Guy-What would you do if SHE proposed? Girls- Would you propose?

Question

Lets say first up, that your relationship does seem to be heading toward marriage. You have both thought about it and talked about it, so the proposal itself is appropriate, not out of the blue or anything.

But traditionally, this is the guys chance to be cool and romantic and creative in how they ask. Traditionally the girl would never propose, but times have changed in most all areas, so probably there is a percent of marriages that start off with the girl proposing. (For the sake of the question, we are ignoring gay marriage.)

Guy, how would you react to that? Girls, does this way seem attractive to you?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I really have no idea how I would respond. I don't really believe in marriage itself. If the girl wants to get married she would have to propose because I would make it clear from the start of the relationship that I wouldn't want to get married, and if I ever did, I would only do it because it's something she has wanted. Chances are though, I would probably say no. The way I see it, why would I need a piece of paper of legal documentation to prove that I love the person I am with? Whether she is my girlfriend or my wife, my love for her will still be the same. In the end, marriage is just one big money spender.

Also, if the relationship somehow goes south let's say 20 years down the road, we won't have to spend a bunch of money on a divorce and have the headache it will give both parties. A lot people (mainly women) want to get married mainly because of the thought of what marriage is. For women, to have that wedding day, and getting the knot tied with the one they love. Be that as it may, I've seen a lot of relationships in today's day-in-age where a couple is amazing together, and once they get married the relationship starts to slowly fall apart. Almost like getting married just to get married was the main focus of the relationship and not because you simply love the person. Yeah, they may love the person, but that wasn't why they got married. They had fantasies of getting married ever since they were little kids, so, the first marriage seems to get rushed a bit because of the thought of being married and thus resulting in a bad relationship.

Now, I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but it's still true. That's when you gotta ask yourself. Are you getting married because it's something you've always wanted, or are you getting married because you love the person to death and want to spend the rest of your life with them. If it is something you've always wanted to do, why is it something you've always wanted to do? If you love them to death then is there a need to really get married? Staying boyfriend/girlfriend won't change how you feel about someone. If you love them to death, you love them to death, regardless if you're married or not. If you're a person who thinks by getting married that your S.O. will fall in love with you even more then I think you're just delusional. If you want to get married I am all for it, do something to your hearts content, but think deeply . . . why do you really want to get married? I, myself, like the concept of what marriage is, but getting married won't change how I feel about the person. To me, it serves no purpose other than someones own selfish desire. To someone else, marriage may serve a huge purpose in their life.

The only logical reason I can see for someone to get married would be tax benefits and greater chance at health care and what not.

Confused614 · Accepted Answer

I think I would be pretty excited, but I don't know what I would say. It's the guys role and if I hadn't proposed yet I was probably not ready. Now if a girl is with a guy she really thinks is just too nervous or something like that and will never asked then she should or she might be waiting a while. Like I said I think I would be pretty excited and blown away. It would probably be hard to even respond. I would probably try to just deflect it and tell her just wait a little longer. As for the the proposal not being out of the blue. Unless they talked about her specifically proposing no matter what it will be surprising and out of the blue. If this was the case and they were already talking about marriage the girl should be patient and wait she knows it will come eventually.

Darkfairie17 · Accepted Answer

I actually asked a similar question to this one a while back. So I am interested in the responses :)

For a long time, I did think it was completely the guy's job to do the proposing. The woman has the wedding and the guy has the proposal. However, a couple months ago my friend got engaged to his girlfriend. However, she was the one who proposed :) It made me really think about my previous notions on who should propose.

Ultimately, I still would love to hear my boyfriend ask me to marry him. It's probably the most romantic gesture a guy could do for his girl. For me, it means that he really must love me if he is determined to go through something he probably doesn't even like (a wedding). Because girls dream about their wedding day, and from my experience anyway, and for guys a wedding isn't as big of a deal. At least that is the vibe I get from most of the guys I have dated and have known.

So for a guy to go through all the suit try ons, pictures, plan all the wedding stuff, it's gotta be because he loves me. So that is why I was so determined that it was the guy's job.

Now however, looking at my life I realized that nothing for me happens unless I make it happen. Not that I am going to force a guy to marry me, but I do think about proposing. Just because I think that some guys are just too complacent and won't make the move.

Some women wait 10 years, only to find out the guy was not planning on getting hitched to them :S Seems kind of unfair. I'd rather propose after dating a reasonable amount of time (2-5 years), find out he doesn't want to get married and end things so I can find someone who will. Now that is a whole other issue entirely, but I think that the woman should propose if she wants to get married.

But ultimately I would still love it if my boyfriend proposed. I am a hopeless romantic at heart. And I would feel kind of cheated out of the moment if I had to propose.

NayaAbouzaid · Accepted Answer

If you really think about , when it comes to these "events" , the woman is most probably going to be in control of planning everything : the wedding , furniture of the house , baby borns bedroom etc , because well we just like those stuff ( don't know WHY but we do ) so the proposal is about the only thing a guy is left to plan , why take that away from him ?

On a personal note : I wouldn't like to propose lol , I want to hear a man asking me to be his wife , ( and by doing so , he is automatically asking me to plan all what's mentioned above lol)

im not being sexist really , its just feels like he should do it .

This might sound weird , well I am kinda weird anyways : I HAVE ANOTHER biological explanation to why he should do it and it is : When you come to look at the make up and design of our sexual organs , you will find that the man goes in , so relating that to proposal , the man is asking my permission to come in ( sex and come in as in be my husband) and I am either opening the door ( WELCOME MY DEAR SIR and accepting the proposal ) OR shutting it close ( By refusing the proposal ) lol ,

I have a feeling no one will get this and thumb me down hahaha

mimiperson · Accepted Answer

Only if he insinuated I should. Like if he said "Girls proposing are hot." than I would be like OKAY! lol but other than that it would probably be more of a mutual decision. He could go down on one knee and stuff if he wanted to. It is definitely romantic. But doing it as equals has a lot of meaning to it. I wouldn't mind proposing, but unless he hinted he wouldn't mind, I would probably just feel like I was making a mockery out of something that's supposed to be meaningful.

musicbrain5 · Answer

I wouldn't be the one to propose. I think it's still nice if the man asks first. And ideally, marriage should be discussed before anyone proposes to their partner. Things like pros and cons, financial stuff, etc. Once you've (and "you" is general here) decided that marriage is a step that you will definitely take sometime in the future, then I think the man should be the one to propose.

A lot of girls like to be surprised when it comes to that sort of thing, especially when it comes to a proposal - which doesn't have to be anything special, really. She knows that one day she will marry you but she doesn't know when it will happen. Women are more sure of their feelings before men are, so if her boyfriend proposes to her, she will know that they are on the same page relationship-wise. This should take place within a year of having the above discussion, otherwise she may think you're having second thoughts or she will start having second thoughts about the relationship.

jadejess · Answer

Personally, I would prefer to be proposed to for a couple of reasons. 1- I love surprises and being asked that question in a way that is romantic and surprising would likely be one of the best moments of my life. 2- my boyfriend is fairly traditional and prefers to pay for our dates more often than not and I would feel like I was taking away something important from him if I did it. 3- I would always wonder in the future if I pushed him into marrying me before he was ready, even if we had talked about it before (&we have).

But I think it depends on the couple. If the girl is incredibly feminist &ALWAYS wants to pay for herself and the guy isn't terribly traditional and is okay with her taking the lead on things often, then there's no reason why she shouldn't propose and he accept. :)

bungalowbill · Answer

I've asked my boyfriend about how and when he plans to propose to me, jokingly, and he responds why don't you propose to me? I don't think he'd truly like that though, and even if so I would never feel comfortable proposing. How would that even go? Do I get him an engagement ring? Do they make male engagement rings? Or would it just be proposing the idea of marriage? Would it call for me kneeling on one knee...which either sex proposing I'm totally against.

The idea gives me a headache.

I could never go through with it, but I'd love to meet a couple who did turn the tables and went against the norm

angelwithin · Answer

Honestly .. I'd prefer the guy to propose. It's kind of like prince charming on one knee waiting to take his princess away and live happily ever after.. that's what I picture when I think of being proposed to. I want to say yes to my prince charming who wants me to be his princess =)

HOWEVER, times havee changed. Girls are much, much open these days and guys are beginning to be much, much more shy these days. Heck -- I'm so shy myself, but I asked out a guy before! (Once.. only once) He said yes -- but he was about 100 times more shy than I was. I'm never doing that again though -- I think I'm too traditional for the reasons stated above!

Just be happy that you have a good, strong, independent woman who is not afraid to step up to the plate and take a chance for a guy she obviously likes! We are a rare type these days ;)

sixstring · Answer

If I don't ask her myself, it means I'm not ready. So I'd say "not yet." When I'm ready I'll propose.

rudy37lee · Answer

I can see how this would work for some people but I would never do it.  I would feel like I was demeaning him, or jumping the gun, or forcing a committment.  Generally, the man sets the pace, the woman says yes or no.  Will you date me?  Will you be my girlfriend?  Will you marry me?  It's been this way for a reason, because it's what typically works the best.   I say, if it ain't broke don't fix it.

stewartdent · Answer

I would feel demodulated if a girl proposed to me.  You can bring up marriage by talking about where you think the relationship is going.  However the guy should be the one to propose.

Anonymous · Answer

no.

all gender roles aside,

I know it wouldn't mean the same to a guy for me to propose as it would mean for me for him to do it.

how many guys have spent their entire lives imagining a girl making some amazing declaration of love to them?

because ever since I was a little girl I've been dreaming of the guy I love making me a beautiful romantic proposal. its one of my greatest dreams, and also quite a modest one, and I'm sure its the same for a lot of girls.

and id hope the guy who I'm going to marry would love me enough to do that for me, in the same way I would wish to fulfil his dreams.

gemglam · Answer

Although, I am a sucker for the non traditional, when it comes to wedding proposal, I am traditional. I would want my guy to ask for my hand in marriage. Plus your update on marriage not being sexual. I believe that's when all gloves are off. Its like you have your own personal joy stick. Who wouldn't love that. I say DTF everyday :D

saelym · Answer

My beliefs don't support the traditional course and ceremonies of engagement and marriage.

I don't want a romantic or creative proposal, or even a proposal at all. For me, it's a matter of talking to my better half about taking care of the legal procedure, and it makes little difference to me if he starts the conversation or if I do.

The marriage license, rings, and wedding do not make my love for my partner any more valid, so I don't see those things as being very necessary or relevant.

Anonymous · Answer

i don't think id ever have the courage to, its not because of society or norms or anything I've asked guys out on dates that's fine, but marriage it just means more to me if he'd ask me to be his wife, it confirms our love as eternal for me, and I want to be with a manly man anyways someone who has the upper hand in things and is dominant to me, I just wanna hold his hand and follow.

MrEM4N · Answer

I don't think any man would feel comfortable being proposed to unless they already have a clear understanding on gender rolls in their relationship and who wears the pants. Hey, some guys like a woman in control.

However, there are ways for a woman to propose without actually proposing. Something simple like "So when are you going to ask me to marry you?" will do the trick. It should only take him a couple weeks at most to plan how he'll ask if he doesn't ask you as soon as you bring it up.

uluvshrainey · Answer

I think Men traditionally do the proposing because they usually take longer to settle down.  Compared to women, men have always gotten married at a later age.  Even as children, little girls plan their weddings and play house.  Young boys do not really talk about getting married much.  For a woman to propose it could very possibly move the relationship  faster than the man is ready.

DarQDawG · Answer

"Its like the guys are the feminists and the girls are the chauvinists. (Of course that's oversimplification.)"

No that's not an oversimplification. It's reality. The average woman is only a feminist when it's to her benefit. When it comes time to pay the piper of equality they turn into cave women. "The man is supposed to be the bread winner." "The man is supposed to propose." Everything a woman does nowadays is optional while everything a man does is mandatory? Whatever.

I was asked once by a lady I was seeing. I told her no. Marriage is not in the cards for me. She left. Bye, bye.

Marriage has been ruined by the no-fault divorce industry. A married man can come home and find his wife in bed with the neighbor's dog and if he doesn't like it she can divorce him take the house and kids and half his income and say fck you very much.

There's no reason for any intelligent man to get married these days until they fix the divorce laws in this country.

heartbroken28 · Answer

absolutely not. I believe its the guys job and I would never propose. sure dating is one thing I would(and have) ask guys on a date but some things just need to be left alone and in a traditional way. this is one of them.

dancetotheradio · Answer

I don't think I would propose per se, but I would initiate talks about marriage to give him the hint if he seems nervous. Unless he was a really really really nervous shy guy, I don't think I would propose. I'm normally attracted to shy guys so I generally have to do a lot of the work to get the relationship going in the beginning, and I'd like it if he showed the initiative this time :)

iwish46 · Answer

I would probably be suprised if a girl proposed to me, but if she did, I'd smile, give her a kiss, say yes, then kiss her again, and then keep smiling until my mouth became sore. Don't get me wrong, I'm the romantic type and would like to make the proposal special, but if she ended up proposing first I wouldn't mind.

Anonymous · Answer

I just imagined a girl getting on her knees and proposing...and the guy like fanning himself crying. It's not a cute vision even though I'm sure that's not how it goes. I like the tradition of the guy asking the girl to marry her and the girl is super happy and crying.

I think the only time I would propose is if I rejected the first proposal and sincerer regretted it.

Actually, scratch that, even then I wouldn't propose. I'll beg him to ask me again and apologize for being an idiot.

toriecheer · Answer

I asked my boyfriend. We had been dating for 2 years, and had talked about marriage quite a bit. He loved that I asked. His friends made fun of him a bit for it, but thts all. Ididn't get down on one knee or anything, I was just walking beside him in the park, turned to him, and just smiled and asked. Obviously he said yes.! After that, he did get me a ring. A few weeks later, we were at the same park, and he got down on one knee and said "I said yes to you, now will you say the same to me?" & he had a ring & a little note that said Will you marry me too?

Best thing ever! :)

queenofpeen · Answer

I would looove to propose. That's actually how I imagine it happening between my boyfriend and I if the time comes (yeah I think about it, shut up).

Guy-What would you do if SHE proposed? Girls- Would you propose?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Guy-What would you do if SHE proposed? Girls- Would you propose?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.