Girlfriend dumped me for being needy/smothering/needy. I've realized my mistake. Want her back and be a better BF.

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend and I dated for 3 months. We were extremely compatible and developed strong feelings. We care about and like each other a lot. There is no doubt that she still likes me. However, I realized too late that I was not giving her much space. I was a bit clingy and quite needy. I texted her multiple times per day and called her often and kept trying to see her everyday. I think this was my insecurity. I realized that its was my mistake. She wasn't going anywhere, but I rushed the relationship. I even bought her small gifts from time to time. Although she didn't say this directly to me, I realize it was my fault. It was difficult for her to break up with me and wants me to be in her life for ever. She is a really nice normal girl with no issue and I am a nice decent guy myself. Now we have been broken up for 4 days. There has been no contact from either of us since the break up. I learned from a source (without asking) that she misses me a lot and thinks about me. I obviously think about her every day and miss her too. In fact it hurts a lot. I really want to get back together with her. And this time around, I won't smother her, I'll give her space and I won't be needy/clingy or insecure. I want to learn from my mistake and be a better boyfriend. I really care about this girl and would be very grateful if I could get advice on how to get her back. I know in my head what to do once I am back with her. But I need to be back with her to do so. If any girl or guy has been in similar situation (on either end of this scenario), please give me your advice on how to fix things. I would appreciate your input. Thank you.

[precious144]

I personally think the best thing for you to do is to give her some time alone...

She broke up with you... for what reason? You were too needy, etc. You contacted her too much. If you continue to contact her, you will confirm the break up in her mind, she will think she has done the right thing. I think you need to leave it a while before you contact her. Maybe another week, and see if she contacts you first. If not, I would send her a text/email (not a phone call because it will put her on the spot) and explain how you feel completely. Don't over-do it with "I need you. I love you" sorta stuff.

She's missing you right now because you're not there, if you stay away she'll miss you more.

[Asker]

Thank you precious. Your advice is quite good and useful. I agree contacting her too soon would make me seem those things over again. But its tough to just sit back and wait for her. I've managed for 4 & 1/2 days. Don't know if I could hold on any further. People have advised me to "get another girl". But I care about my ex still and don't want another girl. Nor do I want to hurt her. What if I wait another day or 2 and then send an email. But write the opposite of anything insecure...

[precious144]

I understand that it will be really hard for you to not contact her. I'm currently going through that with my ex boyfriend. I didn't really last long at the whole "no contact" thing and it's made things worse. I recommend you do that, though. I think it's a bit too soon for you to be thinking about other girls any way, it's only been 4 days. I would accept the break up in your mind, please don't do what I've done and think "maybe we will be back together!" it makes you feel worse, but keep her in mind.

[Asker]

....clingy, needy. Nor do I write anything mean or about having any bitter feelings towards her for the break up. Rather I write something short email and maturely say that I accept our break up, I agree to it, think its probably for the best for both of us. This would be the complete opposite of what she'd expect, right? I could write the usual stuff about wishing her the best and stuff too.. But what else should I include in this email to make her want me back into her life as her bf....?

[precious144]

I think TELLING her you accept it is completely different to actually accepting it yourself. Telling her you think it is the best for you both is VERY risky. Most likely, she will definitely be hurt by it because she wants you to be around her saying "I want to get back together" etc. But the other part of her will be thinking you don't care, therefore why should she consider getting back together with you? If you need anymore advice feel free to message me :-)

[Mak2512]

Call her and say all this to her. If she don't pick. Just send her an email. Be positive in your tone and show concern but don't act like a pathetic loser who is desperate to get her back. If she really loves you then she will definately give you another chance. You then need to prove that to her by action and not just words.

In case she don't repond positively and tell you to wait or she will think about it, respect her feelings and give her some time.

If she comes back, she is yours otherwise, you have to move on in your life with a more experienced person.

[Asker]

Thank you Mac. I appreciate your feedback. However, I am concerned that by calling her and telling her these things, I will seem desperate and clingy again. Won't I come across as more needy?

[Mak2512]

Depend on your tone and selection of words. You must sound like you are trying to give this relationship (not you not her) another chance becouse you feel that it has the potential to work out. don't accuse her or make her feel guilty. Avoid using word "YOU" instead use "WE".

tell her in the end that it was your sincere idea to talk to her about this but you will respect her decision whatever it is. Just say your things and hang up politely.

[Asker]

Thanks again man

[cacapisu]

been there, done that, doesn't work... :(

She already has that image of you in her head. I think with girls, you only got one shot...

She will find someone else so you better start get over it now, cos it will really hurt to see her with someone else...

[Asker]

Hey bro, as much as I hate to admit it, I think you are right about her already having that image in my head. But there's gotta be a way of shaking it. There must be a guy out there whos pulled it off. Or a girl who got back together with her clingy, over sensitive to her needs ex boyfriend. Maybe they can tell me what their ex said or did in order to make them get back together..

[cacapisu]

If it does work out, please let me know lol