a Muslim girl who wears a headscarf this is even more critical. You have more of an uphill battle in getting someone to look past their (quite probably totally unwarranted) assumptions about fundamental incompatibility and how different you are from him.

Again, I hope you read this, and are just confused because none of this applies to high school today.

I think this is a good question, because I think it does make a difference to how (some) guys might see you in terms of a potential romantic interest.

Your best bet is to get as close as you can with a guy if you're interested. Talk to him, and let him see YOU rather than it being filtered through the assumptions of "Muslim girl who wears a headscarf"

Goddamn! You wouldn't believe I'm vehemently anti-racist. This is the worst shit I've ever written in my life. I do think though, that there ARE prejudices that end up being deeply ingrained and not really questioned. (I have never thought about this thoroughly. I knew it all, but I don't think about it enough to ever question my assumptions)

Just trying to give you some ugly (makes me look ugly) honesty. I hope something about it is useful, and not just an offensive old-man-rant.

🙂

DJB72 · Accepted Answer

No. But it's nothing to do with the scarf. Christianity and islam cannot coexist in a marriage. The Bible calls it being unequally yoked with unbelievers.

One of my dearest friends is a nominal muslim. I love her dearly, but unless she became a Christian - and genuinely, not just so I'd date her - there's no chance we'd survive as a couple.

For the same reason I won't date a Hindu, Sikh or atheist.

slatyb · Answer

No, I wouldn't marry a Muslim woman whether or not she wears a headscarf. Nor would I marry a Christian, or a believer of any other religion whether Christianity, Hinduism, Wicca, astrology, or alternative medicine.

Lliam · Answer

No. It's not the head scarf. And I have no problem with Muslims. It's just that I wouldn't marry any woman with strong religious beliefs and values.

frissyfrish · Answer

No, but I'd be open to converting to Islam and marrying a Muslim man.

YourExLover69 · Answer

Yes I'm open to that if we have good understanding and love towards each other. If a traditional Muslim or christian girl wears headscarf.

WonderingManII · Answer

No, because my religion is not compatible with that religion.

ShivaniPandey · Answer

I am a hindu but I love to get married to my Muslim boyfriend and were burkha and hijab all life long.

DrPepper12 · Answer

No. Her or any other religiously observant person.

Yannae · Answer

As long as she does not force those traditions on me sure.

worldscolide · Answer

If I were single, and not required to convert, yes. If I were required to convert, no.

Jerre · Answer

I’m not sure. Maybe I could convince her the scarf is not necessary

MFlint · Answer

If I loved her and this was part of her personal religious beliefs, I would not think twice about marrying her.

wkhan_87 · Answer

Alhamdulillah I had already. I think no any muslim man deny it.

Stevepro68 · Answer

It would disqualify them as saying potentially

RedInnocent69 · Answer

No, but then again, she wouldn’t marry me either

Awantika03 · Answer

Is ready @yourexlover69

LiamS95 · Answer

Yes if she was as gorgeous as you

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

Translator  no thanks

serious · Answer

The answer is No.

Rohaan2020 · Answer

Yeah… if i’m in love with her

Pterodon · Answer

Nope

LunarEclipse433 · Answer

Absolutely not

Would you marry a Muslim woman who wears a headscarf?

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